She's right. I don't have the map that has the country "Such As" on it. Where is that one? I will never be able to find it because there just aren't enough available maps. How will I ever be able to educate South Africans, Iraqis, Asians, and Suchasians without proper maps? Help me, Rand McNally, you're my only hope.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
|David Soul - Don't...|
Monday, August 27, 2007
1. Ding Dong Alberto has resigned! It is always fun when a member of the Legion of Doom takes a dive. It is a little bittersweet because I have really enjoyed pointing out his shortcomings and crimes against America to the blogosphere and the ten people that read my blog. However, it looks like Baby Boy Bush is thinking to nominate Michael Chertoff as his replacement. More fodder my blog, to be sure. My buddy Alberto has done a spectacular job of destroying the Department of Justice. I don't think the dummy that played a huge part in destroying New Orleans can fix Alberto's mess. Maybe they can announce his nomination of the anniversary of Katrina. I look forward to how this all plays out. Here is the video of his announcement in case you missed it:
I would have posted Baby Boy Bush's response, but let's face it we are all so tired of him talking about how great Alberto is.
2. Michael Vick officially entered his guilty plea today. Dogs everywhere are wagging their tales little easier today. I do look forward to the state charges against him. And I am oh so impressed that when he made his statement this morning that he found Jesus. My question is, why is that people never find Jesus until after they screw up? And why didn't he apologize to the dogs he hurt and killed -- aren't they the victims, not the people that control his football career? You can decide how sorry you think he is:
3. And as the birthday celebration continues, I have planned a lunar eclipse just for you. But you have to get up really early to catch it because the partial eclipse begins at 4:51 a.m. EDT. The full eclipse will begin an hour later at 5:52 a.m. EDT. Enjoy my gift to the world! Here is a special picture with the schedule of my lunar eclipse so you will know what time to wake up according to where you live:
4. But the things that would make my birthday celebration complete would be a birthday cake and winning the $250 million jackpot. I'm thinking that the way things are going, that all of my dreams and wishes really will come true!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Mitt Romney strapped his Irish Setter to the roof of his car for family vacations. I guess Mitt Romney was too cheap to board his dog or get a dog sitter. He claims his dog liked riding up there, but you know I bet a lot of kids would think it would be fun to ride on the roof of a car, too. Does that make it OK? No. That would be child abuse, just like strapping your dog to the roof of a station wagon is dog abuse. Dog hater.
Rudy Guilliani is all about discriminating against the owners of pit bulls and other "dangerous dogs". In 1999, he went so far to remove the hearing process in New YorK City to decide if a dog was "dangerous". So basically, they can decide your dog is dangerous without a hearing and order you to put your dog to sleep. Does that sound fair to you? I hate his version of America. Dog hater. Trust me, your little drop kick dog is way more dangerous than my American Bulldogs (my dogs are a breed that is targeted by BSL). And yet, in his world I should be required to have a $100,000 liability policy while the owner of some sketchy, biting, yappy 5 pound dog does not. Not even owner's of German Shepards have to carry that kind of insurance policy under his dangerous dog legislation and German Shepards are more likely to bite than a pit bull. And if someone decides my dogs are "dangerous", I don't even get the benefit of a hearing to defend my pets before the government orders me to put them to sleep. That makes me hate him more than he could possibly hate my dogs. Breed Specific Legislation is crap and ineffective. There is no evidence that dog bites have decreased where BSL has been enacted. This is because often times the dogs that are portrayed as being "dangerous" are not the dogs doing most of the biting. Dog hater.
So my question to you is, do you hate these dogs?
If so, you must be a Republican.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
When I moved to New Orleans, I hadn’t considered the possibility of hurricanes. What a fun surprise! But the other cool thing about hurricane season was Nash Roberts. This man really was the Weather God. He did not rely on computers to track storms. He did it the Nash Roberts way. Every time there was a storm of interest, they would take the camera crews to his house and he would tell you exactly where that storm was headed. Perfectly mapped out by pen and paper from his living room. I was in New Orleans when Hurricane Georges was predicted to hit New Orleans as a Category 5 storm. “Au contraire”, said Nash Roberts. He was the only one to predict that storm would hit Mississippi as a Category 4. So my friends and I stayed for the storm. Nash Roberts said we could. And what fun it was!
