Now that I have a lot more time to blog, I don't have a thing to say. Mostly because I am tired of all the idiots.
I guess I could rant about the plan to put up a fence on the border. In McAllen, Texas, the fence divides up the college there. Not to mention the fact that this plan basically cedes our land to Mexico by changing the border. The border presently falls in the middle of the Rio Grande, but this plan effectively changes that. Also, all of the bridges maintianed by the United States will now be on the Mexican side of the fence. Whoever decided that putting up a fence was a good idea was an idiot.
Or I could complain about Pretty Boy Perry's latest stunt. By using his line item veto, he cut funding to community colleges. Way to make sure that kids that can't afford to go to state universities can't afford to got to community college either. Way to make it more expensive to get trained in a vocation. There is nothing more productive and helpful to the economy than making sure another generation enters the workforce with a huge mound of debt. What an idiot.
Or I could always talk about Paris. That idiot is getting out of jail soon.
Whatever.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Bye bye, Bob!
Like a lot of people I really loved The Price Is Right. I always wanted to be on that show, but I just never made it. I guess it just seemed like Bob Barker would be hosting that show forever and that I had plenty of time to make that trip. Was I ever wrong. I grew up watching. Bob started hosting that show one week after I was born. During summer breaks, one of the games my neighborhood friends and I played was The Price Is Right. We would pull canned goods and household items out of my parents' pantry for pricing games (to win invisible new cars) and I would come up with the prizes for the showcases (often lovely vacations or a dinette set with the carpet included). I was usually Bob Barker and I loved it. It was way more fun than being a contestant. You know I'm thinking they still haven't announced a replacement for Bob. Maybe I should audition? I mean I can host that show without sets or actual prizes, so think how good I would be if I had those advantages. But really, the point of this blog is that Bob Barker rocks. I will miss Bob, his zany 70's set, and his never ending enthusiasm for the pricing games. As an adult, watching The Price Is Right was always a high point of being sick or playing hooky from school or work. Bye bye, Bob!Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Wristwatch-Gate
So our pal W went to Albania and got a rockstar reception. Apparently he found the only place in the world where they still love him. And he encountered someone that loved him so much that they stole the watch right off his wrist. Officials are saying that this isn't true. Check out the video:
Monday, June 11, 2007
Alberto don't need no stinkin' confidence
I guess Alberto is in a fabulous mood today. There just aren't enough votes for the "no confidence" resolution to pass the Senate. Al, you really should wipe that shit eating grin off your face. The fact that there was even the possiblilty that the Senate could bring this up means that they think you suck. Now Arlen Specter said he would vote for the resolution. When the top Republican is willing to vote on the "you suck" resolution against one of his own, you know you suck really bad. The only thing that is saving you now is that Baby Boy Bush likes you so much. And that isn't saying much since he has proven to be a bad judge of who is qualified to do a job (Harriet Miers, anyone?). Wouldn't it be nice if the rest of us could have this kind of job security?Saturday, June 09, 2007
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Monday, June 04, 2007
Paris goes to Jail
Finally, Paris has gone to jail. Blah, blah, blah. Everybody's talking about it. I'm over it. So can we stop talking about it already? But before we do, I do want to comment on this creepy picture I saw today. In honor(?) of her jail time, Madame Tussaud's has changed the outfit on Paris' wax dummy in New York. The wax dummy will be wearing this lovely striped number for the whole time that the real dummy is in the L.A. County Jail. How special and really, very creepy.Saturday, June 02, 2007
It may melt your brain, but its good for you!
Usually I don't give banner ads much thought, but the whole idea of vitamins and minerals in diet drinks kinda blew me away. So, if you have a drink that is really bad for you and put something in it that is good for you, do these two things cancel one another out? I guess it is kind of like jogging to the corner store to get a candy bar...
On a related note, they did bring back Vanilla Coke. This is a mixed blessing for me. Before Vanilla Coke, I had given up all varieties of cokes. Then they took it away and I was able to break the addiction once more. What is an addicted Pineapple to do?
Friday, June 01, 2007
Oh, Nessie!
Is that really you? Earlier this week, Gordon Holmes shot a video at Loch Ness of some creature swimming in the water. Could it be you, Nessie? Holmes turned his tape over for further scientific investigation and BBC Scotland thought the quality of the tape was good enough to air it. Since I've always been intrigued by the Loch Ness Monster, this story caught my eye. Here is the news clip:
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Bikers, bikers galore!
That's right, the ROT Rally is here one again. So all you drivers need to take extra care for our visiting friends on bikes starting today. You are bigger and protected. They will die if you hit them. Just something to think about. Besides, if you pay attention you are likely to see something like ASTRO riding his Harley about town (click for bigger). And the Pineapple friends are welcome to come over on Friday before the parade -- don't forget to bring beer and a chair because there are a lot of bikes. Vrooooooooooom!Wednesday, May 30, 2007
The world is a crazy place
And the people living in it aren't helping things. Dick Cheney became a grandpa again. This time by his lesbian daughter, Mary, and her partner, Heather Poe. It baffles the mind how you can be so hateful towards gay people and their personal life choices and still have a relationship with your daughter that is one. I don't know how she puts up with his bullshit and hypocracy. But I guess that is their business.
In light of this, the rabidly insane christians are out for blood. Please see the press release below (written by a former homosexual -- go figure that one out). The Parents Group has a strange concept of what a "real" parent is. Apparently, Heather Poe is not a real parent even though she is going to be the one that performs all of the necessary functions that a parent performs. According to them, the only real parents you can have are your biological daddy and your biological mommy. I know people that are adopted and they consider their adopted parents to be pretty damn real. And since when is it any of their business what other people do so long as they are raising happy and healthy children. There are lots of kids out there with a "real" mommy and "real" daddy that are being treated like shit. Why don't they worry about that instead? Don't you think god would want them to care about that?
The press release also calls homosexuals raising children a "social experiment". What the hell is that all about? I find it offensive and again, none of their business. I'm sure homosexuals have been raising children since the beginning of time. We just didn't talk about it. And if god is so pissed off, then why doesn't he show himself and make things really clear? But that would take the fun out of all the crazy people twisting and "interpreting" the bible so that they can tell us how we are all going to hell because we don't think the same things they do.
As far as I'm concerned, Mary Cheney and Heather Poe are the "real" parents to that baby and I wish them the best.
**********************************************
Date: May 30, 2007
From: The Parents Group
By: Stephen Bennett
White House Officially Recognizes Homosexual Unions and Parenting?
HUNTINGTON, Conn., May 30 /Christian Newswire/ -- On May 23, 2007, the White House, silently and without any fanfare, released an official White House photo of Vice President Dick Cheney and his wife, Lynne Cheney, welcoming their sixth grandchild, Samuel David Cheney, into the Cheney fold.
The beautiful little tyke weighed in at 8 lbs., 6 oz. and was born at 9:46 a.m. at Sibley House in Washington, D.C.
What is extremely troubling is the official White House caption that appears underneath the photo on the official White House website:
... His parents are the Cheney's daughter Mary, and her partner, Heather Poe. White House photo by David Bohrer.
Since when have two homosexual women been able to naturally procreate?
Fact is Mary Cheney, the Vice President's daughter - in one way or another - received a male's sperm. She is the biological mother, parent number one, and some man, somewhere out there, is Samuel David's real biological father, parent number two.
Unlike the official White House photo caption, a man and a woman, a Daddy and a Mommy, are Samuel David Cheney's REAL biological parents.
Then who is Heather Poe?
Heather Poe is Mary Cheney's live-in lesbian lover. She may act like a parent, she may treat the baby as a parent, she may love this baby with all of her heart, but in this reality we all live in, Heather Poe is NOT the baby's real parent. She has NO biological connection to the child whatsoever. Some man, the baby's real Daddy, is the child's other REAL parent.
If the Vice President and his wife Lynne are joining their daughter Mary in playing this homosexual game of "house," then all have chosen their roles and designated lesbian lover Heather Poe as the "Daddy."
Everyone knows there can only be one REAL biological Mommy. We are all grown adults. Playing "house" is a game for children, not for The White House or the Vice President and his wife.
What is so hypocritical of this Administration is its "double-speak."
President George W. Bush held several presses conferences calling for a Federal Marriage Amendment to protect the God-ordained institution of marriage between one man and one woman, while homosexuals pushed for the union of two men or two women to be equally recognized as real "marriage."
However, the President's number two, right hand man, Vice President Dick Cheney, clearly rebels against his superior, makes a public mockery of the President and the current Administration he is supposed to represent, and clearly holds to a different set of moral standards and beliefs.
When President Bush stood on the victory stage several years ago after being elected into office by values voters, Mary Cheney was on stage as well with her lesbian lover, Heather Poe. It was a slap in the face to the values voters who had just elected the duo into office. That wound has never healed.
While this little innocent child Samuel David Cheney deserves every fighting chance at life, the sins of two women, Mary Cheney and Heather Poe, have deliberately denied the Vice President's grandson one of the most basic human rights of all: the right to a Daddy and a Mommy.
I say shame on the White House, shame on the President and shame on the Vice President for allowing such a caption to be "officially" added onto the White House website and such a beautiful photo of two happy grandparents and their new grandchild.
