Available to highest bidder - one Illinois Senate Seat. Recently vacated by a Motherfucker that won't help me sell his seat. Ideal candidate has lots of money to pay upfront and two high paying jobs (must be able to employ my wife as well). Looking for someone who falsely believes that there are no clouds over my head and that our conversations will not be subject to wiretapping. Ability to fire the editorial staff at the Tribune a plus. Are you Candidate 6?
Send your briefcase full of cash and job offers to the Governor c/o the Illinois penitentiary system.