Thursday, June 29, 2006

Hey, Bandit! Watch out for Smokey this weekend!

If you are traveling this weekend, here is some important information for you. The National Motorists Association has released a list of the Top Ten Speed Traps in the U.S.A.

Here they are:
1. Detroit, Michigan suburbs
2. Washington D.C.
3. Orlando, Fla.
4. Colorado Springs, Colo.
5. Houston, Tex.
6. Virginia Beach, Va.
7. Austin, Tex.
8. Baton Rouge, La.
9. Nashville, Tenn.
10. Fresno, Calif.

Just a hint, you may want to check out their website because they have some useful information about avoiding and fighting speeding tickets.

Warren Buffett is evil for giving away money

At least that's what some religious nutjobs are saying because the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation give money to (gasp!) Planned Parenthood and international birth control programs. According to the Catholics he has to repent because he is going to go to hell for giving money to them. Of course, they told him that in the 1990s when he spend millions on researching R-U-486.

What would be really nice is if someone could give those types of organizations enough money so they don't have to rely on federal money and the religious strings that come with it. Imagine a world where you can get birth control (and learn how to use it correctly) and have access to abortions. Wouldn't that be better than single moms living off of welfare and struggling to keep their kids fed and clothed and preventing the spread of HIV/AIDS (not mention other sexually transmitted diseases)? These simple things can help people lead healthier, happier and more productive lives.

My other favorite thing is that at his press conference, reporters kept asking why he didn't give the money to his kids instead. His response: his kids should make their own way in life and he had already given them enough money (they are already in the top 1% wealth bracket). Besides, its his money and he can do whatever the hell he wants to with it.

It is really hard to believe that such a charitable act can make you and sinner and a bad father. Shouldn't we all be happy that he is giving money to a foundation that wants to fight disease and poverty?

My opinion? Warren Buffett is a bad ass.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

No more waiting

They did it. The Supreme Court wrote 132 pages of crap about redistricitng. I don't want to get too technical and boring, but they couldn't even agree with one another enough to have a majority. Most of the opinion is a plurality. In other words, parts of it they came to a similar result but for very different reasons.

Most of the Justices wouldn't know a gerrymander if it slapped them in the face. I take real issue with the fact that Texas had a court approved map (with a Republican majority) and they decided to mess with it mid-decade. That should be the first clue. Next, if you look at the map, it is clear that no true logic was used to draw this new map. Obviously it was computer generated to draw the lines in a way that goes beyond preserving a republican majority. The law is very clear on the point that a majority party may draw a map to preserve their majority. However, they may not dilute votes in the process.

The court did agree that the Latino vote was diluted, but did not come to the same decision about black voters. Souter and Ginsberg dissented because they thought that the black vote was diluted as well. Breyer is the only one that thought the whole thing was fucked from the get go and violated the Equal Protection Clause. Of course, he didn't use the bad language.

By the way, fuck you Tom DeLay. I hope they hate you just as much in Virginia. You give Texas a bad name. You are a criminal and a sissy. You managed to screw Texas with this new map, you steal money, and then you run away because you were afraid you might not be re-elected. I hope Ronnie Earle throws your sorry ass in jail.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

good news, weird news

Good news: The amendment to ban flag burning failed in the Senate. One vote short. Maybe they can table this bullshit until another election cycle. Personally I don't have much interest in burning a flag, but if I'm that pissed off at the government I should be able to burn flags until my heart is content. Besides, they can always nail you for doing dangerous shit and endangering people and property without calling it what it really is...

Weird news: Some random law firm contacted me today about hiring me and I haven't even sent out any resumes. I have no idea who they are or what they do, but I think I'll call back tomorrow and find out.

Monday, June 26, 2006

So we wait until Wednesday

There were rumors that the Supreme Court would release the ruling on redistricting today, but no. Wednesday is the next ruling day so we wait a little longer to see if they agree that what Tom DeLay did was illegal.

Speaking of Tom DeLay, there is some interesting maneuvering in his federal case in Austin. Tommy sent a draft letter to the Texas GOP chairwoman about the differences between withdrawing from the race (which he has done) and being named ineligible to run (because he moved to Virginia after the primary). Then he sent the so-called final draft. Tommy couldn't explain to the judge why he did that. Judge Sam Sparks is fed up with Tommy's shit. Once DeLay finished testifying, Sparks explained he could either leave or stay for the rest of the proceedings. "My recommendation is to run like a rabbit," Sparks quipped. I love Judge Sparks.

