Sunday, December 30, 2007

The Year of Pineapple, part 2

*psst! you should read part 1 before you read part 2!

July was full of good times, too. For one thing, I saw dancing storm troopers:

Scooter Libby did not have to go to jail, because criminals shouldn't be going to jail. And someone else paid his fine. Way to narrowly escape your punishment. Unfortunately, Tupac did not come back as a zombie on 07/07/07 like it was widely expected. That was a total bummer. We also discovered that John Mayer has no sense of humor (we already knew that his music sucks). Alberto admitted that he lied. Oh no! Not that! Gwen Verdon made a comeback from the grave and Lindsay Lohan tried to show us that she takes a better mugshot than Paris. As if!

August was a month of ups and downs. The breeders were giving their children stupid names in force (Superman is not a good alternative to 4Real and @ is not a name, people!). The people of the Netherlands smoked way too much pot because they all saw the giant lego man. Karl Rove came back to Texas (good for the world, bad for Texas). We learned that spontaneous combustion is real. Dick Cheney makes a lazy president but a funny effigy. Jenna will never have to drink alone. Republicans and Michael Vick all hate dogs. Prisoners do not like to wear pink (with the exception of Paris Hilton). There is a country called "Suchas". And Alberto resigned (good for the constitution, bad for my blog).

The chupacabra made a comeback in September. The deadline to get my money for BAR/BRI came and went (still no money people!). We found out that Britney is fat (and later we discovered that she is the responsible sister because at least she was married when she got knocked up). We all missed our chance to buy Belgium on eBay and my dogs revealed their hatred of the war in Iraq and the president. They also like to chase frogs.

In October, I reaffirmed that I hate Starbucks and learned that Pumpkin Latte stays with you for hours. I found out that Google is evil and unamerican. But not as evil as the asshats in Congress that think children should not have health insurance. I put my other blog out of it's misery. But on the upside, we did learn that Jesus is good in chocolate. I found a missile base for sale on eBay. If you are wondering, it is still for sale. I found out that I am really old because Eldr magazine thinks I might be interested in subscribing. I also discovered America's Most Smartest Model. Slimy VJ won, but they are casting for the next season. Yeah! Models!

November was a banner pineapple month. Most importantly, I got a kick ass government job. Unfortunately, we found out that the chupacabra was not so much a chupacabra as a mutated coyote. Or it is all a big cover up. While novelists and bloggers (i.e. the unemployed) were writing everyday, the employed writers went on strike. Now that we have run out of TV shows to watch, the reality of this tragedy has really hit home with the couch potatoes among us. King Tut finally showed his face and the Japanese once again proved that they make weird things (hello! chopstick bra!). There were more things on eBay to amaze us. While I don't feel like I missed out on Anne Frank's chestnut, I really feel like I would have made a fabulous mayor of Albert, Texas. That is a tragedy that we all have to live with.

December has been a sad month for you. Mostly because my blogging was been sparse and I had to resort to pineapple porn. I cheapened myself for the benefit of Evil Spock and he didn't even comment. So evil! Hopefully, next year will be full of weird and interesting things that will compel me to blog.

Have a happy 2008!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

The Year of the Pineapple, part 1

So, 2007 was the year of the pineapple. But then again, so will 2008. That's is because pineapples are very self centered about these kinds of things. We are also very much a sarcastic and judgmental lot. But that's what makes us so much fun. That, and we mix with rum so well. As we wrap up the year, it is time to get all sappy and take a look back at 2007. Even though it was the year of the pineapple, it wasn't the best year of the pineapple. For one thing, not everything was about me. This is something that we are all hoping will change in 2008. And that will make for a better year in pineapple. So let's take a look back at some people and things that I found entertaining. That is almost as good as talking about me.

But first let's talk about me. In January, I decided to have a revolution. I decided that getting rid of all of the clutter and paper in my life would make me a better person. But then Fawn Hall never called to get on all that shredding. I guess I'm not that much better because I only got rid of half of the paper junk. Mostly because I found a lot of stuff that I didn't want to deal with. So next year I am asking that Fawn Hall call me. I am more than willing to give her another chance to make me a better person. Let's face it, I am not into that personal growth crap. Why deal with it myself when someone else can?

February wasn't so interesting. Pretty Boy Perry decided to force girls to get the HPV Vaccine and the lege promptly put the kabash on that. He also decided that we need a corridor to cut through our state and random farmland. This basically confirmed that he is a first rate asshole. We also had to think about how astronauts go to the bathroom while they are in space because some loony tune drove from Houston to Florida to live out a bizarre love triangle that existed solely in her head while wearing a diaper. We also discovered that the people of Florida fear the word vagina because nobody has one in that that state.

March was an active month for the Legion of Doom. Nathan Hecht was super busy trying to duck out of his legal bills resulting from tooting Harriet Mier's horn (apparently that 's not all he was tooting). But mostly because my buddy Alberto was busy firing the lawyers at the DOJ that were smarter and more talented. That, and they were actually doing their jobs. Evil bastards. He was also honored by mad with is own haiku.

April saw Alberto continue his downward spiral. And a brief moment of glory for me (that link from CNN was super fun!). Alberto told us that he made an "honest mistake" and then he had to go sit and have a bunch of boring people ask him boring questions that he didn't know the answers to. Good times, people, good times!

There wasn't much to May. It was kind of like a stand alone episode that tells you things that lead to things that are much bigger and better. For instance, May was the month that I became an avid blogger (read unemployed) and Paris was sentenced. Oh, the things to come!

Because June gave us so much. Sad things like the retirement of Bob Barker. Drew Carey is alright but he is no Bob Barker. They found the Lock Ness monster again and even the BBC got all excited about it. Diet Coke got vitamins. Alberto came really close to facing a vote of no confidence. Someone stole the President's watch right off of his arm. And we found out that pants can be worth millions of dollars when they are dry cleaned. We were introduced to the chipmunk:

And we also got the picture of the year!

The first half of 2007 was super fun!

Monday, December 17, 2007

A what? A blog? Never heard of it

Today my supervisor explained to me what a blog is. Really. I think I did a great job of taking in her skewed information without even cracking a smile or making a smartass remark. Could it be that I am growing up? Nah. Now that I think about it, it seems like it was just a temporary case of maturity. No worries, I think I am fully recovered.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Thank You, Writers!

