Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Time To Learn To Make The Coffee

Last night, MOTL and I were watching the news and they had a promo blurb about Starbucks shutting down. He said they closed because they needed to learn to make coffee. Well, that is exactly why they shut down. We find that very funny because all they have to do to make the coffee is to push a button. Are their employees completely dumb? If not, then why spend three hours teaching people how to push a button? Of course your coffee can't improve unless you use higher quality coffee beans. In the end, their strange marketing ploy wont improve their coffee because their coffee beans are crap. And their coffee is completely overpriced. So they can focus on their coffee all they want, I still wont go there.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

We've Got The Fever!

So, it was big news that the Democratic debate was here last week. Unfortunately, we had to watch it on TV. Poor Shirley didn't win a ticket to see her hero, Barack Obama. But because so few people got to see him live at the debate, the next day he made a short trip to Edinburg and Corpus Christi and then came back to Austin. This gave MOTL and the other union stage hands time to build his stage. I was tired from getting ready for our big move and MOTL was tired from building a stage. But we decided to walk up that big ass hill to go see Barack Obama. When we got to the top of the hill, we saw all of the people. They estimated that over 20,000 came to stand in the street and see him.

Needless to say, his speech rocked. We were kind of far away...

So here is a fuzzy close up.

But no one told us that we needed to pack a bag. I didn't even take a purse with me. I felt so unprepared after I saw this:

Next time, I will remember to pack a bag to go to a rally. So tomorrow, MOTL is traveling to San Marcos to build and tear down another stage for Barack Obama. We've both early voted and look forward to caucusing on March 4th. We get to vote early and often! We've got Obama Fever!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

That's One Way To End A Relationship

Don't want your girlfriend to smoke? Well, one way to do that is to empty a fire extinguisher on her. That is what one virulent anti-smoker in Germany did. He told her not to light up and when she did, he caked her and their apartment with the contents of a fire extinguisher. A spokesman for the police department said that he managed to put out the cigarette and that he is through with his girlfriend. I'd bet the feeling is mutual.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Happy President's Day

"No president who performs his duties faithfully and conscientiously can have any leisure." -- James K. Polk, our 11th President

This quote brings to mind the shortcomings of quite a few of our former Presidents. Most of all, our current president. You know, the dummy that takes naps every day and has taken more vacation time than any other president. The results of his leisure are spectacular. We've been attacked on our own soil (by terrorists or by an inside job depending on your thoughts about conspiracy), we've gotten our selves into two wars that we can't get out of even though he declared "Mission Accomplished" years ago, and our economy is floundering.

But speaking of another President that was known for leisure on the job (aka blow jobs at work). Hillary Clinton opened her campaign headquarters in Austin this weekend. So naturally, Bill was here to celebrate. I guess she is too busy skipping campaign obligations elsewhere. And of course, the whole thing was televised on the local news. First of all, he was about thirty minutes late. MOTL and I speculated that he was too busy eating tacos and drinking margaritas at Guerro's to be bothered with being on time. Honestly, I don't know what his favorite dish is at Guerro's, but it is well known that he always stops there when he is in town. And when he did start speaking, he just wasn't as good as usual. Not so much annunciation (maybe he was drinking margaritas!) and quite a bit of rambling. We had considered taking a break from the packing to go see him speak, but decided we really didn't want to be spotted by someone we know at her campaign headquarters. Instead, we watched from the comfort of our couch. Besides, this way Laverne and Shirley could get their political fix for the day.

Well, Laverne wasn't having any part of Bill Clinton's speech. Her ears went flat on her head the way they do when she gets nervous and she ran to the bedroom to hide when he was talking about how great it would be to have a woman president, a black president, a hispanic president, or a president whose religion that had not been represented yet. We think she was offended that he didn't talk about how great it would be to have an openly gay president. I know that MOTL and I think that would be fabulous. Not to be rude and point to offensive stereotypes or anything, but the White House needs some serious redecorating. Some of our First Ladies have done some horrible things to that house. And don't you think there are dignitaries who would love it if they could go to a fierce party instead of some boring ass dinner party? I really think that could help with some of our foreign relations.