It sounds like DeLay is trying to get his withdrawal from the race changed to being named ineligible to run. What does this mean for the November ballot in lovely Sugar Land? Possibly a horrible precedent for candidate swapping when a candidate thinks they can't win the general election.

What a crappy job...Literally

Today as I was driving back to my hotel, I saw a sign advertising a service called Pet Butler. You can pay money to have someone come and make your yard a "cleaner and safer place." Or you can buy into this franchise so that you too can pick up dog shit for a living.


Sunday, June 25, 2006

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

So I'm back in lovely Houston for the next three nights. By day, stuck in a small room with boxes and boxes of files. By night, the Best Western. High class living for me.

Since I have been through numerous small town and since it is Sunday here are some fun religious signs I have seen lately:

On a sign right by the cemetery: "We have a place for you"

On highway 71: "Read the Bible. It will scare the HELL out of you."

Cuero city limits: "Jesus is King of Cuero"

I really need a camera...


Finally, I get to watch some World Cup

I have been running around Texas non-stop since all of the World Cup action has started. Today, I finally got to watch a game. It was great to get breakfast in bed (thanks, sweetie!) and watch England kick some ass in Spanish. My Spanish is poor at best and they talk really fast, but it is so much more exciting than the boring English commentators that seem like they don't even watch soccer. I'm not holding my breath or anything, but I think I get to watch them play Portugal. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. It is the little things that make life a good place to be. Go Beckham (or "Man Spice" as they like to call him on Spanish TV)!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

I miss Lloyd Doggett

Before Tom DeLay fucked over Texas with his fabulous redistricting plan, Lloyd Doggett was my representative. But after the new redistricting plan, Austin was divided into four sections that sweep across Texas in all kinds of strange and illogical ways. So now you can live in East Austin and share a district with people in Kenedy. People that live in downtown Austin don't really share thesame concerns. Our government really lives up to the promise of representation. So illegal.

Anyway, I just came across this bad ass video of him speaking on the House floor. I'm on the fence about the so-called death tax just because it doesn't seem right to tax someone multiple times for the same money (i.e. when you earn it, then when you invest it, and then when you die and you still have it). But he makes some really good points about how fucked up the republicans are as far as their never ending tax cuts for the rich. Usually, when I post a video, it makes my page all wonky. I just don't care.

All work and no play makes Pineapple a dull girl

First, I'd like to start with a traveling tip. Before you go to sleep make sure some idiot hasn't set the alarm to go off at 5:00 am. That really sucked. Other than the unexpected alarm, Sinton prooved to be just as boring today as it was yesterday. That place is just not a good place to visit. I can't wait to go back because I know I will. Let the boredom begin.

The drive to Victoria was quick and I always love to go to Nolan Ryan's birthplace. For all you non-Astro fans, that would be Refugio. Not the prettiest town, but the people are friendly.

As for Victoria, I would suggest just skipping it all together if possible. No offense to the people that like to live there, but it was awful. You get downtown and think what a nice place. The square has lots of old buildings with cute cafes and shops. Seems nice enough. If you do go there, I would strongly suggest never asking anyone for directions as the people there don't know the difference between left and right. They also have no idea what the streets are named. Next, don't leave the downtown square because the rest of Victoria is made up of run down strip malls. It was once a beautiful town. You can tell by the old houses surrounding the downtown area, but then "progress" happened.

After leaving Victoria somewhere before Wharton, I saw a sign that said "Free Samples." No hint of what kind of samples or where you might get them. Something to ponder.

The next place of any interest was Tom DeLay's hometown -- Sugar Land! What a crap ass place that is. Strip malls and big box stores. It is a place with no soul. No wonder he moved to Virginia. But if he still lived in Sugar Land it would have been tempting to put a burning bag of shit on his doorstep.

Now I am in Houston. I really hate this place. Nothing but traffic. It is just one big crowded freeway and everybody is always in the wrong fucking lane. The other thing is, people just abandon their cars in the middle of the freeway. What the hell is that? At least I get to go home tomorrow. However, its back to Houston on Sunday for another marathon work week and a sweep across Texas. It never ends.

Rock on Kinky!

