Nash Roberts, Weather God

I have always been fascinated by weather. Not enough to learn much about meteorology, but enough to want to experience things like hurricanes and tornadoes. Of course, when I was deciding on a major it never occurred to me that people chase storms for a living. Had I known that at age 18, I might have picked a different major. Bad weather is super cool.

When I moved to New Orleans, I hadn’t considered the possibility of hurricanes. What a fun surprise! But the other cool thing about hurricane season was Nash Roberts. This man really was the Weather God. He did not rely on computers to track storms. He did it the Nash Roberts way. Every time there was a storm of interest, they would take the camera crews to his house and he would tell you exactly where that storm was headed. Perfectly mapped out by pen and paper from his living room. I was in New Orleans when Hurricane Georges was predicted to hit New Orleans as a Category 5 storm. “Au contraire”, said Nash Roberts. He was the only one to predict that storm would hit Mississippi as a Category 4. So my friends and I stayed for the storm. Nash Roberts said we could. And what fun it was!

A group of us went to a packed neighborhood bar (we took a priest with us just for good measure) after they announced martial law. And then we drank until they were out of booze and ate the last burgers from the kitchen. Of course, my family had been watching the Weather Channel (and news from other non-Nash Roberts sources) and they were convinced that I was on an insane death wish for staying. It turned out to be a big party with some big gusts of wind and some rain. Of course, Hurricane Katrina was a very different story. By this time, I was long back in Austin. Nash Roberts evacuated the city for a hurricane for the first time in his life. That was a sign of bad things to come. If I had still been in New Orleans I would have left too -- just because Nash Roberts left.

Unfortunately, Nash Roberts is really retired for real now. He doesn’t do his badass weather reports from his living room anymore. But every year when the storms start, I always think of him. As I track tropical storms and hurricanes on the weather and on the Internet, I always wonder what Nash Roberts is saying about this storm…

tags: New Orleans Nash Roberts Weather God Storm Weather Hurricane Georges Katrina Dean

iDummy

If you send and receive over 35,000 text messages in one month, you get a bill that comes in a box. I guess AT&T doesn't have any envelopes big enough to send a 300 page bill. This makes me wonder, how does this girl even have time to make this video if she is so busy sending all of these text messages?

tags: iPhone bill 300 pages

More morons are breeding

It seems like it was just last week when I saw that some dummies in New Zealand were naming their baby "Superman" because the government rejected their orginal choice to name their child "4Real". Well, now there is a couple in China that wants to name their baby "@". That's right, like in the "@" you use in your email address. Apparently, when Mandarin speakers say "@" they use the English word "at", but the way they say it it sounds like "ai ta". This means "love him" in Chinese. So they want to name their baby after email because they love him? The Chinese government has strict rules about what you can name your child. Not a big suprise. In their effort to crack down on free thinking and stupid baby names, the Chinese government banned names using Arabic numerals, foreign languages and symbols that do not belong to Chinese minority languages. I find it hard to believe that "@" will pass muster. I do wonder what they will name their child as an alternative when the government rejects their child's stupid name?

tags: Stupid Baby Names @ China

Jenna has a drinking buddy for life!

Yippee! It is all over the news here like we care who Jenna Bush marries. We are all so thrilled that she is marrying some republican suck up that interned for Karl Rove. Sounds like a real gem to me! The Bush twins are truly cherished in Austin. Hell, someone saw the Bush twins drinking at the Chuy's when they were underage and called the cops on them. That's how much we love those girls! After that little mishap (whoopsie!), the big question here was WWJD (What Would Jenna Drink)? That was quite the windfall for the lucky person that made the first t-shirts and bumper stickers. I mean who cared about what Jesus was doing when Jenna was drinking like a fish! I guess the new question is "What Would Jenna and Henry Drink?" Unfortunately, it isn't going to make a very catchy bumper sticker. Oh well. Botoms up, kids!

tags: WWJD What Would Jenna Drink? Jenna Bush Twins Henry Hager

Fun with Effigies

Since the news on my good buddy Alberto is slow, I guess I am going to have to pick on some of my other favorite targets. That's alright because I have a good one for you. Some of Dick Cheney's neighbors decided that he should be impeached so they held a protest right outside the front gate to his home in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

Although the cartoonish effigy that they topple is pretty funny, the star of this video is the Teton County Deputy that drives by. First you hear him "toot toot" his horn at the protesters like he is saying "howdy". Then he pulls up, sees what they are up to and drives away like, "everything seems to be in order here. Effigy away, guys."

tags: Dick Cheney Impeach Protest Effigy Jackson Hole Teton Wyoming youtube video

Spontaneous Combustion Does Happen

In Arlington, Texas, they put wood chips under the play equipment at the school. Well, now they are going to have to replace it with pea gravel because the wood chips seem to be prone to spontaneous combustion. You heard me, spontaneous combustion! I don't know about you, but just the idea of spontaneous combustion in itself is enough to give me the giggles. It always has and I suppose it always will because it seems I have yet to grow up. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Who wants to grow up? But getting back to my point… Apparently, all of the rain we have had this year caused the wood chips to start decomposing and the hot dry weather we are having now caused them to go "poof!" up in smoke. If you are interested in seeing the fire, here is a link to the surveillance video that caught the whole thing. “Officials say” that compost that hasn’t been turned is also prone to spontaneous combustion. Who knew you could have your very own spontaneous combustion? Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

tags: Spontaneous Combustion Arlington Texas Fire School Playground Compost

Personally, I will miss Merv Griffin more

Good News: Karl Rove is quitting politics. Bad News: He is returning to Texas. He says that he is done with politics. He says he is done. Finished. That's All Folks. But can the architect of satan's party really give up being the puppet master of all that is evil? I highly doubt it. Besides, how boring will living in Ingram, Texas be after being the belle of the ball in D.C.? And how long can that uptight turd stand being so close to the hippies in Kerville and their folk festival? I just don't see this lasting all that long. It is just a matter of time before some other spawn of satan asks him to rule the world.

His immediate plan is to write a book because he "needs to make some money." What a load. After selling Rove & Co. and acting as Baby Boy Bush's brain for all of these years, one would think he made some money. But now that I think about it, after some of the budgets that came from the current administration, I guess that is proof positive that his budgeting skills aren't all that they could be. He probably does need to make some money.

tags: Politics Karl Rove The Architect Baby Boy Bush Ingram Kerville Texas

What a Difference a Few Years Make

In 1994, Dick seemed almost reasonable. Yes, I can hear the gasps from across the Internet. Watch the video below if you don't believe me.

