Wednesday, December 30, 2009
So, I'm going to wrap up this nonsense that started in November of 2005. At least for now. I may come back to this blog when I'm feeling more like a pineapple reporter. It does seem a little wrong to walk away after all this time, but it is time for something new.
Hope you have a very happy 2010!
Monday, December 21, 2009
*As always, you can click the photo to make it more bigger!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sunday, November 01, 2009
1. I'm jet lagged from the time change. Not really, I'm just lazy because it gets dark early.
2. I had to drive to the Costco (on fumes apparently because the tank was completely empty) so I could look at everything in the place and then spend way too much money. I have to eat while I'm making my fingers bleed and developing carpal tunnel syndrome, right?
3. Then my house was too dirty to be in. I vacuumed, did some dishes, washed some laundry. It is still messy, but it doesn't smell like dirty dog and mud from all the rain.
4. I had to pull weeds in my yard. Actually, I really did. These prickly ass weeds are giving my dog such a bad rash that she has bald spots. And frankly, Laverne is more important than aliens.
5. To help me out, the Pineapple Parents offered to come and pick up their Costco goods to save me a trip. Instead their car overheated (because there was a big fucking hole and all the coolant leaked out of the car which we discovered after I went to the store to buy distilled water which all poured out on the driveway) and I had to take them home.
5. The Pineapple Dad had not been shopping and I needed more shit from the grocery store. I just can't eat 20 heads of lettuce before they go bad. Somethings are better bought in smaller quantities. Hence, second shopping trip of the day.
6. After dropping the Pineapple Dad back at his house, I headed home. After learning the tow truck was coming in the next hour I decided that I should eat. Yummmy. I call my creation Pepper Pizza. It had yellow bell pepper, jalapeno pepper, and crushed red pepper (and also some sauce, basil, and cheese).
7. After the car was towed away, I decided that if I have clean sheets that the girls and I should get clean too. Also? My coworkers probably like me better if I don't come to work with plant life in my hair and dirt on my face.
8. Then I crawled in bed and wrote 428 words. And then bitched about it on my blog.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
I'm thinking it is going to be a Sci-fi/Romance/Thriller/Comedy/TRAINWRECK. Kind of like Bubba Ho-Tep meets Mars Attacks! with a splash of love interest. And with Buddy Holly (hence the crickets) instead of Elvis and the aliens aren't from Mars (or maybe they are). Obviously I plan on writing an original novel that is going to be an award winning, best seller. And then they are going to make it into a summer blockbuster and show it at the IMAX. Also? It is going to be an Oprah Book Club Pick (this is out of the ordinary because my book will not be depressing). That is how good it is going to be. Yep. And I am going to write this groundbreaking novel in one month.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
And blooming. But no actual gourds have started growing...
My little pot of lettuce has started growing so I will have more lettuce after I eat the first round.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
However, Megatron does not like Laverne and Shirley. And she used to run away when they barked. But that too changed this weekend. I think it was the peacocks that did it. Because the weather has been nice I've been opening the windows and leaving the doors open. The other morning, there was chaos in the kitchen because Megatron was yowling to be let in the screen door and the girls were barking wildly to be let out. It wasn't until the peacock incident that I realized that they were also torturing poor Megatron in the front yard, too. Those peacocks were all over the place. The girls chased six of them out of the backyard. One was on the roof honking for about thirty thrilling minutes. There was also a herd wandering around in the front yard. Most of the time Megatron does that whole arching back, hissing thing when the girls bark at her. But she has gotten a little bolder. I guess near peacock death experiences do that for a cat. Like today. Megatron jumped on top of my car where the girls could see her and just stood there. Finally Laverne couldn't take it anymore and started barking and barking and barking. Megatron didn't even flinch. And tonight. Megatron came calling through the kitchen screen door. Shirley was resting comfortably on the couch and Laverne was in her blanket cocoon under the coffee table. Damned if those dogs didn't go flying out the back door to bark at that cat some more after I shut the door.