Without your strike, I probably would not be looking forward to the revival of American Gladiators. Or the fact that American Idol will hopefully be like Dateline is to NBC or the thousands of CSI shows are to CBS -- on every night. The last time I saw American Gladiators was when I was in college and most likely drunk. The whole drinking part added to the hilarity of the show. The revival of American Gladiators may call for the revival of the beer bong. If they are going to make me live in the past, I ought to do it right. I also heard that there is some new reality show called When Women Rule the World, where men have to survive an environment ruled by women. This seems beyond stupid. Mostly because they should name this show Lucky Bastard or I'm So Stupid, I'll Do Anything To Be On TV.

For those of you still unwilling to watch shows like Oprah’s Big Give or The Moment of Truth, there are going to be some "real" shows airing. Lost and Medium are finally coming back and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles will begin airing in the new year. Of course, I don't know why you would want to skip a show based on people taking lie detector test. Doesn't that sound super fun? But really, 2008 will be filled will lots of un-reality. So get ready for more Survivor, Power of 10, Big Brother, Deal or No Deal, and a celebrity version of The Apprentice.

Will someone please give the writers what they are asking for? If this list of what we have waiting for us in 2008 is any indicator, the writers deserve to be paid for shows airing on the so-called "new media" and then some. See how much better the "old media" was before the strike and unending airings of shows like Wife Swap and Supernanny? I don't need to watch TV to see people let their children run wild, I could go to a big box store for that. For now, I will have to watch Drew Lachey commentate while Bruno and Carrie Ann have a dance war.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

One of these days

I will actually finish one of the many posts I have started and have never finished. Or maybe not. Maybe I will just start posting half written entries and let my readers finish them. It will be like mad libs, but more boring.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Gobble Gobble, Ya'll!

It has been a long time since I had seriously thought about the story of Squanto and the first Thanksgiving story. Mostly because this fairy tale version was not the first Thanksgiving, but also because the story is a little ridiculous when you start to consider our history with the Native Americans. When I learned that most of my knowledge about American history was really just an extensive knowledge of folklore, I decided that things like the story of Thanksgiving aren't so much important as the fact that you have the day off to eat, watch football, and be lazy. This was all true until yesterday when The Pineapple Mom told me about an email from a German friend on one of her listserves that heard our Thanksgiving story from one of her students and was wondering if it was true. She was doubtful. I can't say that I blame her.

Later, The Pineapple Mom sent me this link. I'm guessing that someone on the email list sent this to the German to prove that the story her student told her was true. The part that struck me as hilarious was this: On March 16, 1621, an Abnaki Indian named Samoset entered the Plymouth settlement. He welcomed the Pilgrims in English, and the next day returned with another American Indian named Squanto, who spoke English well.

Weren't the pilgrims lucky that the native folk (that according to this story, they had no prior contact with) spoke English so well? Might they have learned this perfect English from the French traders? In fact, Squanto was kidnapped and sold as a slave by Thomas Hunt, one of John Smith's lieutenants. After living in England and Ireland (thus learning English), he was finally able to return home to discover that his entire tribe was dead. And it was true that he lived with the pilgrims and taught them how to grow corn and catch fish and eels. However, he was sent by the Pokanoket tribe, to keep an eye on the pilgrims. The aforementioned Samoset, who was an Abnaki, did make the first contact with the Pilgrims and asked them for beer. He was visiting Chief Massasoit of the Pokanoket tribe.

The pilgrims didn't like or trust Squanto and neither did the tribe that sent him to act as a liaison between the two. In the end, Squanto was probably poisoned by one of the two during negotiations in 1622 since the English and the Native Americans had been killing one other off for years prior to this fairly tale like bout of helpfulness that we celebrate every November. So now we celebrate a holiday based on a mythical story of a helpful Native American that was hated by everyone that knew him. Poor Squanto.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I Thought About It

but no matter how hard I try, I can't come up with anything to write about. I guess I have blogger's block. Pity because there are all sorts of stupid things to blog about. And yet I don't care. Better luck tomorrow.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Today's Nutty Ebay Find

If you are interested and have a lot of money to buy a nut, then this auction is for you. You can buy an alleged chestnut from the tree that Anne Frank could see from her window when she was hiding from the Nazis. The seller will give you proof of his residence as proof that the chestnut is really from that tree. That is indisputable proof, no? Maybe you are thinking you can just go get your own Anne Frank chestnut instead of paying a huge sum for such a small nut? Well, you better get over to Keizersgracht 188 in Amsterdam, The Netherlands, real quick like because they are chopping down the disease ridden tree on the 21st. You can get there if you leave right away. And there isn't anything more traditional than Thanksgiving at a hash bar. But if you decide you just can't make the trip, bidding was up to $10,100.00 when I last checked and the auction ends November 20th at 18:38:26 PST. Get cracking, people!

Another Thing You Should Not Watch

With the upcoming holiday, you may be considering going to the movies. My family likes to go to the movies on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Twelve years ago, the Thanksgiving movie wasn't so much an option. But since UT joined the Big 12 and got screwed out of our traditional Thanksgiving Day game with the Aggies(its on Friday now), this is no longer a problem. Back to my real point, if you are thinking about going to a movie this weekend just skip Beowolf. You may be saying to yourself, "Hey, Pineapple! But its in 3-D! It is going to be good!" Well, not so much. Go see one of the other mediocre holiday movies out there. By the time the movie started, I was super excited. The fact that there were two trailers for other 3-D movies was very exciting. I've been waiting for 3-D movies to come back into style since The Pineapple Dad took me to see The House of Wax when I was a child. And, yes, I am the kind of person that would go see a smell-o-vision movie if they had them. I get excited about movies with gimmicks.

When I was in high school, they made us read an abridged version of Beowolf which was missing any sexual references. I hated it because it was too long and there was not enough action. I guess back when this was written people liked that kind of thing. It was my thought that people talking and doing stuff would fix this problem. Unfortunately, the story was still slow and long. About halfway through the movie, The Pineapple Dad started complaining that the movie was never going to end. This made me laugh because I was thinking the same thing. 500 hours later, it finally ended. After the movie, MOTL(My One True Love) said he was considering walking out and waiting for us in the lobby but decided the theater seats would be more comfortable than waiting for us outside for how many years it was going to take for the movie to end. For some reason, The Pineapple Mom liked it. Going into this, I had figured we would like it and she wouldn't. How wrong I was about the whole thing!