So, in 1994 Dick said that it wasn't a good idea to capture Baghdad and Saddam Hussein. It would create a quagmire and Hussein wasn't worth very many American lives. He also said that we would be there alone and it would be an American occupation of Iraq. And that this was not a good thing. I'm not really sure what changed since 1994. Especially since we are in there alone and it is an American occupation of Iraq. And capturing Saddam Hussien was not worth the ever growing list of Americans that have lost their lives. I guess the only thing that has changed since then was the WMDs and the link between Iraq and al Qaeda. Well, those agruments really panned out didn't they? It was all a bunch of bullshit to justify a war without any justification. Since 1994, Dick has changed from a semi-reasonable person to the criminal that he is today.

tags: Impeach Dick Cheney Saddam Hussein War Iraq Iran al Qaeda WMD Weapons of Mass Destruction Terror Terrorism The So Called War On Terrorism

Prison Break!

For those of you that don't live here, Austin has a hoppin' entertainment industry. Many movies and some TV shows are filmed here. This is because Ann Richards convinced a lot of people that Texas was a great place to do business and to make movies. For a while people were calling Austin "The Second Hollywood". Of course, W and Pretty Boy Perry did not keep up with the times (and the tax abatements) and some of this work has gone to other states like New Mexico and Louisiana. Pretty Boy Perry finally figured it out and signed a half-assed bill into law that will lure more business to Texas. But anyway, that is not the point.

The point is that a BBC show called Wire in the Blood has been fiming an episode at the Travis County Jail. Neighbors saw the jailbirds wandering around outside and called 911 to report the breakout. This prompted a lock down. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Luckily, the actors were wearing different outfits from the inmates so it was easy to tell them apart. Maybe next time they have fake inmates wandering around the grounds, they should tell the neighbors first.

tags: Movie TV BBC Wire in the Blood Austin Texas Travis Jail Lockdown Ann Richards Bush Perry

Giant Lego Man

This Giant Lego Man was fished out of the sea off the shore of a resort called Zandvoort in the Netherlands. Some people saw this 8 foot Lego man floating in the water and decided to rescue it. Who wouldn't? So now the folks at Zandvoort have this cool Lego guy out on the beach by the drink stand. Unless they are all terribly high and there isn't a Lego man at all. But what I wonder is how do you lose your giant Lego Man in the ocean in the first place? Oh crap, I dropped my 8 foot Lego guy in the ocean and didn't notice until it was too late? Too strange.

tags: Giant Lego Man lego man Netherlands Zandvoort

Baby Superman, 4Real

There is this couple in New Zealand that decided to name their baby "4Real". For real. They chose this name because when they saw the ultrasound for the first time they realized the baby was for real. For real. I guess they thought it might not be for real because they couldn't see it yet? Well, the baby finally did come and they tried to register baby 4Real's name and it was rejected. Well, the fact that the government told these people that 4Real is not a for real name for a child is not going to stop them from calling this child 4Real. For real. I guess no one else has told them that this is a stupid name and that poor kid is going to find out when he starts school what a crap ass name his parents gave him. Since the government won't let them officially name their child 4Real, they are going to list his official name as "Superman" instead. This is most certainly a step up. I'm glad people like this are breeding. For real.

tags: New Zealand baby Superman 4Real

It's Celebrate Spam Email Week, in case you didn't know.

My friend Lauri sent me two emails, two days in a row. If you don't know Lauri, she is the kind of gal that you email and she sends you a response well after you have forgotten that you wrote her in the first place. Now don't think that Lauri is a flighty kind of friend, she is just really busy. For exapmle, she had several hobbies at once while she was in law school. This is shaping up to be a banner week for Ms. Apple. Not because she has sent me two emails this week, but because of what was in them. The first email was to announce that her blog, foundclothing, was featured in the Chicago Tribune.

The email I got today started with "It's Celebrate Spam Email Week, in case you didn't know." Of course, the kind of "spam" she sends is about how a major newspaper wrote an article about her or how she is going to be on the Today Show with Matt and Meredith on Wednesday. When I send emails to my friends, it is usually to find out if they are doing something interesting because I'm not. I am a tiny bit jealous, but mostly because when I find clothes out in the wild they are just crap and she always finds super cool stuff. By the way, that little black dress you found was hot. So rock on, Lauri! I hope they put you up in a fancy hotel and you jump on the bed and order lots of room service!

tags: Lauri Apple FoundClothing

New photos at The Traveling Pineapple

I have posted some pictures on The Traveling Pineapple and they are all about meat. Yum.

tags: Meat Photos The Traveling Pineapple

Kids today are wimps

So Mattel has to recall 967,000 toys in the U.S. (and 1.5 million worldwide) that were made in China because they are covered in lead paint. Well, you get what you pay for. Companies decide that it is better to get goods from countries like China that sell their goods on the cheap, but then you end up with poison dog food, poison toothpaste, and toys covered in lead paint. I could go on and on about how this just proves that if you want products that meet your minimum standards for quality, you should get them from a country that has some regulations. Not to mention the fact, that our economy might be better if we employed our own instead of farming everything out to other countries. But what really comes to mind is how kids today are wimps. I mean they are playing with toys that look like this:

These toys are made out of cheap soft plastic and have no sharp edges. What are kids going to learn from that? The world is full of sharp edges! My toys were hard and often made out of metal or fiberglass. It was spectacular when the sit-n-spin broke. It went from a fun, spin-'till-you-throw-up toy to a deadly weapon in an instant. The sit-n-spins they make today bend when you try to spin. How can you get yourself dizzy enough to puke on something that you can't even spin on? No fun there.

One of the big debates from my childhood was the whole Big Wheel vs. Green Machine controversy. We would have races to see which one would go faster. We would race down big hills and often wipe out because the Big Wheel had no brakes and the Green Machine's brakes would throw you off if you were going too fast. I guess kids have to ride their cheap plastic Big Wheels and Green Machines wearing a helmet on flat surfaces.

All of this talk of helmets leads me to bikes. When we went to ride our bikes, we weren't reminded to wear our helmets because we didn't have them. We were simply told to be home before dark. Now kids have to be loaded up with helmets and padding just to get on a bike. They look like Ralphie from A Christmas Story. Truth be told, I can't drive a car when I am wearing a hat. I know that sounds crazy, but it is true. So I bet I can't ride a bicycle with a helmet on. I would have been screwed. Besides the only serious scar I have from bike riding is on my elbow. Wearing a helmet wouldn't have stopped that. But I am guessing that the helmet would have impaired my bike riding so my injuries probably would have been much worse.