It is like I live in a lunatic wildlife asylum. I have two nutty dogs, Megatron, the other cat next door that taps on the glass to torment the dogs, exotic lizards, skunks, hawks, and peacocks. I guess I should be thankful that there aren't lions and tiger running around this place, too.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Over the years you were mostly an unfriendly cat to the world at large. When company came to visit you would disappear somewhere in the house. We never did figure out where you went, so we just called it Narnia. I guess we will never figure out where Narnia is now.
Other than my dad, you had a true love for the family Airedale, Winston. You would demand that we let him in the house so the two of you could hang out and take naps together. After he died, you threw fits at the backdoor for months demanding that we let him in the house. And you never forgave the new dog for taking his place. Astro was never your dog. After Winston was gone, your obsession with my dad grew to new heights. You started demanding he get up and keep you company in the middle of the night and anytime he sat down you were instantly on him trying to get in his face.
And then one day you got nice again. Maybe you had a stroke? You came out to visit company. You forgave me and my mom for our past transgressions. You someotime were happy to see me when I cam over. You even enjoyed taunting Laverne when I brought the girls to visit Astro. But you never really liked Astro because, well, he was never your dog. You only tolerated him or tried to get him in trouble. Oh well, you can't like everyone.
Over the past 19 years, you have been an unusual cat. Your relationship with most of the world was complicated and usually involved blood shed at some point. But we all loved you and will miss you. I hope you enjoy your adventures in Narnia forever more.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
If this doesn't convince you that a cupcake car party would rock your world, then something is wrong with the way you are wired. Seriously.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
When I started my pumpkin seeds (the second time), I planted a whole bunch just to be sure. And then they all grew. So I promised the Pineapple Dad that he could have whatever I didn't plant. As the weeks went by he would call to check on his pumpkin plant. He even named it. Pumpkin Doodle. Seriously. I'd pick up the phone and the first thing I'd hear was, "How's Pumpkin Doodle?" There were several calls where checking on Pumpkin Doodle was the sole purpose for calling me. Don't worry about how I'm doing.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
But it wasn't until I started getting better that I realized how bad off I was. For one thing, I took some extra doses of Tamiflu along the way and finished early. Oops. I also made a double batch of jell-o that I don't remember making at all. I walked into the kitchen to get a ginger ale and there were two open jello boxes on the counter and a pan of jell-o in the fridge. Don't get me wrong, I was glad it was there. But really? Jell-o? There were some things that got moved around in my house. I guess I'm lucky I didn't rearrange the furniture in my fevered state.
I also got very bored. I cleared out my DVR. I didn't have any books I wanted to read. And how much time can you really stand to spend on Twitter haranguing people for their complete inability to fact-check a story before publishing it? Frankly, I found out more than the local newspaper or that hip wannabe website ever did in five minutes sitting on my couch with a raging fever. But that jell-o turned out to be one of the most interesting things going on at my house. It wiggles and jiggles, after all. But your standards for what constitutes entertainment hit a new low when you are holed up like a fugitive in your home for a week. Technically, I'm better now. I'm still worn out and all I want to do is stay home and sleep. Hopefully this will pass because I don't think I can handle another weekend of staring at my wall that really need to be painted.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
1. Steal the blankets. When I dragged my flu suffering ass home from work and on to the couch yesterday, the first thing that Laverne did was steal my blanket. So I got another one. And she stole that one too. How many blankets does this dog need to get under? And how can a not-so-swift dog get the better of me over and over? I'm the one with the thumbs! Pathetic.
2. Wake you up in the middle of the night because they want to be talked to and patted on the head. Seriously. I woke up because Shirley was staring at me. Four inches away from my face. Creepy much? When I opened my eyes her tail started furiously thumping on the bed. I thought she needed to out so I got up out of bed. But she just sat there looking at me like I was the crazy one. I muttered an obscenity under my breath and her tail started going crazy again. This is when I realized she woke me up so I could talk to her. I thought I had two dogs so they could keep one another company.
