I'm sure learning to dance like Michael Jackson is a lot more fun than learning how to make a license plate. But how did they decide who got to dress up in drag and who got to be Michael? But what I really want to know is why they did this at all?
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
1. Mug Shot Competition.
All of the celebrities know that your mugshot will be plastered all over the internet. You can either have a fanstasically bad mugshot like Nick Nolte or you can go the glamorous route. Both Paris and Lindsay decided for the latter. Which is kind of a shame because the crazy hair thing that Nick Nolte has going on in his mug shot would look fantastic on either one of these ladies. Lindsay Lohan should have lots of practice getting her picture taken in an impaired state and yet she lets them take a picture of her looking like a slacked-jaw yokel. Come on, Lindsay, this isn't your first time at the rodeo! Paris, on the otherhand, really works it. She poses for the camera so that her mug shot can be its very best.
Mug shot competition goes to: Paris
2. Driving Competition.
Both of these girls got popped for DUI. And both of them got pulled over again over after their DUI for doing other bad stuff. Paris was driving with a suspended license more than once. Lindsay on the other hand went for the gusto and decided to drive around drunk again, with cocaine in her pocket, whilst harassing the mother of the assistant that quit either that day. Paris is no rocket scientist, but even Paris knew better than that. Both can afford to hire drivers or pay for a cab so there is no reason why either of them should have ever been arrested for drunk driving in the first place. Lindsay now has two DUIs. And it appears Paris is no longer the stupidest celebrity on the planet.
Driving competiton goes to: Lindsay.
3. Exhibitionist Competition.
So who hasn't been caught without their panties? Both of these gals have flashed their vaginas around Hollywood. Wheeeeeeeee! But Paris can definitely one up Lindsay in this round. I have four words for you:One Night in Paris. There is nothing like flashing your vagina and other parts in a sex tape.
Exhibitionist Competition goes to: Paris
4. Media Circus Competiton.
This is an interesting round. We know how much people love it when celebrities have to go to rehab. And if you aren't going to stay at the Betty, then by all means go the the resort, I mean, rehab your fellow vagina flasher Britney went to. It was obvious how serious Lindsay was about her recovery because the first thing she did is go to Vegas for her birthday celebration after her release. I know that's where i would go for a sober birthday celebration. Since then, Lindsay has been out and about flashing her SCRAM ankle bracelet. I guess it was really a SCAM. Ha, ha, very punny! But nothing will ever top the dramatics of Paris' parole violation. The courtroom drama, the abrupt release for "medical reasons", the cupcakes during her short lived house arrest, and the return to jail. There is not a damn thing Linsday can do to top this:
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Cheney was at his Chesapeake Bay home in St. Michaels, Md., with his wife, Lynne, and spent his short time in power reading in the back yard and hanging out with his dogs, spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride said. "He had a routine Saturday morning," she said by e-mail. "Nothing occurred that required him to take official action as Acting President." (Washington Post).
Maybe if a certain president would spend more time reading and playing with Barney instead of sticking his nose in everybody's business, the world would be a better place. I assume that if Cheney had been president for more than a few hours, he would not have spent his time in such a useful way.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
That's right. It blends. So far that's the biggest problem I have heard of with the iPhone. They are auctioning off the blended iPhone on eBay and it looks like it may end up costing more than an un-blended iPhone. People will buy anything.
I guess the people that suggested this are part of the iPhone backlash. It seems like there are the people that have iPhones and the people that are bitter that they don't have iPhones. I mean are they pissed because they can't afford one or that they have Verizon instead of AT&T? The Pineapple Mom forwarded me an email from someone she knew that gave reasons why he was not going to buy an iPhone. The top one is that it is made by Apple. What the hell is that all about? Every Apple computer I have had, I have kept until it ran out of room for my stuff while every Windows machine I have had, I had to replace because it was crap. Yes, I would much rather buy a phone built by the same person that made the Xbox. I like products that are inferior and crash for no particular reason. I guess the same people bidding on the blended iPhone also have an Xbox.
I will tell you why I don't want an iPhone. It is the same reason I don't want a Satan Box (Blackberry). I don't want people to be able to email me wherever I go. I've had a cell phone for over ten years and I'm still not keen on the idea that people can call me wherever I go. But the truth be told, if I had to get something like that, I would get an iPhone. Yes, they cost more than a Blackberry, but I bet they work.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Lady Bird Johnson died today at the age of 94. We really like her in Austin because she made our city pretty. She made sure Town Lake has lots of trees and plants and she gave us The Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center. She also made sure that the highways of Texas are lined with wildflowers. But she wasn't all plants and flowers. She was a shrewd business woman that purchased her first radio station in 1942 with $17,500 in inheritance money while her husband was a member of Congress. She and her family eventually owned a number of radio and television stations. The LBJ Holding Co. sold 50.1 percent of the six-station cluster for approximately $105 million. Not too shabby, huh?
Gwen Verdon - Mexican Breakfast
And then she Walks it Out
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
So back Ole Alberto's latest oopsie! Guess what? He lied to the Senate to get them to renew the Un-Patriot Act. He told them, "There has not been one verified case of civil liberties abuse." He made this statement on April 27, 2005. Well, guess what he got on April 21, 2005? A report setting out how the FBI had, in fact, violated people's civil liberties. When he was called on this contradiction, the department spokesperson said that when Gonzales testified, he was speaking "in the context" of reports by the department's inspector general before this year that found no misconduct or specific civil liberties abuses related to the Patriot Act. In other words, he lied.
You know, most people would have been fired from their job long before now. But not Ole Alberto! As long as he keeps kissing Baby Boy Bush's ass, he will have a job.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Dog fighting is a felony. It is animal abuse and is not a joke. As far as I am concerned it is just as crappy as child abuse and no one would tolerate jokes about that.
The fact is that American Pit Bulls are not an aggressive breed by nature. The American Temerament Test Society has tested American Pit Bulls and as a breed got a grade of 84.1%. Golden Retrievers got a grade of 83.8%. The average overall pass rate for all breeds is 81.5%. It would appear that Pit Bulls have a better temperament than a lot of other dogs. But any dog can become a dangerous dog. Especially when they are abused, starved and taunted. I don't have the stomach to post pictures of the tools they use to train dogs to fight, but it makes medieval torture devices look pretty tame in comparison. Not very funny, is it?
If you want to tell him what a bastard loser he is for his video (or you just want to tell him his music sucks) you can send him a message on his myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/johnmayer. Or call his representation. He is represented by Headline Entertainment. Here is the number 888.552.6737.
Friday, July 06, 2007
And if that in itself isn't enough for you, tomorrow is the day that Tupac will return from his fake death. Its a good thing that he has been making movies and albums since he was "killed" so that he will have lots of money to come home to. See! Lucky! And if that isn't enough, someone made a video of Barney singing a Tupac song. Even more lucky!
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
This is the offending email of the week:
"Nothing important happened today."
—Diary entry by King George III on July 4, 1776
I call bullshit. George III was a raving lunatic and had his head in the sand when it came to dealing with the American colonies, but there is no evidence that he kept a diary --ever. Just because there was reference to this quote on the X-Files does not make it fact. Don't you think that more people would know about this ironic journal entry if it really happened?
And just for the record, George Washington did not chop down a cherry tree and confess to his father because he could not tell a lie. This was a story fabricated by Parson Weems. Sorry to burst your bubble.