It is official. Texas is going to have the best governor's race ever! Kinky and Carole How Ever Many Names have both been certified. I still think that means they are both certifiable because no one in their right mind would want to be Governor of Texas. The Leuitenant Governor is the one with the real power. But anyway... What's is even more interesting is that Kinky got 25,000 more valid signatures than the crazy granny and she spent way more money getting people to sign her petition. Things ought to get good now that everyone is on the ballot. Let the shit slinging begin.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

more about fried eggs

My mom just called to tell me that she was reading the paper and saw that Jane Greig posted responses to some of her columns on the Austin American Statesman website. One of them was about frying eggs on the sidewalk. Guess what? She posted the email that I sent to her. If you are interested, click on the link to my email and scroll down to the bottom of the page.

so what have you seen today?

You know, when I started this blog I had no idea that it was going to be a travel blog. I always envisioned it to be more along the lines of ranting about all of the screwed up things in the world, politics, served with a side of humor. I guess it just proves that you never know what you are going to do until you do it. So on to today's adventures in travel.

Once again I have headed south. I just can't get enough. So this week it is a marathon to Cuero, Goliad, Sinton, Victoria and Houston. After working in Cuero, I started on my way to Goliad. As I was driving I saw one of the coolest things (actually five of the coolest things)-- bald eagles.

In Goliad, I had a little down time since the county clerk closes for lunch. I walked around the square and read all of the plaques about the history of Goliad. My favorite was the hanging tree. Talk about swift justice. After they found you guilty of a crime they would take you outside, throw a rope over a limb and hang you. Nice appeal system they had in the 1800s. And way to make a beautiful live oak tree super creepy.

So then, it was off to Sinton. As usual, there is nothing worth writing about Sinton. Tomorrow is another day, but my drive around town this evening suggests that anything interesting will have to wait until I'm heading towards Victoria. My travels continue...

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Insanity, Texas style

So, enough with the bitching. Back to one of my favorite topics: the race to the governor's mansion. By Wednesday, the state should certify Kinky and Crazy Granny for November's ballot. And then it is on like Donkey Kong. Things should only get better once they are certified (and probably certifiable). Let the craziness begin in true Texas form.

Monday, June 19, 2006

adventures in undergarments and ranching

I can't figure out if I'm coming or going. My big, summer long stint in North Texas has been called off. But I am on my way back to South Texas tomorrow. Oh, joy. I have mixed feelings about not getting the big North Texas job. The money would have been good, but the hours way too long. Even without the big, bad job hanging over my head, I have plenty to do and I'm on the eighth straight day of work. Although I have been working, strange shit has been happening.

Here is something that probably doesn't happen much at your job: I was on the computer doing my work thing and I hear this really loud moo. You heard me, a moo. I look up and a cow was standing at the sliding glass door mooing at me. I think it might have wanted to come in and play. Who knows what those cows are up to. It was almost as strange as the time one of the donkeys tried to come in the house with me. I also stepped in cow shit and ripped my favorite pants as I was leaving work that day. What a wonderful Saturday.

Sunday was a little bit better. Fun brunch with my dad. Long work hours. Crazy personal life. Not enough sleep.

But let's get to the fun underwear part of today. I had just gotten to work and I leaned down to pick up a pile of papers when pop! the wire on my bra snapped. Ouch! So, I had a whole day of work ahead of me with a wire digging into my ribs. After some thought I decided to put some toilet paper in my bra to keep the wire from poking me. Good thing they are undergarments because a bra with toilet paper hanging out of it is not a good look. What can I say? My life is charmed.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

too much

I worked for over 15 hours today. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow is going to be another marathon day.

Friday, June 16, 2006

From one end of Texas to another...

I'm back in Austin. Whew! It has been a long day and I just found out that my summer is pretty much shot. Seven day work weeks until August 31st. No summer vacation this year. No fun birthday. Not much fun anything. Guess I'm going to have to pony up the $50 to save my free ticket on Southwest for the fall.

This time I am going to be in various small towns in North Texas. I guess it is a change in scenery. But not really because a courthouse is a courthouse is a courthouse. They all have big dusty books. Depending on internet availability, I may not be blogging much until September. But I've found that more and more motels in "small town" Texas do offer internet access. I'll just have to take it as it comes.

