Sunday, April 29, 2007

Is your poodle really a sheep?

That's what many Japanese people are discovering. Maiko Kawakami, a Japanese actress, appeared on a talk show and brought pictures of her new "poodle". She said that she didn't understand why it didn't bark or eat dog food. That's when she found out it wasn't a poodle, or even a dog. She had spent over $1200 (US) on a sheep. After her TV appearance many other victims began contacting the police because they too had purchased sheep and not poodles. Japanese police claim that poodles are rare in Japan, but sheep don't even look like dogs!

This is a poodle...

...and this is a sheep

Funny (or maybe sexy) picture of the day

This picture of Ninel Conde posing backstage at the Billboard Latin Music Awards is one of Yahoo's Most Emailed Pictures today.

My question is: why? Is it because people think the boob shot is sexy? Or do they think it is funny?

I'm sure that normally Ms. Conde is very attractive when she poses for the camera. But this picture is not a very good example of her beauty. In fact, this picture is hilarious. She looks like she is about to pee her pants. Maybe next time she will remember to powder her nose before posing for the camera.

I'll have my people call her people.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Here's the good news, you have until August 16th to save your pennies

That is the day Steve McQueen's Ferrari is going to be auctioned off at Christie's. They estimate that it will go for somewhere between $800K and $1.2 million. So if you start saving now, it could be yours. Now that's hot.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Is it really OK for you to vote?

So Karl Rove had this genius plan to make sure people that don't agree with Republicans will have a harder time voting. He thought it would be a great idea to require another form of identification in addition to your government issued voter card. So Rep. Betty Brown and a number of other representatives have introduced House Bill 218 requiring an additional form of ID to exercise your right to vote. This bill is going before the Senate State Affairs Committee on Monday. I guess that special card that they give you that is just for voting isn't enough. Maybe they can require a second ID for when you get pulled over because your driver's license isn't good enough for driving.

Supporters of the bill claim that it prevents fraud. Their big example is that dead people voting is a huge problem in Texas. If you have a fake voter card issued to a dead person, then why wouldn't you have a fake driver's license to match? Besides, the people working at the poll don't have some master list of every dead voter in Texas. Basically, this bill will make it more difficult for the elderly and for minorities to vote. It is pretty clear that the Republican Party doesn't care what they think anyway. Go, Jim Crow.

If you oppose this bill, now is the time to let the members of the committee know. Call them and tell them that this bill violates your constitutional right to vote and places unecessary burdens on voters who are already legally registered.

Chair Robert Duncan - (512) 463-0128
Vice Chair Tommy Williams - (512) 463-0104
Sen. John Carona - (512) 463-0116
Sen. Rodney Ellis - (512) 463-0113
Sen. Troy Fraser - (512) 463-0124
Sen. Chris Harris - (512) 463-0109
Sen. Mike Jackson - (512) 463-0111
Sen. Eddie Lucio, Jr. - (512) 463-0127
Sen. Leticia Van de Putte - (512) 463-0126

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Texas wants to save your marriage

I am so happy that our legislature is doing really important things. Our lawmakers are really concerned about marriage. I guess they have lots of time to worry about this because all of our schools are properly funded, everyone in Texas has access to health care, and we all have jobs because our economy couldn't be better. Yeah, right.

For instance, the Texas Senate has decided that Texans don't take marriage seriously enough. They have passed a bill that will make couples seeking a no-fault divorce to wait an extra 30 days. Well, doesn't that protect the sanctity of marriage or what? I don't know what this will really fix. Are they hoping this will force more people to seek fault divorces. The only people that will help are the lawyers because they are more involved cases and they can rack up the billable hours. It doesn't help people or their children to drag out a divorce with proving how shitty the other person was as a husband or wife.

