Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Fun with sitemeter

Occasionally, I like to check out the sitemeter report to see how many people read my blog. Or in my case, how few. While I think I am entertaining, apparently the Internet at large does not. Besides figuring out there are only a few smart people returning to read my blog on a semi-regular basis, sitemeter does tell you some interesting things about the people that do get here.

Here is a short list of my observations:
1. Very few people find my blog via technorati and their "tags" and yet I continue to use them. What does that say about me?

2. Someone in New York did a search for "pineapple good for you" and someone in Canada searched "pineapple bad for you" just minutes later. It seems like there is some debate about how good pineapple is for you because that's how a lot of people end up here. Personally, I think pineapple is good for you, but that's just my opinion. I guess I should look into it. I will also get back to those of you wanting to know if pineapple is an herbal abortion method or induces labor. I guess I should know that kind of stuff since I am a Pineapple Princess.

3. Then there is the person in England that googled "why dont i need to go to school". Well, if you have to use Google to figure out reasons not to go to school, I'd bet there are a lot more reasons why you should go to school.

4. Someone in Lubbock, Texas, googled "monster-truck-show lubbock ticket price 2007" and got here. For the record, I have been to a monster truck show, but I have no idea how much it costs to go to a monster truck show in Lubbock. Sorry.

5. If the person that searched "pineapple shoes" found any, let me know. I'd like some.

6. Someone actually searched "shithole, texas" on Google. I don't doubt that my page came up, but I am surprised that it is second. I kind of figured it would be first. Note to self: top Google's list of "shithole, texas" websites.

Monday, June 25, 2007

The Case of the Missing Pants

I am so glad that this case has been solved. If they had hired Nancy Drew (the book version, not the screwball movie version), she would have actually found the pants and the meaning of "Satisfaction Guaranteed". Then they wouldn't have gone to court to fight over $54 million and what the meaning of satisfaction. What a joke.

I don't know what those pants were made out of and I don't know what expectation Roy L. Pearson has when he goes to the dry cleaner, but that is ridiculous. It common knowledge that dry cleaners around the world lose and ruin clothes everyday. You complain and they give you money to reimburse you for your loss. Or at least that has been my experience, but then again I don't have multi-million dollar pants. The dry cleaners don't become liable for the tune of $67 million when they screw up.

That's right, Pearson originally sought $67 million because the cleaner tried to return a pair of pants that had been altered in addition to losing the blue and maroon pants at issue. It sounds like they did him a favor because the lost pants sound like they completed one fugly suit. He claimed that the returned pants weren't his, but he failed to prove this allegation. He was forced to drop his alleged damages to the reasonable amount of $54 million.

I wish my pants were worth that much because I would sell them all on eBay.

Which is better?


or this?

Oh! The Idiots!

Now that I have a lot more time to blog, I don't have a thing to say. Mostly because I am tired of all the idiots.

I guess I could rant about the plan to put up a fence on the border. In McAllen, Texas, the fence divides up the college there. Not to mention the fact that this plan basically cedes our land to Mexico by changing the border. The border presently falls in the middle of the Rio Grande, but this plan effectively changes that. Also, all of the bridges maintianed by the United States will now be on the Mexican side of the fence. Whoever decided that putting up a fence was a good idea was an idiot.

Or I could complain about Pretty Boy Perry's latest stunt. By using his line item veto, he cut funding to community colleges. Way to make sure that kids that can't afford to go to state universities can't afford to got to community college either. Way to make it more expensive to get trained in a vocation. There is nothing more productive and helpful to the economy than making sure another generation enters the workforce with a huge mound of debt. What an idiot.

Or I could always talk about Paris. That idiot is getting out of jail soon.


Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Bye bye, Bob!

Like a lot of people I really loved The Price Is Right. I always wanted to be on that show, but I just never made it. I guess it just seemed like Bob Barker would be hosting that show forever and that I had plenty of time to make that trip. Was I ever wrong. I grew up watching. Bob started hosting that show one week after I was born. During summer breaks, one of the games my neighborhood friends and I played was The Price Is Right. We would pull canned goods and household items out of my parents' pantry for pricing games (to win invisible new cars) and I would come up with the prizes for the showcases (often lovely vacations or a dinette set with the carpet included). I was usually Bob Barker and I loved it. It was way more fun than being a contestant. You know I'm thinking they still haven't announced a replacement for Bob. Maybe I should audition? I mean I can host that show without sets or actual prizes, so think how good I would be if I had those advantages. But really, the point of this blog is that Bob Barker rocks. I will miss Bob, his zany 70's set, and his never ending enthusiasm for the pricing games. As an adult, watching The Price Is Right was always a high point of being sick or playing hooky from school or work. Bye bye, Bob!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007


So our pal W went to Albania and got a rockstar reception. Apparently he found the only place in the world where they still love him. And he encountered someone that loved him so much that they stole the watch right off his wrist. Officials are saying that this isn't true. Check out the video:

Monday, June 11, 2007

Alberto don't need no stinkin' confidence

I guess Alberto is in a fabulous mood today. There just aren't enough votes for the "no confidence" resolution to pass the Senate. Al, you really should wipe that shit eating grin off your face. The fact that there was even the possiblilty that the Senate could bring this up means that they think you suck. Now Arlen Specter said he would vote for the resolution. When the top Republican is willing to vote on the "you suck" resolution against one of his own, you know you suck really bad. The only thing that is saving you now is that Baby Boy Bush likes you so much. And that isn't saying much since he has proven to be a bad judge of who is qualified to do a job (Harriet Miers, anyone?). Wouldn't it be nice if the rest of us could have this kind of job security?

Monday, June 04, 2007

Paris goes to Jail

Finally, Paris has gone to jail. Blah, blah, blah. Everybody's talking about it. I'm over it. So can we stop talking about it already? But before we do, I do want to comment on this creepy picture I saw today. In honor(?) of her jail time, Madame Tussaud's has changed the outfit on Paris' wax dummy in New York. The wax dummy will be wearing this lovely striped number for the whole time that the real dummy is in the L.A. County Jail. How special and really, very creepy.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

It may melt your brain, but its good for you!

Usually I don't give banner ads much thought, but the whole idea of vitamins and minerals in diet drinks kinda blew me away. So, if you have a drink that is really bad for you and put something in it that is good for you, do these two things cancel one another out? I guess it is kind of like jogging to the corner store to get a candy bar...

On a related note, they did bring back Vanilla Coke. This is a mixed blessing for me. Before Vanilla Coke, I had given up all varieties of cokes. Then they took it away and I was able to break the addiction once more. What is an addicted Pineapple to do?

Friday, June 01, 2007

Oh, Nessie!

Is that really you? Earlier this week, Gordon Holmes shot a video at Loch Ness of some creature swimming in the water. Could it be you, Nessie? Holmes turned his tape over for further scientific investigation and BBC Scotland thought the quality of the tape was good enough to air it. Since I've always been intrigued by the Loch Ness Monster, this story caught my eye. Here is the news clip: