Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
As The Ladies were racing through the yard, Laverne reached over and grabbed Shirley's collar and they went tumbling. The collar got wrapped around Laverne's mouth and Shirley couldn't breathe. I couldn't get the collar off so I ran inside and got the scissors. By the time my one true love could cut the collar off, Shirley had stopped breathing. Luckily we were able to revive her by winging CPR. I guess all those times asking if Annie was alright paid off. So the long and short of it is that I spent the beginning of this 29th year at the emergency vet with the miracle dog. The Pineapple Dad suggested we rename her Mercedes because she is so expensive. But if my dog is a Mercedes, I have no idea what that would make their dog. She is fine now and that is all that matters.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Here is the best part of the article:
"Harris told the journalists "we have to have the faithful in government" because that is God's will. Separating religion and politics is "so wrong because God is the one who chooses our rulers," she said.
"And if we are the ones not actively involved in electing those godly men and women," then "we're going to have a nation of secular laws. That's not what our Founding Fathers intended, and that certainly isn't what God intended.""
Here is my are some of my questions:
1. Why did they let her out on the loose without her meds?
2. If the Founding Fathers didn't intend to separate church and state then why did they?
3. If God picks our rulers, why do we even bother with elections?
Friday, August 25, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Naturally, on Faux (Fox) News they said it terminates pregnancy. What bullshit. You don't know you are pregnant the next day. You do know that it is a possibility and that you don't want to be so you take the morning after pill. Admittedly it has been a while since I took "Health" (my junior year in high school) but I was under the impression that it took a little longer than 72 hours for an egg to be fertilized and successful be implanted in the uterus (maybe only grrrl can help me out here). But no matter how the science of it all works, it is just a matter of time before super-religious pharmacists refuse to sell Plan B because it is against their moral code.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Monahans was quite uneventful and I didn't even see anything that was interesting enough for a picture. Boo hiss. On the way back to Odessa I saw several things but the camera was in the back seat. I did see the sign for the Monahans Sandhills Park. I remember going there as a child and having a picnic. I guess it is a great place for that if you like "sand"wiches. Oh, ha ha!
No worries, I should see all sorts of interesting things tomorrow when I go to San Angelo. I bet you thought I would be going back to New Mexico. Well, so did I. But things change ever so quickly in my world. Maybe I will come across a Concho while I am there. We can only hope.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
So my trip home was way too exciting for me. As I was leaving Hobbs, it was quickly filling up with water. I almost didn't get out of that crap hole because the streets were really flooded. I'm glad I opted for the gas guzzling SUV. The rest of the drive was uneventful except that the whole time I was worried about missing my plane because the bad weather put me about an hour behind schedule. I finally got to the airport, returned the car, checked my bags, and made it through security. What a pain. The woman in front of me wanted to take her water with her. All I wanted was my lip balm that was in my suitcase and to make my plane. I had about twenty minutes to spare. I got some food and chugged a bottle of water because I was really thirsty. I was really stressed so I thought about taking a Xanax before getting on the plane but decided against it. Boy, did I make a mistake. That was the scariest plane ride I have ever been on. As we were climbing, the plane hit some really bad turbulence (remember that storm I left behind?). That made me nervous, but when the plane started dropping and the lights on the plane flickered on and off I was in full panic mode. It wasn't just me, there were a lot of people screaming. People talk about their whole life flashing before their eyes. I don't know what that is all about because I could think about was how I was going to die (either from the free fall of the plane and crashing to the ground or from the huge lightning right outside the window causing a spectacular fiery death). While it was only a few minutes of uncertainty about whether the plane was going to make it up, it felt like forever. When it the flight attendant came by to take my drink order, I asked for a coke with a lot of bourbon. When she came back to the back of the plane she had a huge fist of cash. People were buying their neighbors drinks and some people ordered more than one. My drink (Jim Beam with a splash of coke as per the flight attendant) was gone instantly. It was a long flight as people were really quiet and nervous. I tried to concentrate on my book but couldn't. I didn't realize how quiet the plane was until it landed and people finally relaxed. I have never been on a plane that emptied that fast.