Rep. Warren Chisum (R-Pampa) has a House bill that takes it even further. He wants to require a two-year waiting period for a divorce with the option to bypass the waiting period by taking a 10-hour counseling class over two days. This class only costs about $450 per person. What a deal! If you get the counseling then you only have wait 6 months to get that person you hate out of your life for good. There is an exception for abuse and domestic violence. Wasn't that thoughtful? Chisum's reasoning for the waiting period is absolutely outstanding. He says, "We have a reason for the extension of the waiting period, because we have scientific evidence that in people who get infatuated with another person, that infatuation supposedly works its way out in 14 months. So there is still a chance there you can restore the marriage." Sounds like solid scientific fact to me. Words like "supposedly" really hit the facts home, don't they?

Not that I've ever been married, but when I break up with someone I am done. If someone cheated on me, I really wouldn't give a shit if they were over their infatuation with other person in 14 months. But I am so glad that lawmakers are looking out for my best interests.

Here is a story that makes me wonder...

So Hugh Grant got arrested for hurling a can of baked beans at a photographer. There wasn't must to the "story", it was really more of a blurb. But it made me wonder under what circumstances do you even have a can of baked beans to throw at someone?

I can't help it, but Idol keeps giving back

In a post from yesterday, I admitted that I have a bad TV show addiction. For those of you that don't have this same problem, you missed the big duet! It isn't everyday that Celine Dion and Elvis sing together. Of course, there are many good reasons for this. Unfortunately, this clip cuts off before the best part (like Celine and Elvis singing together isn't enough!). After the big number, Ryan Seacrest mentions that this "tween" in the audience didn't understand what was going on. Was it because she didn't believe in Elvis enough to see him or that she just didn't know who he is? It is really hard to say. Thanks to the Elvis estate we get to see things like this:

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Who needs to worry about terrorists when we have plenty of homegrown assholes?

Ever since the massacre at Virginia Tech, the bomb scares; school shootings; and suspicious packages have really gotten out of hand. Why worry about people from other countries scaring us, when we can do the job ourselves? I've had it up to here with this crap. We have one complete nut job kill and injure a bunch of people that didn't deserve it and so now every other asshole thinks they have a free pass to scare people. For instance, the jack ass at St. Edward's that couldn't just skip school like a normal person. He/She/It had to leave a note that shut the whole place down. Then there was the dummy at UT that thought it would be funny to shut down the library with a bomb threat. Jerk. Today, there was the asshole that left a suspicious package at the Austin Women's Health Center. Women that choose to get abortions don't leave suspicious packages at your house just because you don't agree with their choice. Get a life, dumbass. So for all of you people out there thinking about pulling a stunt like this, just don't do it. Mind your own damned business and worry about your own life instead causing everybody else a lot of trouble.

The first step is admitting your problem

Alright, I confess. I enjoy watching American Idol. I know its kind of embarrassing, but its true. Admittedly I watch quite a few really bad shows. Even though the whole Idol Gives Back thing was a good cause (albiet horribly depressing), it may have been all worth watching the sad stuff to see Celine Dion sing a duet with Elvis. I'm sure it is just a matter of time before that freak show is up and running on youtube. You should look for it. It was almost as horrifying as the commercial that featured Fred Astaire dancing with a vacuum cleaner. Of course, if having to endure Sanjaya's bad singing and his stupid hair styles every week hasn't stopped me from watching this season, then I'm guessing the freaky Elvis duet thing wont either. Actually, I know I am going to watch next week because they couldn't kick anyone off on a charity show and they are getting rid of two of them next week. But at least I have made the first step and admitted I have a crappy TV show addiction.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Today's lesson

is brought to you today by Andy Taylor. Wouldn't it be swell if Bush could learn something about the law and wiretapping from everyone's favorite sheriff?


It just gives me a a warm and fuzzy feeling that a member of the Legion of Doom is on the downward spiral. But I am also getting a little impatient about the whole thing. Alberto, my old pal, even your Republican friends are ready for you to step down. We've had a good run. Hell, I even got a link from CNN out of the deal. But the song is at an end. You know, there is a slogan for a certain shoe company that is very appropriate -- just do it. Repeat after me... just-do-it.