I guess we can tragically and officially say both the White House and Bush Administration have officially recognized the sinful sexual unions of homosexuals, as well as recognized and embraced the tragedy of the social experiment of homosexual parenting.
Stephen Bennett is founder of www.TheParentsGroup.com, a worldwide support group for parents, grandparents, family members and friends with homosexual loved ones.
Bennett lived the homosexual lifestyle for over 11 years with over 100 partners, until he finally left it all in 1992. Today, Stephen is happily married to his wife Irene of almost 14 years. The couple has two beautiful children, a young boy and a girl.
Bennett has appeared on almost every major network and cable news program, advocating for the traditional family, the protection of children and proclaiming the truth about homosexuality.
**********************************************
In light of this, the rabidly insane christians are out for blood. Please see the press release below (written by a former homosexual -- go figure that one out). The Parents Group has a strange concept of what a "real" parent is. Apparently, Heather Poe is not a real parent even though she is going to be the one that performs all of the necessary functions that a parent performs. According to them, the only real parents you can have are your biological daddy and your biological mommy. I know people that are adopted and they consider their adopted parents to be pretty damn real. And since when is it any of their business what other people do so long as they are raising happy and healthy children. There are lots of kids out there with a "real" mommy and "real" daddy that are being treated like shit. Why don't they worry about that instead? Don't you think god would want them to care about that?
The press release also calls homosexuals raising children a "social experiment". What the hell is that all about? I find it offensive and again, none of their business. I'm sure homosexuals have been raising children since the beginning of time. We just didn't talk about it. And if god is so pissed off, then why doesn't he show himself and make things really clear? But that would take the fun out of all the crazy people twisting and "interpreting" the bible so that they can tell us how we are all going to hell because we don't think the same things they do.
As far as I'm concerned, Mary Cheney and Heather Poe are the "real" parents to that baby and I wish them the best.
**********************************************
Date: May 30, 2007
From: The Parents Group
By: Stephen Bennett
White House Officially Recognizes Homosexual Unions and Parenting?
HUNTINGTON, Conn., May 30 /Christian Newswire/ -- On May 23, 2007, the White House, silently and without any fanfare, released an official White House photo of Vice President Dick Cheney and his wife, Lynne Cheney, welcoming their sixth grandchild, Samuel David Cheney, into the Cheney fold.
The beautiful little tyke weighed in at 8 lbs., 6 oz. and was born at 9:46 a.m. at Sibley House in Washington, D.C.
What is extremely troubling is the official White House caption that appears underneath the photo on the official White House website:
... His parents are the Cheney's daughter Mary, and her partner, Heather Poe. White House photo by David Bohrer.
Since when have two homosexual women been able to naturally procreate?
Fact is Mary Cheney, the Vice President's daughter - in one way or another - received a male's sperm. She is the biological mother, parent number one, and some man, somewhere out there, is Samuel David's real biological father, parent number two.
Unlike the official White House photo caption, a man and a woman, a Daddy and a Mommy, are Samuel David Cheney's REAL biological parents.
Then who is Heather Poe?
Heather Poe is Mary Cheney's live-in lesbian lover. She may act like a parent, she may treat the baby as a parent, she may love this baby with all of her heart, but in this reality we all live in, Heather Poe is NOT the baby's real parent. She has NO biological connection to the child whatsoever. Some man, the baby's real Daddy, is the child's other REAL parent.
If the Vice President and his wife Lynne are joining their daughter Mary in playing this homosexual game of "house," then all have chosen their roles and designated lesbian lover Heather Poe as the "Daddy."
Everyone knows there can only be one REAL biological Mommy. We are all grown adults. Playing "house" is a game for children, not for The White House or the Vice President and his wife.
What is so hypocritical of this Administration is its "double-speak."
President George W. Bush held several presses conferences calling for a Federal Marriage Amendment to protect the God-ordained institution of marriage between one man and one woman, while homosexuals pushed for the union of two men or two women to be equally recognized as real "marriage."
However, the President's number two, right hand man, Vice President Dick Cheney, clearly rebels against his superior, makes a public mockery of the President and the current Administration he is supposed to represent, and clearly holds to a different set of moral standards and beliefs.
When President Bush stood on the victory stage several years ago after being elected into office by values voters, Mary Cheney was on stage as well with her lesbian lover, Heather Poe. It was a slap in the face to the values voters who had just elected the duo into office. That wound has never healed.
While this little innocent child Samuel David Cheney deserves every fighting chance at life, the sins of two women, Mary Cheney and Heather Poe, have deliberately denied the Vice President's grandson one of the most basic human rights of all: the right to a Daddy and a Mommy.
I say shame on the White House, shame on the President and shame on the Vice President for allowing such a caption to be "officially" added onto the White House website and such a beautiful photo of two happy grandparents and their new grandchild.
I guess we can tragically and officially say both the White House and Bush Administration have officially recognized the sinful sexual unions of homosexuals, as well as recognized and embraced the tragedy of the social experiment of homosexual parenting.
Stephen Bennett is founder of www.TheParentsGroup.com, a worldwide support group for parents, grandparents, family members and friends with homosexual loved ones.
Bennett lived the homosexual lifestyle for over 11 years with over 100 partners, until he finally left it all in 1992. Today, Stephen is happily married to his wife Irene of almost 14 years. The couple has two beautiful children, a young boy and a girl.
Bennett has appeared on almost every major network and cable news program, advocating for the traditional family, the protection of children and proclaiming the truth about homosexuality.
**********************************************
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Hello, Republican Party of Texas!
I'm so glad you could stop by! Apparently, ya'll are looking for information about Pretty Boy Perry. I'm mean that is the page you visited. But you didn't stay very long. I hope I didn't scare you off. I have so many other entries that you might be interested in. I have a whole series of blogs about my buddy Alberto and about all of the stupid things you people have been trying to accomplish this session. But please come back, you are always welcome. Even though you are too busy trying to dictate my personal actions and moral welfare rather than solving the pressing issues like education and health care.Paris Hilton Goes to Jail
I haven't written anything about the trials and tribulations of Paris because everybody else has, I don't care all that much, and I think she deserves to go to jail. But, I did read something interesting. Apparently, her sentence has already been reduced for good behavior even though she hasn't even checked in yet. Let's face it, her behavior hasn't been that great. If it had been, we wouldn't know who she is in the first place and she would not have violated her parole. Oh well, I'm sure she will look hot in that orange jumpsuit.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
A Stupid Way To Save Money
The Texas House and Senate are up to it again. They have decided that they really need to legislate marriage some more. On Monday, they passed an "incentive" bill to get couples to go to counseling before applying for a marriage license. They want to raise the fee for a marriage license to $60. BUT if you go to an 8 hour marriage class first, you can get your license for the discounted price of $30. I don't see how paying $60 or an 8 hour course will slow down the divorce rate that is such a concern to Warren Chism (Republican/Nazi - Pampa). Once you are an adult, you are free to make all kinds of stupid decisions. I would like to pass a bill to stop the government from wasting time and start fixing things that really need it. Maybe if people had a better basic education, they would have the skills they need to make better decisions. Just a thought...
Jerry's Last Time
So Jerry Falwell died today at the age of 73. He was found unconscious in his office at Liberty University and rushed to the hospital. He probably died because he has "a history of heart challenges," but they aren't saying.Jerry Falwell has brought us some good times. Like founding a college with an ironic name. I guess liberty is limited to what he thinks god wants you to do and think.
He also brought us fun phrases like when he told us that the bible talks about "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." Thanks, Jerry! That one never gets old.
He said other things like gays, lesbians and health workers who provide abortions were partly to blame for the September 11 attacks. I guess you got to blame someone, because god doesn't like us to explain things by saying "shit happens."
Then there's the "Moral Majority." Weeeee! Way to get a rabid minority of bible thumpers to highjack the Republican party. Barry Goldwater probably rolls over in his grave everytime someone mentions those two words together.
But the best is the case Hustler Magazine, Inc. v. Falwell. While a lot of people probably read Hustler (for the articles, of course!), I don't think it was enough to really Jerry's image. Just how much emotional distress could that cause a good christian that shouldn't be reading that trash anyway? And I've always wondered did he "read" the rest of the issue containing the Campari ad spoof? But in the end, the Supreme Court decided that the ad wasn't libel and that a public figure could not recover damages for intentional infliction of emotional distress based on a satire, because under the First Amendment, an obvious satire or parody of a public figure remains protected speech, even if it causes emotional distress to that person. This case proved only to give us a good laugh (because then everyone saw the ad) and inspired a movie about the king of smut, Larry Flynt.
So thanks for all the good times, Jerry!
Thursday, May 10, 2007
This is the summer of 3
It is that time of year -- summer blockbuster movies galore. Just like every year, the majority of them are crap. Usually we are faced with a bunch of sequels to crappy movies -- and there are some of those coming soon to a theater near you. But what is special about this summer is that Hollywood is banking on the fact that you liked some of those sequels so much that you want to the third one.
