Thursday, July 27, 2006

Insanity, Pineapple style -- the ER edition

So, the past two weeks have been a blur and completely crazy. Not always in a ha-ha-funny way, but in a that-is-fucking-certifiable-straight-jacket-worthy way. I am going to skip over a lot of things that happened. Many of them are not funny. Also, you know my true identity and I don't want to reveal my superhero identity to the world by divulging too much.

First there is my crazy travel schedule from last week: going to George West, Rockport and Hallettesville in the same week. Back and forth across the state is so fun. I don't even remember what I saw that was any interest. I have the feeling that some humorous things happened but they are long gone.

Second, I have two new dogs. My one true love called me as I drove to Hallettsville on Thursday to tell me about the strays he put in the back yard. I took a hard line of taking them to Animal Trustees to be adopted by a good home by the weekend. They were starving, had been abused, and were completely attached to one another. I admit it, I fell in love instantly... We have named them and they are part of the crazy clan.

That same day, my one true love also had his son at our house.

The Saturday before, my one true love slipped and got a "really bad sprain." I thought it was more than that, but he insisted he's be fine and refused to go to the emergency room. After Sunday I left town and did not have a real idea of how well he was healing.

By Thursday, my one true love admitted it was more than a sprain and asked me to take him to the ER when I got back to town that night.

To recap, I have a hurt love, a child at my house, and two dogs in the backyard.

I called the ex-crazy to tell her that I would drop her child off on the way to the ER. She refused and said she would pick him up. An hour later I got home. The child was there, she had called my one true love saying she would pick him up from the emergency room. Why the fuck would anyone think it would be OK to take a child with special needs to the ER? And why would I believe she would do it after she just lied to me. I drove over there and dropped him off.

So off to the ER. Five hours later, my one true love had an acute ankle fracture and an acute knee sprain. During the five hour wait here is a list some of the evening's events:
1. 20 people came with their friend to the ER. They were loud and it was a relief when they finally left.
2. We took a poll of the people waiting to see how many people were there because they had a slip and fall. There were 4.
3. We met a crazy (and very drunk) couple on their first date. She broke her ankle. She and my one true love spent their wait drinking Diet Coke (a.k.a a sippy cup bigger than my head full of beer).
4. The lady that worked at the IHOP kept telling me that she knew me from somewhere. Later we found out she had strep throat. I'm so glad I didn't catch it because she kept getting right up in my face to talk to me.
5. The nurse gave my one true love a shot for the pain. He kept insisting she give it to him in the ankle because that was where he was hurt. She insisted on giving it to him in the arm. He kept arguing with her. I told him, "take it in the arm or don't take it alt all." I was cranky too by this point. She stabbed him. He kept complaining that she stabbed his bone with the needle for the next 30 minutes.
6. After the drugs kicked in, my one true love insisted on going to the morgue. I told him to shut up or he would have to visit it for real.
7. We made friends with the janitor, the x-ray tech, and many other hospital employees. My one true love offered each of them $20 to take him to the morgue. I'm really sure how well that would have worked since he didn't have any cash. I sure wasn't going to give him the money.

What comes afterward, is crazy but ugly. So we will just skip that drama. Some things are better left forgotten (and sometimes you should hold a grudge).


mad said...

Wow, your last two weeks make last two weeks seem, well, frivolous. I really admire your gumption and fortitude.

Here's the thing, though, and I know it's none of my business, but since you wrote it... If you have to settle something with your true love's ex, leave the kid out of it. Kick her ass, shoot out her windows, spit in her face, whatever. I'm only saying this from experience. It's a karma thing. You don't want him growing up to be disrespectful of women.

OK, I'll shut up now.

pineapple said...

Point taken. We do our best. I never confront her in front of him (and keep my mouth shut except when I feel I have to speak up) and we don't talk about her when he is around. Unfortunately, she loves to drag him in the middle of the drama she creates. She acts like because he is autistic that he is some sort of burden when in fact it is she that is the burden. I often wish that an anvil would fall from the sky and land on her head. (Is that wrong?) But despite it all, the child has one of the sweetest and most gentle souls I've ever encountered.

mad said...

Well, you're a way better person. Always remember that. It might come in handy when you're driving through George Whatever.

BTW, I hear Kinky is running fourth in the polls. GODDAMN IT.

pineapple said...

I wont be back to George Whatever for a while. The big project is back on... New adventures in New Mexico and the Panhandle to come.