The Attorney General is supposed to uphold and enforce the law. It is pretty clear that the American public thinks you just aren't living up to the job description. You know you've screwed up royaly when Newt Gingrich can recognize the bad act. So Al, let's all move on. You get a high paying job at some sleazy law firm and the president can nominate some other criminal to replace you until 2008. It it time to move on to the next scandal.

(Thanks to New York Times for the picture)

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Let's get some shoes!

This is why I almost never see famous people

Some Pineapple friends were in town last weekend. Austin has a lot of fun places to visit and a million places to eat. On Saturday, the My One True Love (MOTL), the Pineapple Friends and I met the Pineapple Parents for lunch at Gueros. It is located on trendy South Congress, that's SoCo to you idiot posers and an wannabe hipsters. Anyway, a lot of famous people like to eat here. The Pineapple Mom and I were talking about how we never see them when we go there. That's when MOTL pointed out that Lance Artmstrong was there. Ah ha! That's why we never see the celebrities at Gueros. Because we don't pay attention!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Bring out the welcome wagon

Because we are so thrilled that Harriet Miers is coming back to Texas. She is going to be rejoining Locke Liddell & Sapp and splitting her time between Dallas and Austin. Whoopee. If I were still in high school, I might consider papering her house. Instead I will hold out the hope of seeing her in her car and giving her the bird.

Not that I really pray, but my non-prayers have been answered

If you follow my blog at all, you know that I planned on having a revolution this year. What I really planned on doing was to actually get rid of all of my old papers this year. The fact is, I've been hanging on to a lot of this crap for over 10 years. It is a lot of paper. Boxes of it. I put the word out that I was looking for Fawn Hall, considered burning it all, and entered a contest to have people from my story come to my house to shred it for me. Some people might consider this a poor attempt at reaching my goal. I think I tried. Well, this Saturday, the City of Austin is sponsoring something called Shred Day 2007. They will let you bring up to 5 file boxes of crap and they will shred it for you. Now all I have to do is load 5 boxes into my car on Saturday and take it to them. You can call me Pineapple McShred!

For my Austin readers, here is the info so that you can get your crap shredded too:

Shred Day 2007
Shred Day 2007 is sponsored by Association of Records Managers and Administrators (ARMA) and the City of Austin Solid Waste Services Department.

Location: Austin High Parking Lot
Date: Saturday, April 21, 2007
Time: 8:00 am - 2:00 pm

With the increased awareness of identity theft, many people know they need to dispose of personal records in a way to insure that others can't find and misuse the information. ARMA and the City's Solid Waste Services Department are providing an opportunity to families and individuals to bring up to five (5) file boxes of paper for FREE on-the-spot confidential shredding. Mobile shredding trucks will be provided by Austin Shred, Centex Shred, and Iron Mountain. The objective is to help with home records management, identity theft protection while publicizing the value of Records Management and Recycling. All shredded material will be recycled.
ARMA International is a not-for-profit association which is the leading authority on managing records and information.

In lieu of a fee for the service, donations will be accepted for the Capital Area Food Bank.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Alanis Morissette sings "My Humps"

When fact and fiction collide

In light of the events at VT, Fox has decided to pull the new episode of Bones so that it won't offend or upset anyone. Apparently, this Fox show has a plot that is too closely related to reality. For those of you that don't watch Bones, the story centers around a forensic anthropologist and an FBI agent that solve murders from bones they find out in the world. In this week's episode they find some bones underneath some bleachers on a college campus. They soon discover that the bleachers did not kill this person and, thus, the mystery ensues. In my mind, the similarity stops with the fact that it involves a college student. I don't see how a fictitious murdered college basketball player is like a real sniper murdering real people. But what do I know?