Here is a list of the ones I can think of:
Spider-Man 3
Rush Hour 3
Oceans 13
Shrek the Third
The Bourne Ultimatum
Resident Evil: Extinction
Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End
See what I mean? But what really suprises me is that I actually want to see some of those movies. What is wrong with me? Maybe I should just go see Hot Fuzz two more times instead...
Here is a list of the ones I can think of:
Spider-Man 3
Rush Hour 3
Oceans 13
Shrek the Third
The Bourne Ultimatum
Resident Evil: Extinction
Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End
See what I mean? But what really suprises me is that I actually want to see some of those movies. What is wrong with me? Maybe I should just go see Hot Fuzz two more times instead...
Bobum!
Happy Birthday!
"You're older than you've ever been.
And now you're even older.
And now you're even older.
And now you're even older.
You're older than you've ever been.
And now you're even older.
And now you're older still."
-They Might Be Giants
"You're older than you've ever been.
And now you're even older.
And now you're even older.
And now you're even older.
You're older than you've ever been.
And now you're even older.
And now you're older still."
-They Might Be Giants
Thursday, May 03, 2007
GOP Debate = Drinking Game
I was reading today that since the GOP Presidential Debate is being held at the Reagan Presidential Library that the hopefuls will try to compare themselves to this former president. Just to be clear, I am not the one that came up with the idea of this being a drinking game.
This is the quote from the article I read: "If this debate were a drinking game, and you had to imbibe every time you hear the word 'Reagan,' you would pass out before the closing remarks,'' predicted Bill Whalen, a research fellow at the Hoover Institution at Stanford University.
So, if you are still into that kind of thing you can watch the debate tonight at 5 p.m. PDT on MSNBC and at www.politico.com. Let me know how it goes.
This is the quote from the article I read: "If this debate were a drinking game, and you had to imbibe every time you hear the word 'Reagan,' you would pass out before the closing remarks,'' predicted Bill Whalen, a research fellow at the Hoover Institution at Stanford University.
So, if you are still into that kind of thing you can watch the debate tonight at 5 p.m. PDT on MSNBC and at www.politico.com. Let me know how it goes.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Is your poodle really a sheep?
That's what many Japanese people are discovering. Maiko Kawakami, a Japanese actress, appeared on a talk show and brought pictures of her new "poodle". She said that she didn't understand why it didn't bark or eat dog food. That's when she found out it wasn't a poodle, or even a dog. She had spent over $1200 (US) on a sheep. After her TV appearance many other victims began contacting the police because they too had purchased sheep and not poodles. Japanese police claim that poodles are rare in Japan, but sheep don't even look like dogs!
This is a poodle...
This is a poodle...
...and this is a sheep
Funny (or maybe sexy) picture of the day
This picture of Ninel Conde posing backstage at the Billboard Latin Music Awards is one of Yahoo's Most Emailed Pictures today.
My question is: why? Is it because people think the boob shot is sexy? Or do they think it is funny?
I'm sure that normally Ms. Conde is very attractive when she poses for the camera. But this picture is not a very good example of her beauty. In fact, this picture is hilarious. She looks like she is about to pee her pants. Maybe next time she will remember to powder her nose before posing for the camera.
I'll have my people call her people.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Here's the good news, you have until August 16th to save your pennies
That is the day Steve McQueen's Ferrari is going to be auctioned off at Christie's. They estimate that it will go for somewhere between $800K and $1.2 million. So if you start saving now, it could be yours. Now that's hot.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Is it really OK for you to vote?
So Karl Rove had this genius plan to make sure people that don't agree with Republicans will have a harder time voting. He thought it would be a great idea to require another form of identification in addition to your government issued voter card. So Rep. Betty Brown and a number of other representatives have introduced House Bill 218 requiring an additional form of ID to exercise your right to vote. This bill is going before the Senate State Affairs Committee on Monday. I guess that special card that they give you that is just for voting isn't enough. Maybe they can require a second ID for when you get pulled over because your driver's license isn't good enough for driving.
Supporters of the bill claim that it prevents fraud. Their big example is that dead people voting is a huge problem in Texas. If you have a fake voter card issued to a dead person, then why wouldn't you have a fake driver's license to match? Besides, the people working at the poll don't have some master list of every dead voter in Texas. Basically, this bill will make it more difficult for the elderly and for minorities to vote. It is pretty clear that the Republican Party doesn't care what they think anyway. Go, Jim Crow.
If you oppose this bill, now is the time to let the members of the committee know. Call them and tell them that this bill violates your constitutional right to vote and places unecessary burdens on voters who are already legally registered.
Chair Robert Duncan - (512) 463-0128
Vice Chair Tommy Williams - (512) 463-0104
Sen. John Carona - (512) 463-0116
Sen. Rodney Ellis - (512) 463-0113
Sen. Troy Fraser - (512) 463-0124
Sen. Chris Harris - (512) 463-0109
Sen. Mike Jackson - (512) 463-0111
Sen. Eddie Lucio, Jr. - (512) 463-0127
Sen. Leticia Van de Putte - (512) 463-0126
Supporters of the bill claim that it prevents fraud. Their big example is that dead people voting is a huge problem in Texas. If you have a fake voter card issued to a dead person, then why wouldn't you have a fake driver's license to match? Besides, the people working at the poll don't have some master list of every dead voter in Texas. Basically, this bill will make it more difficult for the elderly and for minorities to vote. It is pretty clear that the Republican Party doesn't care what they think anyway. Go, Jim Crow.
If you oppose this bill, now is the time to let the members of the committee know. Call them and tell them that this bill violates your constitutional right to vote and places unecessary burdens on voters who are already legally registered.
Chair Robert Duncan - (512) 463-0128
Vice Chair Tommy Williams - (512) 463-0104
Sen. John Carona - (512) 463-0116
Sen. Rodney Ellis - (512) 463-0113
Sen. Troy Fraser - (512) 463-0124
Sen. Chris Harris - (512) 463-0109
Sen. Mike Jackson - (512) 463-0111
Sen. Eddie Lucio, Jr. - (512) 463-0127
Sen. Leticia Van de Putte - (512) 463-0126
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Texas wants to save your marriage
I am so happy that our legislature is doing really important things. Our lawmakers are really concerned about marriage. I guess they have lots of time to worry about this because all of our schools are properly funded, everyone in Texas has access to health care, and we all have jobs because our economy couldn't be better. Yeah, right.
For instance, the Texas Senate has decided that Texans don't take marriage seriously enough. They have passed a bill that will make couples seeking a no-fault divorce to wait an extra 30 days. Well, doesn't that protect the sanctity of marriage or what? I don't know what this will really fix. Are they hoping this will force more people to seek fault divorces. The only people that will help are the lawyers because they are more involved cases and they can rack up the billable hours. It doesn't help people or their children to drag out a divorce with proving how shitty the other person was as a husband or wife.
Rep. Warren Chisum (R-Pampa) has a House bill that takes it even further. He wants to require a two-year waiting period for a divorce with the option to bypass the waiting period by taking a 10-hour counseling class over two days. This class only costs about $450 per person. What a deal! If you get the counseling then you only have wait 6 months to get that person you hate out of your life for good. There is an exception for abuse and domestic violence. Wasn't that thoughtful? Chisum's reasoning for the waiting period is absolutely outstanding. He says, "We have a reason for the extension of the waiting period, because we have scientific evidence that in people who get infatuated with another person, that infatuation supposedly works its way out in 14 months. So there is still a chance there you can restore the marriage." Sounds like solid scientific fact to me. Words like "supposedly" really hit the facts home, don't they?
Not that I've ever been married, but when I break up with someone I am done. If someone cheated on me, I really wouldn't give a shit if they were over their infatuation with other person in 14 months. But I am so glad that lawmakers are looking out for my best interests.
For instance, the Texas Senate has decided that Texans don't take marriage seriously enough. They have passed a bill that will make couples seeking a no-fault divorce to wait an extra 30 days. Well, doesn't that protect the sanctity of marriage or what? I don't know what this will really fix. Are they hoping this will force more people to seek fault divorces. The only people that will help are the lawyers because they are more involved cases and they can rack up the billable hours. It doesn't help people or their children to drag out a divorce with proving how shitty the other person was as a husband or wife.
Rep. Warren Chisum (R-Pampa) has a House bill that takes it even further. He wants to require a two-year waiting period for a divorce with the option to bypass the waiting period by taking a 10-hour counseling class over two days. This class only costs about $450 per person. What a deal! If you get the counseling then you only have wait 6 months to get that person you hate out of your life for good. There is an exception for abuse and domestic violence. Wasn't that thoughtful? Chisum's reasoning for the waiting period is absolutely outstanding. He says, "We have a reason for the extension of the waiting period, because we have scientific evidence that in people who get infatuated with another person, that infatuation supposedly works its way out in 14 months. So there is still a chance there you can restore the marriage." Sounds like solid scientific fact to me. Words like "supposedly" really hit the facts home, don't they?
Not that I've ever been married, but when I break up with someone I am done. If someone cheated on me, I really wouldn't give a shit if they were over their infatuation with other person in 14 months. But I am so glad that lawmakers are looking out for my best interests.
Here is a story that makes me wonder...
So Hugh Grant got arrested for hurling a can of baked beans at a photographer. There wasn't must to the "story", it was really more of a blurb. But it made me wonder under what circumstances do you even have a can of baked beans to throw at someone?