So when you spend some serious time reflecting on your favorite president today, do something special. For example, you could go to work in honor of James K. Polk, eat ketchup in honor of Ronald Reagan, take a nap in honor of George W. Bush, or get a blow job in honor of Bill Clinton. Come on people, be creative and honor your country!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Moving Is Hard

Ever since we started putting our stuff in boxes, Laverne and Shirley have gone from being mildly curious to extremely horrified. At first, the boxes were interesting and the tape was delicious. Shirley has only managed to destroy one roll of tape, but it hasn't been for lack of trying. Several times I have misplaced the tape and found it in her pile of hoarded items. Over the past couple of weeks of turmoil, I have also found several books and socks there. She has been quite the kleptomaniac as of late. But really they have had enough of this shit. Now when you build a box, they both hide under the coffee table. This is not easy for two dogs that weigh over 50 pounds each. Today they were coping well with the packing until I had a major battle with the tape and lost. I admit it. The tape kicked my ass.

When I ran out of tape yesterday I had the choice of the wrong sized tape or the tape that came in a funky dispenser. So, the fool that I am, I went with the tape in the dispenser. It seems like once the tape gets tangled that first time, it just happens more frequently. Last night, the tape dispenser thing came apart a few times but nothing major. This morning there was some minor tangling, but things were pretty much under control. But then I was in a packing groove and sealing a box when the tape got inexplicably tangled beyond belief. At this point I cussed out the tape at the top of my lungs. It is possible that even a sailor would have been embarrassed by my tirade. This sent the dogs into panic mode and they fled from the safety of the coffee table to the backyard. I was listening to my iPod at full blast, but I'm pretty sure I heard MOTL laughing at me. So I am just wondering, have the people at 3M even bothered to use their products? I dare them to use this fucking tape dispenser to pack up the contents of a whole house because this thing just doesn't make packing any easier. It makes me hate engineers -- well at least the assholes that work in the scotch tape department at 3M.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Show Chickens!

As I was driving home from work one day I saw the strangest thing out of the corner of my eye. Alright, I was sitting in traffic and was staring blankly into space when it dawned on me that I was looking at an eighteen wheeler full of show chickens. One I was fully aware of what I was looking at, I grabbed my camera out of my purse. By the time I had my camera ready, the traffic started moving and naturally the lane with the show chickens left me in the dust. Thankfully traffic is a funny thing and I was able to catch up enough to take some blind shots. I was paying attention to the moving traffic at this point. I guess "The Powers That Blog" wanted you to see the show chicken truck because I actually managed to get a clear shot. I'm not exactly sure what kind of market there is for show chickens, but obviously they are popular enough to warrant a large truck to transport them. And they seem to be dangerous because they come with a warning.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Austin is Pissed Off!

The news of the debate coming to Austin was super exciting. And because the democrats of this state finally get to cast a vote that counts, we are getting super fired up for the primary. The debate just added fuel to the fire. Then they announced that it was a public debate that would be invitation only. Huh? What is public about that? Now they have announced that they are releasing 100 tickets by drawing equally divided between Obama and Clinton supporters (with a few reserved for undecided voters). The venue choice has gotten a lot of criticism as well. CNN claims they want a small venue so it will be a cozy debate. Well, last time I checked there isn't a damned thing cozy about a gymnasium.

When Obama came to Austin, he drew a crowd of over 22,000. The last candidate that had a crowd rivaling that was Ronald Reagan. So, I don't think very many of us will get in to the debate (but I have signed up for the drawing so wish me luck). Needless to say, the people of Austin are pissed off. Obama's campaign is pissed off with the rest of Austin that the public can't get in to the public debate.

As a consolation prize, the democrats have rented a convention room at the Hyatt for a debate watching party. They have invited the candidates to stop by after the debate. Neither has committed to showing up. But if this is where you want to watch the debate it will cost you $50 (or $35 if you are a donor to the party). Whatever.