This isn't the first show featuring David Boreanaz that has been preempted because fiction collided with reality. After Columbine, two episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer had to be rescheduled. I can see why the WB delayed “Earshot.” This is the episode when Jonathon goes up the clock tower to assemble a rifle presumably to kill the other high school students. Buffy discovers that someone wants to kill everybody at school and it isn’t until Buffy stops Jonathan that we find out he only wanted to commit suicide. It was actually the lunch lady that planned to kill the whole school by poisoning the food. In light of Columbine, the WB also delayed “Graduation Day, Part Two” because a lot of people thought it was wrong to show a bunch of school kids that were armed with guns and other weapons. I thought this was a little extreme. Personally, I would want a weapon if the Mayor was speaking at graduation and I knew that he going turn into a giant snake demon and eat me.

So all of this leads me to ask, can shows starring David Boreanaz predict the future?

If you don't want to go to school today, please just skip

When I was in law school, we were required to attend class. If we missed too many days, we were automatically dropped from the class. That really limited how many days you could blow off going to class, but you could always take the chance of going unprepared and hope you didn't get called on. I was caught unprepared on several occasions. I survived. However, there was someone that wasn't willing to take that chance. My first year we all had contracts at the same time, but in two different classes. One class was on the first floor and one was on the third floor. At least once a week, the fire alarm would go off a minute or two before class. Naturally, the whole school had to be evacuated. By the time we were allowed to go back to class, there wasn't much time left. How lucky for that unprepared person! One day the fire alarm went off while I was in the elevator. As we were about to get to the third floor, the elevator stopped and started going down on its own. That was the last time I took the elevator.

Today, some enterprising student at St. Edward's University took this tactic a step further and left a threat to the school at a bathroom on campus. Apparently, it was some "nonspecific" threat and has caused the campus to be shut down for the day. After what happened at Virginia Tech yesterday, that is really, really low. Here's an idea -- if you don't feel like going to class, just skip like the rest of us. If you can't hack it at school, just drop out. Just leave everyone else out of your drama.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

A not so honest mistake

My friend, Alberto Gonzales, has come semi-clean about his involvement in the dismissals of eight U.S. attorneys. You know the ones -- they were fired for cause but didn't do anything wrong (unless you count the fact that they weren't all buddy-buddy with the administration). Ole Al is calling the way he handled the dismissals an "honest mistake." Well, if it really was an honest mistake, why the cover up? I would like to think that when I make a mistake that it is honest and that I can be honest about it. It seems like people tend to cover up the things that weren't so honest or that weren't really mistakes. Or maybe that's just me. I also wonder why if he is being "honest" now why he really isn't being all that honest about it. When people talk about being "less than precise with my words when discussing the resignations" I jump to the conclusion that it is lawyer speak for "I am a liar, liar, pants on fire!" It seems like he is the kid that is real sorry that he got caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar, but it isn't sorry at all for stealing the cookies. Right now he just wants to save his ass 9and his job). His testimony on Tuesday ought to be interesting...

Monday, April 02, 2007

A small victory for those of us that like oxygen

The Supreme Court ruled against one of the many ways that Bush has been trying to kill us off one by one. He didn't think that the Environmental Protection Agency had the authority to regulate carbon dioxide and greenhouse gas emissions from cars under the Clean Air Act. Apparently, he didn't seem to think that it had anything to do with actually making sure the air is clean. Writing for the majority, Justice John Paul Stevens rejected the administration's argument that it lacked the power to regulate such emissions. He said the EPA's decision was "arbitrary, capricious or otherwise not in accordance with law." He also said that the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency "has offered no reasoned explanation" for its refusal to regulate carbon dioxide and other emissions from new cars and trucks that contribute to climate change. Well, ha!