A few years ago, they repaved the roads by The Pineapple Parents' house and left that weird gravel top that eventually wears down. Some of the neighbors were complaining because it posed a danger to their bike riding kids. I don't think my parents ever whined about the crappy roads when I was a bike riding kid -- and the roads were a lot worse then. These whiners had the same dangerous toys that I had and they grew up to be whiny wimps. What went wrong? No doubt their kids are on the fast track to wimpiness.

Of course, we didn't have cable with thousands of channels, tons of video games, or the Internet to dull our minds. We had to entertain ourselves. Without these electronic Prozac devices we had energy to burn and our parents preferred we went outside to do that. When you get sent outside to play, you have to get creative. Riding your bike and playing on the swing set has its limits on fun. You have to make up games. This often led to things like pretending to be Evel Knievel, jumping off of the refrigerator (flips were encouraged) and other dare devil stunts. Do kids today watch Dora the Explorer and then go out side to compare helmets before they ride their bikes under the watchful eyes of their smothering mothers? I can't imagine them building forts and jumping ramps on their bikes. The Pineapple Parents have a neighbor that paid someone to come and put special soft stuff under the playscape so their kids wont fall in the dirt. Personally, I thought it was a rite of passage to get that little scar under your chin from jumping off the swing and landing badly.

Now I'm not suggesting that parents put their kids in harm's way. My parents never did. But then again you need to figure out that the stove is really hot and that rotten plywood you found in the creek does not make a good bike ramp on your own. I told my cousin over and over that she would get hurt if she jumped of the fridge, but she didn't believe me until she landed on her head. The first couple of jumps she did easy tricks like Texas Ts. It was the flip that got her. After she hit her head, she was done jumping off of the refrigerator. See, lesson learned. No parents had to tell her not to do that again. Her kids may have those crappy soft plastic toys, but they also play tackle football in the living room. She encourages this behavior. I know this because I have seen the videos. Her kids are not wimps.

tags: Mattel Fisher-Price Recall China kid wimp

A Legion of Doom Update

If you don't know about The Legion of Doom, here is the short story. When I got my law license in 1999, it was signed by all of the members of the Texas State Supreme Court and every single one of them is an asshat. You might be saying: "I don't live in Texas, so why should I care what your evildoers are up to. We've got our own evildoers to worry about." Well, you may have your own evildoers to worry about, but these evildoers are wired into our asshat administration (i.e. Nathan Hecht, Priscilla Owen and Alberto Gonzales). You should be worried.

Here is the update on what a couple of these asshats are up to:
1. Nathan Hecht: You may remember him as Harriet Miers' ex-lover. Baby Boy Bush asked this asshat to work to get Ms. Miers appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court. Well, even the rabid republicans in Texas realized that his behavior was unethical and violated the Judicial Rules of Conduct. This in itself is amazing. He hired a really expensive attorney to represent him and when he got the bill he asked that the State of Texas pay him back! No one told him to hire an attorney that costs more than the average home in Texas. Well, his buddy Representative Tony Goolsby introduced a bill to do just that. However, Rep. Goolsby had the good sense to withdraw his bill when he discovered that Hecht's legal bills had already been paid via donations from some friends. It turns out these friends were big law firms (that frequently practice in front of the Supreme Court) and the total donations for the legal defense totaled $447,000. The legal bill he wanted the State of Texas to pay for was $330,000.

2. Alberto! I love to write about Alberto! At this point, the only thing that will stop this asshat from spreading the evil is sponateous combustion. Now F.B.I. director Robert S. Mueller III, has told the Senate that Alberto lied about the confrontation about the secret spying program that he testified about on Tueday. Alberto says it was a different program and not the N.S.A. program known as the Terrorist Surveillance Program (T.S.P.). Mueller and numerous other people that were present for the meetings say it is T.S.P. and not some "other program". Hello, perjury charges! Aren't you glad it is his job to uphold the law because he is doing an outstanding job!

tags: Legion of Doom Nathan Hecht Harriet Miers Priscilla Owen Alberto Gonzales Baby Boy Bush

Thriller

I really enjoyed the dancing Storm Trooper, but this video featuring hundreds of CPDRC inmates of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center, Cebu, Philippines, practicing Michael Jackson's Thriller video is a must see.

I'm sure learning to dance like Michael Jackson is a lot more fun than learning how to make a license plate. But how did they decide who got to dress up in drag and who got to be Michael? But what I really want to know is why they did this at all?

tags: Thriller video youtube Michael Jackson Phillipines inmates CPDRC dancing storm trooper

Lohan vs. Hilton

There are so many reasons why Lindsay Lohan is a cheap imitation of Paris Hilton. Instead of jumping to conclusions, let's work this one out.

1. Mug Shot Competition.
All of the celebrities know that your mugshot will be plastered all over the internet. You can either have a fanstasically bad mugshot like Nick Nolte or you can go the glamorous route. Both Paris and Lindsay decided for the latter. Which is kind of a shame because the crazy hair thing that Nick Nolte has going on in his mug shot would look fantastic on either one of these ladies. Lindsay Lohan should have lots of practice getting her picture taken in an impaired state and yet she lets them take a picture of her looking like a slacked-jaw yokel. Come on, Lindsay, this isn't your first time at the rodeo! Paris, on the otherhand, really works it. She poses for the camera so that her mug shot can be its very best.

Mug shot competition goes to: Paris

2. Driving Competition.
Both of these girls got popped for DUI. And both of them got pulled over again over after their DUI for doing other bad stuff. Paris was driving with a suspended license more than once. Lindsay on the other hand went for the gusto and decided to drive around drunk again, with cocaine in her pocket, whilst harassing the mother of the assistant that quit either that day. Paris is no rocket scientist, but even Paris knew better than that. Both can afford to hire drivers or pay for a cab so there is no reason why either of them should have ever been arrested for drunk driving in the first place. Lindsay now has two DUIs. And it appears Paris is no longer the stupidest celebrity on the planet.

Driving competiton goes to: Lindsay.

3. Exhibitionist Competition.
So who hasn't been caught without their panties? Both of these gals have flashed their vaginas around Hollywood. Wheeeeeeeee! But Paris can definitely one up Lindsay in this round. I have four words for you:One Night in Paris. There is nothing like flashing your vagina and other parts in a sex tape.