3. Wake you up at 6:30 in the morning demanding to be let out and fed. Frankly, I expected more from Laverne because she is notorious for wanting to sleep in. But not today. I woke up to her howling at the back door. Howling. The dog has never howled. Ever. Until 6:30 this morning.
4. Panic when it starts raining. I feel like I've been hit by a ton of bricks. I'm hot. I'm cold. I hurt all over. I do not want 100 plus pounds of dog on my lap and in my face.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Now I just have to finish the other half of my garden to put in some other veggies I picked up at the garden center when I went to get more dirt. Tomorrow I take the rest of the pumpkin plants to the Pineapple Parents for their pumpkin patch. I am a gardening fool.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
After all, it was the little carefree car (with just a little case of fire and explosion).
Friday, September 11, 2009
Because here's the other part that we really shouldn't forget:
1. The way our president sat in that classroom after he was told what happened and didn't move his sorry ass into action for like 15 minutes. And then he made ridiculous speeches about wanting people "dead or alive". I blame that yankee from Connecticut for making my home state look like a fucking joke (please note, I know there are others that now carry his torch).
2. The way the government told us we should buy duct tape to protect ourselves from terrorist attacks (are you fucking kidding me? I needed to buy some duct tape for a valid reason and couldn't find any. What bullshit. And MREs? No thanks.).
3. The way the media ran stories about how scared we should be and that people in Middle-of-fucking-nowhere, USA were in imminent danger of terrorism attacks. (Yes, because terrorists have heard all about your shitty community and hate you personally.).
4. The way ready.gov explained what I should do when the dirty bomb hit Austin (There were maps and everything. Way to tell the bad guys EXACTLY where to go!).
5. The way that now when you disagree with the government, you are now labeled un-American, not exercising your rights as an American citizen.
This last point lives strong today. And frankly I blame this intolerance as the start of why we, as a country, can no longer have a meaningful debates about anything. The townhall meetings are evidence of that. Biting someone's finger because you disagree is just not right.
So, if you don't like what I have to say, you can call me un-American. Whatever. All I can do is paraphrase the Loco Gringos and say, "Fuck you, I'm from Texas."
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
At this point, I am going to insist that the Republicans take some lessons in manners from my unruly dogs. That may be the only way we will get healthcare reform.
And then at the grocery store, I think my soulmate was in line in front of me. I didn't talk to him though. We had almost the same things in our carts. I'm not sure I would have picked some of the yogurt flavors I saw, but I'd be willing to give some of them a shot. Especially for my soulmate. Even the overworked, underpaid checker noticed that our carts were full of the same stuff. Here's the rub. My soulmate? Apparently is an old gay guy. Otherwise, I might have asked him over for some organic, hormone free yogurt. I'm not much of one for dating gay men. It doesn't really lead anywhere.
The long and short of it is that I discovered my dog, Laverne, gets a little wiggy over certain Beatles songs (especially songs from the album Abbey Road) and I have a fridge full of yogurt.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
By about 7:02 this morning, I decided that four day work weeks are just a crap idea. This was about the time I checked my work email this morning and saw that my most favorite complainant wanted another go 'round. Next I had to explain to someone that just because you build a little shelf and put your full sized dryer on a rack in a closet over a top loading washing machine (the lid doesn't fully open), that doesn't mean you have a stackable washer dryer unit. Seriously, the picture looks like it came from one of those "you know you are redneck when" emails. Maybe I should scan the picture and start an internet sensation. And why is this part of my job anyway? I have no idea. This all occurred within my first two hours of work (one lunatic per hour???). The day did not improve (the one lunatic per hour quota continued and was often exceed). The rest of it is either too boring or just too shitty to repeat. In short, four day work weeks just mean you have more shitty things packed into less time. All crap. No waiting.
And I'm mad at the Republicans. Since when is it "indoctrination" to tell children to work hard in school? Sturdy so you can ne a socialist, too??? One of my friends said she listened to President Obama's speech backwards and heard the Communist Manifesto. I just wonder if after posting that on Facebook, if people are taking her seriously and seeing if it is really true. Bask in the sarcasm, people!
