Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Look, I don't know if what I had was swine flu.  Or H1N1.  Or whatever the cool kids are calling it these days.  But it was the flu.  And it was a motherfucker.  I decided not to visit the doctor for a few reasons.  For one thing, I was too sick to drive my sick ass there.  I live alone and who wants to be trapped in the car with someone that clearly has cooties.  Also?  There are sick people at the doctor's office.  I had enough on my plate without being exposed to strange germs just to have a nurse shove a q-tip up my nose to see if I have the flu.  Dude.  I had the flu.  Luckily, I also had a prescription of Tamiflu in my medicine cabinet.  I admit it, I hoard shit.  Not like get your guns ready for the Armageddon kind of hoarding, but I like to keep a stocked pantry and medicine cabinet kind of hoarding.

But it wasn't until I started getting better that I realized how bad off I was.  For one thing, I took some extra doses of Tamiflu along the way and finished early.  Oops.  I also made a double batch of jell-o that I don't remember making at all.  I walked into the kitchen to get a ginger ale and there were two open jello boxes on the counter and a pan of jell-o in the fridge.  Don't get me wrong, I was glad it was there.   But really? Jell-o?  There were some things that got moved around in my house.  I guess I'm lucky I didn't rearrange the furniture in my fevered state.

I also got very bored.  I cleared out my DVR.  I didn't have any books I wanted to read.  And how much time can you really stand to spend on Twitter haranguing people for their complete inability to fact-check a story before publishing it?  Frankly, I found out more than the local newspaper or that hip wannabe website ever did in five minutes sitting on my couch with a raging fever.  But that jell-o turned out to be one of the most interesting things going on at my house.  It wiggles and jiggles, after all.  But your standards for what constitutes entertainment hit a new low when you are holed up like a fugitive in your home for a week.  Technically, I'm better now.  I'm still worn out and all I want to do is stay home and sleep.  Hopefully this will pass because I don't think I can handle another weekend of staring at my wall that really need to be painted.


Jill said...

I feel for you. Feel better soon.

Huckdoll said...

Whoa...will you remember writing this post I wonder...

Geez. I'm pretty freaked out to catch the flu this year with practically everyone I know on and offline being harshly sick. I'm glad you're starting to feel better though.

Oh, and how would one get stocked with Tamiflu? A friend wants to know :)

mad said...

Geezus, that sounded like a hangover I had not long ago. Except the part about Jell-o.

But it does sound like the swine flu. Get plenty of rest, drink lots of fluids and I'll send you my bill tomorrow.

pineapple said...

jill: I'm much better and less tired every day.

huckdoll: it was brutal. get your flu shot. also, ask your doctor to write you a prescription "just in case" so you don't have to make a trip to the doctor to get Tamiflu when you already have the flu.

mad: I think it was. I also think the Jell-o was directly related to taking extra Tamiflu, but I'm not that kind of doctor so I can't be sure.

amuirin said...

Spraypaint it. The wall, I mean- entertainment+chore obligation fullfilment+it will clear your sinuses.

That really sucks, to be that sick and home alone. But you're the only person I've ever heard of who can make jello in a subconscious state.

That should be worth some sort of obscure award.

pineapple said...

I do have some spray paint... something to think about the next time I have allergies.

I wonder what kind of trophy you get for making blackout jello.

Anonymous said...

Being on day 5 of what appears to be the same H1N1 that you described, I really appreciate what you had to say -- I can so relate. I too did not go to the doctor for the same reason -- felt way too crappy to get out of bed, much less get into the car and go there. My sister is a pharmacist and she said if you don't get Tamiflu within 48 hours don't bother, it won't help. Sadly you probably can't get your sick self to the doctor in the first 48 hours -- there is some disconnect in that system. The past few days I felt like I was on mind altering drugs half the time due to everything looking weird -- including my face in the mirror, feeling weird like surreal, and that was not a good time, I'm here to tell you. I knew the paint colors on my walls really well because TV gets very old, so does the internet, so does reading,and after a while you can't sleep anymore but have no energy to get up so you just sit and stare and move to another room and sit and stare -- pretty pathetic I know. I think you made jello because nothing else sounds good, except maybe fruit... Now, at day 5, I just got to where I felt a little better, no fever, could get up and around and then tonight I started coughing like a mother, on and on and on til I nearly barfed and then coughed some more. Whoa. Is this the next phase of this thing? It really does suck!!

pineapple said...

I feel for you. That exhaustion you described? It sticks with you for days and days and days. Just when you think you are past it, it hits you again like a ton of bricks. I think I'm finally over the aftermath. My fingers are crossed. It only took about a week after I was fever free to feel mostly normal again. I'm hoping that I can make it through tomorrow without a nap... Good luck to you, anonymous.