A group of us went to a packed neighborhood bar (we took a priest with us just for good measure) after they announced martial law. And then we drank until they were out of booze and ate the last burgers from the kitchen. Of course, my family had been watching the Weather Channel (and news from other non-Nash Roberts sources) and they were convinced that I was on an insane death wish for staying. It turned out to be a big party with some big gusts of wind and some rain. Of course, Hurricane Katrina was a very different story. By this time, I was long back in Austin. Nash Roberts evacuated the city for a hurricane for the first time in his life. That was a sign of bad things to come. If I had still been in New Orleans I would have left too -- just because Nash Roberts left.
Unfortunately, Nash Roberts is really retired for real now. He doesn’t do his badass weather reports from his living room anymore. But every year when the storms start, I always think of him. As I track tropical storms and hurricanes on the weather and on the Internet, I always wonder what Nash Roberts is saying about this storm…
Thursday, August 16, 2007
If you send and receive over 35,000 text messages in one month, you get a bill that comes in a box. I guess AT&T doesn't have any envelopes big enough to send a 300 page bill. This makes me wonder, how does this girl even have time to make this video if she is so busy sending all of these text messages?
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Although the cartoonish effigy that they topple is pretty funny, the star of this video is the Teton County Deputy that drives by. First you hear him "toot toot" his horn at the protesters like he is saying "howdy". Then he pulls up, sees what they are up to and drives away like, "everything seems to be in order here. Effigy away, guys."
Monday, August 13, 2007
His immediate plan is to write a book because he "needs to make some money." What a load. After selling Rove & Co. and acting as Baby Boy Bush's brain for all of these years, one would think he made some money. But now that I think about it, after some of the budgets that came from the current administration, I guess that is proof positive that his budgeting skills aren't all that they could be. He probably does need to make some money.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
So, in 1994 Dick said that it wasn't a good idea to capture Baghdad and Saddam Hussein. It would create a quagmire and Hussein wasn't worth very many American lives. He also said that we would be there alone and it would be an American occupation of Iraq. And that this was not a good thing. I'm not really sure what changed since 1994. Especially since we are in there alone and it is an American occupation of Iraq. And capturing Saddam Hussien was not worth the ever growing list of Americans that have lost their lives. I guess the only thing that has changed since then was the WMDs and the link between Iraq and al Qaeda. Well, those agruments really panned out didn't they? It was all a bunch of bullshit to justify a war without any justification. Since 1994, Dick has changed from a semi-reasonable person to the criminal that he is today.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
The point is that a BBC show called Wire in the Blood has been fiming an episode at the Travis County Jail. Neighbors saw the jailbirds wandering around outside and called 911 to report the breakout. This prompted a lock down. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Luckily, the actors were wearing different outfits from the inmates so it was easy to tell them apart. Maybe next time they have fake inmates wandering around the grounds, they should tell the neighbors first.
Monday, August 06, 2007
The email I got today started with "It's Celebrate Spam Email Week, in case you didn't know." Of course, the kind of "spam" she sends is about how a major newspaper wrote an article about her or how she is going to be on the Today Show with Matt and Meredith on Wednesday. When I send emails to my friends, it is usually to find out if they are doing something interesting because I'm not. I am a tiny bit jealous, but mostly because when I find clothes out in the wild they are just crap and she always finds super cool stuff. By the way, that little black dress you found was hot. So rock on, Lauri! I hope they put you up in a fancy hotel and you jump on the bed and order lots of room service!
Friday, August 03, 2007
Thursday, August 02, 2007
These toys are made out of cheap soft plastic and have no sharp edges. What are kids going to learn from that? The world is full of sharp edges! My toys were hard and often made out of metal or fiberglass. It was spectacular when the sit-n-spin broke. It went from a fun, spin-'till-you-throw-up toy to a deadly weapon in an instant. The sit-n-spins they make today bend when you try to spin. How can you get yourself dizzy enough to puke on something that you can't even spin on? No fun there.
