Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Austin is a little less weird

Over the years Molly Ivins has managed to amuse and piss off quite a few people. I was one of the amused. Very amused. But when she lost her battle against breast cancer today, Austin lost a little bit of its sparkle. RIP, Molly. You were a true smartass. I will miss you.

Click here to read her column.

Here are some quotes for your enjoyment:
"Being slightly paranoid is like being slightly pregnant - it tends to get worse."

"It's hard to argue against cynics - they always sound smarter than optimists because they have so much evidence on their side."

"It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America."

"Any nation that can survive what we have lately in the way of government, is on the high road to permanent glory."

"Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel - it's vulgar."

"I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years."

"During a recent panel on the numerous failures of American journalism, I proposed that almost all stories about government should begin: 'Look out! They're about to smack you around again!'"

I know vegetarians don't like to hear this, but God made an awful lot of land that's good for nothing but grazing."

"In Texas, we do not hold high expectations for the governor's office; it's mostly been occupied by crooks, dorks and the comatose."

"I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part, and discuss it only with consenting adults."

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

a blogging bonanza

not here, but at the traveling pineapple.

A dumbass with a dumbass lawyer

So this dumbass gets busted for drunk driving and calls his dumbass lawyer to come pick him up. Well, his dumbass lawyer got popped for drunk driving when he showed up to bail out his dumbass client. Click here to get the detail on these dumbasses.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

I can't believe I'm saying this

I am so tired of hearing about how Tyra Banks is fat. Let's just get this straight, she is not fat. For once in her life she looks healthy. Grasping for stories, are we? Have all of the "stories" about other celebrities run out? No new names to make up for stupid celebrity couples? Why gossip when you can be hateful. So shut up already. I'm tired of hearing about it.


Monday, January 22, 2007

I am not a responsible blogger

Apparently I and countless other blogger have been targeted by Left Behind Games for being irresponsible. Last month I posted a blog about how crappy the graphics and the music are for the game Left Behind (Rated M for Moron, D for Dumbass, I for Idiot...). I feel so honored that this SJR person has taken the time to actually read my blog and posted a comment that really goes to the heart of what I was saying.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Why can't I...

find Ishtar on DVD? I bet my cheap DVD player doesn't play European DVDs (the only place they released it on DVD). The year Ishtar came out, they called it the biggest flop of all time. What dumbasses. That is a really funny movie. If you haven't seen it, then you are probably thinking that it is one of the worst movies of all time. Don't believe the hype. It is a fantastically hilarious story about the dumbest and worst lounge singers ever that get sent to Ishtar because that is the only job they can find. The songs they sing are wonderfully awful.

What brought this whole thing up was that last night on the Golden Globes they honored Warren Beatty and actually showed a very, very short clip of Ishtar. Actually, I'm not even sure it was long enough to qualify as a clip (it was more of a hint or a blurb than a clip). Usually they ignore your bombs altogether when they tell you how great you are. I recall seeing some tribute for Tom Hanks and they just flat out ignored Joe Versus the Volcano. That was a funny movie, but I guess it was just too weird for the mainstream movie audience. So what I'm really getting to is that you should check out Ishtar and the movie people need to embrace its cult status and release on DVD in the U.S. How else am I going to get my blind camel fix?


Thursday, January 04, 2007

I'm having a revolution

This year I'm going to skip the resolutions. Honestly, my annual resolution is not to make any resolutions. While I've been highly successful in my follow through, it really hasn't done much in the whole changing my evil ways department. So this year I'm going straight to having a revolution. Why resolve when you can revolt? (I really wanted to go with the rhyme of "why resolve when you can revolve?", but it really doesn't go with my theme.) So let the revolution begin. I'm revolting against all of the clutter and stacks of paper in my life. I will be a better person if I have less paper.

So does anyone know how to get in touch with Fawn Hall? I hear she is a wonder with the paper shredder...

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

I wouldn't mind...

... being let go from my job if I got a $210 million parting gift. Most people are lucky to get two weeks pay when they are let go. It seems like if you are CEO of a company and the stock drops you get lots of money to leave. So where do I send my resume to run companies into the ground? It looks like Home Depot is looking for a new CEO. can anyone suggest other places for me to submit a job application? I am highly qualified to do a crummy job of running a large corporation. And I promise I wont complain when you let me go and give me a multi-million dollar pay-off to leave.