Bush has been against these regulations because they are bad for business. I'll tell you what is bad for me -- carbon dioxide. But let's be realistic, a great way to lower carbon dioxide emissions is to have cars that have better fuel efficiency. But better fuel efficiency isn't necessarily bad for the economy. Since the price of gas has been on the increase, the sales of large trucks and SUVs have been on the decline. So what have car companies done about it? They've been increasing the fuel efficiency of these vehicles. In fact, their gas mileage has increased by a higher percentage than that of sedans and compact cars. These smaller cars still get better gas mileage overall, but it proves that there is little reason for cars to get the crappy gas mileage that they do. The technology exists. We need to force car companies to use it. And I think the price of gas will probably be a leading factor in increased fuel efficiency. I'll take it any way I can get it.

The big buzz lately has been about hybrid cars. Let's face it; the increased fuel efficiency doesn't justify the huge jump in price. When most people only keep a new car for a few years, you'd have to do a lot of driving to save money on fuel. The gas mileage isn't that much better and I imagine the maintenance of these cars costs more. What you are really paying for is a warm and fuzzy feeling. Until car companies can make hybrid cars a better value, they will remain a novelty. I was reading the consumer reports a few weeks ago, and the Subaru SUV gets better gas mileage than a hybrid SUV and it costs less. I'm all about feeling warm and fuzzy but I'd buy the Subaru over the hybrid.

So what the Supreme Court did today was a small step in the right direction. Of course they can't dictate exactly how the EPA has to it do from here. That is up to the EPA and all of Bush's drones.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Happy April Fool's Day

Here are 10 of the top April Fool's Day pranks ever pulled off, as judged by the San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes for their notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped.

-- In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.

-- In 1985, Sports Illustrated magazine published a story that a rookie baseball pitcher who could reportedly throw a ball at 270 kilometers per hour (168 miles per hour) was set to join the New York Mets. Finch was said to have mastered his skill -- pitching significantly faster than anyone else has ever managed -- in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans' celebrations were short-lived.

-- Sweden in 1962 had only one television channel, which broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to receive color pictures by pulling a nylon stocking over the screen. In fact, they had to wait until 1970.

-- In 1996, American fast-food chain Taco Bell announced that it had bought Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, a historic symbol of American independence, from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell.

Outraged citizens called to express their anger before Taco Bell revealed the hoax. Then-White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale and said the Lincoln Memorial in Washington had also been sold and was to be renamed the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial after the automotive giant.

-- In 1977, British newspaper The Guardian published a seven-page supplement for the 10th anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semicolon-shaped islands. A series of articles described the geography and culture of the two main islands, named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse.

-- In 1992, US National Public Radio announced that Richard Nixon was running for president again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." They even had clips of Nixon announcing his candidacy. Listeners flooded the show with calls expressing their outrage. Nixon's voice actually turned out to be that of impersonator Rich Little.

-- In 1998, a newsletter titled New Mexicans for Science and Reason carried an article that the state of Alabama had voted to change the value of pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.

-- Burger King, another American fast-food chain, published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new burger included the same ingredients as the original, but the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. The chain said it received thousands of requests for the new burger, as well as orders for the original "right-handed" version.

-- Discover Magazine announced in 1995 that a highly respected biologist, Aprile Pazzo (Italian for April Fool), had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. The creatures were described as having bony plates on their heads that became burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speed -- a technique they used to hunt penguins.

-- Noted British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on the radio in 1976 that at 9:47 am, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event, in which Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, would cause a gravitational alignment that would reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment of the planetary alignment, they would experience a floating sensation. Hundreds of people called in to report feeling the sensation.

I have a question

After all of the times that Bush and others in his administration have been caught in a lie, does anyone really believe what Bush says anymore? And people that are brainwashed don't count. Now Bush is trying to tell me that Alberto Gonzales didn't do anything wrong and that there is no evidence that there was any monkey business behind the firing of those US Attorneys. Bush also asserts that Gonzales will "tell the truth." Often when people lie so much about something they believe that what they are saying is the truth. That does not count as telling the truth. You know what be really fun? To hook up all of those bastards to a lie detector machine.

And in the "yeah me" section of this posting, CNN has linked to my blog. If you want to know the buzz on Alberto Gonzales, you can just ask me. Wheeeeeeeee!