I can't help it, but Idol keeps giving back
In a post from yesterday, I admitted that I have a bad TV show addiction. For those of you that don't have this same problem, you missed the big duet! It isn't everyday that Celine Dion and Elvis sing together. Of course, there are many good reasons for this. Unfortunately, this clip cuts off before the best part (like Celine and Elvis singing together isn't enough!). After the big number, Ryan Seacrest mentions that this "tween" in the audience didn't understand what was going on. Was it because she didn't believe in Elvis enough to see him or that she just didn't know who he is? It is really hard to say. Thanks to the Elvis estate we get to see things like this:
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Who needs to worry about terrorists when we have plenty of homegrown assholes?
Ever since the massacre at Virginia Tech, the bomb scares; school shootings; and suspicious packages have really gotten out of hand. Why worry about people from other countries scaring us, when we can do the job ourselves? I've had it up to here with this crap. We have one complete nut job kill and injure a bunch of people that didn't deserve it and so now every other asshole thinks they have a free pass to scare people. For instance, the jack ass at St. Edward's that couldn't just skip school like a normal person. He/She/It had to leave a note that shut the whole place down. Then there was the dummy at UT that thought it would be funny to shut down the library with a bomb threat. Jerk. Today, there was the asshole that left a suspicious package at the Austin Women's Health Center. Women that choose to get abortions don't leave suspicious packages at your house just because you don't agree with their choice. Get a life, dumbass. So for all of you people out there thinking about pulling a stunt like this, just don't do it. Mind your own damned business and worry about your own life instead causing everybody else a lot of trouble.
The first step is admitting your problem
Alright, I confess. I enjoy watching American Idol. I know its kind of embarrassing, but its true. Admittedly I watch quite a few really bad shows. Even though the whole Idol Gives Back thing was a good cause (albiet horribly depressing), it may have been all worth watching the sad stuff to see Celine Dion sing a duet with Elvis. I'm sure it is just a matter of time before that freak show is up and running on youtube. You should look for it. It was almost as horrifying as the commercial that featured Fred Astaire dancing with a vacuum cleaner. Of course, if having to endure Sanjaya's bad singing and his stupid hair styles every week hasn't stopped me from watching this season, then I'm guessing the freaky Elvis duet thing wont either. Actually, I know I am going to watch next week because they couldn't kick anyone off on a charity show and they are getting rid of two of them next week. But at least I have made the first step and admitted I have a crappy TV show addiction.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Today's lesson
is brought to you today by Andy Taylor. Wouldn't it be swell if Bush could learn something about the law and wiretapping from everyone's favorite sheriff?
Alberto!
It just gives me a a warm and fuzzy feeling that a member of the Legion of Doom is on the downward spiral. But I am also getting a little impatient about the whole thing. Alberto, my old pal, even your Republican friends are ready for you to step down. We've had a good run. Hell, I even got a link from CNN out of the deal. But the song is at an end. You know, there is a slogan for a certain shoe company that is very appropriate -- just do it. Repeat after me... just-do-it.
The Attorney General is supposed to uphold and enforce the law. It is pretty clear that the American public thinks you just aren't living up to the job description. You know you've screwed up royaly when Newt Gingrich can recognize the bad act. So Al, let's all move on. You get a high paying job at some sleazy law firm and the president can nominate some other criminal to replace you until 2008. It it time to move on to the next scandal.
(Thanks to New York Times for the picture)
Thursday, April 19, 2007
This is why I almost never see famous people
Some Pineapple friends were in town last weekend. Austin has a lot of fun places to visit and a million places to eat. On Saturday, the My One True Love (MOTL), the Pineapple Friends and I met the Pineapple Parents for lunch at Gueros. It is located on trendy South Congress, that's SoCo to you idiot posers and an wannabe hipsters. Anyway, a lot of famous people like to eat here. The Pineapple Mom and I were talking about how we never see them when we go there. That's when MOTL pointed out that Lance Artmstrong was there. Ah ha! That's why we never see the celebrities at Gueros. Because we don't pay attention!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Bring out the welcome wagon
Because we are so thrilled that Harriet Miers is coming back to Texas. She is going to be rejoining Locke Liddell & Sapp and splitting her time between Dallas and Austin. Whoopee. If I were still in high school, I might consider papering her house. Instead I will hold out the hope of seeing her in her car and giving her the bird.
Not that I really pray, but my non-prayers have been answered
If you follow my blog at all, you know that I planned on having a revolution this year. What I really planned on doing was to actually get rid of all of my old papers this year. The fact is, I've been hanging on to a lot of this crap for over 10 years. It is a lot of paper. Boxes of it. I put the word out that I was looking for Fawn Hall, considered burning it all, and entered a contest to have people from my story come to my house to shred it for me. Some people might consider this a poor attempt at reaching my goal. I think I tried. Well, this Saturday, the City of Austin is sponsoring something called Shred Day 2007. They will let you bring up to 5 file boxes of crap and they will shred it for you. Now all I have to do is load 5 boxes into my car on Saturday and take it to them. You can call me Pineapple McShred!
For my Austin readers, here is the info so that you can get your crap shredded too:
Shred Day 2007
Shred Day 2007 is sponsored by Association of Records Managers and Administrators (ARMA) and the City of Austin Solid Waste Services Department.
Location: Austin High Parking Lot
Date: Saturday, April 21, 2007
Time: 8:00 am - 2:00 pm
With the increased awareness of identity theft, many people know they need to dispose of personal records in a way to insure that others can't find and misuse the information. ARMA and the City's Solid Waste Services Department are providing an opportunity to families and individuals to bring up to five (5) file boxes of paper for FREE on-the-spot confidential shredding. Mobile shredding trucks will be provided by Austin Shred, Centex Shred, and Iron Mountain. The objective is to help with home records management, identity theft protection while publicizing the value of Records Management and Recycling. All shredded material will be recycled.
ARMA International is a not-for-profit association which is the leading authority on managing records and information.
In lieu of a fee for the service, donations will be accepted for the Capital Area Food Bank.
For my Austin readers, here is the info so that you can get your crap shredded too:
Shred Day 2007
Shred Day 2007 is sponsored by Association of Records Managers and Administrators (ARMA) and the City of Austin Solid Waste Services Department.
Location: Austin High Parking Lot
Date: Saturday, April 21, 2007
Time: 8:00 am - 2:00 pm
With the increased awareness of identity theft, many people know they need to dispose of personal records in a way to insure that others can't find and misuse the information. ARMA and the City's Solid Waste Services Department are providing an opportunity to families and individuals to bring up to five (5) file boxes of paper for FREE on-the-spot confidential shredding. Mobile shredding trucks will be provided by Austin Shred, Centex Shred, and Iron Mountain. The objective is to help with home records management, identity theft protection while publicizing the value of Records Management and Recycling. All shredded material will be recycled.
ARMA International is a not-for-profit association which is the leading authority on managing records and information.
In lieu of a fee for the service, donations will be accepted for the Capital Area Food Bank.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
When fact and fiction collide
In light of the events at VT, Fox has decided to pull the new episode of Bones so that it won't offend or upset anyone. Apparently, this Fox show has a plot that is too closely related to reality. For those of you that don't watch Bones, the story centers around a forensic anthropologist and an FBI agent that solve murders from bones they find out in the world. In this week's episode they find some bones underneath some bleachers on a college campus. They soon discover that the bleachers did not kill this person and, thus, the mystery ensues. In my mind, the similarity stops with the fact that it involves a college student. I don't see how a fictitious murdered college basketball player is like a real sniper murdering real people. But what do I know?
This isn't the first show featuring David Boreanaz that has been preempted because fiction collided with reality. After Columbine, two episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer had to be rescheduled. I can see why the WB delayed “Earshot.” This is the episode when Jonathon goes up the clock tower to assemble a rifle presumably to kill the other high school students. Buffy discovers that someone wants to kill everybody at school and it isn’t until Buffy stops Jonathan that we find out he only wanted to commit suicide. It was actually the lunch lady that planned to kill the whole school by poisoning the food. In light of Columbine, the WB also delayed “Graduation Day, Part Two” because a lot of people thought it was wrong to show a bunch of school kids that were armed with guns and other weapons. I thought this was a little extreme. Personally, I would want a weapon if the Mayor was speaking at graduation and I knew that he going turn into a giant snake demon and eat me.
So all of this leads me to ask, can shows starring David Boreanaz predict the future?
This isn't the first show featuring David Boreanaz that has been preempted because fiction collided with reality. After Columbine, two episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer had to be rescheduled. I can see why the WB delayed “Earshot.” This is the episode when Jonathon goes up the clock tower to assemble a rifle presumably to kill the other high school students. Buffy discovers that someone wants to kill everybody at school and it isn’t until Buffy stops Jonathan that we find out he only wanted to commit suicide. It was actually the lunch lady that planned to kill the whole school by poisoning the food. In light of Columbine, the WB also delayed “Graduation Day, Part Two” because a lot of people thought it was wrong to show a bunch of school kids that were armed with guns and other weapons. I thought this was a little extreme. Personally, I would want a weapon if the Mayor was speaking at graduation and I knew that he going turn into a giant snake demon and eat me.