Friday, August 11, 2006
I've Been Everywhere (In Texas)
Geoff Mack (Texas Version Adapted By Brian Burns)
I was totin’ my pack along the dusty Amarillo road
when along came a semi with a high and canvas covered load.
“If you’re goin’ to Amarillo, Mack, with me you can ride,”
and so I climbed up in the cab and then I settled down inside.
He asked me if I’d seen a road with so much dust and sand,
and I said, “listen, bud, I’ve traveled every road in this here land...”
I’ve been everywhere, man,
I’ve been everywhere, man,
I’ve crossed the deserts bare, man,
breathed the mountain air, man,
of travel I’ve had my share, man,
I’ve been everywhere.
I’ve been to Waco, Hico, Hondo, Navasota,
Winnsboro, Jacksboro, Hillsboro, Santa Rosa,
Austin, Houston, Galveston, Texarkana,
Frisco, Buffalo, Conroe, Corsicana,
Goliad, Groesbeck, Glen Rose, Red Oak,
Post Oak, Live Oak, Lone Oak, no joke...
I’ve been to Krugerville, Pflugerville, Van Horn, Val Verde,
Brackettville, Bartonville, Beeville, Bulverde,
Bear Creek, Cedar Creek, Mill Creek, Mineola,
Maypearl, Monahans, Telephone, Tuscola,
Redwater, Round Rock, Round Top, Round Lake,
Sour Lake, Southlake, Springlake, for Pete’s sake...
I’ve been to Greenville, Gatesville, Gainesville, Alameda,
Kerrville, Kellyville, Bastrop, Benavides,
Somerville, Smithville, Stephenville, Prairie View,
Luckenbach, Longview, Plainview, Idalou,
Justin, Junction, Panorama, Pasadena,
Angelina, and Lorena...see what I mean-a...
I’ve been to Valley Mills, Pine Mills, Dime Box, Duncanville,
New Home, New Hope, New Deal, Liberty Hill,
Rockport, Rock Creek, Bridgeport, Brownwood,
Cleburne, Comanche, Cut & Shoot, Cottonwood,
Bayview, Bayside, Baytown, Bay City,
Falls City, Center City, Bridge City, what a pity...
When it comes to travelin’ Texas, friend,
I’ve been everywhere.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
I was just about to publich this, when the "reporter" said the terrorist were going to blow up ten airlines! Shows you what I know because I thought they were going to blow up ten airplanes...
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
** I call it a "ranch" because he just cuts brush and rides his bike. The proper term is "property" because it is not used for raising horses, beef cattle, or sheep as per the definition of any Texan and Merriam Webster. So there.
I guess he is doing this to pass the time until his trial for laudering money and consipiracy starts.
"Swayze is the first cast member of Dirty Dancing to publicly voice support of Gibson. There was no word on when Jennifer Grey or Cynthia Rhodes might weigh in.
Gibson, 50, did not star in Dirty Dancing or any other movie with Swayze.
It was unknown what Swayze's endorsement would mean to Gibson's plunging poll numbers, although, in general, ex-Dirty Dancing stars have not been considered vital to the forming of public opinion."
When you travel, eating is always an adventure. This Pineapple can only take so much junk food. Finding good food in small towns requires a bit of bravery. So on Saturday I decided I really wanted some breakfast tacos. I drove around until I found a place with lots of cars. When I walked in I knew I had found a good one because I was the only white person in there. And I had. I got the best bean and egg taco ever. And rebeccabobecca, it is better than our favorite taco joint in South Austin. No fooling! I have also included my new cutlery. Sometimes you need a fork and spoon so I went with Strawberry Shortcake. How cute!
Monday, August 07, 2006
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Yesterday while I was waiting for the bats to come out, I saw all sorts of creepy crawlies. First, there was this millipede. I was sitting near some fellow Texans (one of them was a huge Kinky fan and told his wife that she should have let him wear his "Kinky for Governor" hat once he found out I was from Texas too) and we decided it was alright to take a picture since technically the bats had not come out yet.