And I'm also mad that people think it is OK to tell people that you hate the president and that he should die like a slug (check out the video on youtube of the pastor from Arizona). What is up with that? I think it was pretty clear that I hate what Cheney, McCain, Palin, and Rick Perry (especially him right now), and other like them stand for, but I don't ever recall suggesting that they die like slugs (or any other way for that matter). Mostly I just wish they would shut up an go away.
But one piece of enjoyment of late? The Gonzales Cantata! You should totally listen to it. The dude won't go away either. First he is for an investigation of allegations of CIA torture of prisoners. And then against it the very next day. It is always shocking that anyone cares what he thinks, but there is no accounting for what Fox "News" will air. I also wonder if his teaching style is like that. Today you have an A, but then the next day he decides you got a D.
Well, that certainly wouldn't fit in one tweet.
And coming soon: more pumpkin news. I bet you thought I forgot!!!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Monday, August 03, 2009
Instead of getting ready to go hang out with some interesting new people, I had to make a run to the Walgreen's for Kaopectate for the dog. The upside of this is that the trip to the Walgreen's was interesting. Of course going to a drugstore in the 'hood at ten at night always is interesting. First I saw a very large tranny in line wearing a microscopic halter top and mini skirt. She was twice my size, yet wearing clothes smaller than mine. She was dressed like Lula from the Stephanie Plum books -- except the tranny was born a Hispanic man instead of being a vary large black woman. I wanted to ask if she was called Lula, but that would have been rude and she could have totally snapped me like a twig. And then when I was leaving the parking lot some dummy pulled out right in front of me. I had to slam on the brakes. This is when I noticed all of the bullet holes in the car. But after seeing the way they drive, I understand why someone would want to shoot them.
By the time I got Shirley all squared away and diarrhea free, it was 4 am and I was not in the mood to party. And this is why being a single pineapple is so glamorous.
Friday, July 31, 2009
First is the video is a genius telling us about how to get this economy turned around. Well, maybe that's what this about. I'm not exactly sure. When I sent this video to Nervana she asked me the following: "so.........how did sarah palin change her looks so radically?!" These women certainly have the same speech writer if they are actually different people. I'm just wondering how people managed to keep themselves from laughing out loud and who was that fool that clapped when she was done rambling about the free food and the machines that can make stuff?
And speaking of Sarah Palin (I know! I can't let it go!), I absolutely loved William Shatner's reading of her tweets. As far as I'm concerend, Twitter has now become one of the best inventions ever. Before this, I really could take it or leave it. I wish he would make an album of Twitter poetry readings -- I'd be first in line to buy it.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
So now that I'm single and have all this time on my hands (read severe sarcasm here), I've decided to grow a crop of pumpkins. Actually, I had a hell of a time finding pumpkins to bake last year so I decided to grow my own. Besides, why spend your time growing useful crops when you can have a whole bunch of one thing, right? So this desire to grow some pumpkins has grown into a mild obsession. And I'm not the only one (not that it makes my obsession any less odd). The Pineapple Parents have started calling for daily pumpkin updates and demanding pictures. Maybe this is some sort of substitute for the grandchildren it looks like I will never give them? In light of this shared obsession, I've decided that the internet as a whole will also be very interested in my pumpkins' progress as well.
I planted the seeds on 7/14/09. "They" say that it takes about 100 days from planting until harvest. That puts me at about October 22nd. Here is a picture of dirt in an egg carton:
Then the wait was on. For days my dirt sat in front of the window with out any change for days! And then one by one the seeds started to sprout. Here is what the pumpkins looked like on 7/26/09:
And here is a bird's eye view of my pumpkin sprouts:
As of 7/28/09, my pumpkin sprouts are really taking off:
Here is a close up of the first seed to sprout:
Later this week, I am going to transplant my little plants into bigger containers so they can grown BIG and STRONG before I kill them in in the Texas heat. Until things cool off, I'm keeping my fingers crossed (and hopefully my thumbs green) and hoping for pumpkins to make a proper pumpkin pie for turkey day this year.