If you are thinking that it is worth it just because it is in 3-D, you are mistaken still. I think they threw the same battle ax to the right of my face about 50 times and I lost track how many times they used the ground level shot so they could kick rocks and dirt to the right of my face. At one point in the movie they used this trick about every 30 seconds. The twenty minutes of 3-D in the last Harry Potter movie were much more impressive. They managed to make you feel like you were in the middle of the action. Things came at your face from all directions and things zipped past your head from the back. With the surround sound added into the mix, you could hear it coming but you were alway surprised at how it almost missed hitting you. Because of this, I know that 3-D can be a much more intense experience. The other big problem with Beowolf, was that all of the people were creepy because their bodies did not move properly and their faces did not have any expressive movement.

Since I saw The House of Wax, 3-D glasses have changed. And not for the better. They look cooler because they look like a cheap version of Ray Bans. But the goofy glasses at the IMAX are much more comfortable. Because I wear glasses, I had to put these tight fitting 3-D glasses over mine. By the time I had spent 1000 hours in that movie, my face really hurt. I think the people that designed these 3-D glasses are the same people that had no problem beating up kids wearing glasses on the playground. Note to Hollywood: not everyone is so vain that they had to have lasik or wear contacts to hide the flaw of having bad vision. While I may consider the surgery someday, I will never stick my fingers in my eyes day after day. Besides, my glasses are really cool.

So the point of all of this? Beowolf was a crappy movie.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Monkey Business

I read that in northeast India the monkeys are phone hogs and love to drink Cokes. Unfortunately since they don't have jobs they have to resort to stealing these things. These monkeys will pick your pocket so they can play "how's the weather over there?" with your cell phone. People's phone bills have been outrageous! Others come into homes to take drinks out of the fridge and watch football with their hands down their pants. Some of the monkeys are more mischievous and slap people that try to chase them off. Of course, none of these monkeys compare to the murdering monkeys in New Delhi.

Maybe these monkeys have an addition to Vanilla Coke like I used to? The only thing that broke my habit was that they stopped making it for a while. I guess everyone in India should stop using cell phones and give up Cokes until the monkeys back off. That, or they can stop destroying their homes. You know, just whatever is easier.

** Note to Mojo: have you noticed all of the links I added just for you?

Saturday, November 17, 2007

How Bad Could It Be?

I was watching Best Week Ever and this week they declared "Moral Bankruptcy" was having the best week ever. Then they went on to talk about this video on the internet that was so bad that they couldn't show it on TV. What they did show was videos that people took of themselves watching this video. There were even videos that people took when they showed their mom this video. Now that is moral bankruptcy. To be honest, my maturity level isn't all that so naturally I wanted to see the video. I was thinking, "How bad could it be?" Really. Fucking. Bad. I didn't have the stomach to watch the whole thing. It was that ill. Do not watch it. And if you are wondering, my reaction was a lot like this:

I Can't Drive 55

It has recently come to light that Alex Roy, rally driver extraordinaire, broke the Cannonball Run record of 32 hours and 7 minutes set in 1983. His time? 31 hours and 4 minutes. While that is pretty cool, the guys in 1983 were racing and he just drove it on his own. I just don't see how he can make a cool documentary like the racing guys. And I really want to see the racing guys movie. But maybe the whole downplaying of Alex Roy's trip is the jealousy talking.

Ever since I saw Cannonball Run at age... well, I was nowhere near being old enough to drive. I saw past the slapstick comedy to the excitement of racing across the country and I totally wanted to do it. Even at that certain unnamed age. I have no problem with an average speed of 95 mph and am quite willing to go much faster. And if you are wondering, I have not had that many speeding tickets. I got one two years ago and I was hardly speeding. Is it really that bad going 78 mph in a 70 mph zone? But a word of friendly advice -- take defensive driving online because you barely have to pay attention to pass with flying colors and the music videos about driving are hysterical. Before that unfortunate ticket, my last ticket was in 1995. Considering my lead foot and much driving around Texas, New Mexico and Oklahoma that isn't so bad.

Friday, November 16, 2007

One Week Down

As the end of my first week of work was coming to a close, I finally got a working computer. Well, sort of. I still don't have access to the program I need to do part of my job. But close enough for government work, right? Seriously, my computer was hooked up at 4 o'clock this afternoon. That gave me enough time to go through most of my email for the week. Boy, do they send around a lot of pointless email at the government.

My lack of computer contributed to my lack of real work today. Instead I spent the majority of my day stealing furniture for my office. It was kind of like that one red paper clip guy except I started with nothing and ended up with a decent table for my office. It is not easy getting furniture from the government. First you have to find what it is you want (a small table) and then get a junky computer table that is falling apart and is missing laminate and then talk people into trading the shitty table for a better table. Once you convince someone that they want to trade, then you have to talk to their supervisor to approve the trade. Then you have to smuggle the table back to your office even though this trade was approved by a supervisor. This is because you haven't been authorized to have this table by the person in charge of supplies. And you don't want to cross the person in charge of the supplies because you really need supplies to push your paper.

Of course, now that I have this table I plan to switch it with a better one that is in a common area. I considered just taking the table to begin with, but it was the home to a stapler in a common area located across the hall from The Controller of All Things Supply. Now, I just have to wait until the coast is clear to make the switch. This is on my To Do List for Monday at 5:01 p.m.

The table saga continues...

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Curse Of The Wet Pants

This morning didn't start out too well. I finally got in my car to make my 7 minute commute. I wasn't really awake so I took a cup of coffee with me. The problem is that the mug was too big for the cup holder. Why not a travel mug you ask? Because I haven't got one anymore. I don't know why, but I don't. So I have the coffee sitting on the console which was alright for driving down the highway. However, the whole coffee cup plus right turn brings those inconvenient physics into play and next thing I remember is that I forgot to grab the cup before I turned. I remembered this as coffee was going across my legs. Good thing I was wearing black pants.

