These Shoes Suck

I don't know why people seem to like these New Balance shoes so much. Frankly, I've never experienced shoes so painful. I'd much rather run in stripper shoes than these things. I've had these stupid shoes for three weeks now and I think it is fair to call them torture devices. I've tried and I've tried, but after today I can take no more.* After thirty minutes my right foot was covered in blisters and the bottom of my left foot was numb. Not even hooker heels do that to your feet.

The thing that really gets me is that I wore these shoes around the store for twenty minutes and they felt great.** They remind me of that crazy ex-boyfriend (or ex-girlfriend depending on who you like to like) that was really fun and nice at first and then you wake up and they are bat shit crazy.*** I'm pretty sure I can't take these shitty shoes back, so what do you do with shoes this awful? MOTL suggested that I donate them, but can I do that with a clear conscious? Can I really not feel bad about giving these crippling shoes to some unsuspecting soul? Maybe I should just send them back to New Balance with a note that says, "no backs!" What I do know, is that I'm not taking these stupid shoes half way around the globe to continue the torture of my poor little piggies. Not very vacation like if you ask me.

In the end, I have learned that there is a reason I have been wearing the same brand of shoes for over ten years and this is my punishment for being unfaithful.

I have to conclude that Run DMC was oh, so very right when they said:

my Adidas and me, close as can be
we make a mean team, my Adidas and me
we get around together, rhyme forever
and we won't be mad when worn in bad weather
My Adidas..
My Adidas..
My Adidas


*And if these craptastic shoes weren't enough to deal with, some asshole changed the channel so I had to watch Paula Deen smother food with bacon and butter.
**Apparently wearing the shoes around the store while you shop is frowned upon by the employees at the Academy. So, I guess the ads about it being "my store" are not so true afterall.
***On Sunday I talked about people that behave like this and the Pineapple Dad asked me if I had some experience with this (in a way that implied I might be the one that is on good behavior at the start and then later on behave badly). I told him that wasn't true because I am always a sarcastic bitch and it is no act. MOTL said nothing and started "reading" a home decor catalog. He made the right choice because there is no right response.