Monday, February 18, 2008

Happy President's Day

"No president who performs his duties faithfully and conscientiously can have any leisure." -- James K. Polk, our 11th President

This quote brings to mind the shortcomings of quite a few of our former Presidents. Most of all, our current president. You know, the dummy that takes naps every day and has taken more vacation time than any other president. The results of his leisure are spectacular. We've been attacked on our own soil (by terrorists or by an inside job depending on your thoughts about conspiracy), we've gotten our selves into two wars that we can't get out of even though he declared "Mission Accomplished" years ago, and our economy is floundering.

But speaking of another President that was known for leisure on the job (aka blow jobs at work). Hillary Clinton opened her campaign headquarters in Austin this weekend. So naturally, Bill was here to celebrate. I guess she is too busy skipping campaign obligations elsewhere. And of course, the whole thing was televised on the local news. First of all, he was about thirty minutes late. MOTL and I speculated that he was too busy eating tacos and drinking margaritas at Guerro's to be bothered with being on time. Honestly, I don't know what his favorite dish is at Guerro's, but it is well known that he always stops there when he is in town. And when he did start speaking, he just wasn't as good as usual. Not so much annunciation (maybe he was drinking margaritas!) and quite a bit of rambling. We had considered taking a break from the packing to go see him speak, but decided we really didn't want to be spotted by someone we know at her campaign headquarters. Instead, we watched from the comfort of our couch. Besides, this way Laverne and Shirley could get their political fix for the day.

Well, Laverne wasn't having any part of Bill Clinton's speech. Her ears went flat on her head the way they do when she gets nervous and she ran to the bedroom to hide when he was talking about how great it would be to have a woman president, a black president, a hispanic president, or a president whose religion that had not been represented yet. We think she was offended that he didn't talk about how great it would be to have an openly gay president. I know that MOTL and I think that would be fabulous. Not to be rude and point to offensive stereotypes or anything, but the White House needs some serious redecorating. Some of our First Ladies have done some horrible things to that house. And don't you think there are dignitaries who would love it if they could go to a fierce party instead of some boring ass dinner party? I really think that could help with some of our foreign relations.

So when you spend some serious time reflecting on your favorite president today, do something special. For example, you could go to work in honor of James K. Polk, eat ketchup in honor of Ronald Reagan, take a nap in honor of George W. Bush, or get a blow job in honor of Bill Clinton. Come on people, be creative and honor your country!


mad said...

I would like to honor Millard Fillmore, the 13th president. Did he do anything?

pineapple said...

Ooh! That's a good one. Mostly because he was never elected (he became president when Taylor died) and later when he tried to run for president it was with the "Know Nothing Party". You can honor him by knowing nothing today!

Jill said...

We also must remember that other Texan LBJ who liked to pull the ears of his beagles along with everybody else.

pineapple said...

I don't recommend doing that to celebrate President's Day. The dogs don't like it and neither do the animals' rights activists.