Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Guess What? I Am Old!!!

I know this because I got a complimentary copy of eldr magazine in the mail yesterday. And they want to give me a great deal if I subscribe today! While I'm really not interested in getting Alzheimer's or anything, but I'm still at that age when I am making plans to settle down and have a family. The part where I lose my mind comes later. Much later -- hopefully.

And I don't like getting magazines with articles telling me that I should stop coloring my hair because it is alright if all of it is gray. They tell me this look is "IN and SEXY". I don't think so. Besides, if my hair were totally white I would start dyeing my hair purple again because the color would take well on white hair. Now that's hot.

And thanks, but no thanks. I do not need a free poster about flu prevention. Here is all I need to know: get a flu shot and don't touch anything or anyone. Do I really need a poster to tell me that? I don't think so. The last time I got a magazine that came with free posters I was twelve. And the posters were of hot guys (Hello! Tiger Beat magazine!)

So as much as they would like to get me on the road to my golden years, I am going to have to pass for now.



11 comments:

Nervana said...

These "introductory" magazines are only the beginning. Soon you will get invitations to "free dinners" where experts will discuss how to invest (steal) your money. You'll get (in a plain brown envelope) pictures and text of penile extensions, enhancers and tested ways to make the most of them. Next come coupons for dental implants, potions that guarantee to "take you back to the beauty of yesteryear, and on and on ad nauseum. Why can't anyone just send us a large check, a great vibrator and a one-way first class ticket to a tropical paradise??????? The truth is, and everyone knows it......the path to the golden years is a dead-end. Stay the hell off it and take the fork in the road.

pineapple said...

it wouldn't bother me so much if they sent me those weird catalogs that have the circulation socks and vibrators, but nooooooooooo! I get magazines for the geriatric crowd...

Jill said...

You mean you haven't gotten an offer from AARP? I got a "join now" one when I was not even close to 50. I have not heard of that elder mag. I do find some interesting things in the AARP mag, tho. Hey, at least they are not featuring stories about Britney Spears, right?

pineapple said...

I haven't heard from AARP yet. I guess it is just a matter of time since I'm getting magazine offers from the ancient people magazine.

The Other Jen said...

Hahahaa...I can't believe the COVER!! That's the scariest thing I've seen all day. And it's Halloween! hahaha.

Ok, now I feel bad for laughing at old people.

What a champ though. I could so not do that - but i will try it the next time I'm sitting on the floor in my camisole, short shorts and pearls while reading my book one-handed!

For sure.

Nervana said...

Steven Colbert is right.....we old people all look like lizards. so be it. at least i don't eat flies.

pineapple said...

the other jen: what do you mean? I thought everyone read in that pose!

nervana: mmmmmmmm! flies!

Only Grrrl said...

I feel totally inadequate to comment... Nervana, you are hilarious!

I like the part on the cover that says "Best Fish to EAT" ... I guess since they didn't send you a vibrator....

pineapple said...

ha ha ha ha!

mad said...

Ha! Gray hair is the new blonde.

pineapple said...

um. no.