Saturday, December 29, 2007

The Year of the Pineapple, part 1

So, 2007 was the year of the pineapple. But then again, so will 2008. That's is because pineapples are very self centered about these kinds of things. We are also very much a sarcastic and judgmental lot. But that's what makes us so much fun. That, and we mix with rum so well. As we wrap up the year, it is time to get all sappy and take a look back at 2007. Even though it was the year of the pineapple, it wasn't the best year of the pineapple. For one thing, not everything was about me. This is something that we are all hoping will change in 2008. And that will make for a better year in pineapple. So let's take a look back at some people and things that I found entertaining. That is almost as good as talking about me.

But first let's talk about me. In January, I decided to have a revolution. I decided that getting rid of all of the clutter and paper in my life would make me a better person. But then Fawn Hall never called to get on all that shredding. I guess I'm not that much better because I only got rid of half of the paper junk. Mostly because I found a lot of stuff that I didn't want to deal with. So next year I am asking that Fawn Hall call me. I am more than willing to give her another chance to make me a better person. Let's face it, I am not into that personal growth crap. Why deal with it myself when someone else can?

February wasn't so interesting. Pretty Boy Perry decided to force girls to get the HPV Vaccine and the lege promptly put the kabash on that. He also decided that we need a corridor to cut through our state and random farmland. This basically confirmed that he is a first rate asshole. We also had to think about how astronauts go to the bathroom while they are in space because some loony tune drove from Houston to Florida to live out a bizarre love triangle that existed solely in her head while wearing a diaper. We also discovered that the people of Florida fear the word vagina because nobody has one in that that state.

March was an active month for the Legion of Doom. Nathan Hecht was super busy trying to duck out of his legal bills resulting from tooting Harriet Mier's horn (apparently that 's not all he was tooting). But mostly because my buddy Alberto was busy firing the lawyers at the DOJ that were smarter and more talented. That, and they were actually doing their jobs. Evil bastards. He was also honored by mad with is own haiku.

April saw Alberto continue his downward spiral. And a brief moment of glory for me (that link from CNN was super fun!). Alberto told us that he made an "honest mistake" and then he had to go sit and have a bunch of boring people ask him boring questions that he didn't know the answers to. Good times, people, good times!

There wasn't much to May. It was kind of like a stand alone episode that tells you things that lead to things that are much bigger and better. For instance, May was the month that I became an avid blogger (read unemployed) and Paris was sentenced. Oh, the things to come!

Because June gave us so much. Sad things like the retirement of Bob Barker. Drew Carey is alright but he is no Bob Barker. They found the Lock Ness monster again and even the BBC got all excited about it. Diet Coke got vitamins. Alberto came really close to facing a vote of no confidence. Someone stole the President's watch right off of his arm. And we found out that pants can be worth millions of dollars when they are dry cleaned. We were introduced to the chipmunk:

And we also got the picture of the year!

The first half of 2007 was super fun!


mad said...

I kind of miss Alberto -- he was so entertaining. In a moronic kind of way.

Happy new year! You're the best Pineapple Princess on the planet.

pineapple said...

I miss him too! But let's not dwell. There will always be more asshats.

Happy New Year to you!