*as always, you can click the pictures for much more bigger!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
When I first commented on how awful it was, I was told that I just didn't understand. Damn straight I don't understand why I would want something like that and I also don't understand why it is still here. Pick it up when you bring back my remote!
Getting my life in some sort of order has been difficult. Mostly because something horrible has happened to my foot -- I have this excruciating and mysterious pain that causes random swelling and constant discomfort. How can I wash that man right out of my hair (and my house) if I can't even walk?!? Today, I had it x-rayed. When the nurse, the doctor, and the x-ray technician each asked which foot was hurting I always replied "my left foot," no one even blinked. I thought it was funny (at least ironic because my left foot was the only thing not working), but maybe they get that all the time. So, now I hobble alone. OK, I hobble with two constantly panicked dogs underfoot as I relearn how to cook for one.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
*I guess that's what happens when they lose to us. Every time I ask my relatives what they do with all of the tortillas (they throw them in the air when they win football games -- I don't know why), they always tell me to shut up. How am I supposed to learn anything when these important questions go unanswered?
Sunday, July 05, 2009
My parent's dog has developed a really bad habit of bolting out the front door and running to the neighbor's house (they have ferrets inside). However, yesterday's big draw was another neighbor's cook out. I opened the door to let guests in and the dog ran out. Since he has no street smarts and no desire to return when called, I ran after him. And it was hot. I felt like I was running in slow motion. I felt like I couldn't pick up my feet because I was running through hot lava, under a heat lamp. I ran circles around houses and through the neighbors' backyards after that damned dog. He would stop every so often and look to see if I was still coming and then take off again. I finally got lucky when he cornered himself. It is amazing how running after a little dog in record breaking 104 degree weather can really wear you out. I never really recovered from it. By the time I left the Pineapple Parents', I was too tired to go watch the fireworks. I thought I would just watch them on TV, but I was too lame to even stay up to watch Barry Manilow on PBS.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Friday, July 03, 2009
I look forward to your failed attempt to become the Republican presidential nominee in 2012. Why else would she be stepping down as Governor of Alaska (it certainly isn't because of the numerous ETHICS complaints that have been filed!)??? It will be a great time for me to go to the gym and run up hill on the treadmill because you say such stupid and infuriating things every time you open your big fat mouth. It is going to be great. And my ass is going to look great, too!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
MOTL: The guys working across the street parked in front of our trash. Its still there. They took everyone else's trash.
Me: Fuck. Go over there and tell them they better take that shit with them when they leave work today.
MOTL: I guess I can get my dad to bring his truck and we can take it out to the property*.
Me: No. Go over there and tell them they better figure out how to haul that shit away. And call the city and tell them they missed our stuff. One way or another someone else it taking that shit away.
MOTL: Those guys don't speak English.
Me: Bullshit. They just don't like what you are telling them.
MOTL: I did find out who they work for. Do you want to call?
Me: No. I'm at work. You call. And then call the city and tell them they forgot to pick up our shit.
MOTL: I talked to their boss. And he said they would take our trash when they left the site today.
Me: Did you call the city, too?
MOTL: They said they would circle back around on Friday.
Me: Um, OK (I have my doubts about that part of the story). Well, we'll see what happens. Someone is taking that crap one way or another. But I need to get back to work because I am working.
When I got home the workers and their trailer were still there and that trash was still in my yard. As I sat down on the couch, we heard the truck pull away. Without our garbage. I looked at MOTL and told him to call that dude now.
MOTL: Why don't you call? You're the lawyer.
Me: Yes, but when I call him it is going to be to tell him how much he owes me for having that shit hauled away or else I'm filing a lawsuit and serving him with a shit ton of discovery. Finish what you started.
