July was full of good times, too. For one thing, I saw dancing storm troopers:
Scooter Libby did not have to go to jail, because criminals shouldn't be going to jail. And someone else paid his fine. Way to narrowly escape your punishment. Unfortunately, Tupac did not come back as a zombie on 07/07/07 like it was widely expected. That was a total bummer. We also discovered that John Mayer has no sense of humor (we already knew that his music sucks). Alberto admitted that he lied. Oh no! Not that! Gwen Verdon made a comeback from the grave and Lindsay Lohan tried to show us that she takes a better mugshot than Paris. As if!
August was a month of ups and downs. The breeders were giving their children stupid names in force (Superman is not a good alternative to 4Real and @ is not a name, people!). The people of the Netherlands smoked way too much pot because they all saw the giant lego man. Karl Rove came back to Texas (good for the world, bad for Texas). We learned that spontaneous combustion is real. Dick Cheney makes a lazy president but a funny effigy. Jenna will never have to drink alone. Republicans and Michael Vick all hate dogs. Prisoners do not like to wear pink (with the exception of Paris Hilton). There is a country called "Suchas". And Alberto resigned (good for the constitution, bad for my blog).
The chupacabra made a comeback in September. The deadline to get my money for BAR/BRI came and went (still no money people!). We found out that Britney is fat (and later we discovered that she is the responsible sister because at least she was married when she got knocked up). We all missed our chance to buy Belgium on eBay and my dogs revealed their hatred of the war in Iraq and the president. They also like to chase frogs.
In October, I reaffirmed that I hate Starbucks and learned that Pumpkin Latte stays with you for hours. I found out that Google is evil and unamerican. But not as evil as the asshats in Congress that think children should not have health insurance. I put my other blog out of it's misery. But on the upside, we did learn that Jesus is good in chocolate. I found a missile base for sale on eBay. If you are wondering, it is still for sale. I found out that I am really old because Eldr magazine thinks I might be interested in subscribing. I also discovered America's Most Smartest Model. Slimy VJ won, but they are casting for the next season. Yeah! Models!
November was a banner pineapple month. Most importantly, I got a kick ass government job. Unfortunately, we found out that the chupacabra was not so much a chupacabra as a mutated coyote. Or it is all a big cover up. While novelists and bloggers (i.e. the unemployed) were writing everyday, the employed writers went on strike. Now that we have run out of TV shows to watch, the reality of this tragedy has really hit home with the couch potatoes among us. King Tut finally showed his face and the Japanese once again proved that they make weird things (hello! chopstick bra!). There were more things on eBay to amaze us. While I don't feel like I missed out on Anne Frank's chestnut, I really feel like I would have made a fabulous mayor of Albert, Texas. That is a tragedy that we all have to live with.
December has been a sad month for you. Mostly because my blogging was been sparse and I had to resort to pineapple porn. I cheapened myself for the benefit of Evil Spock and he didn't even comment. So evil! Hopefully, next year will be full of weird and interesting things that will compel me to blog.
Have a happy 2008!