Next liquid disaster was at lunch when I poured some of my iced tea in my lap. Since I was at lunch with my coworkers and boss, that really made it special. Good thing I was wearing black pants. Do you think they are wondering why they hired someone too stupid to drink an iced tea? I had a self imposed ban on liquids for the rest of the day because I just couldn't take the discomfort of wet pants anymore. I suppose I need to invest in a sippy cup to prevent diaper rash.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Too Tired To Blog

Maybe going for sushi at lunch will give me more energy to blog after work tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Is It Really A Standoff

If only the police show up? That's what happened today at McBride's. According to their website, they have one of the largest inventories in the world. So naturally, where else would you go to blockade yourself inside of to have a standoff? The only problem was that the burglar was long gone with the goods before the fuzz got to the scene. That, and the door was wide open -- the first sign that someone has locked them self in a gun store. But that didn't stop the police from having a nine hour standoff. So if they were the only ones there, does that make it a standoff?

Monday, November 12, 2007

Pineapple Reporting For Duty

Of course, I'm still on the fence about this whole job thing. I have to get up and go to work for 8 whole days (7 to go) before I get any paid holidays. They are total slave drivers! Other than the whole unreasonableness of their willingness to give out paid holidays like candy and everyone I work with is nice (and it isn't just temporary behavior because this pineapple did a background check on these people -- or maybe I just talked to a former employee), I think this whole job thing might work out. I'm not exactly sure what my job really is, but I'm pretty sure I will be able to do it. At least I'm confident that once they give me a computer to produce actual work product that I will be able to do my job. Ain't government work swell?

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Here A Strike, There A Strike, Everywhere A Strike Strike

The writer's strike continues. Old news, huh? Now, more celebrities started picketing once production of their shows were halted for lack of scripts. Now that picketing has become trendy, I wonder how long it will take for the designers to start picketing collections for the celebrities? It could be a runway show with signs.

We are also finding out which stars are cool and which ones have turned out to be lame. I always thought Jay Leno was lame, but he turns out to be cool because he refused to cross the picket line and go back to work. NBC is now looking for guest hosts to replace him. Resorting scab celebrities already? Ellen Degeneres skipped work on Monday in solidarity with her writers (that was cool), but then returned to work the next day (that was lame). She is going to continue doing her show sans monologue to show her support of the writer's strike. She skipped two shows because she was upset about a dog, but only one show because the writer's are getting the short end of the stick. That is really lame. Maybe she can do double duty and guest host on The Tonight Show.

And now there is an ex-president in the mix. I suppose Bill Clinton has gotten bored with his wife's campaign (or he is tired of being second fiddle?) because he has offered to mediate talks to end the writer's strike. Or is he worried that his soaps are going to be going off the air soon? I know I am. Wouldn't it be fun if some other bored ex-world leaders got into the negotiations too? It would be like mock world domination and they could air it in lieu of 24 (which has been postponed indefinitely because they can't show all 24 episodes in a row). Now that's entertainment!

For those of you in New York and thinking that you might catch a Broadway show instead of watching TV, you are out of luck. The Broadway stagehands have gone on strike. A handful of shows were able to negotiate deals with the stagehands and can continue production, but the rest of Broadway will be dark. No Wicked for you. Wondering what you options are? You can see Mary Poppins, Xanadu, Young Frankenstein, The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, Pygmalion, The Ritz, Mauritius and Cymbeline. If you aren't a fan people singing on roller skates, you will have to go to an Off-Broadway show.

The rest of us will have to make New Year's resolutions to read more and watch reality shows.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Cross Your Chopstick Bra

Hey, ladies! Do you often wonder where you should carry your own chopsticks because you just hate being wasteful by using disposable ones? Well, look no further than the "My Hashi" or "My Chopsticks" bra! You will never have to carry your chopsticks in your purse again! Not only can you store your own compact chopsticks in the side pouches, but it is fashionable with the cups made to look like a bowl of rice and a bowl of miso soup. There is nothing classier than digging your chopsticks out of your bra in the middle of a restaurant!

Friday, November 09, 2007

Happy Birthday, Dear Blog, Happy Birthday To You!

Two years ago today, I started The Pineapple Report. I was blogging about nothing then and not much has changed today. I will continue to blog about a bunch of nothing until I don't anymore. How's that for vague and uplifting? Since I never started blogging about something in particular, I think it is safe to say that I have no plans to grow or change as a blogger. Oh well, let's eat cake. Looks good, doesn't it?

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Tour de Texas

Now that Lance Armstrong got his proposition for cancer funding passed, the media is all about him running for office. Are they for real? He has proven himself to be an articulate speaker and quite the bad ass on a bike. But does that qualify him to be Governor or a U.S. Senator? Oh, wait. I guess it does. When you look at the last two yahoos Texans have elected to be Governor, it is obvious that even a box of rocks is qualified.

And our Senators haven't been that great either. John Cornyn doesn't even know how to send replies to the letters his constituents send. Well, at least he hasn't replied to any of mine and I've sent him quite a few. That, and he is total asshat. The Breck Girl (Kay Bailey Hutchinson) has been decent in that she writes back, but until the whole SCHIP thing she has stuck with her party. Thus, she is an asshat to a slighter degree. I do wonder about someone that is considering quitting the Senate to be Governor. Our Governor has no power, so why would you do that?

I guess the only thing Lance Armstrong can do now to ruin his chances is if he dates both of the Olsen twins at the same time, I mean we are a red state after all.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

I Got A Job!!!

I Got A Job!!!
I Got A Job!!!
I Got A Job!!!
I Got A Job!!!
I Got A Job!!!
I Got A Job!!!
I Got A Job!!!
I Got A Job!!!
I Got A Job!!!
I Got A Job!!!
I Got A Job!!!

And I'm not talking about Macy's. It is a real live lawyer job with benefits!!!
Ironically, Macy's also called to officially extend me a job offer for the seasonal position just an hour later. I wonder how many other job offers I will get today?

OMG! A Smart-Off!

What do you do when you can't decide who is the least smartest most smartest model? You have a Smart-Off! You should have seen the faces on Blonde Rachel and Lisa. They may have been the bottom of the barrel in the smarts this week, but they knew that they should be worried. I really thought that Lisa would have this in the bag, because Blonde Rachel makes Mandy Lynn look like a genius. But then Blonde Rachel proved that she could do simple math (you win $15 dollars if you win a bet with 3 to 1 odds)and about politics (Bush ran against Kerry in 2004). Of course when asked what country the region Darfur was located in, she answered Arabia. When Lisa had a chance at this question she replied that it sounded like a men's cologne. But Blonde Rachel's luck is going to run out next when we learn that she doesn't know how to cut simple geometric shapes. OMG! How do you make a triangle?