Exhibitionist Competition goes to: Paris

4. Media Circus Competiton.
This is an interesting round. We know how much people love it when celebrities have to go to rehab. And if you aren't going to stay at the Betty, then by all means go the the resort, I mean, rehab your fellow vagina flasher Britney went to. It was obvious how serious Lindsay was about her recovery because the first thing she did is go to Vegas for her birthday celebration after her release. I know that's where i would go for a sober birthday celebration. Since then, Lindsay has been out and about flashing her SCRAM ankle bracelet. I guess it was really a SCAM. Ha, ha, very punny! But nothing will ever top the dramatics of Paris' parole violation. The courtroom drama, the abrupt release for "medical reasons", the cupcakes during her short lived house arrest, and the return to jail. There is not a damn thing Linsday can do to top this:

The Media Circus Competiton goes to: Paris

Paris wins!

tags: Lindsay Lohan Paris Hilton DUI driving arrested mugshot jail rehab sex tape vagina flashers

The Car Wash Bandit

Recently there have been a rash of thefts and vandalism at car washes here in Austin. I'm not really sure I get this. Actually, I'm sure I don't get this. For one thing, it has been raining almost every day for the past forever. I know I haven't washed my car since the beginning of June (or maybe it was May?). But I suppose I'm not the best judge of this since I usually wash my car about once a month or less. It really depends on how dirty my car is and if there is a car wash at the gas station. I am more about convenience than a clean car. But how much money could there be at a car wash in the rain forrest called Austin? People don't wash their cars when it is raining all of the time. And since there is rain in the forecast for the rest of the month, I can't imagine business picking up all that much. So why would you think that stealing money from the empty pay stations at the car wash would be worth the effort? Do these people need quarters because they have a lot of laundry or something?

tags: Austin Texas car wash theft vandalism rain

What kind of president would Dick Cheney be?

Well, yesterday when Baby Boy Bush officially transferred his presidential power to ole Dick this is what happened:

Cheney was at his Chesapeake Bay home in St. Michaels, Md., with his wife, Lynne, and spent his short time in power reading in the back yard and hanging out with his dogs, spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride said. "He had a routine Saturday morning," she said by e-mail. "Nothing occurred that required him to take official action as Acting President." (Washington Post).

Maybe if a certain president would spend more time reading and playing with Barney instead of sticking his nose in everybody's business, the world would be a better place. I assume that if Cheney had been president for more than a few hours, he would not have spent his time in such a useful way.

tags: Bush Cheney president 25th Amendment

I guess Jane Austen wouldn't get a book deal today

I haven't had much to laugh about this week, but this did get my attention this morning despite my stupor induced by serious lack of sleep. So this prankster sent a number of publishers thinly disguised copies of chapters out of certain Jane Austen novels. Only one of the 18 editors that received the chapters recognized it for what it was. Ms. Austen's book was even rejected by the publisher that has published her works in paperback. The rest sent rejection letters citing a lack of marketability and one even called it a "really original and interesting read" in the rejection letter. I can't disagree with the interesting part, but it hasn't been original since Jane Austen wrote it in the early 1800s. Now these publishers are scrambling to save face. They need to face the facts, they are dumb. It really makes you wonder what little you have to do to be the top of your field, doesn't it? Strive for mediocrity, my friends, strive for mediocrity.

tags: Jane Austen scam publishers

US and UK no longer sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g

I was reading an article on bbc.com and and the first line was, "One of Gordon Brown's new ministers has said the UK and the United States would no longer be 'joined at the hip' on foreign policy." My first thought was, "lucky them." That is all.

tags: Politics foreign policy United States United Kingdom US UK Iraq

What's wrong with iPhones?

The folks over at willitblend.com have found a serious flaw with the iPhone.

That's right. It blends. So far that's the biggest problem I have heard of with the iPhone. They are auctioning off the blended iPhone on eBay and it looks like it may end up costing more than an un-blended iPhone. People will buy anything.

I guess the people that suggested this are part of the iPhone backlash. It seems like there are the people that have iPhones and the people that are bitter that they don't have iPhones. I mean are they pissed because they can't afford one or that they have Verizon instead of AT&T? The Pineapple Mom forwarded me an email from someone she knew that gave reasons why he was not going to buy an iPhone. The top one is that it is made by Apple. What the hell is that all about? Every Apple computer I have had, I have kept until it ran out of room for my stuff while every Windows machine I have had, I had to replace because it was crap. Yes, I would much rather buy a phone built by the same person that made the Xbox. I like products that are inferior and crash for no particular reason. I guess the same people bidding on the blended iPhone also have an Xbox.

I will tell you why I don't want an iPhone. It is the same reason I don't want a Satan Box (Blackberry). I don't want people to be able to email me wherever I go. I've had a cell phone for over ten years and I'm still not keen on the idea that people can call me wherever I go. But the truth be told, if I had to get something like that, I would get an iPhone. Yes, they cost more than a Blackberry, but I bet they work.

tags: iPhone youtube blend blender video Apple Blackberry Xbox AT&T

R.I.P. Lady Bird

Lady Bird Johnson died today at the age of 94. We really like her in Austin because she made our city pretty. She made sure Town Lake has lots of trees and plants and she gave us The Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center. She also made sure that the highways of Texas are lined with wildflowers. But she wasn't all plants and flowers. She was a shrewd business woman that purchased her first radio station in 1942 with $17,500 in inheritance money while her husband was a member of Congress. She and her family eventually owned a number of radio and television stations. The LBJ Holding Co. sold 50.1 percent of the six-station cluster for approximately $105 million. Not too shabby, huh?

tags: Austin Texas Lady Bird Johnson LBJ Wildflower Center

Gwen Verdon, Dancing Queen

Some of you may be asking, who the hell is Gwen Verdon? In the 50s and the 60s she was considered the best dancer on Broadway and won 4 Tony Awards. She also won a Grammy and was nominated for 3 Emmy Awards (inlcuding one for an appearance on Magnum P.I.). She is proably best known for starring in Damn Yankees (on Broadway and in the film version) and for her marriage to Bob Fosse. Recently, someone decided that her dance moves (choreographed by Bob Fosse and performed on The Ed Sullivan Show) were a good fit to Unk's Walk It Out. I think the new version is interesting because it makes her groovy moves seem almost tawdry, but I think I prefer the original Mexican Breakfast version. I have included both. You can decide for yourself.