MOTL: (dials the number, no answer, so he leaves a message)Your guys didn't take the garbage from our house. You better do it tomorrow or my girlfriend, the lawyer, is going to have to have it hauled away and will sue you.
Me: rolled my eyes to the back of my head.
When I got home from work the next day, not only were all of those junky chairs gone but so was the brush that the city wasn't going to take any way. Guess we got a sweet deal after all...
*their property is like the land of misfit toys, except they take everything that they've ever had taht is now broken out their. I think of their property as their own personal landfill.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
But the thing that has held my attention the most since my return is getting my shit together in my home space.** I was quite thrilled when I got the notice about the bulk trash pick up. All I can say is, "bye bye three legged chair. I never wanted you so you are going back to the curb you came from."*** As did the other shitty chairs that MOTL has collected from the side of the road over the last year. I'm not against roadside furniture, I'm just against broken, mangled and filthy roadside furniture.
I have thorn things out, cleaned shit up, built a pair of nightstands****, rearranged furniture, and planted the beginnings of a garden. I've even started organizing my "home office" so I can get back to writing. Over the past month I have busted my ass and made some real progress. I still have a long way to go, but things are moving forward for the first time in a long time. I don't know if feng shui really works, but I can attest to the fact that getting your shit in order does make you feel better. And that is a start.
*I don't really know if feng shui extends to blogs, but with this heat I am certain I need more water features in my life. Or maybe just a glass of water because I am thirsty.
**Obviously it hasn't been uploading those photos from the kick as vacation...
***The highlight was watching the guy load up our janky bbq pit in the back of his trailer last weekend. MOTL had not cleaned it out and the poor guy got covered in ashes.
****a la target.com
Monday, June 22, 2009
Next thing you know, I've talked MOTL into going to our neighborhood Home Depot where we struck out once again (and batting like the Astros). And although he really wanted to go back home, I had a hostage and a mission. We went to a local hardware/garden shop and there we found it. Mint! I now have a 30 foot bed with peppermint, spearmint, lemon mint, orange mint and apple mint. They did not have any chocolate mint and they only had one half dead pineapple mint. Maybe next time.
Now I am dehydrated (I couldn't see through my glasses because the sweat was dripping off me by the gallon -- eeew!) and sore (from digging up the rest of the wandering jew and then planting the mint and mulching). Of course it was just about dark when I finished watering it. And it was still in the upper 90s.
And tomorrow night, I plant the flowers. I rule.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Frankly, I find the story about the election in Iran fascinating and compelling. And I am totally rooting for the underdog (even though Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Mir-Hossein Mousavi aren't all that different from one another). But Ahmadinejad is kinda scary and I am really against stealing elections. We all know how that turns out.
But what really pisses me off? Statements made by people like Insane McCain. Where does he get off insisting we take a hard line and support the opposition party. Does that include bombing them (and should we sing a song while we do it?)? Do people still take him seriously? And my question is: should they have taken a hard line with us in 2000? God knows it would have saved us some trouble (you know, like two wars and a financial crisis). But what is more appalling are the tweets from jackasses like John Culberson (comparing himself to the Iranians because the republicans are "repressed"). Whatever. You sad republican that benefited from the illegal gerrymandering in Texas, you are so repressed.
Monday, June 01, 2009
*all handwritten, too. it was nice to spend some quality time writing, even if it wasn't quality writing.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
So today I pack my bags and go see Star Trek at the IMAX. But first I have to rub Shirley's tummy.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The thing that really gets me is that I wore these shoes around the store for twenty minutes and they felt great.** They remind me of that crazy ex-boyfriend (or ex-girlfriend depending on who you like to like) that was really fun and nice at first and then you wake up and they are bat shit crazy.*** I'm pretty sure I can't take these shitty shoes back, so what do you do with shoes this awful? MOTL suggested that I donate them, but can I do that with a clear conscious? Can I really not feel bad about giving these crippling shoes to some unsuspecting soul? Maybe I should just send them back to New Balance with a note that says, "no backs!" What I do know, is that I'm not taking these stupid shoes half way around the globe to continue the torture of my poor little piggies. Not very vacation like if you ask me.