One strange thing I saw on the way home as I was between Beeville and Kenedy, there was a small sign that said simply, "GO WITH US." Go where? And who is "us"? My first thought was that, no I don't want to go. Next I started thinking that what I really need is a good digital camera so that I can write a coffee table book about weird shit in Texas. I know that I've seen a lot of Texas and that I've seen a lot of weird shit. That sounds like more fun than living in dusty courthouses...

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Stupid Republicans!

And obviously some Democrats too. Let's get real about the whole idea of a constitutional ban on flag burning. The word is that the Senate is one vote shy of the required 2/3 vote. Just in time for the 4th of July. How patriotic of them! I bet the so-called Founding Fathers are rolling in their collective graves. This amendment goes against everything that this country was based on and it degrades the Bill of Rights. They may as well delete the whole First Amendment since it is basically ignored by the government anyway. If you don't like flag burning, then don't do it. If you don't like abortion, then don't have one. If you don't like gay marriage, then don't marry someone of the same gender. What I do with my life is my business, not the government's.

Bush once again showed us how speaking before thinking is a bad idea. Way to make fun a blind person today.

And thanks for appointing John Roberts and Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court. After yesterday's ruling that police don't have to knock if they have a warrant, pretty soon they won't need a warrant if they suspect there might be a criminal in a five mile radius. Maybe that's what the Senate will take up after they are done with this flag burning amendment. They can have a no warrant amendment and just delete the Fourth Amendment. The government just ignores it anyway. The new head of the CIA doesn't seem to think that there is such a thing as probable cause or warrants. They must be a figment of my imagination.

I can't take much more...

Enough already with the trips to South Texas!

Here is my stupid day:

1. I had to drive through San Antonio. If you have ever driven there, then you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, don't start now.

2. It has been another fun day in Alice. It is always fun to be sent on a wild goose chase. I won't bore you with the details (unless you ask for them). Basically they sent me back to do something that they thought was wrong, but I was right to begin with. It could have been cleared up with one phone call instead of a trip to Alice. Time wasted that I will never get back. I wish I could bill them double for my time as a penalty for stupidity.

3. On my way to George West, I heard the word of the day on some Corpus Christi radio station. It was the word "garbage." The radio announcer even spelled it out "g-a-b-a-g-e." If you don't see the problem, you must have had the same spelling teacher.

4. I go to Beeville tomorrow. An exercise in futility since they have a really horrible index. Another stupid day, but at least I don't have to drive through San Antonio again.

Don't you wish you could be more like me?

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

It is so cool to come out of the closet

One of my favorite shows as a child was The Electric Company. I really loved the episodes of Spiderman. It had the best theme song that ended with "nobody know who you are!" I guess they are going to have to change that to "everybody knows who you are." What the hell were they thinking? I just don't know how you can be a superhero without a hidden identity. I hope they don't jump the shark like Dallas did when they killed off Bobby for one season. Then the next year he was alive and the previous season had all been Pam's very vivid dream. It would really suck if it were all Mary Jane's dream.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Can you hear it?

I've been hearing about this new ringtone that adults can't hear. The story is that people over 30 have a hard time hearing this frequency. Well, I can hear it and it is absolutley annoying. Click here to see if you can too.

I don't care what they say

Karl Rove is a criminal. And he is one lucky asshole because they are not going to indict him for the CIA leak case. I remember some of the shady things he did when he still did "direct mail" at Rove and Company in Austin, Texas. I was doing campaign work and direct mail on the opposite side of the political spectrum. He has a bad habit of leaking information to the press and an amazing ability to make things up. Enough said.

J.R. has already been shot, don't do it again

At first, the talk was that they were not going to film the movie version of "Dallas" in Dallas at all. Now they have decided it might be a good idea to film part of the movie there. After reading the article, I think they should just scrap the whole idea. They have cast John Travolta as J.R. and Jennifer Lopez as Sue Ellen. Way to destroy a good TV show with what will certainly be a shitty movie. Hopefully, they can cast the rest of the parts with Canadians and Yankees so they can all have really bad accents. Actors seem to think that all Southern accents sound the same. They don't. In fact, you can tell what part of Texas someone is from just by their accent alone. My advice, if you have a hankering to watch J.R. and the rest of the Ewing clan just rent the DVD of the real deal.

Monday, June 12, 2006

I was going to blog tonight

but I've decided against it.