Gwen Verdon - Mexican Breakfast


And then she Walks it Out

tags: Gwen Verdon Bob Fosse Damn Yankees Broadway Tony Grammy Emmy Magnum P.I. dance Unk Walk it Out Mexican Breakfast Ed Sullivan video youtube

Alberto lies again

When will lightning strike this member of The Legion of Doom? He lies everytime he opens his mouth and frequently gets caught. I kind of miss John Ashcroft. I didn't agree with him hardly ever. You know that whole Patriot Act being unconsitutiuonal and his stupid war on bongs that got Tommy Chong in all that trouble. He also put those retarded drapes over the Spirit of Justice, along with its male counterpart, the Majesty of Law and sang that awful song about the soaring eagle. However, he did tell my buddy Alberto to lick it when he demanded that he override the Acting Attorney General James Comey and re-up the warrantless wiretap program while he was in the hosptial waiting to have his gall bladder removed. I kinda felt sorry for Ashcroft when I heard that. And that's when we found out why he really resigned. It was because he wouldn't play Baby Boy Bush's game anymore and most likely did not have a damned thing to do with his health.

So back Ole Alberto's latest oopsie! Guess what? He lied to the Senate to get them to renew the Un-Patriot Act. He told them, "There has not been one verified case of civil liberties abuse." He made this statement on April 27, 2005. Well, guess what he got on April 21, 2005? A report setting out how the FBI had, in fact, violated people's civil liberties. When he was called on this contradiction, the department spokesperson said that when Gonzales testified, he was speaking "in the context" of reports by the department's inspector general before this year that found no misconduct or specific civil liberties abuses related to the Patriot Act. In other words, he lied.

You know, most people would have been fired from their job long before now. But not Ole Alberto! As long as he keeps kissing Baby Boy Bush's ass, he will have a job.

tags: Alberto Gonzales George W Bush patriot act FBI civil liberties John Ashcroft Senate liar liar pants on fire!

Today's Asshat is John Mayer

I am an angry pineapple today and I think that John Mayer owes me an apology. Actually, there are a lot of things that John Mayer should apologize for. First, he should apologize for subjecting the world to his crappy music. The world does not need any more whiny songs. Second, he should apologize for using Jessica Simpson as a beard. It is an embarassment to her (and I don't even like her) and I'm still convinced that spineless turd does not have a penis. He can date as many women with fake boobs as he wants, and it will never convince me that he is a man. But the thing he really should apologize for is the "apology" video he posted on his website.

Dog fighting is a felony. It is animal abuse and is not a joke. As far as I am concerned it is just as crappy as child abuse and no one would tolerate jokes about that.

The fact is that American Pit Bulls are not an aggressive breed by nature. The American Temerament Test Society has tested American Pit Bulls and as a breed got a grade of 84.1%. Golden Retrievers got a grade of 83.8%. The average overall pass rate for all breeds is 81.5%. It would appear that Pit Bulls have a better temperament than a lot of other dogs. But any dog can become a dangerous dog. Especially when they are abused, starved and taunted. I don't have the stomach to post pictures of the tools they use to train dogs to fight, but it makes medieval torture devices look pretty tame in comparison. Not very funny, is it?

If you want to tell him what a bastard loser he is for his video (or you just want to tell him his music sucks) you can send him a message on his myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/johnmayer. Or call his representation. He is represented by Headline Entertainment. Here is the number 888.552.6737.

tags: John Mayer apology video youtube Jessica Simpson pit bull dog fighting And John Mayer is a loser

She's like so whatever

A few months ago I woke up with that Girlfriend song in my head. And now the punk princess is being sued because it is a rip off of a song by the Rubinoos called I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend. You may know them for the theme song from Revenge of the Nerds. Yeah, right. Naturally, all of this talk of this song has brought back the plague of Avril Lavigne. Damn. That song is back in my head. So here is a video that puts the claim made by the Rubinoos to the test. You decide which version is crappier.

tags: Girlfriend I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend Avril Lavigne Rubinoos lawsuit sueRevenge of the Nerds

07/07/07

Finally, 7-7-7 is here! Well, tomorrow it will finally be here. Seven is a lucky number, but tomorrow you will have three times the luck (because is is the 7th day of the 7th month of the 7th year). Isn't that lucky? It is the luckiest day in 100 years!

And if that in itself isn't enough for you, tomorrow is the day that Tupac will return from his fake death. Its a good thing that he has been making movies and albums since he was "killed" so that he will have lots of money to come home to. See! Lucky! And if that isn't enough, someone made a video of Barney singing a Tupac song. Even more lucky!

tags: July, 7, 2007 07/07/07 7/7/7 7-7-7 7 seven lucky number tupac 2pac resurrection barney video youtube

Pay $250,400 fine -- check!

Scooter can mark that off his list of things to take care of. After his supporters were whining about the financial hardship his family would face because he was going to the slammer for soooooooooooooo long, he was able to buy a cashiers check the day his sentence was commuted. I bet that $400 "special assessment" really hurt. Ouch! Now he just has to sit out his probation (which is sure to end when he gets his pardon). Life is hard for Scooter.

tags: Lewis Scooter Libby pays $250,400 fine I'm Going To Disneyworld!

Enron still sucks

Those fuckwads at Enron can't do anything right. And now they are screwing over their former employees AGAIN. Like losing their retirement and making sure they were unemployable wasn't enough. I know people that could find a new job for over a year because the word "Enron" appeared on their resume. The courts were sympathetic enough to award these people $89 million to cover some of the pensions Enron lost (they lost an estimated $2 billion in pension plans) and Enron (now known as Enron Creditors Recovery Corp) has made the first payment. Naturally they did it all wrong. They paid some people too much and others not enough. What a surprise! Of course, they are blaming the company they hired to do the calculations. I guess it never occured to anyone to check the formula before they cut the checks. I do know that if those jerks overpaid me, I wouldn't be too concerned or in too much of a hurry to pay them back especially since these people are only going to recover a fraction of what they lost. Assholes.

tags: Enron retirement lawsuit wrong payment Hewitt pension energy Houston Texas

Did you know that a Toyota Prius can go 100 mph?