One of the big debates from my childhood was the whole Big Wheel vs. Green Machine controversy. We would have races to see which one would go faster. We would race down big hills and often wipe out because the Big Wheel had no brakes and the Green Machine's brakes would throw you off if you were going too fast. I guess kids have to ride their cheap plastic Big Wheels and Green Machines wearing a helmet on flat surfaces.
All of this talk of helmets leads me to bikes. When we went to ride our bikes, we weren't reminded to wear our helmets because we didn't have them. We were simply told to be home before dark. Now kids have to be loaded up with helmets and padding just to get on a bike. They look like Ralphie from A Christmas Story. Truth be told, I can't drive a car when I am wearing a hat. I know that sounds crazy, but it is true. So I bet I can't ride a bicycle with a helmet on. I would have been screwed. Besides the only serious scar I have from bike riding is on my elbow. Wearing a helmet wouldn't have stopped that. But I am guessing that the helmet would have impaired my bike riding so my injuries probably would have been much worse.
A few years ago, they repaved the roads by The Pineapple Parents' house and left that weird gravel top that eventually wears down. Some of the neighbors were complaining because it posed a danger to their bike riding kids. I don't think my parents ever whined about the crappy roads when I was a bike riding kid -- and the roads were a lot worse then. These whiners had the same dangerous toys that I had and they grew up to be whiny wimps. What went wrong? No doubt their kids are on the fast track to wimpiness.
Of course, we didn't have cable with thousands of channels, tons of video games, or the Internet to dull our minds. We had to entertain ourselves. Without these electronic Prozac devices we had energy to burn and our parents preferred we went outside to do that. When you get sent outside to play, you have to get creative. Riding your bike and playing on the swing set has its limits on fun. You have to make up games. This often led to things like pretending to be Evel Knievel, jumping off of the refrigerator (flips were encouraged) and other dare devil stunts. Do kids today watch Dora the Explorer and then go out side to compare helmets before they ride their bikes under the watchful eyes of their smothering mothers? I can't imagine them building forts and jumping ramps on their bikes. The Pineapple Parents have a neighbor that paid someone to come and put special soft stuff under the playscape so their kids wont fall in the dirt. Personally, I thought it was a rite of passage to get that little scar under your chin from jumping off the swing and landing badly.
Now I'm not suggesting that parents put their kids in harm's way. My parents never did. But then again you need to figure out that the stove is really hot and that rotten plywood you found in the creek does not make a good bike ramp on your own. I told my cousin over and over that she would get hurt if she jumped of the fridge, but she didn't believe me until she landed on her head. The first couple of jumps she did easy tricks like Texas Ts. It was the flip that got her. After she hit her head, she was done jumping off of the refrigerator. See, lesson learned. No parents had to tell her not to do that again. Her kids may have those crappy soft plastic toys, but they also play tackle football in the living room. She encourages this behavior. I know this because I have seen the videos. Her kids are not wimps.
Here is the update on what a couple of these asshats are up to:
1. Nathan Hecht: You may remember him as Harriet Miers' ex-lover. Baby Boy Bush asked this asshat to work to get Ms. Miers appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court. Well, even the rabid republicans in Texas realized that his behavior was unethical and violated the Judicial Rules of Conduct. This in itself is amazing. He hired a really expensive attorney to represent him and when he got the bill he asked that the State of Texas pay him back! No one told him to hire an attorney that costs more than the average home in Texas. Well, his buddy Representative Tony Goolsby introduced a bill to do just that. However, Rep. Goolsby had the good sense to withdraw his bill when he discovered that Hecht's legal bills had already been paid via donations from some friends. It turns out these friends were big law firms (that frequently practice in front of the Supreme Court) and the total donations for the legal defense totaled $447,000. The legal bill he wanted the State of Texas to pay for was $330,000.
2. Alberto! I love to write about Alberto! At this point, the only thing that will stop this asshat from spreading the evil is sponateous combustion. Now F.B.I. director Robert S. Mueller III, has told the Senate that Alberto lied about the confrontation about the secret spying program that he testified about on Tueday. Alberto says it was a different program and not the N.S.A. program known as the Terrorist Surveillance Program (T.S.P.). Mueller and numerous other people that were present for the meetings say it is T.S.P. and not some "other program". Hello, perjury charges! Aren't you glad it is his job to uphold the law because he is doing an outstanding job!