Saturday, March 29, 2008

Chow Mein Useful, Kung Pao Chicken Not So Much

This week the Texas State Board of Eduction is doing all they can to make sure that the children of Texas and good and dumb. Every year they make progress toward this goal. Some years they insist on taking the science out of science books or approving history books that have hundreds of errors. This year, it is making sure kids only read the right kind of books. The fact that they are coming up with a state approved list won't matter so much because the rest of their plan pretty much ensures that the kids won't be able to read the books on that list anyway.

But let's talk about this book list even though no one will be able to read the books on it. When teachers skipped school on Wednesday to come to Austin to testify in opposition to the new plan to dumb down our kids, certain members of the board made it really clear that there was no problem with this list even though it is almost completely void of contemporary authors and books that might be remotely multi-cultural in nature. Of course, it isn't a surprise that the SBOE would think that the required reading list should be completely white bread in nature. These are the same people that believe that evolution is a myth and that “embarrassing” illustrations of breast and testicular self-exams for cancer detection should be deleted from health textbooks. They also approved math books that had 109,263 errors. In 2003, the SBOE declared the history books they approved to be error free and yet there were still 243 errors. And even if you don't live in Texas, you should be worried. Because we purchase so many textbooks, our decisions dictate what books are sold to the schools in your state.

But none of this to do about the stupid book list is a surprise especially when you have a board chairman like like Don McLeroy. When discussing the state approved book list he said the following:

"What good does it do to put a Chinese story in an English book?" he said. "You learn all these Chinese words, OK. That's not going to help you master ... English. So you really don't want Chinese books with a bunch of crazy Chinese words in them. Why should you take a child's time trying to learn a word that they'll never ever use again?"

He added that some words — such as chow mein — might be useful.

No wonder the kids in this state are fucking stupid.

Friday, March 28, 2008

This Is the Year

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you may recall that last year I put the call out to Fawn Hall for help. Well, she never responded and I never did much about shredding all of those papers. I got rid of a box or two, but in the meantime I managed to collect more crap. Obviously I do not shred or recycle as I go. I've been told this is the best way to deal with this problem. Instead I just shove it all in a bag to deal with it later. But this is the year I am getting rid of the paper. I really mean it this time. I am going to shred (or recycle) my papers. It really pissed me off that I paid some one to move a bunch of garbage to my new house. How ridiculous is that? I'm having a hard time getting my office in order because I get so pissed off about it every time I go in that room. I decided I really have to do something about all of that paper. And while Fawn Hall didn't call me, I got the next best thing -- my electric bill. Seriously. I was looking at those inserts that you never read that come in the electric bill because I figured what they said would be less painful than my bill. That is when I discovered that they have announced Shred Day 2008. For those of you in Austin that don't shred as you go, Shred Day 2008 is on Saturday, April 19, 2008 from 7:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. at the Austin High Parking Lot. You can bring up to five boxes for them to shred for you. I already have one box ready to go and I can fill up to four more. Of course, they didn't say what size boxes they could be. But if this plan fails, I will just have to get a hamster powered paper shredder.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Just A Fancy Way of Saying, "I Lied"

Or did I just misspeak? I don't want to get into a word war or anything, but wouldn't an example of being misspoken be along the lines of saying that I wore black shoes that day when I really was wearing brown shoes? Talking about being under sniper fire when you were not is a flat out lie or proof that you are delusional and need serious medical help. Or possibly both. And I think I could buy the whole "I misspoke" thing if Hillary Clinton had that actually happen to her -- just in a different country. But it did not. Unless this is the sniper:

And if you are wondering, this is not the first time she "misspoke" and it won't be the last. Ignoring the peace she brought to Ireland and all the documents she released when she was being honest about the whole Whitewater thing, there is a great example of when she misspoke. I recall the time she claimed she was named after Edmund Hillary. He climbed Mt. Everest on May 29, 1953 and she was born on October 26, 1947. Since climbing Mt. Everest is what made him famous I seriously doubt that her story is true. I guess she is just a pathological liar -- I mean she must have misspoke.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Beware of the Easter Bunny

Because the Easter Bunny will fuck you up.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Its Election Day!

I've already early voted and as always it was super fun. I told MOTL that I wanted to do it again. Since it is a primary, I get to. Yipee! That is because the Democratic delegates are split between what happens at the polls (126 delegates) and what happens at the caucus tonight(67 delegates). What fun! I love voting. And this race is really important because the race is going to be so close. Because I'm still registered at my parents' house, we are all going to caucus together. Talk about voting in a block! So if you haven't voted yet, today is your big day. The polls are open from 7 to 7 and the Democratic caucuses start at 7:15 (or after the people in line to vote at 7 have voted). And the other good news, no matter what the outcome, those of us in Texas, Ohio, Rhode Island and Vermont will not have to watch anymore of Clinton's "red phone" ads. Because her ads suck and the more she runs them, the more resolve and support I have for Barack Obama. Frankly, I am sick of her whining, her sniping, and attacks. She should know better, but continues on with that bitchy crap. Enough is enough lady! She will be waiting on results in Ohio tonight. Does she know that Texas is sick of her?