Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
In the end, I think "they" are coming up with these figures using what The Pineapple Mom always called "New Math". I'm not really sure what "New Math" is, although that term got thrown around The Pineapple House a lot about the time I got to high school.** I always thought that's what you accused math of being when either (a) you don't know how to do the math and you need an out that doesn't make you look ignorant or (b) what you call it when dumb people make shit up and claim they got there by using math. Either way, no one can confirm or deny the result. Therefore, we had a great day for the economy even though people only showed up to one Walmart in the entire country.
*I don't know who "they" is. For all I know, it is Bob From Mars.
**It was not helpful to be told what I was doing was "New Math" when I was asking for help with my homework. And then ironic when I got in trouble for making Cs when no one at home could figure it out either. I'm just saying!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
2. I am thankful that I am not eating at Subway today. I don't want to eat trained turkeys. Actually, I don't want to eat turkey at all. We can all thank ASTRO for that. Due to a medical condition, the Pineapple family dog has to eat turkey and rice everyday. After a while, you associate turkey as being dog food. Do you want to eat dog food for Thanksgiving? I don't.
3. I am thankful that I don't have The Great Pineapple Headache of 2008 anymore. Eight is enough! Especially when you are talking about how many days you have a headache (or how many years Baby Boy Bush was POTUS). It really put a damper on the James Bond movie. I'm not exactly sure what happened. How I was the only one that walked out of there knowing that James Bond drives eco-friendly cars now is a mystery. But no matter how much I love the Pineapple Dad, I will never again celebrate his birthday by watching a really loud movie with a headache like that.
4. But they thing I am most thankful for is Sarah Palin. Like I said yesterday, she really is the gift that keeps on giving. And you will be reminded of that today as you watch the parade, the dog show, and football. Mostly because the Our Country PAC is running this ad:
Personally, I am grateful for the $150,000 wardrobe, the Katie Couric interview, that she could see Russia from her house, that Tina Fey came back to SNL just to be Sarah Palin, Palin Bingo, and for the Great Turkey Slaughter of 2008.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Then there is Sarah Palin. She truly is the gift that keeps on giving. And that is a good thing when we are knee deep in recession. But the best part about her, is that we can really just laugh at her without that fear that she might end up in D.C on January 20th. I fully expect that her popularity will fade well before 2012, so these presidential hopes are just a ridiculous pipe dream. I think the republican governor's convention gives some weight to this theory. This downward trend in her popularity will continue especially if she gives more press conferences with animals being butchered just a few feet behind her. Next stop, the moose burger factory!
And the current president has his own turkey story just in time for the holiday. Not only is he a turkey, but he pardons them too. Well, just one. However, it turns out that they groom a number of turkeys for the presidential pardon and the turkeys that didn't make the cut this year will soon be featured in a subway sandwich near you. Seriously. Makes me glad that I don't eat turkey (or at subway for that matter)! If I did eat turkey (or at subway), just knowing that they train certain turkeys to interact with humans and then turn them into sandwiches would make me think twice about it.
Happy Thanksgiving to all and gobble gobble, ya'll!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Sunday, November 09, 2008
One thing that came out of this election. We now know the answer posed in Iowa, who wins: Oprah or Chuck Norris? We got our answer. Oprah.
So now I decide what to do next. Since today marks the three year anniversary of The Pineapple Report, I think it is time to make some changes. That has been the theme since Tuesday night after all. I'm thinking about a new look, a new focus, and finally updating the "blogs i like". All of the things I have been putting off for the past three years. Who knows, maybe it will be the push I need to actually blog with more frequency. Ha ha ha ha! I have certainly missed the boat for that blogging-everyday-until-your-fingers-bleed-and-you-are-forced-to-start-blogging-about-how-you-have-nothing-to-blog-about for the month of November.
I do have big plans to "go back to my roots" to comment on the strange and wonderful world that produces giant lego men, little boys named Superman and 4Real, and little girls named Le-a (pronounced "Ledahsa"). But don't worry, I will still be "reporting" on important things like the wacky world of Texas politics (the new session starts in January) and the Obama girls' new puppy.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Monday, November 03, 2008
Now that I am back in Texas, I am subjected to few ads. Mostly, I see John Cornyn standing in front of a canyon or on a ranch telling me how conservative he is. These ads also explain why he did not ever write me back -- because he likes to stand around in front of canyons and on ranches. Although I felt very hopeful the other day when I actually saw a Barack Obama ad on the TV. Of course, it was on the same channel where I saw that Shannon Bennett of Austin, Texas, had to paint the Obama logo in her front yard because some jerks kept stealing her Obama yard sign. I have also had another small glimmer of hope because a family member that is a Republican is voting for Obama. Could there be more?
And it isn't just up there in Illinois that there are some heated races. It is all over the country. Not only is the presidential race tight; so are a lot of House, Senate, and local seats. This means that your vote counts. A lot. Not only should you vote, but you should get your friends, family and neighbors to vote. Make some calls, send some emails and text messages, change your facebook status, offer to give rides to the polls. Whatever you have to do to get them out there.