I didn't. Maybe once Al Gore III takes care of his legal troubles, he can be a spokesperson for Toyota. Their new motto can be: "Prius. Drive really fast and save a lot of gas." But it may be a while before he can tout the speed of the Prius since he got popped going really, really fast (100 mph!?!) and had pot and pills in his possession. That was really stupid. He has already been in trouble for driving around and having pot in the car back in his Harvard days. Things like that make you wonder about Harvard's admission requirements. I guess that pothead got really stoned and forgot that you shouldn't drive around with drugs in your car. And maybe like the rest of us, he didn't realize that a Prius could go that fast. A Prius can go 100 mph? Really? It baffles the mind.

tags: Al Gore III Toyota Prius hybrid car speeding drugs

The 4th of July and other urban legends

Even if you aren't so thrilled about the direction this country is headed, there isn't much to complain about when you get a day off in the middle of the week. Especially one that encourages beer drinking and BBQ. Like any other holiday, event, or change in the wind direction there always seems to be a surge of urban legends. This is the one I'd like to quash this week. Not to offend my friends that sent this to me, but come on! You have got to start checking into things. Not everything you read on the internet is true.

This is the offending email of the week:

"Nothing important happened today."
—Diary entry by King George III on July 4, 1776

I call bullshit. George III was a raving lunatic and had his head in the sand when it came to dealing with the American colonies, but there is no evidence that he kept a diary --ever. Just because there was reference to this quote on the X-Files does not make it fact. Don't you think that more people would know about this ironic journal entry if it really happened?

And just for the record, George Washington did not chop down a cherry tree and confess to his father because he could not tell a lie. This was a story fabricated by Parson Weems. Sorry to burst your bubble.

tags: 4th of July urban legend x-files George III George Washington Parson Weems cherry tree

Its a good thing the Bush Administration is above the law!

I mean how else could Scooter Libby go free? Now there is one happy guy! Yay, Scooter! You don't have to go to jail because you are friends with the president! You still have a convition for perjury and obstruction of justice and you have to pay a $250,000 fine and be on probation for two years. But that's OK because you have lots of friends that will give you a job even though you have a criminal record. Hell, they already had fundraisers for your defense fund. Maybe they will pay your fine, too! Aren't you a lucky, lucky guy? I'm so glad to know that it isn't all that bad to reveal the identity of CIA agents to the public and that a two and a half year sentence is excessive for perjury and and obstruction of justice. I will keep that in mind next time I am thinking about endangering the life of a CIA operative and jeopardizing national security and then covering up my acts with lies and more lies. No worries, huh?

tags: politics Scooter Libby Baby Boy Bush W president commute sentence CIA The Bush Administration Is Full Of Crooks!

Nothing goes better together than

storm troopers and earth, wind and fire. Don't believe me? Well, then watch this...

tags: storm trooper star wars tokyo dancing video earth wind and fire youtube

Fun with sitemeter

Occasionally, I like to check out the sitemeter report to see how many people read my blog. Or in my case, how few. While I think I am entertaining, apparently the Internet at large does not. Besides figuring out there are only a few smart people returning to read my blog on a semi-regular basis, sitemeter does tell you some interesting things about the people that do get here.

Here is a short list of my observations:
1. Very few people find my blog via technorati and their "tags" and yet I continue to use them. What does that say about me?

2. Someone in New York did a search for "pineapple good for you" and someone in Canada searched "pineapple bad for you" just minutes later. It seems like there is some debate about how good pineapple is for you because that's how a lot of people end up here. Personally, I think pineapple is good for you, but that's just my opinion. I guess I should look into it. I will also get back to those of you wanting to know if pineapple is an herbal abortion method or induces labor. I guess I should know that kind of stuff since I am a Pineapple Princess.

3. Then there is the person in England that googled "why dont i need to go to school". Well, if you have to use Google to figure out reasons not to go to school, I'd bet there are a lot more reasons why you should go to school.

4. Someone in Lubbock, Texas, googled "monster-truck-show lubbock ticket price 2007" and got here. For the record, I have been to a monster truck show, but I have no idea how much it costs to go to a monster truck show in Lubbock. Sorry.

5. If the person that searched "pineapple shoes" found any, let me know. I'd like some.

6. Someone actually searched "shithole, texas" on Google. I don't doubt that my page came up, but I am surprised that it is second. I kind of figured it would be first. Note to self: top Google's list of "shithole, texas" websites.

tags: Pineapple Princess Google Sitemeter technorati tag pineapple good bad abortion induce labor lubbock monster truck show shoes shithole texas

The Case of the Missing Pants

I am so glad that this case has been solved. If they had hired Nancy Drew (the book version, not the screwball movie version), she would have actually found the pants and the meaning of "Satisfaction Guaranteed". Then they wouldn't have gone to court to fight over $54 million and what the meaning of satisfaction. What a joke.

I don't know what those pants were made out of and I don't know what expectation Roy L. Pearson has when he goes to the dry cleaner, but that is ridiculous. It common knowledge that dry cleaners around the world lose and ruin clothes everyday. You complain and they give you money to reimburse you for your loss. Or at least that has been my experience, but then again I don't have multi-million dollar pants. The dry cleaners don't become liable for the tune of $67 million when they screw up.

That's right, Pearson originally sought $67 million because the cleaner tried to return a pair of pants that had been altered in addition to losing the blue and maroon pants at issue. It sounds like they did him a favor because the lost pants sound like they completed one fugly suit. He claimed that the returned pants weren't his, but he failed to prove this allegation. He was forced to drop his alleged damages to the reasonable amount of $54 million.

I wish my pants were worth that much because I would sell them all on eBay.

tags: lost pants $54 million dry cleaner lawsuit

Which is better?

This?

or this?

tags: youtube video drama prairie dog parody

Oh! The Idiots!

Now that I have a lot more time to blog, I don't have a thing to say. Mostly because I am tired of all the idiots.

I guess I could rant about the plan to put up a fence on the border. In McAllen, Texas, the fence divides up the college there. Not to mention the fact that this plan basically cedes our land to Mexico by changing the border. The border presently falls in the middle of the Rio Grande, but this plan effectively changes that. Also, all of the bridges maintianed by the United States will now be on the Mexican side of the fence. Whoever decided that putting up a fence was a good idea was an idiot.

Or I could complain about Pretty Boy Perry's latest stunt. By using his line item veto, he cut funding to community colleges. Way to make sure that kids that can't afford to go to state universities can't afford to got to community college either. Way to make it more expensive to get trained in a vocation. There is nothing more productive and helpful to the economy than making sure another generation enters the workforce with a huge mound of debt. What an idiot.

Or I could always talk about Paris. That idiot is getting out of jail soon.

Whatever.

tags: Blogging Is Boring Border fence Mexico Texas Rick Perry Line Item Veto College Economy Debt Paris Hilton Idiots

Bye bye, Bob!

