How to Secede the Union Without Really Trying

Personally, I think this uproar about Gov. Good Hair making comments about Texas seceding is hilarious. For weeks, this has been on the national news. Really? Maybe I'm baffled because this is nothing new for Texans. We are always talking about seceding. It never made the national news before. I even had a "Secede" sticker on my first car. And I wasn't the only one. Hippies and rednecks alike had that same sticker. What baffles me even more is that the media believes that this is some sort of Republican "movement". Last time this idea had legs Texans were just pissed and Ronald Reagan was president (kind of blows that whole Republican thing argument, huh?). The media has even been taking polls to prove their point. Now they are convinced it is a Southern Republican thing (so why did they pass that sovereignty resolution in one of the Dakotas? They ain't Southern).

Well, here is my point: all these people talking about seceding in other states are a bunch of copy cat posers. Rick Perry is still an idiot, by the way.*

Here is the skinny on the movement to secede. Texas was a sovereign nation (Texas has been rockin' its independence since March 2, 1936**) that included what the non-geographically challenged persons will recognize as present day Texas and parts of New Mexico, Oklahoma, Kansas, Colorado, and Wyoming. When Texas joined the union, we reserved the right to leave whenever we wanted. And we frequently want to leave (again, I stress that this is not the first time). Also, we were not required to turn over public lands to the government. In other words, all federal land in Texas had to be purchased from us and we still own all of our oil reserves (and our jurisdiction extends 3 leagues offshore while yours is only 3 miles, other coastal states). Don't you other states feel foolish for just giving your shit away? And while I'm showing off, we joined the union in 1845 (official date December 29). And if you are wondering how the shape of Texas changed, we were given the authority to divide Texas (solely our discretion) and decided to cede the parts that are now New Mexico, Oklahoma, Kansas, and Wyoming to the feds in 1852 (mostly to get the Union to pay our debts from our time as a Republic). So, as much as our public education system has failed in Texas, we know our Texas history and we celebrate Texas Independence Day. We all know that that everything in Texas is bigger and better. We also have heated debates about whether we kept our right to leave the Union after the Civil War (and whether we were brought back into the Union legally). We even had a standoff. Remember when Richard McLaren declared war on the United States? We do.***

So, these other states with their secession movements don't have this same kind of history (or standoffs) that we do. They are just pissed that the Republicans lost control and that their party is in real danger of being a political party non grata. For them, this is all about throwing a tantrum and that makes them copy cat posers. For Gov. Good Hair, this is a Texas tradition and an idea that is old hat. And whether or not we agree with him (or even like him), Texans don't see why this is such news to the rest of you.




*He's just squawking about seceding to justify not taking money we really need (the Texas Workforce Commission is out of money and he won't take money for unemployment benefits). We have taken federal aid to get more bacon flu supplies and we have received the most disaster money from FEMA than any other state. That's because under Rick Perry's rule, we don't need no stinkin' federal government. Thus, he is an idiot.

**BTW, I did not have to look any of this up, but feel free to fact check. You will find that I am right. Texas children are required to learn a lot about Texas history. It was even required in college.

***We weren't really rooting for him. While the media was making comments about him being a wingnut with too many guns, we all knew he was a mid-westerner with not enough guns.