Since it is the first day of Fall, what better time to start the Fall TV season? Actually, I would have preferred it if the new prime time shows started a couple of weeks ago because since all of the summer shows have ended television has been slim pickings. I have finally watched just about everything I have saved on my DVR. That Burn Notice marathon was super fun. But then again I have always been a sucker for watching a whole season at once. Yes, I am one of those people that records everything and zips through the commercials. If by some chance I start watching something "live" I get frustrated and put it on pause long enough so I can fast forward through the ads (just in case you are wondering that's 20 minutes for an hour long show. See how much time I save?). Yes, I watch A LOT of television and I have it down to a science (or maybe an art? possibly both?) -- I watch even more TV now that I don't have any money to go do anything. Kudos to me because I have managed to limit my daytime TV to an hour or two a day. Mostly this is because I have discovered that there are a lot of shows that are just as bad (and often worse) than the The View. It is just as well because it helps me focus on actually looking for a new job rather than just thinking about finding a new job.
But a Pineapple can only apply for so many jobs before it gets past the ridiculous (like sending my resume to Baby Boy Bush to be considered for that opening as Attorney General. Do you think that raised any red flags or put me on any special lists?), so ample nighttime TV watching is required and encouraged. I think at this point I have established that if TV watching were a profession, I would be at the top of my field. Until I can find someone willing to pay me, this remains my hobby. And if you are worried about what all of this television is doing to my brain, don't. I also read a lot of trashy books. Click on that GoodReads box in the sidebar (to the left) and see for yourself.
As a pop culture maven/TV addict, I can can give you a quick rundown of what you might want to try out this week. If you like serious dramas and crime shows (like the 5000 versions of CSI) then forget this helpful guide. I don't watch that crap. I like a nice mixture of un-reality, comedy, campy soaps, and alien/demon hunting.
If you like cartoons (I mean animation) or scrawny ladies causing trouble; then you are in luck. I never could get into Desperate Housewives or Brothers & Sisters even though people keep telling me these shows are "so good." I thought they were "so boring." For the most part, the shows on HBO are far superior to network TV on Sunday night. I can always watch The Simpsons and all of that animated stuff if it isn't. Sunday night is also a good time to catch up on the shows I couldn't quite get to during the week.
I have always been a sucker for Dancing With The Stars, I guess I have a slight reality TV addiction. And with this season's train wreck of a cast it is shaping up to be pretty good this time. This addiction to reality TV will not carry over to the show that follows --The Bachelor. I like competition type shows and not the dating ones so much. Besides with this season's bachelor being from Austin, I will already be subjected to more of this show than I want. As best I can tell, the guys on this show have to pick from a pool of stupid women and this new bachelor owns three bars. If he can't find a stupid woman to date on his own, he is beyond help. Also, on Mondays you have a variety of dramas and sitcoms. I'm thinking Chuck will be pretty silly and fun. I love secret agent nerds!
I've got the results show for Dancing With The Stars (which I can watch in a few minutes because let's face it, I'm really only interested in the actual results). I will continue on recording ABC because I am addicted to Boston Legal. Yay! A soapy dramadey! Frankly, The Practice didn't do much for me and their abilities as lawyers pretty much sucked. Not one time did any lawyer on this show properly preserve their objections for an appeal (you have to tell the judge why you are objecting). That and Lara Flynn Boyle's huge head stuck on her stick of a body really freaked me out. Eat something! Boston Legal is beyond ridiculous so their lack of lawyering skills don't bother me so much. Also on Tuesday night, I am very much looking forward to Reaper. Either it is going to be really funny or really bad. But I like the premise that this guy's parents sold his soul and now he has to work for death (while he still works at the mega-discount store with his dumb co-workers/inept sidekicks). Other good shows on Tuesday are Bones and Eureka. Bones is as close to a crime show as I'm going to get. They solve crimes, but they are funny while they are doing it.
Everything comes on at 8:00 (Central) on Wednesday. I know people are always telling you when things are on in "Eastern" time, but I live in the Central timezone. Get over it and learn to count the timezones. Luckily, one of my guilty pleasures, Hotel Babylon on BBC America, is played more than once so I can record it later. This leaves a decision between Private Practice, Gossip Girl, Kitchen Nightmares, and Bionic Woman. I do not watch crime shows so Criminal Minds is not an option. Previously, I wouldn't even have thought of Gossip Girl as a choice. Unfortunately they premiered a week early and I didn't have anything better to do. I admit it, this show was super trashy and I loved it. It made the trashy antics of it's predecessors (like 90210 and The O.C.) look like cheap imitations. And the clothes they wear on Gossip Girl cost more than what I would spend on a car. How can I resist this kind of garbage? I also watched Kitchen Nightmares when it premiered last week. The British variety of Chef Ramsey chewing out stupid chefs is much more entertaining than the American version. As a general rule, the British version of a show is going to be better than the American version. I've also ruled out the new Bionic Woman because how can anyone replace Lindsay Wagner? She is the only Jaime Sommers for me. That, and I still remember The Bionic Girl starring Sandra Bullock. Crap, pure crap. This idea is just as dumb as the notion that Halle Berry could play a better Catwoman than Eartha Kitt. Enough with the remakes already! I am going to try out Dirty Sexy Money after my 8 o'clock pile up. This is based on the name of the show alone. Just so you know, I also judge books by their covers. It may be superficial but works for me.
As I have discussed before, Survivor sucks. I know they are all excited that it was filmed in China, but you can starve a bunch of stupid assholes anywhere in the world and they would still be a bunch of stupid assholes. I suggest getting your funny on with Ugly Betty and My Name is Earl. I don't watch The Office (see above about how British versions are better), but people seem to like it. I like to watch Supernatural instead. It is funny and they hunt demons. If you want something that is night-soapy with a side of humor, then Grey's Anatomy is good. Even though they use "Mc" way too much. I am McOver people calling other people McDreamy and McSteamy. If you enjoy the hospital drama you can continue on with ER.
Looking for something fun to watch? How about Flash Gordon on SciFi? I have only watched the first couple of episodes (yay! a marathon!), but once they finally finished all the character development crap, it got pretty funny. And you really can't have high expectations on a Friday night. I am not interested in people talking to ghosts, military dramas or really any kind of drama on a Friday night. I am at home because I have nothing better to do (or any money). I do not want to see people struggling with their lives because I don't have to watch TV to see that. Make me laugh, damn it!
There is even stuff to watch on Saturdays. Once you have finished your Saturday college football bonanza, it is "Supernatural Saturday" on BBC America. Torchwood is a spin-off of Doctor Who where Jack Harkness and a bunch of socially inept folks hunt down aliens, demons, and stuff. Also, Saturday is premiere night on HBO and Cinemax if you are in the mood for a movie. Its like date night without the high price of a new movie.
Enjoy wasting your life away in front of the TV! I do!