Obama's campaign is having a free debate watching party at Sholtz Beer Garden, a local watering hole that has a very famous political history. In fact, it is the place that I met Bill Clinton when he was running in his first primary. Actually, I got to meet all of the candidates but the rest of those guys didn't become president so why mention them? At last count over 400 people have emailed Obama's campaign claiming they will attend. Trust me, those 400 people can't fit in there.

So what does a Pineapple have to do to meet a candidate around here? I've met the last two presidents before they were elected. You'd think that if I had randomly met the last two presidents, that these people would want to meet their good luck charm. So, Barack Obama, I am always available for a lucky handshake. Just drop me a line.

Sex Appeal

For a long time we've had very restrictive laws in Texas regarding anything to have with sex. And more than once, the high Courts have overturned these laws. You may remember Lawrence and Garner v. Texas, that struck down our law that banned consensual sex between homosexuals. This time it is the law that banned "sex toys". Two stores in Austin filed federal suit in 2004 to overturn this law. Originally, their suit was dismissed, but on appeal the 5th Circuit ruled that this rule violates the right to privacy. "Just as in Lawrence, the state here wants to use its laws to enforce a public moral code by restricting private intimate conduct," the appeals judges wrote. "The case is not about public sex. It is not about controlling commerce in sex. It is about controlling what people do in the privacy of their own homes because the state is morally opposed to a certain type of consensual private intimate conduct. This is an insufficient justification after Lawrence."

Although we've had a law on the books that prohibited stores from selling sex toys, we have been able to purchase things like "personal massagers" because that isn't so obscene. Now our ever obtuse AG has 14 days to decide if his office will appeal this decision. Since Greg Abbott has a knack for pursuing the dumber issues and is often wrong in his interpretation of the law, I expect that he will. Texas is a leader when it comes to violating the right to privacy. And we are not afraid to take our fight to violate these rights all the way to the Supreme Court.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Shirley Was Right Again

Shirley is very excited that Obama did so well yesterday. It does seem that Ms. "Establishment" Clinton is feeling the heat and is now reframing her campaign to sell herself as an underdog. Really? Because I can't buy that. Not even for a nickel. Of course, if can't start convincing people to give her campaign donations neither will she. Turns out she can't keep up with Obama's fundraising. Up until now she has relied on people giving her the maximum donation of $2300. Now those donors are tapped out and she's left donating her own money to her campaign and asking her other donors to max out their donations. I'm guess all of her lobbyist and special interest friends fall under the category of donors that can't give any more. I guess it is time to steal another page from Obama's play book. First, she started selling herself as a candidate for change when she saw how well it worked for him. Then she painted herself as the portrait of underdog. Now she is going to have to ask the people for little donations. Do you suppose that she will brand the little donations as owning a part of her campaign the way he does? As this race goes on, I have less and less respect for her. I think it has always been clear that I'm not a fan. The crying was bad enough. The fact that she campaigned in Michigan and Florida and is now demanding that their delegates be allowed to vote after the DNC made it crystal clear from the very beginning that if they held their primaries before Super Tuesday they couldn't be seated at the national convention makes her look sleazy and desperate. I think it is fair to say that I am disgusted. Shirley was fed up with her weeks ago and she was right.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Super Tuesday

Now that the Super Bowl is over, we can now turn our attention to Super Tuesday. OK, I guess it was exciting because the Giants won -- at least that's what I'm told. But the primaries are getting more and more exciting. Now that Obama and Clinton are in a dead heat and there are "no winner takes all" states voting on Tuesday, it looks like my vote may actually count. This will be the first time my presidential vote has ever counted. Because Texas has its primary in March, the nominee has always been decided and it doesn't matter what I think. Then in November I get screwed again because I live in a so-called "red state." Because we have this stupid electoral college, my vote doesn't matter since I have never voted for a republican for president. The last time Texas went blue was in 1976 -- long before I was old enough to vote. In my opinion two things need to happen. One, our primary should be earlier so that our votes matter. But most importantly, we need to get rid of the electoral college. The possibility that you can win the popular vote but still lose the electoral college is just plain wrong. Just ask Al Gore how that feels.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

They'll Need A Crane!

My job is a fun job. For example, they bring cranes to my work. Wasn't that thoughtful?