In the end, I have learned that there is a reason I have been wearing the same brand of shoes for over ten years and this is my punishment for being unfaithful.
I have to conclude that Run DMC was oh, so very right when they said:
my Adidas and me, close as can be
we make a mean team, my Adidas and me
we get around together, rhyme forever
and we won't be mad when worn in bad weather
*And if these craptastic shoes weren't enough to deal with, some asshole changed the channel so I had to watch Paula Deen smother food with bacon and butter.
**Apparently wearing the shoes around the store while you shop is frowned upon by the employees at the Academy. So, I guess the ads about it being "my store" are not so true afterall.
***On Sunday I talked about people that behave like this and the Pineapple Dad asked me if I had some experience with this (in a way that implied I might be the one that is on good behavior at the start and then later on behave badly). I told him that wasn't true because I am always a sarcastic bitch and it is no act. MOTL said nothing and started "reading" a home decor catalog. He made the right choice because there is no right response.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Well, here is my point: all these people talking about seceding in other states are a bunch of copy cat posers. Rick Perry is still an idiot, by the way.*
Here is the skinny on the movement to secede. Texas was a sovereign nation (Texas has been rockin' its independence since March 2, 1936**) that included what the non-geographically challenged persons will recognize as present day Texas and parts of New Mexico, Oklahoma, Kansas, Colorado, and Wyoming. When Texas joined the union, we reserved the right to leave whenever we wanted. And we frequently want to leave (again, I stress that this is not the first time). Also, we were not required to turn over public lands to the government. In other words, all federal land in Texas had to be purchased from us and we still own all of our oil reserves (and our jurisdiction extends 3 leagues offshore while yours is only 3 miles, other coastal states). Don't you other states feel foolish for just giving your shit away? And while I'm showing off, we joined the union in 1845 (official date December 29). And if you are wondering how the shape of Texas changed, we were given the authority to divide Texas (solely our discretion) and decided to cede the parts that are now New Mexico, Oklahoma, Kansas, and Wyoming to the feds in 1852 (mostly to get the Union to pay our debts from our time as a Republic). So, as much as our public education system has failed in Texas, we know our Texas history and we celebrate Texas Independence Day. We all know that that everything in Texas is bigger and better. We also have heated debates about whether we kept our right to leave the Union after the Civil War (and whether we were brought back into the Union legally). We even had a standoff. Remember when Richard McLaren declared war on the United States? We do.***
So, these other states with their secession movements don't have this same kind of history (or standoffs) that we do. They are just pissed that the Republicans lost control and that their party is in real danger of being a political party non grata. For them, this is all about throwing a tantrum and that makes them copy cat posers. For Gov. Good Hair, this is a Texas tradition and an idea that is old hat. And whether or not we agree with him (or even like him), Texans don't see why this is such news to the rest of you.
*He's just squawking about seceding to justify not taking money we really need (the Texas Workforce Commission is out of money and he won't take money for unemployment benefits). We have taken federal aid to get more bacon flu supplies and we have received the most disaster money from FEMA than any other state. That's because under Rick Perry's rule, we don't need no stinkin' federal government. Thus, he is an idiot.
**BTW, I did not have to look any of this up, but feel free to fact check. You will find that I am right. Texas children are required to learn a lot about Texas history. It was even required in college.
***We weren't really rooting for him. While the media was making comments about him being a wingnut with too many guns, we all knew he was a mid-westerner with not enough guns.
Friday, May 08, 2009
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy, shining
Gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted; Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled and spaghettied!"
well doesn't that sounds exciting? it really wasn't. More of a pain in the ass really, so I chopped it all off today on a whim. a little over six inches. and I got bangs, too! I'm feeling better. So much so, that I actually started feeling a little snarky and sarcastic today. Maybe I will dye my hair red while I'm at it...