Apparently lots of things wash up on shore in the Netherlands. First it was the Giant Lego Man and now it is bananas -- and lots of them. Thousands of Cuban bananas have washed up on the shore of two Dutch North Sea islands. It seems that this is nothing unusual for Terschelling island (one of the now banana rich islands). Last year thousands of tennis shoes, aluminum briefcases and children's toys washed ashore. And twenty years ago it was sweaters. Awesome.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Today's Great Buy on Ebay

Looking to buy a small town in Texas? Well, look no further because Albert, Texas is for sale on Ebay. As of this morning, the bidding was at $3,000,100.00. Not bad for a historic town. Like Luckenbach, it has a population of 4 (and both towns are named after Albert Luckenbach. Sweet!). Included in this purchase is the schoolhouse that was attended by LBJ, an Icehouse to see live music and it is in the middle of Texas wine country. According to the current owner, Bobby Cave, "[t]he bar nets about $85,000 in beer and T-shirts each year and has the cleanest public restrooms in Texas." I don't know what else a pineapple could want. If I win the lottery in time, I am so going to buy it. I want to be the Mayor of Albert, Texas!

Monday, November 05, 2007


As one of the many members of the unemployed, I can only take so much internet before I have to watch TV. That's right I need to watch silly TV shows. They make me whole. Well now the writers have gone on strike (and I don't blame them). First, the talk shows go into rerun. Not that I care about that all that much. I like The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, but I don't really watch them on a regular basis. But next, they are going to screw with my daytime story. They only tape a week or so in advance. How the hell can I keep track of where the brain is in Oakdale if my show isn't even on? Bastards! Of course, the last time the writers went on strike it was over before you could blink. This time, I'm not so sure. I guess TV junkies like myself have a lot of reality TV to look forward to.

King Tut, How'd You Get So Funky?

That is a face that only a mother could love. Everybody is all excited about being able to see King Tut's face for the first time, but really all it does for me is make me think of that song Steve Martin did in 1978. That and I don't really want to go look at dead people all that much. But I guess if you are the kind of person that likes the viewing at funerals, then this exhibit may be for you. All you have to do is go to Egypt. Or you could wait for the encore tour of his stuff to come back to the States in the Fall of 2008.

Until then, this will have to tide you over.

And the short answer about how he got so funky? That would be the Mummification.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

November Is Write Until Your Fingers Bleed Month

This month we are supposed to blog everyday because it is National Blog Posting Month. Also known by the catchy moniker NaBloPoMo. Just rolls off the tongue doesn't it? If you don't have a blog, you are supposed to get one and start blogging everyday. If you have one, you are supposed to write a post everyday. I think of myself as more of a binge blogger. Sometimes I just can't say enough and other times I don't have a single thing to say. I suppose that is better than binge eating. I guess I will give it a go, but don't be surprised when you find entries about who has the brain in Oakdale (I think Katie left town with it because it sure isn't Carly or anyone else in Oakdale). I know inquiring minds want to know!

It seems that it is also National Novel Writing Month. The whole point of this is to write a 50,000 word novel in one month. Their catchy moniker? NaNoWriMo, of course! Since I didn't officially register to take on this daunting endeavor I think I will stick with the novel I started and keep the time table of "when I finish I'll be finished" that I already set up for myself. Is much less stressful this way.

Too bad Script Frenzy isn't in November too because then we could do all three things in one month -- become a model blogger, write the next Great American Novel, and write a summer blockbuster. That would really make your finger bleed.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

I May Be A People Person

I had my interview at Macy's yesterday. I think I've been on too many job interviews because I was able to explain how my experience as an attorney qualified me to sell women's ready to wear (and I even kept straight face!). I think I'm going to get the job. Unfortunately you don't get the benefit of the employee discount until you have completed the "season". I guess I will hold off on all of that spending until the end. You know mall work pays well! The upside of this job is that I have to wear all blacck. Now I have to decide what kind of costume to wear to work. Should I be goth? A beatnik? I just can't decide!

The irony is that I got a message from a promising lawyer-type job wanting an interview while I was being interviewed for my dream customer service job. I wonder if I can do both jobs so I can get a new work wardrobe at a discount?

Friday, November 02, 2007

The Summer of the Chupacabra Is Over

I guess summer has been over for a while even though the air conditioner has only been off for a couple of weeks. But the DNA results for the Chupacabra of Cuero came back. They say it is just a plain ole coyote. Scientists say the "DNA sequence is virtually identical to a coyote." But then again, do they want us worrying about a blood sucking fiend running around?

If It Were Only As Fun As It Sounded

Because Michael Mukasey refuses to declare that waterboarding is torture, we may not have a new Attorney General. Maybe he is confusing it with wakeboarding and thinks it is some sort of water sport? Maybe he is the Mandy Lynn of America's Most Smartest Attorney General nominees? Unfortunately, for Mukasey there are a lot of people that think dumping water on someone's face to give them the sensation of drowning in order to make them confess is torture and not a super fun water sport. But now that those sticklers on the Judiciary Committee can't accept the water sportiness of torture, Baby Boy Bush has stomped his foot and told them that maybe we wouldn't have an Attorney General at all. What kind of threat is that? We all know that Alberto could never be replaced (please see the 1000s of previous entries for my tributes to Alberto if you don't believe me). And the way the Justice Department has been managed in the past, maybe things would work just as well if not better without a monkey in charge. Or maybe I'm just bitter because I sent in a resume and didn't even get a response? Personally, I'm rooting for the none of the above Attorney General. It's not like Baby Boy Bush cares what the Constitution says anyway so it won't matter if no one is in charge.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

My Next Challenge... to be a people person. Seriously. I have an interview at Macy's tomorrow for a seasonal position. Fingers crossed everyone! An employee discount and crazy Christmas shoppers may be in my near future. And if I am a really good girl maybe Tim Gunn will show up to teach me how to make a wedding gown from Martha Stewart's linens.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Divide and Conquer

Laverne the Moose

Shirley the Lobster

(sleeping dogs are so easy to dress up)

Happy Halloween!