Like a lot of people I really loved The Price Is Right. I always wanted to be on that show, but I just never made it. I guess it just seemed like Bob Barker would be hosting that show forever and that I had plenty of time to make that trip. Was I ever wrong. I grew up watching. Bob started hosting that show one week after I was born. During summer breaks, one of the games my neighborhood friends and I played was The Price Is Right. We would pull canned goods and household items out of my parents' pantry for pricing games (to win invisible new cars) and I would come up with the prizes for the showcases (often lovely vacations or a dinette set with the carpet included). I was usually Bob Barker and I loved it. It was way more fun than being a contestant. You know I'm thinking they still haven't announced a replacement for Bob. Maybe I should audition? I mean I can host that show without sets or actual prizes, so think how good I would be if I had those advantages. But really, the point of this blog is that Bob Barker rocks. I will miss Bob, his zany 70's set, and his never ending enthusiasm for the pricing games. As an adult, watching The Price Is Right was always a high point of being sick or playing hooky from school or work. Bye bye, Bob!

tags: Bob Barker The Price Is Right

Wristwatch-Gate

So our pal W went to Albania and got a rockstar reception. Apparently he found the only place in the world where they still love him. And he encountered someone that loved him so much that they stole the watch right off his wrist. Officials are saying that this isn't true. Check out the video:

tags: bush watch stolen Albania video youtube

Alberto don't need no stinkin' confidence

I guess Alberto is in a fabulous mood today. There just aren't enough votes for the "no confidence" resolution to pass the Senate. Al, you really should wipe that shit eating grin off your face. The fact that there was even the possiblilty that the Senate could bring this up means that they think you suck. Now Arlen Specter said he would vote for the resolution. When the top Republican is willing to vote on the "you suck" resolution against one of his own, you know you suck really bad. The only thing that is saving you now is that Baby Boy Bush likes you so much. And that isn't saying much since he has proven to be a bad judge of who is qualified to do a job (Harriet Miers, anyone?). Wouldn't it be nice if the rest of us could have this kind of job security?

tags: Alberto Gonzales Senate No Confidence Arlen Specter Harriet Miers photo

I just don't get tired of seeing this:

tags: paris hilton crying sheriff car jail tee hee!

New Drug on the Market

tags: 2008 Election President Hillary Clinton OxyClinton youtube

Paris goes to Jail

Finally, Paris has gone to jail. Blah, blah, blah. Everybody's talking about it. I'm over it. So can we stop talking about it already? But before we do, I do want to comment on this creepy picture I saw today. In honor(?) of her jail time, Madame Tussaud's has changed the outfit on Paris' wax dummy in New York. The wax dummy will be wearing this lovely striped number for the whole time that the real dummy is in the L.A. County Jail. How special and really, very creepy.

tags: Paris Hilton wax dummy jail Madame Tussaud's

It may melt your brain, but its good for you!

Usually I don't give banner ads much thought, but the whole idea of vitamins and minerals in diet drinks kinda blew me away. So, if you have a drink that is really bad for you and put something in it that is good for you, do these two things cancel one another out? I guess it is kind of like jogging to the corner store to get a candy bar...

On a related note, they did bring back Vanilla Coke. This is a mixed blessing for me. Before Vanilla Coke, I had given up all varieties of cokes. Then they took it away and I was able to break the addiction once more. What is an addicted Pineapple to do?

tags: Diet Coke Plus Vanilla Coke

Oh, Nessie!

Is that really you? Earlier this week, Gordon Holmes shot a video at Loch Ness of some creature swimming in the water. Could it be you, Nessie? Holmes turned his tape over for further scientific investigation and BBC Scotland thought the quality of the tape was good enough to air it. Since I've always been intrigued by the Loch Ness Monster, this story caught my eye. Here is the news clip:

tags: Gordon Holmes Loch Ness Monster Scotland BBC video youtube

Bikers, bikers galore!

That's right, the ROT Rally is here one again. So all you drivers need to take extra care for our visiting friends on bikes starting today. You are bigger and protected. They will die if you hit them. Just something to think about. Besides, if you pay attention you are likely to see something like ASTRO riding his Harley about town (click for bigger). And the Pineapple friends are welcome to come over on Friday before the parade -- don't forget to bring beer and a chair because there are a lot of bikes. Vrooooooooooom!

tags: Austin Texas ROT Rally Harley bike parade

The world is a crazy place

And the people living in it aren't helping things. Dick Cheney became a grandpa again. This time by his lesbian daughter, Mary, and her partner, Heather Poe. It baffles the mind how you can be so hateful towards gay people and their personal life choices and still have a relationship with your daughter that is one. I don't know how she puts up with his bullshit and hypocracy. But I guess that is their business.

In light of this, the rabidly insane christians are out for blood. Please see the press release below (written by a former homosexual -- go figure that one out). The Parents Group has a strange concept of what a "real" parent is. Apparently, Heather Poe is not a real parent even though she is going to be the one that performs all of the necessary functions that a parent performs. According to them, the only real parents you can have are your biological daddy and your biological mommy. I know people that are adopted and they consider their adopted parents to be pretty damn real. And since when is it any of their business what other people do so long as they are raising happy and healthy children. There are lots of kids out there with a "real" mommy and "real" daddy that are being treated like shit. Why don't they worry about that instead? Don't you think god would want them to care about that?

The press release also calls homosexuals raising children a "social experiment". What the hell is that all about? I find it offensive and again, none of their business. I'm sure homosexuals have been raising children since the beginning of time. We just didn't talk about it. And if god is so pissed off, then why doesn't he show himself and make things really clear? But that would take the fun out of all the crazy people twisting and "interpreting" the bible so that they can tell us how we are all going to hell because we don't think the same things they do.

As far as I'm concerned, Mary Cheney and Heather Poe are the "real" parents to that baby and I wish them the best.

**********************************************
Date: May 30, 2007
From: The Parents Group
By: Stephen Bennett

White House Officially Recognizes Homosexual Unions and Parenting?

HUNTINGTON, Conn., May 30 /Christian Newswire/ -- On May 23, 2007, the White House, silently and without any fanfare, released an official White House photo of Vice President Dick Cheney and his wife, Lynne Cheney, welcoming their sixth grandchild, Samuel David Cheney, into the Cheney fold.

The beautiful little tyke weighed in at 8 lbs., 6 oz. and was born at 9:46 a.m. at Sibley House in Washington, D.C.

What is extremely troubling is the official White House caption that appears underneath the photo on the official White House website:

... His parents are the Cheney's daughter Mary, and her partner, Heather Poe. White House photo by David Bohrer.

Since when have two homosexual women been able to naturally procreate?