Blog reposting can really suck

Over the past few days, two of my blog entries have been reposted. The blog I wrote about the fatal combination of your cell phone and lead paint was reposted to some strange site about cell phones. I wasn't exactly thrilled, but I didn't give it too much thought. However, a small part of my blog about Carole "Four/Five Names" was reposted to some strange blog about Texas divorce. It had the same template as the cell phone blog, so I'm guessing its run by the same people. That re-post really pissed me off. In my mind, my blog about the name changes was about the insanity of Texas politics, not about divorce. They cut out a small part of that post and then followed it with links about getting good legal advice if you are getting divorced.

I just wonder how this blog will be taken out of context...

Calling all Texas Libertarians

Here is the list of the Libertarian candidate nominations:

U.S. senator: Scott Lanier Jameson of Plano
Governor: James Werner of Austin
Lieutenant governor: Judy Baker of Houston
Attorney general: Jon Roland of Austin
Comptroller of public accounts: Mike Burris of Austin
Land commissioner: Michael A. French of Wills Point
Agriculture commissioner: Clay Woolam of Richardson
Railroad commissioner: Tabitha Serrano of Houston
Chief justice, Supreme Court: Tom Oxford of Beaumont
Justice, Supreme Court, Place 2: Wade Wilson of Austin
Justice, Supreme Court, Place 4; Jerry Adkins of Dallas
Justice, Supreme Court, Place 6: Todd Phillipp of Midlothian
Justice, Supreme Court, Place 8: Jay H. Cookingham of Spring
Judge, Court of Criminal Appeals, Place 7: Quanah Parker of Abilene
Judge, Court of Criminal Appeals, Place 8: Dave Howard of Round Rock

I don't recall there ever being that many Libertarians on the ballot. And this is the first time that I know one of them personally. So, if you live and vote in Texas, why not take a walk on the wild side and vote for Wade Wilson. He is a kick ass attorney and would be a great judge. He is not taking campaign contributions. It seems down right impossible to buy someone that wont take your money. Just a thought. Besides, I'm tired of the "Legion of Doom" that makes up the current Texas Supreme Court. It is really, really time for a change.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Hello, Alberto!

Tropical Storm Alberto is the first named storm of the 2006 hurricane season. Alberto plans on visiting Cuba and Florida. What fun for them! We are only 11 days into the season and we already have a named storm. I just hope the so-called evacuation plans that Texas and the other Gulf Coast states have will really work this time around. For as long as there have been hurricanes, it just seems that they would have figured this all out a little sooner. But its not just the government that needs to get it's collective head out of the sand. According to the American Red Cross, most Americans aren't prepared for emergencies. I'm not talking about duct for your windows in case of a terrorist attack. I'm talking food, water, batteries, flashlights and the like in case of blackouts and whatever type of natural disaster is likely to occur where you live. Just something to think about...

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Can you fry an egg on the sidewalk?

In today's Austin American Statesman, Jane Greig wrote an article about summer myths. One of them being about whether you can fry an egg on the sidewalk.

This is what her expert had to say:

"The American Egg Board has not heard of anyone who has had success doing this, says Elisa Maloberti, consumer information coordinator. The white of the egg coagulates (cooks) between 144 degrees and 149 degrees, and the yolk cooks at higher temperatures: 149 degrees to 158 degrees. The heat of summer might make you feel as if an egg could fry on the sidewalk, but the temperature would have to be concentrated to make that happen, Maloberti adds."

Here I am, American Egg Board. I have successfully fried an egg on the sidewalk. One summer I was visiting my grandfather and the witch he married (not my grandmother) in Andrews, Texas. My cousins and I decided it was so hot that we could fry an egg on the sidewalk. The witch gave us the egg and we went out front to fry it. Boy, did that egg fry. And even worse it made a HUGE mess. We also learned that fried eggs really stick to the sidewalk, too. That witch was so mad that she stood over us until we cleaned up every bit of that egg. So, my advice is that if you try to fry an egg on the sidewalk spray some Pam on it first.

Friday, June 09, 2006

More news on "One Goofy Grandma"

So, the opponents of Carole Four Names (or is it five?) have had some choice words to say about her ballot request. Basically, everyone running for governor thinks she has lots her marbles. Although no one has said that outright. But if she gets her way, we can change the other candidate's names too: Kinky "Jewish Cowboy" Friedman; Rick "My Hair is Better than Yours" Perry; and Chris "No One Knows Who I Am" Bell.