I guess he lives in bizarro world

Because Baby Boy Bush says we have a strong economy. Is that why oil costs a record $94 a barrel? And that's a good thing because everyone can afford to pay even more for gasoline. I know I'm not spending enough money to fill up my tank. Why eat when you can drive! The Federal Reserve is cutting rates yet experts say that won't fix the housing market. I guess the housing market is on shaky ground and needs fixing every time we have a strong economy. I guess that also explains why I have a great, high paying job. Not! If struggling to pay rent, bills and still eat after I write all of those checks is a sign of a strong economy then I am the freaking poster child of our strong economy.

Because the economy is so strong, I have time to do lots of things. For example, I have seen some fine television programs. I am current on my daytime story and have plenty of time to wonder just who will get the brain next. For some reason, only one person in Oakdale is allowed to figure things out. This is because they all share the same brain. Not that you are wondering, but it seems that Katie has the brain this week. Once she figures out that Carly isn't really going to die, someone else will have the opportunity to figure something out. Isn't it exciting?

I have also seen America's Most Smartest Model. On this show, they have challenges to show you just how stupid these people are. They even have a "walk and talk" competition. This has been a struggle for these most smartest models. I mean that have to come up with things that are round(a ball) or things that are dirty(a dirty penis). This can be really taxing when you have to walk at the same time! When they throw someone off it is called a "purge". I wonder how they came up with that? On one of the episodes the most smartest models had to have a science fair. When one of the models was asked what color would he use to represent something that was warm, his answer was "hot." I love that color! On this episode they finally purged the nearly brain dead Mandy Lynn.

And apparently her boob is heavier than her brain. Then again, a feather is heavier than her brain.

All of this gainful employment has given me the opportunity to do other important works like read lots of trashy novels and dress my dogs in Halloween costumes. While I thought it was funny to dress dogs up as a moose and a lobster, they did not want to cooperate for the picture part of the dress up game. Spoil sports! Just wait until MOTL gets home to help contain them. Then we will see who gets silly pictures. Always bet Pineapple.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Guess What? I Am Old!!!

I know this because I got a complimentary copy of eldr magazine in the mail yesterday. And they want to give me a great deal if I subscribe today! While I'm really not interested in getting Alzheimer's or anything, but I'm still at that age when I am making plans to settle down and have a family. The part where I lose my mind comes later. Much later -- hopefully.

And I don't like getting magazines with articles telling me that I should stop coloring my hair because it is alright if all of it is gray. They tell me this look is "IN and SEXY". I don't think so. Besides, if my hair were totally white I would start dyeing my hair purple again because the color would take well on white hair. Now that's hot.

And thanks, but no thanks. I do not need a free poster about flu prevention. Here is all I need to know: get a flu shot and don't touch anything or anyone. Do I really need a poster to tell me that? I don't think so. The last time I got a magazine that came with free posters I was twelve. And the posters were of hot guys (Hello! Tiger Beat magazine!)

So as much as they would like to get me on the road to my golden years, I am going to have to pass for now.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Need A Missile Base?

Because if you do there is one for sale on eBay . Interested? It can be yours for the low, low price of $1,500,000.00! And if you want to see the video click here. Sorry, but the killjoys at BBC wont allow embedding...

What I Did This Weekend

the funniest thing this weekend: I saw saw Tuna Does Vegas. Just about everything in Tuna Does Vegas was funny and I laughed from start to finish. But one of the lines that really stuck with me and still makes me giggle is when Anna Conda says, "She booked the economy wedding package called the 'Compassionate Conservative'. It doesn't mean anything, but it sure is fun to say."

the strangest fruit: My neighbor has an orange tree in his yard and we saw him when we were walking the dogs. MOTL asked how hard it was to grow an orange tree and that is when he told his that his oranges tasted like limes and he gave us some. He wasn't kidding, they taste like limes with a hint of orange. You don't really want to just peel them and eat them like an orange but they sure are good when you squeeze it in your water.

and that sums up my exciting weekend.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Temp-orary Insanity

Today was my big interview at the temp agency. What a strange experience. I just to be clear, I did dress like I was going to an interview. Confused by this statement? Then read this blog entry first. Apparently, they don't tell everyone about the dress code or not everyone understands what this means. It is really hard to tell. But I am pretty sure that most likely wearing faded and ripped jeans is not the best way to make a good first impression no matter where you go. An impression? Yes. Good? Not so much.

My case worker (I don't think that is really her job title, but that's what I will call her) claims she will find me a permanent position really soon. I'm not sure how thrilled I am about what she thinks she is going to find because she really didn't understand what it was I did at my last job. How can you sell someone's skill set when you don't get it yourself? I also question her judgment because she suggested I remove pertinent information from my resume and use bullet points and a bunch of other stupid formatting. Since I have experience reviewing resumes, I know that this is a bad idea. Especially since my job experience is exactly what is going to get me another job that requires my job experience.

Because my case worker really only does permanent placement, she sent me over the temporary placement side to get work immediately. This is where it got a little interesting. Case worker #2 and I talked for a while and then she decided what tests I needed to take so she could get cracking on my fabulous new career in temp work. I took two tests to determine my data entry skills, a typing test, and a receptionist test. Just for the record, my data entry skills are "good". Yay me. I type 41 words per minute, but I wonder how much better I would have done had the keyboard been fully functional. I'm just saying.

My score on the receptionist test was "good" as well. Though I really have to question this. The instructions claimed that each question only had one correct answer, but as best I could tell some of them did not have any right answers. When case worker #2 saw this score she said that she guessed if the crazy lunatic with a gun came in (yes, this was a test question) that I would chose the option to shoot him first. Although this was not really an option on the test, it was my first thought. I have been a receptionist (and I was good at it), but I am not the best gate keeper when the person trying to get in the gate is rude, stupid, or both. At this point in the relationship, I am not a nice person. This was not reflected in my score because my tolerance level would have gotten me a failing score. But since they did not test my patience, I passed. Did I mention that the whole time I was taking my tests, that some other poor soul was watching a video at full blast about his new career in the medical field? Well, now you know. And now I know all about hepatitis, HIV/AIDS and how to spot someone that has jaundice. Considering I learned all of this while demonstrating the mediocrity of my office skills I think my score should be increased accordingly.