So all of this leads me to ask, can shows starring David Boreanaz predict the future?
If you don't want to go to school today, please just skip
When I was in law school, we were required to attend class. If we missed too many days, we were automatically dropped from the class. That really limited how many days you could blow off going to class, but you could always take the chance of going unprepared and hope you didn't get called on. I was caught unprepared on several occasions. I survived. However, there was someone that wasn't willing to take that chance. My first year we all had contracts at the same time, but in two different classes. One class was on the first floor and one was on the third floor. At least once a week, the fire alarm would go off a minute or two before class. Naturally, the whole school had to be evacuated. By the time we were allowed to go back to class, there wasn't much time left. How lucky for that unprepared person! One day the fire alarm went off while I was in the elevator. As we were about to get to the third floor, the elevator stopped and started going down on its own. That was the last time I took the elevator.
Today, some enterprising student at St. Edward's University took this tactic a step further and left a threat to the school at a bathroom on campus. Apparently, it was some "nonspecific" threat and has caused the campus to be shut down for the day. After what happened at Virginia Tech yesterday, that is really, really low. Here's an idea -- if you don't feel like going to class, just skip like the rest of us. If you can't hack it at school, just drop out. Just leave everyone else out of your drama.
Today, some enterprising student at St. Edward's University took this tactic a step further and left a threat to the school at a bathroom on campus. Apparently, it was some "nonspecific" threat and has caused the campus to be shut down for the day. After what happened at Virginia Tech yesterday, that is really, really low. Here's an idea -- if you don't feel like going to class, just skip like the rest of us. If you can't hack it at school, just drop out. Just leave everyone else out of your drama.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
A not so honest mistake
My friend, Alberto Gonzales, has come semi-clean about his involvement in the dismissals of eight U.S. attorneys. You know the ones -- they were fired for cause but didn't do anything wrong (unless you count the fact that they weren't all buddy-buddy with the administration). Ole Al is calling the way he handled the dismissals an "honest mistake." Well, if it really was an honest mistake, why the cover up? I would like to think that when I make a mistake that it is honest and that I can be honest about it. It seems like people tend to cover up the things that weren't so honest or that weren't really mistakes. Or maybe that's just me. I also wonder why if he is being "honest" now why he really isn't being all that honest about it. When people talk about being "less than precise with my words when discussing the resignations" I jump to the conclusion that it is lawyer speak for "I am a liar, liar, pants on fire!" It seems like he is the kid that is real sorry that he got caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar, but it isn't sorry at all for stealing the cookies. Right now he just wants to save his ass 9and his job). His testimony on Tuesday ought to be interesting...
Monday, April 02, 2007
A small victory for those of us that like oxygen
The Supreme Court ruled against one of the many ways that Bush has been trying to kill us off one by one. He didn't think that the Environmental Protection Agency had the authority to regulate carbon dioxide and greenhouse gas emissions from cars under the Clean Air Act. Apparently, he didn't seem to think that it had anything to do with actually making sure the air is clean. Writing for the majority, Justice John Paul Stevens rejected the administration's argument that it lacked the power to regulate such emissions. He said the EPA's decision was "arbitrary, capricious or otherwise not in accordance with law." He also said that the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency "has offered no reasoned explanation" for its refusal to regulate carbon dioxide and other emissions from new cars and trucks that contribute to climate change. Well, ha!
Bush has been against these regulations because they are bad for business. I'll tell you what is bad for me -- carbon dioxide. But let's be realistic, a great way to lower carbon dioxide emissions is to have cars that have better fuel efficiency. But better fuel efficiency isn't necessarily bad for the economy. Since the price of gas has been on the increase, the sales of large trucks and SUVs have been on the decline. So what have car companies done about it? They've been increasing the fuel efficiency of these vehicles. In fact, their gas mileage has increased by a higher percentage than that of sedans and compact cars. These smaller cars still get better gas mileage overall, but it proves that there is little reason for cars to get the crappy gas mileage that they do. The technology exists. We need to force car companies to use it. And I think the price of gas will probably be a leading factor in increased fuel efficiency. I'll take it any way I can get it.
The big buzz lately has been about hybrid cars. Let's face it; the increased fuel efficiency doesn't justify the huge jump in price. When most people only keep a new car for a few years, you'd have to do a lot of driving to save money on fuel. The gas mileage isn't that much better and I imagine the maintenance of these cars costs more. What you are really paying for is a warm and fuzzy feeling. Until car companies can make hybrid cars a better value, they will remain a novelty. I was reading the consumer reports a few weeks ago, and the Subaru SUV gets better gas mileage than a hybrid SUV and it costs less. I'm all about feeling warm and fuzzy but I'd buy the Subaru over the hybrid.
So what the Supreme Court did today was a small step in the right direction. Of course they can't dictate exactly how the EPA has to it do from here. That is up to the EPA and all of Bush's drones.
Bush has been against these regulations because they are bad for business. I'll tell you what is bad for me -- carbon dioxide. But let's be realistic, a great way to lower carbon dioxide emissions is to have cars that have better fuel efficiency. But better fuel efficiency isn't necessarily bad for the economy. Since the price of gas has been on the increase, the sales of large trucks and SUVs have been on the decline. So what have car companies done about it? They've been increasing the fuel efficiency of these vehicles. In fact, their gas mileage has increased by a higher percentage than that of sedans and compact cars. These smaller cars still get better gas mileage overall, but it proves that there is little reason for cars to get the crappy gas mileage that they do. The technology exists. We need to force car companies to use it. And I think the price of gas will probably be a leading factor in increased fuel efficiency. I'll take it any way I can get it.
The big buzz lately has been about hybrid cars. Let's face it; the increased fuel efficiency doesn't justify the huge jump in price. When most people only keep a new car for a few years, you'd have to do a lot of driving to save money on fuel. The gas mileage isn't that much better and I imagine the maintenance of these cars costs more. What you are really paying for is a warm and fuzzy feeling. Until car companies can make hybrid cars a better value, they will remain a novelty. I was reading the consumer reports a few weeks ago, and the Subaru SUV gets better gas mileage than a hybrid SUV and it costs less. I'm all about feeling warm and fuzzy but I'd buy the Subaru over the hybrid.
So what the Supreme Court did today was a small step in the right direction. Of course they can't dictate exactly how the EPA has to it do from here. That is up to the EPA and all of Bush's drones.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Happy April Fool's Day
Here are 10 of the top April Fool's Day pranks ever pulled off, as judged by the San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes for their notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped.
-- In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.
-- In 1985, Sports Illustrated magazine published a story that a rookie baseball pitcher who could reportedly throw a ball at 270 kilometers per hour (168 miles per hour) was set to join the New York Mets. Finch was said to have mastered his skill -- pitching significantly faster than anyone else has ever managed -- in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans' celebrations were short-lived.
-- Sweden in 1962 had only one television channel, which broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to receive color pictures by pulling a nylon stocking over the screen. In fact, they had to wait until 1970.
-- In 1996, American fast-food chain Taco Bell announced that it had bought Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, a historic symbol of American independence, from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell.
Outraged citizens called to express their anger before Taco Bell revealed the hoax. Then-White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale and said the Lincoln Memorial in Washington had also been sold and was to be renamed the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial after the automotive giant.
-- In 1977, British newspaper The Guardian published a seven-page supplement for the 10th anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semicolon-shaped islands. A series of articles described the geography and culture of the two main islands, named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse.
-- In 1992, US National Public Radio announced that Richard Nixon was running for president again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." They even had clips of Nixon announcing his candidacy. Listeners flooded the show with calls expressing their outrage. Nixon's voice actually turned out to be that of impersonator Rich Little.
-- In 1998, a newsletter titled New Mexicans for Science and Reason carried an article that the state of Alabama had voted to change the value of pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.
-- Burger King, another American fast-food chain, published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new burger included the same ingredients as the original, but the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. The chain said it received thousands of requests for the new burger, as well as orders for the original "right-handed" version.
-- Discover Magazine announced in 1995 that a highly respected biologist, Aprile Pazzo (Italian for April Fool), had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. The creatures were described as having bony plates on their heads that became burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speed -- a technique they used to hunt penguins.
-- Noted British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on the radio in 1976 that at 9:47 am, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event, in which Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, would cause a gravitational alignment that would reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment of the planetary alignment, they would experience a floating sensation. Hundreds of people called in to report feeling the sensation.
-- In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.
-- In 1985, Sports Illustrated magazine published a story that a rookie baseball pitcher who could reportedly throw a ball at 270 kilometers per hour (168 miles per hour) was set to join the New York Mets. Finch was said to have mastered his skill -- pitching significantly faster than anyone else has ever managed -- in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans' celebrations were short-lived.
-- Sweden in 1962 had only one television channel, which broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to receive color pictures by pulling a nylon stocking over the screen. In fact, they had to wait until 1970.
-- In 1996, American fast-food chain Taco Bell announced that it had bought Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, a historic symbol of American independence, from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell.