But it gets better. When the bats started coming out there was some commotion to my right. This man was holding a baby rattlesnake and taunting his wife with it. Then he put it in his coke can. He was planning on stealing a rattlesnake. Someone got one of the rangers. When this idiot told the ranger that the snake was gone, a bunch of us pointed and said "the snake is in the can!" The ranger told him to hand over the can and guy said, "why can't I keep the snake?" What a fun pet, a poisonous snake. Now there's a pal to keep your feet warm at night.
On my way back to Hobbs I stopped to get gas in Carlsbad. And who was walking out of the store when I was going in? The wannabe snake stealer. Apparently I missed the big drama because he got into it in the store with some of the guys that reported him. He did get a hefty ticket and was really bitter about being reported. The people working at the store thought the whole thing was hilarious. I guess it isn't very often that people walk into your work place and get into an argument about snake stealing.
Once upon a time, I went to Carlsbad Caverns. My grandfather and his awful wife took me and two of my cousins. We wandered around the caverns but only to stop and look at the things that she wanted to stop for. We did not get any souvenirs or take any pictures. Apparently a certain someone didn't think that was necessary. We finished looking at the caves about thirty minutes before the bats come out of the natural entrance and that certain someone told us it was time to leave. Isn't seeing the bats one of the reasons you go to the caverns? I hadn't given it much thought since then (as I tend to block out disappointments), but being this close to Carlsbad Caverns made me think about how much resented not being able to see the bat flight. So today, I righted that wrong. I wandered around the caves and saw the things I wanted to see, took lots of pictures (I bought a new camera just for that purpose), spent way too much money in the gift shop, and then I watched the bats. It was one of the best days ever. Unfortunately, they don't let you photograph the bats so I took the picture from their website to give you an idea of how wonderful it was.
And don't worry this is my last sappy blog because there was some good stuff that happened there. Just tune in for more Pineapple Adventures.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Just Do It
I tried to take a picture of my hand but it wasn't descriptive enough. They say a picture is worth 1000 words so I've picked a different picture to go with the tale of the bully table. I have had enough that table and its bullshit so I decided to beat the crap out of it. My knuckle turned black instantly. For a while I was afraid that it was broken. Despite the fact that it is solid metal and my hand is merely flesh and bones I think I gave that table a run for its money. So I've decided my next career will be table boxing. Stayed turned for Round 2 of Pineapple v. Big Metal Table...
Make it Happen
Today was a fun day at work. I discovered someone else working on the same thing I am. I spent the rest of the day being sneaky by pulling books that don’t have anything to do with my work and spying on the other guy. Fun! In my subterfuge I ran across a really great name: Buena Vista Williams. “Beautiful Sight” Williams? Really? I thought my name was unusual…
So then I met these really cool guys that work out of Roswell. One of them told me that his wife was an alien and then we took a gum break together. No one has ever asked me if I had time to take a gum chewing break before. I just couldn’t pass that up even though I’m not much of a gum chewer. Turns out these guys were trying to figure out what I was up to! I got them on the subject of where they were from and it turns out one of them is from parts that I have family. Damn I’m good! I could start a career as an undercover agent…
Thursday, August 03, 2006
The three-judge panel from the 5th Circuit upheld the original ruling. Does this means the Republicans are done with Tommy because the 5th Circuit is a lot like the Legion of Doom (a.k.a The Texas Supreme Court). In other words, the 5th Circuit is usually manipulated by the puppet strings better known as the Grand Old Party. So, what will Tommy's next move be? Will he appeal to the full 5th Circuit (maybe it was a case of bad/liberal judges) or to the Supreme Court? Your guess is as good as mine. But even if he doesn't appeal, we can still look forward to his trial for money laundering and conspiracy charges related to corporate cash during 2002 legislative races. What fun!
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
That's right I just can't quite drop this whole scuba diving in New Mexico. So, next time you are in Lovington, New Mexico you could try to visit Divers of New Mexico (like I tried to today) but they seem to be closed. I really wanted to talk to them about their scuba lessons. I was hoping to have a great story about how I got certified to scuba dive in New Mexico. But alas, there just weren't enough people that saw the irony to keep them in business.