Monday, January 23, 2006

taints and other newsy things

So, a lot has been going on in the world. Osama bin Laden is releasing new tapes (or so they say). How am I supposed to know its really him? I don't recognize his voice. My mom said she can't wait because this time he is going to attack us in our homes. But really, why should we give a shit? Ever since the attacks in 2001, he has been all talk, no walk. I'm quaking in my boots, so asshole that has been hiding in caves for 4 years is coming to my house to get me. Oooooooh, I'm so scared.

What is way scarier, is Alito. That asshole is about to be confirmed to the Supreme Court and he will spend the rest of his life stripping away my right to privacy and my civil liberties. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? I don't understand how someone so boring can get so far. His opening story about how he got there should have been enough for the judiciary committee to send him packing. I can't wait to read some long-winded legal opinion he's written about how I don't deserve any civil liberties.

And speaking of civil liberties... Now King George wants to check out what my fellow Americans have been Googling. Or maybe what I have been Googling. I'm glad I'm not a data miner. How boring. Listening to countless phone calls about everyday boring shit that people talk about, reading emails that don't really say anything, and finding out what crappy books people have checked out from the library (or in the alternative, how large their library fines are). Now they can pretend they know what you are up to only if Google would just release their records to the government for more random spying and civil liberties violations. Just to set the record straight, I haven't been able to check out any books from the library for months because I haven't gotten around to paying off my $5.75 fine and the last thing I searched on Google was to find out how to repair my fish tank that sprang a leak. Sounds like a national security threat to me...

It's official, D.C. has a taint. I always knew that it was full of assholes and dicks. If you haven't watched the clip from the Daily Show, please click here. I could never do this story justice. It just taint going to happen.

But the biggest, most earth shattering event is the prospect of the Buttafuocos and Amy Fisher reuniting to hash it all out on TV. I just can't wait.

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