Outraged citizens called to express their anger before Taco Bell revealed the hoax. Then-White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale and said the Lincoln Memorial in Washington had also been sold and was to be renamed the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial after the automotive giant.
-- In 1977, British newspaper The Guardian published a seven-page supplement for the 10th anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semicolon-shaped islands. A series of articles described the geography and culture of the two main islands, named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse.
-- In 1992, US National Public Radio announced that Richard Nixon was running for president again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." They even had clips of Nixon announcing his candidacy. Listeners flooded the show with calls expressing their outrage. Nixon's voice actually turned out to be that of impersonator Rich Little.
-- In 1998, a newsletter titled New Mexicans for Science and Reason carried an article that the state of Alabama had voted to change the value of pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.
-- Burger King, another American fast-food chain, published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new burger included the same ingredients as the original, but the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. The chain said it received thousands of requests for the new burger, as well as orders for the original "right-handed" version.
-- Discover Magazine announced in 1995 that a highly respected biologist, Aprile Pazzo (Italian for April Fool), had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. The creatures were described as having bony plates on their heads that became burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speed -- a technique they used to hunt penguins.
-- Noted British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on the radio in 1976 that at 9:47 am, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event, in which Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, would cause a gravitational alignment that would reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment of the planetary alignment, they would experience a floating sensation. Hundreds of people called in to report feeling the sensation.
I have a question
After all of the times that Bush and others in his administration have been caught in a lie, does anyone really believe what Bush says anymore? And people that are brainwashed don't count. Now Bush is trying to tell me that Alberto Gonzales didn't do anything wrong and that there is no evidence that there was any monkey business behind the firing of those US Attorneys. Bush also asserts that Gonzales will "tell the truth." Often when people lie so much about something they believe that what they are saying is the truth. That does not count as telling the truth. You know what be really fun? To hook up all of those bastards to a lie detector machine.
And in the "yeah me" section of this posting, CNN has linked to my blog. If you want to know the buzz on Alberto Gonzales, you can just ask me. Wheeeeeeeee!
And in the "yeah me" section of this posting, CNN has linked to my blog. If you want to know the buzz on Alberto Gonzales, you can just ask me. Wheeeeeeeee!
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Reason 9,837,902* that our government is a disgrace
Since this country waged its so-called war on terrorism, certain truths have leaked out. Little things like Saddam wasn't really in league with al-Qaeda, that he didn't have any WMDs and our government knew it, etc. But often times we forget that our war of terror started in Afghanistan because that's where al-Qaeda was allegedly headquartered. Let me refresh your memory -- Osama bin Laden is supposed to be camping out in a cave there. Let's face it, chasing around some dude through some caves was a lot less glamorous than scary weapons and suicide bombers. But I don't want to make light of it because we have soldiers dieing there, too. For example Pat Tillman. When he died it was natural for the media to make mention that we were still in that country fighting the invisible enemy because he was a NFL star that died for his country. We were told that he died in an ambush. His family was told the same lie. Now we are finding out that it wasn't really an ambush, but "friendly" fire. Now friendly fire really isn't all that friendly because people die from it, but it is a fact of war. People make mistakes and don't always communicate the way they should. In this case there was no communication and one of our soldiers fired on Tillman. Instead of risking a lower approval rating, the government lied and called it an ambush. Now we are finding out that Lt. Gen. Stanley McChrystal wrote a memo warning against this deception because someone might find out and the president would look bad. Well, don't worry about the fact that you lied to his family and your country. I think it is pretty clear that is your normal course of operations. It would be much worse for the president to look bad. That is why this is reason 9,837,902* that our government is a disgrace.
*This number may actually be higher, but I have a hard time counting this high on my fingers.
*This number may actually be higher, but I have a hard time counting this high on my fingers.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
This is for Damon
There isn't much I can say about you that others haven't already said. I know a lot of words, but I can't think of any that do you any justice. Saying things like you were warm, funny, caring, blah, blah, blah, just fall flat. Everyone you met was your friend and you didn't know a stranger. One thing I do know is that you left us too soon. For those of us that knew you are hurting deeper than we ever have because we know exactly what the world is missing now. I can't even imagine the size of the hole in Leslie's heart. It isn't very often that you get to see a great love story play out in real life and you two were the real thing.
The first time I met you, there was someone standing by us that had a camera in his hand and you insisted that he take our picture. I don't even know if you even knew that guy. After getting to know you better, it makes sense that some random guy has a picture of us. Anytime we were at the same place, I knew that it was going to one of the funnest times ever. You were such a wacky goofball. But you weren't just fun and games. You were very serious about helping anyone that needed it. You didn't have to know a person to give them the shirt off your back. When someone was down, you picked them up. And you really gave a shit about the world we lived in. And you weren't afraid to do something about it.
I was reading your blog shortly after Rumsfeld committed one of his many outrageous acts and you were saying that the letter you had written him would probably land you in Gitmo. I had happened to send him a letter about the same thing. When I told you that I would probably be seeing you at Gitmo, you responded that you couldn't wait to see me there. I think the only people that aren't going to miss you are those certain people you sent frequent emails to telling them exactly what a crappy job they are doing. I am going to try and pick up the slack for you.
On the back of the program at your memorial service there is a list of things that you would want people to do in your memory: plant a tree, vote, tell your family and friends you love them, write a letter to a newspaper about something you care about, laugh, write a song, start a blog, adopt a pet, do a silly dance, open your door to strangers and friends alike, open your heart to the world, believe you can make a difference, make a difference, smile often, adopt a foster child, draw a picture, pray to the god of your choice, stand up to injustices, donate to Raven Rance-Riley's college fund, throw a party, and love, love, love.
This list is a very short list of the things that you actually did during your short life. You walked the walk and the rest of us are going to be lucky to truly master half of the things on this list in our lifetime.
The first time I met you, there was someone standing by us that had a camera in his hand and you insisted that he take our picture. I don't even know if you even knew that guy. After getting to know you better, it makes sense that some random guy has a picture of us. Anytime we were at the same place, I knew that it was going to one of the funnest times ever. You were such a wacky goofball. But you weren't just fun and games. You were very serious about helping anyone that needed it. You didn't have to know a person to give them the shirt off your back. When someone was down, you picked them up. And you really gave a shit about the world we lived in. And you weren't afraid to do something about it.
I was reading your blog shortly after Rumsfeld committed one of his many outrageous acts and you were saying that the letter you had written him would probably land you in Gitmo. I had happened to send him a letter about the same thing. When I told you that I would probably be seeing you at Gitmo, you responded that you couldn't wait to see me there. I think the only people that aren't going to miss you are those certain people you sent frequent emails to telling them exactly what a crappy job they are doing. I am going to try and pick up the slack for you.
On the back of the program at your memorial service there is a list of things that you would want people to do in your memory: plant a tree, vote, tell your family and friends you love them, write a letter to a newspaper about something you care about, laugh, write a song, start a blog, adopt a pet, do a silly dance, open your door to strangers and friends alike, open your heart to the world, believe you can make a difference, make a difference, smile often, adopt a foster child, draw a picture, pray to the god of your choice, stand up to injustices, donate to Raven Rance-Riley's college fund, throw a party, and love, love, love.
This list is a very short list of the things that you actually did during your short life. You walked the walk and the rest of us are going to be lucky to truly master half of the things on this list in our lifetime.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Just one week...
...and Deadliest Catch starts again. I can't tell you exactly what it is about that show, but I am hooked. I can honestly say that I never thought I'd get into a show about crabbing, but it is much, much more. Those guys on those ships are hardcore and slightly insane. The show keeps you on the seat of your pants because they can die at anytime. Seriously. If you haven't ever seen it, check it out on the Discovery Channel on Tuesday, April 3rd, 9 pm EST.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Return of the Legion of Doom
Once upon a time I was looking at my law license and noticed that every single Texas Supreme Court Justice that signed it was evil. I dubbed them the "Legion of Doom." Last on the list, but not least, is Alberto Gonzales. I noticed this at a time when I was looking for a job. It made me wonder if it was some sort of struggle between good and evil (as in the bad juju on my license was keeping me from prospering). What can I say? I had a lot of time on my hands. As I am once again looking for a change in career, I wonder if that bad juju is going to kick a girl when she is down.
Of course, some of the members of the Legion of Doom are busy spreading their evil among others:
1. Nathan Hecht is busy trying to convince the State of Texas to pay the legal bills for his bad judgment in supporting Harriet Miers in her bid to be on the Supreme Court.
2. Priscilla Owen is busy being an inept judge on the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals (only after being confirmed on the second try).
3. Greg Abbott is busy screwing things up as Texas Attorney General. My favorite was his retarded AG Opinion that had to be suspended because its effect was to shut down every county clerk in the state.
3. James A. Baker, Craig T. Enoch, and Deborah Hankinson are now in private practice.
4. Harriet O'Neil, a Dubya appointee is still on the bench.
5. And we all know what ole Alberto is up to these days. Dismissing attorneys for doing their jobs. I can't even begin to tell you how that pisses me off. In the end, these attorneys will be better off because there are plenty of law firms and law schools that will hire them. However, most of these attorneys took these jobs thinking that they would be doing a great thing for this country. It must be a real blow to your self-esteem to be fired for doing your job. Not much justice in that, is there? Oh the irony.