In Texas, you may use your nickname on the ballot if you have been known by that name for more than three years and it is not a political slogan. Out of all of the nicknames that I've heard about ole what's her name, not one of them has been "Grandma." It is simply a play on her slogan that she is "One Tough Grandma."

If she is so worried about name recognition, maybe she should just stop changing her name. She always keeps the "Keeton" part of her name because everybody liked her daddy (Page Keeton, a former Dean of the University of Texas Law School). Maybe next time she has an inkling to change her name (or a divorce, or remarries) she should just become Carole Keeton. Or better yet, retire from politics so we don't have to figure out what name she has this election.

Get paid to use MySpace

Is it really so shocking that the next step in the government's plan to watch us is to check out our profiles on MySpace and Friendster? Just think about all of the personal information people post about themselves on networking sites. It is just out there and anyone can access it. They know your name, your favorite color, and what you post on bulletins and blog about. But what this really means is that the government is paying people to fuck around on MySpace all day. That's our tax dollars at work. Gives me a warm and fuzzy kind of feeling.

Grandma? Really?

I was in the car this morning and heard on the radio that Carole Four Names wants to be listed on the ballot as: "Carole Keeton Grandma Strayhorn" on this November's ballot. No kidding. She says it is because that's how Texans know her. Seems like she's gone from "One Tough Grandma" to "One Delusional Grandma." So, with the addition to Grandma, do I have to call her Carole Five Names now? Its just too confusing. Until this morning I thought anyone would be better than Pretty Boy Perry. Now that she has taken her craziness public, I wouldn't trust her to hold my gum wrapper let alone run my state. I'm so glad she's the Comptroller -- its always good to have a lunatic in charge of the money.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

One less Republican in Travis County

I wish I had picked this up sooner, but we have a new Democrat Judge in Travis County. The Honorable Julie Kocurek, appointed by then Governor George W. Bush, has switched parties. The story came out on Wednesday and she made a formal announcement on Thursday.

Judge Kocurek was appointed to a newly created criminal district court in 1999 and even managed to beat a Democrat in the 2000 election. She ran unopposed in 2004. I never could figure out why the Democrats didn't find someone to run against her. W appointed one other Republican judge to a Travis County court while he was governor and that judge was handily defeated when his term expired.

But this switch in parties, as does any switch, makes you wonder why the change. I know that it is hard business to be a Republican in Travis County. But Judge Kocurek has done a good job as a judge. I think she could win re-election in 2008. It wouldn't be easy, but could be done. It made me wonder if she comes from a long line of Republicans and always though she should be one too and now she is coming out of the closet. Or maybe she just likes her job and this is the best way to keep it.

But whatever the reason for the change, Judge Kocurek is no longer the only Republican judge in Travis County. And that is cause for celebration!

Take this toll road and shove it, I ain't driving here no more

So "they" are saying we are getting our new toll roads early. That's just dandy. Most of these roads were built with our tax dollars and then they later decided to make them toll roads. Thanks for the double tax, jerks. If I wanted to use toll roads I would move to Dallas or Houston. And now that the price of gasoline continues to skyrocket, paying $1.50 to drive on State Highway 45 or 75 cents on the MoPac extension everyday is just down right affordable. Don't you think? Austinites, get out the Google Map and find a free route to work.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

If your cell phone doesn't work, don't lick the walls

Today I went to Hallettsville to work. Lovely, lovely Hallettsville. If you've been reading my blog you'll know that they seem to have a problem with that whole separation of church and state (and telling the difference between fact and urban legend). No such luck finding constitutional infractions today... But really, my point is that I had some time in the car to ponder a few things.

1. Like why my cell phone doesn't work in the house and my wireless signal is for crap. Turns out what my friend said is true. Lead paint blocks reception of cell phones and wifi. So, if you want to stop people from stealing your bandwidth, get some lead paint. Of course, you wont be able to use your cell phone unless you hang out the window...

2. Like why the president thinks its any of his business who gets married. At least the Senate didn't have enough assholes for the required 2/3 vote.

3. And why did Robert Dinero donate all of his movie crap to the Ransom Center at The University of Texas? Does he have some secret ties to Austin that we don't know about? I know that they have other famous people's movie crap, but it doesn't seem like UT has a premiere collection or anything. Who knows?

