Saturday, September 22, 2007

Pop Culture Overload, Part One

Let's face it, I would much rather spend my time filling my brain with useless crap and escaping into trashy television rather than enriching my mind. Occasionally I find myself checking out some pseudo-intellectual type book along with the usual garbage I like to read, but it just gets shifted to the bottom of my book stack until it is time to take it all back to the library. Oh well. I tried. That is not the point of all of this. I have decided to save you all some time and tell you what useless information I discovered this morning (and I'll throw in my opinions for free!). Just a side note here, I had to do something to wash out the memory of MOTL's adventure in television for women (read post below). And just for those wondering, when I confronted MOTL about this he first told me that he was sleeping and not watching it. See, we think alike! But when I pointed out that he was the one that chose the channel, he admitted that he actually finds himself watching things on Lifetime and WE often. And I'm so nice, I am letting the users wild, wild web know about his guilty pleasure. Now on to my pop culture update...

First, if you are famous just stop driving now. Celebrities seem to lose all ability to drive (that is assuming that they ever could drive to begin with). You have the money, so just pay someone to drive you already. Honestly, how many famous people have you heard about that are too stupid to call a cab, have driven their expensive cars into inanimate objects and the like? That's right, Ms. Crybaby McSpears, I'm talking about you. What a fucking brilliant idea. Get really famous, do lots of stupid things that inspire even more people with cameras to follow you around, hit some over-priced car with your over-priced car and not do anything about it! Of course, the owner of the first over-priced car is going to know who the hell did it (hello! cameras everywhere!) and when famous driver of said second over-priced car doesn't do a damn thing about fixing the damage (no matter how small it really was), pissed off victim will file a police report. No police report = no insurance money. Viola! You've been charged with two misdemeanor counts, hit-and-run causing property damage and driving without a valid California license.

This whole example of stupidity really makes me believe that I could make a lot of money helping celebrities make better decisions. When I heard that Owen Wilson hired a sober buddy to keep him clean, I thought, "hey! I could do that!" Well, yeah, I could do that but... as much as I like to boss people around I do not want to spend my time with people pissed off because they are sober. How un-fun is that? Then I thought if I'm going to boss people around, why limit it to "don't drink that!"? The Britneys of the world need someone to tell them that it is stupid to drink a lot before you go to work (VMAs anyone?) and that no matter how white trash you really are, you still need to strap that baby into a car seat. Celebrities can put me on a fat retainer and when they have a decision to make they call me and I tell them what to do. But anyway, back to your pop culture overload.

No discussion about pop culture would be complete without mentioning that next week is premiere week. In a gamble to get ahead in the ratings game a few shows jumped the gun and premiered this week instead. Survivor was one of them. Good God. Could that show have been any more boring??? Honestly, I don't watch Survivor simply because I would much rather watch Ugly Betty and My Name Is Earl. Because of the my-DVR-can-only-record-two-shows-at-a-time dilemma, I gave up that trash for better trash. I now know that I have made the right choice. I do not want to spend my time watching some bitchy waitress from New York talk about how much better she is than all of the other people she is stuck with. Last time I checked, waitress is not a job many people aspire to as their top goal in life. Get over yourself, snob. And I certainly do not want to watch some intolerant Christian that can't stay in a Buddhist temple for more than two minutes because she just can't deal with the idolatry of a ceremony whose sole purpose was to welcome these assholes to China. It was the top rated show, but then again it was up against reruns. I turned it off.

More to come...



4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Asshole issues? Use sendahole.com

Evil Spock said...

Oh, I can feel the couch potato wave coming . . .

Heroes starts tonight! I feel fatter already!

mad said...

Would you believe that I actually watch C-SPAN? Me and those two other people.

pineapple said...

anonymous: is this some sort of retarded spam???

evil spock: I wanted to watch that last year and I had a bunch taped for a heroes marathon, but MOTL watched them and erased them all. maybe I will watch it on DVD.

mad: no wonder you drink and write haikus.