So there's my two cents on the Legion of Doom. Basically, they suck.
Of course, some of the members of the Legion of Doom are busy spreading their evil among others:
1. Nathan Hecht is busy trying to convince the State of Texas to pay the legal bills for his bad judgment in supporting Harriet Miers in her bid to be on the Supreme Court.
2. Priscilla Owen is busy being an inept judge on the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals (only after being confirmed on the second try).
3. Greg Abbott is busy screwing things up as Texas Attorney General. My favorite was his retarded AG Opinion that had to be suspended because its effect was to shut down every county clerk in the state.
3. James A. Baker, Craig T. Enoch, and Deborah Hankinson are now in private practice.
4. Harriet O'Neil, a Dubya appointee is still on the bench.
5. And we all know what ole Alberto is up to these days. Dismissing attorneys for doing their jobs. I can't even begin to tell you how that pisses me off. In the end, these attorneys will be better off because there are plenty of law firms and law schools that will hire them. However, most of these attorneys took these jobs thinking that they would be doing a great thing for this country. It must be a real blow to your self-esteem to be fired for doing your job. Not much justice in that, is there? Oh the irony.
So there's my two cents on the Legion of Doom. Basically, they suck.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Oh no! Anonymous hates me!
So, last September I had a difficult time getting a pizza with no cheese on half. It was more funny than anything else. But Anonymous got really pissed off about the whole thing and told me all about it. Well, Anonymous still hasn't gotten over it and wrote me again today.
Read all about it!
Read all about it!
Monday, March 12, 2007
1 Prick, 2 Pricks, 3 Pricks...
Some days it is really easy to narrow down who the assholes are. Today I have picked three: Texas State Supreme Court Justice Nathan Hecht; Rep. Tony Goolsby, R-Dallas; and Sen. Jeff Wentworth, R-San Antonio.
These guys are assholes for so many reasons, but today we can link them all together. So, here is a little background. When Bush decided to nominate Harriet Miers to be a Supreme Court Justice, her ex-sweetie, Texas State Supreme Court Justice Nathan Hecht decided to publicly and actively support her nomination. You know, giving about 120 interviews singing her praises. Some people thought that this was a misuse of his office. He was investigated for ethics violation so he hired lawyers. He is now claiming that the State of Texas should foot his legal bill because they found no wrongdoing (it was not a unanimous decision). But don't worry the bill isn't much - just $340,000.00 (and that's after the fee reduction). So now there are identical bills that have been filed in both the House and the Senate by the other two assholes: Rep. Tony Goolsby and Sen. Jeff Wentworth. They think he should get a free ride too. In my opinion, he should have hired cheaper lawyers if he didn't want to shell out the big bucks to keep his hide out of hot water. I wonder how many kids can get CHIP with that money? How many schoolbooks does that buy? So many questions...
These guys are assholes for so many reasons, but today we can link them all together. So, here is a little background. When Bush decided to nominate Harriet Miers to be a Supreme Court Justice, her ex-sweetie, Texas State Supreme Court Justice Nathan Hecht decided to publicly and actively support her nomination. You know, giving about 120 interviews singing her praises. Some people thought that this was a misuse of his office. He was investigated for ethics violation so he hired lawyers. He is now claiming that the State of Texas should foot his legal bill because they found no wrongdoing (it was not a unanimous decision). But don't worry the bill isn't much - just $340,000.00 (and that's after the fee reduction). So now there are identical bills that have been filed in both the House and the Senate by the other two assholes: Rep. Tony Goolsby and Sen. Jeff Wentworth. They think he should get a free ride too. In my opinion, he should have hired cheaper lawyers if he didn't want to shell out the big bucks to keep his hide out of hot water. I wonder how many kids can get CHIP with that money? How many schoolbooks does that buy? So many questions...
Monday, March 05, 2007
Beware of daylight savings time
So this year, it is extra special because we start daylight savings time next weekend. Of course, it is usually a suprise to me when it happens so the fact that I know about it ahead of time makes it "extra special" not that they have changed when DST starts! This year, they have added a month to daylight savings time to cut energy use. I promise that once summer hits, it won't matter what time it is because my air conditioning will be on full blast 24-7.
Of course, this time of year becomes confusing for jet-setting types because other countries don't adjust for daylight savings time when we do, if they do it at all. So, this just to warn you that you need to "spring forward" on Saturday night and if you need to call another country you need to calculate the time difference accordingly. Since I only email my international friends, this does not apply to me.
Something I have always wondered is if daylight savings time is so great, then why don't we stay on it all year round? Time is relative and changing the time is just confusing. We don't care what anyone else is doing with their time. Europe has a different schedule and Asia doesn't even change time.
I do know this -- that it was not fun to "fall back" last year. My dogs get up at the same time everyday and demand to be fed at 8 am and 8 pm. It was not fun to wake up an hour early to let them out and have them bark at me because they thought it was 8 when it was only 7. I suppose that I could have adjusted to account for the time, but I don't want to wake up at 6:45 am everyday. Hopefully, the spring forward will not be so hard to adjust to...
Of course, this time of year becomes confusing for jet-setting types because other countries don't adjust for daylight savings time when we do, if they do it at all. So, this just to warn you that you need to "spring forward" on Saturday night and if you need to call another country you need to calculate the time difference accordingly. Since I only email my international friends, this does not apply to me.
Something I have always wondered is if daylight savings time is so great, then why don't we stay on it all year round? Time is relative and changing the time is just confusing. We don't care what anyone else is doing with their time. Europe has a different schedule and Asia doesn't even change time.
I do know this -- that it was not fun to "fall back" last year. My dogs get up at the same time everyday and demand to be fed at 8 am and 8 pm. It was not fun to wake up an hour early to let them out and have them bark at me because they thought it was 8 when it was only 7. I suppose that I could have adjusted to account for the time, but I don't want to wake up at 6:45 am everyday. Hopefully, the spring forward will not be so hard to adjust to...
Friday, March 02, 2007
Happy Texas Independence Day!
If you are lucky enough to be a state employee, you might get the day off or you might get overtime for being on the skeleton crew. Either way, it pays to work for the State of Texas on such a pretty day.
On this day 1836, Texas declared its independence from Mexico. However, it was not until the Battle of San Jacinto on April 21, 1836 that Texas won the war. Also of note, March 2 is also Sam Houston's birthday. For all you non-Texans, he was the commander in chief of the Texas army. It was when Houston and his men captured Mexican general Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna during the Battle of San Jacinto that the independence of Texas was offically recognized. Sam Houston went on to serve as the first President of the Republic of Texas (he also served a non-succesive second term), as US Senator, and as Governor.
"Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States cannot make it without Texas! -- Sam Houston, President of the Republic of Texas
On this day 1836, Texas declared its independence from Mexico. However, it was not until the Battle of San Jacinto on April 21, 1836 that Texas won the war. Also of note, March 2 is also Sam Houston's birthday. For all you non-Texans, he was the commander in chief of the Texas army. It was when Houston and his men captured Mexican general Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna during the Battle of San Jacinto that the independence of Texas was offically recognized. Sam Houston went on to serve as the first President of the Republic of Texas (he also served a non-succesive second term), as US Senator, and as Governor.
"Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States cannot make it without Texas! -- Sam Houston, President of the Republic of Texas
Austin's latest problem...
...cars in trees. You heard me. Cars in Trees. The story was much more interesting and entertaining when I read about it. However when I clicked on the video, I found out that the cars weren't really in the trees. It just looks that way when you are on the lake. Once you get to the shore they are on the ground. Very misleading. Of course the only way for the cars to get there was over a big cliff. That's kind of interesting. But not as interesting as actual cars in actual trees.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Texas is #5...
... in teen pregnancy rates. Guess that abstinance only education is really paying off. Obviously telling teenagers not to have sex is stopping them right in their tracks. Whatever. That is the most ridulous thing I have ever heard. Since the beginning of time teenagers have been actively not listening to authority figures. For some reason there are people that think that teaching teenagers about birth control will encourage them to have sex. Well, telling them not to certainly isn't stopping them.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
take that!
“You may all go to Hell, and I will go to Texas”
--Davy Crockett
Our idiot of a governor tried to fast track 6 coal-fired plants in central Texas by executive order. I don't know about my neighbors, but I'm not interested in breathing that crap. The good news (for now) is that a state judge issued an injunction today. Seems like Pretty Boy Perry has gotten a little big for his britches lately issuing all sorts of executive orders and mandates. Who does he think he is, god? Farming out the Trans-Texas Corridor to some out of state company (the voters never approved it), unfunded vaccines, and now he wants to pollute my air? What's next? Is he going to mandate what time I can take a shit? That jackass didn't even get a majority of the votes. I think it is pretty clear that most of us don't even like him. So here is my message to you: FUCK OFF!