After all of this, her big lead was a temporary position cooking at the Salvation Army.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Bitter Is The New Pineapple

I think I am about to start living Bitter Is The New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass,Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office. If you haven't read this book, then you wouldn't know that it is about Jen Lancaster's experiences after being laid-off when the tech boom went bust. It chronicles her insane job interviews and some of the temp jobs she had. A particular favorite is the temp job where the woman, that told her what her duties would be, insisted she take notes on things like how to get to the bathroom and how to make copies. Ms. Lancaster then started writing down bitchy and sarcastic remarks about everything she was told. I laughed so hard I cried. I guess I should have been crying because her experiences are now mine.

Over the past few months I have applied for I don't know how many lawyer jobs. I've even had some good interviews. I've tried to get on with legal placement people for temporary work, but every time they have a project it gets canceled and it never pans out. I decided that I need to do something that earns income so I have been trying to get on with a non-legal temp agency. I haven't been successful because of that whole being a licensed attorney thing really puts them off. They seem to think that I won't be interested in the work they have. At this point, if they will pay me I am interested. So I decided it was time to change my tactics. In my cover letter I practically apologize for my short coming of being a lawyer and point out my job experience from before my lawyering days. This experience makes me a perfect candidate for temp work. I guess it finally worked because I just got a message from a non-legal temp agency for an interview. When I called back, I was told what I needed to bring to the interview and then the woman I spoke to told me that I should dress like I would for a job interview. I'm wondering what part of getting called for an interview would have given me the idea that I should dress like I was going to one? I can't wait to get a job an untrained monkey could do the job and where people treat me like I am stupid, because I will finally have something to blog about and being able to buy groceries will be a nice bonus.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Viva Ladummy

I read today that CBS canceled Viva Laughlin. I haven't even watched it yet, people. Then again it wasn't until Friday that I found out that these people burst out into song in the middle of conversations. Up until Friday I thought it was the same old Vegas drama with some mystery solving sprinkled on top. I mean, who hasn't seen that show? I had no idea it was like Cop Rock but in Vegas, baby! And probably better.

At least Viva Laughlin had Hugh Jackman and Melanie Griffith. Exactly who was in Cop Rock? Just some people that are vaguely familiar from bad movies I've watched on cable in the middle of the night. I guess I will watch the one episode that I have recorded and then harbor resentment towards the idiots that make programming decisions at CBS. Who hires these fools? And why don't they hire me?

Friday, October 19, 2007

The Dead Zone

I don't know if I'm getting more morbid because Halloween is quickly approaching or if I am in just suffering from the affliction of "terminal bad mood", but in case you missed it here is a short list of who & what died this week:

1. The last living member of the Rat Pack, Joey Bishop, died at age 89. Guess he was able to out live the others because he didn't drink and smoke as much?

2. Deborah Kerr, died at age 86,who was apparently more famous for being in From Here To Eternity and not for An Affair to Remember seeing as how the article I read just mentioned An Affair to Remember in passing at the end of the article. I guess that stupid Meg Ryan movie ruined that movie for the person writing the AP article, too.

3. "Compassionate Conservatism" died this week -- if it was ever really alive -- in the form of the failed attempt to override Baby Boy Bush's veto of SCHIP.

4. Taku, the 14 year old Killer Whale at Sea World in San Antonio. The death was unexpected, but they can't rule out old age since they don't really know what the life expectancy of Killer Whales. In six weeks, when the test results are available we probably wont even remember what a Taku is.

5. My bank account when I had to spend my last $20.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Your Own Chocolate Jesus

Although the Catholics do not approve of the chocolaty and anatomically correct "My Sweet Lord", they are not going to try to shut down this showing like they did last time. Hope you like chocolate because artist Cosimo Cavallaro will also be including chocolate icons of the Virgin Mary and saints Francis, Augustine, Michael, Jude, Anthony and Fermin in his exhibit at the Proposition Gallery in Manhattan beginning on October 27.

So Why Would He Want To Be President?

Or for that matter why would anyone be willing to clean up the mess created over the past eight years? But really, why would winning the Nobel Peace Prize be just the thing to get Al Gore to run for President? Al Gore is like the rock star of the environment now. Before his movie and the Oscars and the Emmy and the Nobel Peace Prize, he was kind of a dull guy. Would you muck this up by running for president when you could be out there actually accomplishing things? Even if I didn't have anything better to, and I don't, I still wouldn't run for president. For one thing, you have to figure out how to leave a country that your predecessor has basically destroyed. Then there are the crazies running places like Iran and Korea that think nuclear weapons are a fun thing to have and the crazies that run China that think it is OK to make and sell products that are full of poisons. Not to mention the fact that the economy is about to collapse (hello! record oil prices, sketchiness in the housing industry and banks declaring billions of dollars in bad debt.). And on top of all of that, you have to live in a big ugly house that people take tours of! I do not do well living and working at the same place. And I would not want to live someplace that was always full of strangers looking around.

So for all of you Gore lovers out there -- No, he is still not going to run for president. He has more important shit to do.

*note about the above picture: this is a miniature version of the White House built by John and Jan Zweifel. I saw it when it was on tour at the LBJ Library. Weeee!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Countdown Is On

Now that Baby Boy Bush has waged a war on America's children, we are now left to wait and see how many Republicans are willing to stick with their lord of darkness despite the fact at least 70 percent of Americans support the increased funding for SCHIP. Let's just ignore the fact that the people elected to Congress are supposed to represent the people. And let's just ignore the fact that SCHIP does not cover all children that are from families that can't afford health insurance or preventative health care. And let's just ignore the fact that these people running the country have not known what it is like to struggle financially and have rocks in their chests instead of hearts. Obviously, the concept of being a "compassionate conservative" is bullshit.

The reality is, that when people don't have health insurance the cost of health care goes up for everyone. There are many individuals and families that have to make the choice to pay their rent and bills and buy food instead of luxuries like health insurance and preventative health care. I guess those assholes up in D.C. wearing their fancy suits don't get this dilemma that millions of Americans face. People that can't afford to go to the doctor have to wait until it is so urgent that they have to go to the emergency room. This is their best option because the hospital has to take them even if they can't afford to pay for it. But I guess taxpayers picking up the tab for this is a much better alternative than helping people get medical care before it becomes urgent and more expensive. But let's be real clear about this, SCHIP insurance is no treat. Very few doctors take it and if your child has a serious medical condition you can forget about finding a specialist that takes that kind of insurance. But at least it helps pay for medicine and catastrophic care. And when you don't make enough money to pay all of your bills, you certainly can't afford to buy medicine for your child.