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Admittedly, it isn't just my job that is getting me down. So, I've come up with a plan to get my non-work life back on track. One of my goals is to get back to something that makes me feel good -- writing down my bullshit thoughts. I haven't committed to getting back to my blog per se. Maybe I'll start working on the book I never finished, maybe I'll start a new blog. I don't know yet. But rambling on about my personal bullshit has helped me sort some shit out in my head.
All I have to do now is survive one more week of bullshit, then I have two weeks to clear my head before I tackle the my new goals.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
It really is sad when there hasn't been a single, stupid world event that inspired me to give my opinion to the lack of masses flocking to my blog. Not the ridiculousness of the Republicans, the absurdity of the swine flu panic, or Captain Sullenberger's ruined library books inspired me to turn on my computer. It wasn't even remotely motivating when Spain was talking about prosecuting Alberto for war crimes. You know a pineapple is in a bad way when that can't touch her inner blogger. Pity party, ya'll. Pity. Party.
Here I am. Another night of stressful thoughts and lack of sleep in pineapple land. Watch me as I am say absolutely nothing and get uncharacteristically personal in a vague way. I keep thinking that I'm getting closer to a good place and I make a move forward only to get bitch slapped about ten steps back. Almost everything I own is damaged, broken, missing, or deficient in some way and since I had the poor judgment to go and get myself a guv'mint job I have no money to take care of this shit. I mean really, should I get a new wireless router so I can not blog from any room in the house or pay the electric bill so I can complain that I have electricity, but not wireless internet.
Speaking of my guv'mint job, well, my work situation is unbearable. Everyone has gone insane and although I do my job well I am on some shit list for an unknown reason. If I weren't so damned broke from my lack of income I'd sing those bitches a certain Johnny Paycheck song. Oh, come on, you know the one (it rhymes with take this job and shove it...). And naturally since Gov. Goodhair is more interested in refusing stimulus money and talking about seceding while asking for drugs from the federal government in his unreasonable bacon flu panic, there will be no cost of living raise for state employees. There is no money for that. And he doesn't have time to worry about that anyway when he wants to make sure dead people get buried with their IDs. Or something like that. I am almost tempted to vote in the Republican primary just so I can vote against that dickwad. A shitty salary keeps an employee motivated to stick around -- don't pay me enough to live on and then refuse to give me a cost of living raise when my cost of living gets more and more expensive. Hell, If I cut much more out of my budget I will be sitting around in the dark listening to my stomach growl. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to have a job but just watch me cross party lines to help Miss Breck kick your ass, buddy.
But the thing that prays on my mind the most is that I can't face going back to the gym. Let's just ignore the fact that after months of eating healthy and making three to four trips to the gym every week, there has been no progress. I should have kept my old job and completed the tour of every single Whataburger and Sonic in the State of Texas. At least I got some good pictures out of it. And it isn't even the fact that those fools screwed my account up so badly that they stop me to make sure I can come in every single time I go. I now just say," it's not me, it's you" when I hand them my card. Some of those dummies get the joke, but most of the time I get a blank stare. But that really isn't what puts me off of that place. It is the asswipe that likes to change the channel to the Food Network on half of the TVs in that place. I try to pick a place where I can watch the news and not see that shit at all. But without fail there are at least two TVs that have that food channel in my line of vision. I get tricked by the commercials, I guess. I just can't face another episode of Paula Deen (she always seems to be on no matter what time I'm at the gym). I do not need to watch her put five sticks of butter in everything. It doesn't matter what she is making (butter salad, anyone?). At some point she says,"Oh honey, I think that needs some butter! Don't you?" And then she puts 50 sticks in the pan. Frankly, there should be a law against showing food shows at a gym. Isn't food the main reason any of us exercise???
I guess the long and not so short of it is that my life is in shambles and the only thing that keeps me going is that I get two weeks off to go a trip with the pineapple family. And I am so grateful that they are taking me because I can't afford to run away on my own (thanks, Rick Perry). The big question is, "can I make it 9 more days?"