--Davy Crockett
Our idiot of a governor tried to fast track 6 coal-fired plants in central Texas by executive order. I don't know about my neighbors, but I'm not interested in breathing that crap. The good news (for now) is that a state judge issued an injunction today. Seems like Pretty Boy Perry has gotten a little big for his britches lately issuing all sorts of executive orders and mandates. Who does he think he is, god? Farming out the Trans-Texas Corridor to some out of state company (the voters never approved it), unfunded vaccines, and now he wants to pollute my air? What's next? Is he going to mandate what time I can take a shit? That jackass didn't even get a majority of the votes. I think it is pretty clear that most of us don't even like him. So here is my message to you: FUCK OFF!
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Casual Rain
That's right, I said casual rain. On Friday I was in the car and they were talking about the weather. They said it was overcast with casual rain. Did it dress down because it was casual Friday?
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Here is my conspiracy theory
Well, I'm not really sure what "They" are conspiring to do yet, but it will become clear in time. Of course, the "They" is also unclear. But there isn't a conspiracy unless you have a list of dead people with a connection.
Here is a list of deaths:
1. J. Howard Marshall died on August 4, 1995 (left Anna Nicole a ton of cash)
2. E. Pierce Marshall died on June 20, 2006 (died while fighting to keep the cash away from Anna Nicole)
3. Daniel Smith died on September 10, 2006 (died when visiting Anna Nicole, her baby, and a potential baby daddy)
4. Anna Nicole Smith died on February 8, 2007 (died shortly after being named in the lawsuit against Trimspa)
Or maybe there is no conspiracy and the Trimspa killed her.
Here is a list of deaths:
1. J. Howard Marshall died on August 4, 1995 (left Anna Nicole a ton of cash)
2. E. Pierce Marshall died on June 20, 2006 (died while fighting to keep the cash away from Anna Nicole)
3. Daniel Smith died on September 10, 2006 (died when visiting Anna Nicole, her baby, and a potential baby daddy)
4. Anna Nicole Smith died on February 8, 2007 (died shortly after being named in the lawsuit against Trimspa)
Or maybe there is no conspiracy and the Trimspa killed her.
The Hoohaa Monologues
A theater in Florida changed its marquee because they are showing "The Vagina Monologues" and a driver got offended by the word VAGINA. Apparently her daughter asked what a VAGINA is and she was offended that she even had to discuss this with her daughter. Of course, the "news" story was even more entertaining because the reporter couldn't even use the word VAGINA. He kept saying "that certain female anatomy." Good Grief! VAGINA! VAGINA! VAGINA! Why are people so offended and confused by this word (VAGINA)?
Guess what? That lady that was offended by the sign has a VAGINA. Her daughter that doesn't know what a VAGINA is, has a VAGINA. Using the word VAGINA is just about as offensive as talking about your femur bone. Get a damned dictionary and figure it out. Don't worry Merriam-Webster will tell you if it is an offensive or vulgar word (they do if you look up words like cunt). VAGINA does not have this disclaimer. See:
va·gi·na (or as I would say VA-GI-NA)
Pronunciation: v&-'jI-n&
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural va·gi·nae /-(")nE /; or -nas
Etymology: Latin, literally, sheath
1 : a canal in a female mammal that leads from the uterus to the external orifice of the genital canal
2 : a canal that is similar in function or location to the vagina and occurs in various animals other than mammals
Guess what? That lady that was offended by the sign has a VAGINA. Her daughter that doesn't know what a VAGINA is, has a VAGINA. Using the word VAGINA is just about as offensive as talking about your femur bone. Get a damned dictionary and figure it out. Don't worry Merriam-Webster will tell you if it is an offensive or vulgar word (they do if you look up words like cunt). VAGINA does not have this disclaimer. See:
va·gi·na (or as I would say VA-GI-NA)
Pronunciation: v&-'jI-n&
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural va·gi·nae /-(")nE /; or -nas
Etymology: Latin, literally, sheath
1 : a canal in a female mammal that leads from the uterus to the external orifice of the genital canal
2 : a canal that is similar in function or location to the vagina and occurs in various animals other than mammals
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Some stupid things and people I saw today
I'm tired of the stories about the astronaut that got arrested. She allegedly committed a criminal act and obviously she needs medical attention. This is a story about bad judgment and probably serious mental illness. Instead the media is creating all sorts of extra drama and sensationalizing the story. Here is a sample of the stupid crap I have been subjected to:
1. An idiot psychologist say, "this didn't come from a sad place, it came from a mad place." What school did you flunk out of? If I went to therapy and he/she/it said something like that I would tell that therapist to fuck off.
2. A headline that read "Astronaut suffered 'mental anguish'" No kidding.
3. Listening to Jay Leno (I was at the laundry mat so I had no choice) making jokes about the police having to frisk someone wearing a diaper. Asshole.
4. Some show on Headline News picking out who should play these people in the TV movie. Just in case you were wondering Holly Hunter should be cast as Lisa Nowak; Bill Paxton as William Oefelein, and Anne Heche as Colleen Shipman. This woman has serious problems and the media is trying to book Holly Hunter's next acting gig?
I'm glad the media is taking such a sensitive approach to this story. And I'm sure her kids appreciate it too.
1. An idiot psychologist say, "this didn't come from a sad place, it came from a mad place." What school did you flunk out of? If I went to therapy and he/she/it said something like that I would tell that therapist to fuck off.
2. A headline that read "Astronaut suffered 'mental anguish'" No kidding.
3. Listening to Jay Leno (I was at the laundry mat so I had no choice) making jokes about the police having to frisk someone wearing a diaper. Asshole.
4. Some show on Headline News picking out who should play these people in the TV movie. Just in case you were wondering Holly Hunter should be cast as Lisa Nowak; Bill Paxton as William Oefelein, and Anne Heche as Colleen Shipman. This woman has serious problems and the media is trying to book Holly Hunter's next acting gig?
I'm glad the media is taking such a sensitive approach to this story. And I'm sure her kids appreciate it too.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Perry requires the HPV vaccine
By executive order, all girls in Texas will be required to get the HPV vaccine then they are in the 6th grade. Personally I think that all girls should get this vaccine. Cervical cancer is bad. I do question his motives. There were already bills making it through both houses. So where is the emergency? Well, Merck might have been getting nervous because similar bills have failed in other states. I mean, consider the profits. When a series of the vaccine costs about $360, wouldn't you want it to be a requirement to give the vaccine to about 200,000 girls a year? In case you were wondering that would be $72 million dollars. It is also a little bit fishy that Perry's former chief of staff is now a lobbyist for Merck and his current chief of staff's mother is a state representative that gets funding from Women In Government (they received money from Merck).
So what I wonder now that we have a good thing for all the wrong reasons is who pays for the vaccine? The millions of uninsured Texans? Those lucky enough to have health insurance that probably won't cover the costs of the vaccine? The governor's executive order seems to be silent on that point.
So what I wonder now that we have a good thing for all the wrong reasons is who pays for the vaccine? The millions of uninsured Texans? Those lucky enough to have health insurance that probably won't cover the costs of the vaccine? The governor's executive order seems to be silent on that point.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Keep it weird, Gladys, keep it weird
UPDATE: I thought Gladys was so funny that I thought it might be Joe Sears of "Greater Tuna" fame. According to The Austinist, this was prank done by the KLBJ morning show. Even thought I think they have a crappy morning show, I still think its funny. I love Gladys.
I've decided I just don't care
I hate those stupid verification things. I can't ever get it right. I am not fluent in wiggly. Because I hate those things so much, I am turning mine off. Spammers: comment away! I do reserve the right to turn it back on. One day I may become a worldwide sensation and then the spammers will come here in droves. But until that time comes...
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Austin is a little less weird
Over the years Molly Ivins has managed to amuse and piss off quite a few people. I was one of the amused. Very amused. But when she lost her battle against breast cancer today, Austin lost a little bit of its sparkle. RIP, Molly. You were a true smartass. I will miss you.
Click here to read her column.
Here are some quotes for your enjoyment:
"Being slightly paranoid is like being slightly pregnant - it tends to get worse."
"It's hard to argue against cynics - they always sound smarter than optimists because they have so much evidence on their side."
"It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America."
"Any nation that can survive what we have lately in the way of government, is on the high road to permanent glory."
"Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel - it's vulgar."
"I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years."
"During a recent panel on the numerous failures of American journalism, I proposed that almost all stories about government should begin: 'Look out! They're about to smack you around again!'"
I know vegetarians don't like to hear this, but God made an awful lot of land that's good for nothing but grazing."
"In Texas, we do not hold high expectations for the governor's office; it's mostly been occupied by crooks, dorks and the comatose."
"I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part, and discuss it only with consenting adults."
Click here to read her column.
Here are some quotes for your enjoyment:
"Being slightly paranoid is like being slightly pregnant - it tends to get worse."
"It's hard to argue against cynics - they always sound smarter than optimists because they have so much evidence on their side."
"It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America."
"Any nation that can survive what we have lately in the way of government, is on the high road to permanent glory."
"Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel - it's vulgar."
"I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years."
"During a recent panel on the numerous failures of American journalism, I proposed that almost all stories about government should begin: 'Look out! They're about to smack you around again!'"
I know vegetarians don't like to hear this, but God made an awful lot of land that's good for nothing but grazing."
"In Texas, we do not hold high expectations for the governor's office; it's mostly been occupied by crooks, dorks and the comatose."
"I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part, and discuss it only with consenting adults."
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
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