Fact is Mary Cheney, the Vice President's daughter - in one way or another - received a male's sperm. She is the biological mother, parent number one, and some man, somewhere out there, is Samuel David's real biological father, parent number two.

Unlike the official White House photo caption, a man and a woman, a Daddy and a Mommy, are Samuel David Cheney's REAL biological parents.

Then who is Heather Poe?

Heather Poe is Mary Cheney's live-in lesbian lover. She may act like a parent, she may treat the baby as a parent, she may love this baby with all of her heart, but in this reality we all live in, Heather Poe is NOT the baby's real parent. She has NO biological connection to the child whatsoever. Some man, the baby's real Daddy, is the child's other REAL parent.

If the Vice President and his wife Lynne are joining their daughter Mary in playing this homosexual game of "house," then all have chosen their roles and designated lesbian lover Heather Poe as the "Daddy."

Everyone knows there can only be one REAL biological Mommy. We are all grown adults. Playing "house" is a game for children, not for The White House or the Vice President and his wife.
What is so hypocritical of this Administration is its "double-speak."

President George W. Bush held several presses conferences calling for a Federal Marriage Amendment to protect the God-ordained institution of marriage between one man and one woman, while homosexuals pushed for the union of two men or two women to be equally recognized as real "marriage."

However, the President's number two, right hand man, Vice President Dick Cheney, clearly rebels against his superior, makes a public mockery of the President and the current Administration he is supposed to represent, and clearly holds to a different set of moral standards and beliefs.

When President Bush stood on the victory stage several years ago after being elected into office by values voters, Mary Cheney was on stage as well with her lesbian lover, Heather Poe. It was a slap in the face to the values voters who had just elected the duo into office. That wound has never healed.

While this little innocent child Samuel David Cheney deserves every fighting chance at life, the sins of two women, Mary Cheney and Heather Poe, have deliberately denied the Vice President's grandson one of the most basic human rights of all: the right to a Daddy and a Mommy.

I say shame on the White House, shame on the President and shame on the Vice President for allowing such a caption to be "officially" added onto the White House website and such a beautiful photo of two happy grandparents and their new grandchild.

I guess we can tragically and officially say both the White House and Bush Administration have officially recognized the sinful sexual unions of homosexuals, as well as recognized and embraced the tragedy of the social experiment of homosexual parenting.

Stephen Bennett is founder of www.TheParentsGroup.com, a worldwide support group for parents, grandparents, family members and friends with homosexual loved ones.

Bennett lived the homosexual lifestyle for over 11 years with over 100 partners, until he finally left it all in 1992. Today, Stephen is happily married to his wife Irene of almost 14 years. The couple has two beautiful children, a young boy and a girl.

Bennett has appeared on almost every major network and cable news program, advocating for the traditional family, the protection of children and proclaiming the truth about homosexuality.
**********************************************

tags: Cheney Dick Mary Heather Poe baby homosexual marriage the parents group

Hello, Republican Party of Texas!

I'm so glad you could stop by! Apparently, ya'll are looking for information about Pretty Boy Perry. I'm mean that is the page you visited. But you didn't stay very long. I hope I didn't scare you off. I have so many other entries that you might be interested in. I have a whole series of blogs about my buddy Alberto and about all of the stupid things you people have been trying to accomplish this session. But please come back, you are always welcome. Even though you are too busy trying to dictate my personal actions and moral welfare rather than solving the pressing issues like education and health care.

tags: Texas Politics Republican Party of Texas Rick Perry

Paris Hilton Goes to Jail

I haven't written anything about the trials and tribulations of Paris because everybody else has, I don't care all that much, and I think she deserves to go to jail. But, I did read something interesting. Apparently, her sentence has already been reduced for good behavior even though she hasn't even checked in yet. Let's face it, her behavior hasn't been that great. If it had been, we wouldn't know who she is in the first place and she would not have violated her parole. Oh well, I'm sure she will look hot in that orange jumpsuit.

tags: Paris Hilton

I woke up this morning with this song in my head

tags: avril lavigne girlfriend youtube

A Stupid Way To Save Money

The Texas House and Senate are up to it again. They have decided that they really need to legislate marriage some more. On Monday, they passed an "incentive" bill to get couples to go to counseling before applying for a marriage license. They want to raise the fee for a marriage license to $60. BUT if you go to an 8 hour marriage class first, you can get your license for the discounted price of $30. I don't see how paying $60 or an 8 hour course will slow down the divorce rate that is such a concern to Warren Chism (Republican/Nazi - Pampa). Once you are an adult, you are free to make all kinds of stupid decisions. I would like to pass a bill to stop the government from wasting time and start fixing things that really need it. Maybe if people had a better basic education, they would have the skills they need to make better decisions. Just a thought...

tags: Politcs Texas Marriage Chisum Government Get Out of My Personal Business

Jerry's Last Time

So Jerry Falwell died today at the age of 73. He was found unconscious in his office at Liberty University and rushed to the hospital. He probably died because he has "a history of heart challenges," but they aren't saying.

Jerry Falwell has brought us some good times. Like founding a college with an ironic name. I guess liberty is limited to what he thinks god wants you to do and think.

He also brought us fun phrases like when he told us that the bible talks about "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." Thanks, Jerry! That one never gets old.

He said other things like gays, lesbians and health workers who provide abortions were partly to blame for the September 11 attacks. I guess you got to blame someone, because god doesn't like us to explain things by saying "shit happens."

Then there's the "Moral Majority." Weeeee! Way to get a rabid minority of bible thumpers to highjack the Republican party. Barry Goldwater probably rolls over in his grave everytime someone mentions those two words together.

But the best is the case Hustler Magazine, Inc. v. Falwell. While a lot of people probably read Hustler (for the articles, of course!), I don't think it was enough to really Jerry's image. Just how much emotional distress could that cause a good christian that shouldn't be reading that trash anyway? And I've always wondered did he "read" the rest of the issue containing the Campari ad spoof? But in the end, the Supreme Court decided that the ad wasn't libel and that a public figure could not recover damages for intentional infliction of emotional distress based on a satire, because under the First Amendment, an obvious satire or parody of a public figure remains protected speech, even if it causes emotional distress to that person. This case proved only to give us a good laugh (because then everyone saw the ad) and inspired a movie about the king of smut, Larry Flynt.

So thanks for all the good times, Jerry!

tags: Jerry Falwell Liberty University Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve shit happens Moral Majority Republican Barry Goldwater Hustler Campari Larry Flynt