So why don't the Republicans want to increase SCHIP? Because they are afraid of nationalized health care. Honestly, I'm not sure I want this government to run anything, but making sure we have healthy kids is a good thing. Healthy kids do better in school which makes them more likely to grow up into productive adults. This can only be a good thing for our economy. Isn't that what drives the Republicans? But maybe the Republicans are trying to solve the social security problem by making sure future generations don't live long enough to collect. But the fact is that the Republicans are proposing an increase that wont even cover all the kids that are currently eligible for SCHIP. There is no risk of the increase of SCHIP funding that was vetoed by Bush will lead to anything that is like a government run health care system. So, if you live in one of the 159 congressional districts that is representatives that voted against kids, you should give your representative a call or an email and tell them how much they suck. Do it now. Help Congress override the veto.

Do you want a breakdown of the vote click here. I learned that 21 Geminis voted against SCIP. You can learn such useful things at!

Here are the 8 Democrat House members that voted against SCHIP:
Dan Boren, Kathy Castor, Bob Etheridge, Baron Hill, Dennis Kucinich, Jim Marshall, Mike McIntyre, Gene Taylor

Here are the 151 Republican House Members that voted against SCHIP:
Robert Aderholt, Todd Akin, Rodney Alexander, Michele Bachmann, Spencer Bachus, Richard Baker, J. Gresham Barrett, Roscoe Bartlett, Joe Barton, Judith Biggert, Brian Bilbray, Gus Bilirakis, Rob Bishop, Marsha Blackburn, Roy Blunt, John Boehner, Jo Bonner, John Boozman, Charles Boustany, Kevin Brady, Paul Broun, Henry Brown, Ginny Brown-Waite, Michael Burgess, Dan Burton, Steve Buyer, Ken Calvert, Dave Camp, John Campbell, Chris Cannon, Eric Cantor, John Carter, Steve Chabot, Howard Coble, Tom Cole, Michael Conaway, Ander Crenshaw, John Culberson, Geoff Davis, David Davis, Nathan Deal, Lincoln Diaz-Balart, Mario Diaz-Balart, John Doolittle, Thelma Drake, David Dreier, John 'Jimmy' Duncan, Terry Everett, Mary Fallin, Tom Feeney, Jeff Flake, Randy Forbes, Jeff Fortenberry, Virginia Foxx, Trent Franks, Rodney Frelinghuysen, Elton Gallegly, Scott Garrett, Phil Gingrey, Louie Gohmert, Virgil Goode, Bob Goodlatte, Kay Granger, Sam Graves, Ralph Hall, J. Dennis Hastert, Doc Hastings, Robin Hayes, Dean Heller, Jeb Hensarling, Peter Hoekstra, Kenny Hulshof, Duncan Hunter, Bob Inglis, Darrell Issa, Sam Johnson, Tim Johnson, Walter Jones, Jim Jordan, Ric Keller, Steve King, Jack Kingston, John Kline, Joe Knollenberg, Randy Kuhl, Doug Lamborn, Ron Lewis, Jerry Lewis, John Linder, Frank Lucas, Daniel Lungren, Connie Mack, Donald Manzullo, Kenny Marchant, Kevin McCarthy, Michael McCaul, Thad McCotter, Jim McCrery, Patrick McHenry, Buck McKeon, John Mica, Gary Miller, Jeff Miller, Marilyn Musgrave, Sue Myrick, Randy Neugebauer, Devin Nunes, Ron Paul, Stevan Pearce, Mike Pence, John Peterson, Chip Pickering, Joe Pitts, Tom Price, Adam Putnam, George Radanovich, Thomas Reynolds, Hal Rogers, Mike Rogers, Mike Rogers, Dana Rohrabacher, Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, Peter Roskam, Edward Royce, Paul Ryan, Bill Sali, Jim Saxton, Jean Schmidt, Jim Sensenbrenner, Pete Sessions, John Shadegg, John Shimkus, Bill Shuster, Lamar Smith, Adrian Smith, Mark Souder, Cliff Stearns, John Sullivan, Tom Tancredo, Lee Terry, Mac Thornberry, Todd Tiahrt, Timothy Walberg, Greg Walden, Zachary Wamp, Dave Weldon, Jerry Weller, Lynn Westmoreland, Ed Whitfield, Roger Wicker, Joe Wilson

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

The Evil Ways of Google (or yet another reason why "conservatives' need to find a better way to spend their time)

Now that republicans have made sure that children don't have access to health care and farmers don't have a sufficient labor force to harvest their crops, the "conservatives" have moved on to important things like chastising presidential candidates for not wearing tacky American flag pins on their lapels and declaring Google "unamerican".

To celebrate the anniversary of Sputnik, Google did the unthinkable and created a special Google logo for the day. Fifty years ago we were in a cold war and space race with the USSR. Allegedly, we are not enemies and we aren't supposed to hate the Russians anymore. I guess some of these old dinosaurs didn't get the memo. Not to mention the fact, that the Russians did us a favor by launching Sputnik because it put our space program into high gear. Sometimes you need a kick in the pants when you are trying to get to the moon. Besides, whoever said that space belongs to America? And in all fairness Google also commemorated the anniversary of the Lunar Landing (July 20, 2005) with this:

To prove their "point", they have also blasted Google for not making spacial logos for things like Veteran's Day and Memorial Day. There are even rumors that did not make a special logo for other holidays like the Fourth of July. They did and if you don't believe me or want to take a look at their logos you can go here.

What is this country coming to? If we don't agree, then one of us is now unamerican? The irony is so rich because the freedom to disagree was so important to our founding fathers that when they drafted the Bill of Rights this was first on their list (Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances). Frankly, all of these rabid conservatives that start all of this talk about disagreeing with what this administration is doing or celebrating achievements that non-Americans have made to science being unamerican, then they are the ones that are unamerican. And they can go to hell.