Of course I had time to think about a lot of other things, but they are too personal or just too boring to share.

In case you missed it...

At 1:23 and 45 seconds today, the date was 1-2-3-4-5-6-7. Of course, if you add in the year to the end of that, it screws the whole thing up...

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Is Kinky getting serious on us?

I know that I will not be voting for "Pretty Boy" Perry or Carole "Four Names" in the upcoming November election. As far as I'm concerned they, along with their political agendas, can go jump in a lake. I'm neutral about Chris Bell. Besides, it seems like he's dropped off the face of Texas. Haven't heard much from him lately. And then there is Kinky Friedman.

It looks like the Kinkster might be getting a touch of seriousness. It seems that Kinky may have come up with a platform of sorts. He lists fair ballot access to make it easier for independent candidates, fair debates, voter initiative and referendum process, same-day voter registration, redistricting and lobbying reforms and publicly funded campaigns as his priorities. Sounds good to me (although I'm still curious how he can get all that done in four years). Well, as they say, the devil is in the details.

I'm hoping that once people start to realize what this "fabulous" new tax plan really does, that Texans will started to get pissed off. "Pretty Boy" Perry talks about all this money to be saved. First, his numbers are flawed. Second, they are sticking small businesses with the bill. Way to make the little guy pay (and pay and pay). Carole "Four Names" has already started counting the problems (and monetary shortcomings). Let's hope they can shoot one another in the foot (politically speaking, of course).

This leaves us with "No Press" Bell and the "Newly Serious" Kinkster. All I can say is it takes a plurality to win...

Today is 6/6/6

As we all know 666 is the number of the beast. So does that mean that today is a Satanic kind of day? Make of it what you will, but as far as I'm concerned it is just another Tuesday. Of course, lots of people doing things in "honor" of today: the movie The Omen comes out today, Ann Coulter is releasing a new book (maybe I should rethink that satanic thing...) and today is The National Day of Slayer. But one my favorite things (even though you can never have too much Slayer) is that people are actually betting on whether or not the world is going to end today. So if you win your bet that the world is going to end today, how exactly do you collect your winnings? Just a thought...

Monday, June 05, 2006

Tom DeLay is back on top again!

Over the past five years, lawmakers have accepted over $50 million in trips. According to the Center for Public Integrity, American Public Media and Northwestern University's Medill News Service, these were some pretty swanky trips. And often times, theses lawmakers took their families with them. How often do you get to take your family with you on a business trip? Then again, how often do you fly on a private jet and stay in a room that costs $500 (or more) a night to go to places like Paris, Hawaii or Colorado ski resorts? So, why is Tom DeLay back on top, you ask? Because the former House Majority Leader and his staffers accepted about a half million dollars in trips during the period under review -- more than any other congressional office.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Ghoti still isn't fish

Did you know that people protest spelling bees? There are a lot of things in this world that people should protest, but I'm not sure that spelling is one of them. Apparently, The Simplified Spelling Society believes that the English language should be reformed so that it is easier to spell. I've been misspelling the English language just fine and I have no interest in learning how to misspell it in a new and "reformed" kind of way. If I wanted to learn a new language, I would pick a so called foreign language not a new version of my native tongue. Besides, I really have a hard time taking people seriously when they protest spelling bees (especially when they carry signs that say things like "I'm thru with through," "Spelling shuud be lojical," and "Spell different difrent").

Friday, June 02, 2006

Get to know your Constitution

Today's lesson is the 4th Amendment:

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the palace to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

According to this idiot, there is no requirement of probable cause. I'm so pleased that once again the Bush administration has rewritten the laws of our land and no one really gives a shit. I guess the three years I spent in law school and the astronomical debt I incurred were a total waste. Do you think I can get a refund?

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Happy Hurricane Season

Does Hallmark make a card for that? June 1 marks the beginning of hurricane season. Texas says its ready. They claim that the levees are fixed. Only time will tell. Good luck to you all. And to all my friends in New Orleans, I hope you don't have to test the levee theory.

Pineapples can bring out the migraine in you...

Or so I gather. Apparently, pineapples cause migraines and when you google "pineapple migraines", my blog comes up first... I've suffered from migraines for years and had no idea that pineapples could trigger them until people started visiting my blog after I mentioned that migraines suck. It just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside (and of course prickly on the outside).