This is why I love the internets

Yesterday, two videos were brought to my attention and I really felt like I should get in touch with my inner-kindergartener and share them with you. I really needed a laugh yesterday (not so much today because I have the day off) and both of these videos deleivered in their own special way.

First is the video is a genius telling us about how to get this economy turned around. Well, maybe that's what this about. I'm not exactly sure. When I sent this video to Nervana she asked me the following: "so.........how did sarah palin change her looks so radically?!" These women certainly have the same speech writer if they are actually different people. I'm just wondering how people managed to keep themselves from laughing out loud and who was that fool that clapped when she was done rambling about the free food and the machines that can make stuff?

And speaking of Sarah Palin (I know! I can't let it go!), I absolutely loved William Shatner's reading of her tweets. As far as I'm concerend, Twitter has now become one of the best inventions ever. Before this, I really could take it or leave it. I wish he would make an album of Twitter poetry readings -- I'd be first in line to buy it.

tags: youtube video santa cruz city council meeting sarah palin William Shatner Rules! twitter

see ya soon, Sarah!

She may have resigned as Governor of Alaska this week, but we all know she isn't gone forever. That lady is like a bad case of herpes. She always comes back at the most inconvenient times. So I won't say goodbye, just so long for now. And I leave you with her memorable 1984 performance.

Farmer Pineapple

I didn't say pineapple farmer. Although I guess I am. I have three non-producing pineapple plants. I only harvested that one lemon sized pineapple when I was pineapple farming at work. Obviously the direct result of dedicated state employment. Here is the beauty I harvested on 8/25/08*:

So now that I'm single and have all this time on my hands (read severe sarcasm here), I've decided to grow a crop of pumpkins. Actually, I had a hell of a time finding pumpkins to bake last year so I decided to grow my own. Besides, why spend your time growing useful crops when you can have a whole bunch of one thing, right? So this desire to grow some pumpkins has grown into a mild obsession. And I'm not the only one (not that it makes my obsession any less odd). The Pineapple Parents have started calling for daily pumpkin updates and demanding pictures. Maybe this is some sort of substitute for the grandchildren it looks like I will never give them? In light of this shared obsession, I've decided that the internet as a whole will also be very interested in my pumpkins' progress as well.

I planted the seeds on 7/14/09. "They" say that it takes about 100 days from planting until harvest. That puts me at about October 22nd. Here is a picture of dirt in an egg carton:

Then the wait was on. For days my dirt sat in front of the window with out any change for days! And then one by one the seeds started to sprout. Here is what the pumpkins looked like on 7/26/09:

And here is a bird's eye view of my pumpkin sprouts:

As of 7/28/09, my pumpkin sprouts are really taking off:

Here is a close up of the first seed to sprout:

Later this week, I am going to transplant my little plants into bigger containers so they can grown BIG and STRONG before I kill them in in the Texas heat. Until things cool off, I'm keeping my fingers crossed (and hopefully my thumbs green) and hoping for pumpkins to make a proper pumpkin pie for turkey day this year.

*as always, you can click the pictures for much more bigger!

tags: pumpkin gardening texas

and then there was one...

well, one pineapple with two dogs. That's because I came home Wednesday and the former MOTL had packed up his shit (well some of it along with the good TV and the remote to the cable box -- bring it back!) and moved to the landfill in Wimberley. So things have been a little off here. I keep meaning to blog (not about my personal bullshit), but for the past week I've just been too bitchy or whiny to do it. Also, I've spent the past week adjusting to the single life. I think it will take some time to get in the swing of being on my own (and not someone's keeper) after five years of whatever. All I know is that my house is a wreck and there is still some ginormous piece of Styrofoam that is painted like a boulder in my backyard that did not move to the landfill with the former other half. When it appeared in the backyard a few weeks ago (conveniently after the bulk trash pick up) I made my feelings clear that it needed to go back from whence it came. It is big and ugly and it looks like this:


When I first commented on how awful it was, I was told that I just didn't understand. Damn straight I don't understand why I would want something like that and I also don't understand why it is still here. Pick it up when you bring back my remote!

Getting my life in some sort of order has been difficult. Mostly because something horrible has happened to my foot -- I have this excruciating and mysterious pain that causes random swelling and constant discomfort. How can I wash that man right out of my hair (and my house) if I can't even walk?!? Today, I had it x-rayed. When the nurse, the doctor, and the x-ray technician each asked which foot was hurting I always replied "my left foot," no one even blinked. I thought it was funny (at least ironic because my left foot was the only thing not working), but maybe they get that all the time. So, now I hobble alone. OK, I hobble with two constantly panicked dogs underfoot as I relearn how to cook for one.

Alberto is gainfully employed!

My good buddy Alberto Gonzales is moving to Lubbock this fall because he finally got a job! He's going to be teaching political science at Texas Tech. Too bad he isn't teaching ethics though. But I guess he can teach those kids how you go to the AG's hospital bed to get him to sign off on illegal programs and then later how to fire people that have different political views than yourself and call it science! The neat thing about it is that no one will notice the smell of his bullshit because the stockyard just outside of town will cover that up! And another upside of being a Red Raider is that you get to have taco night after you play the Longhorns!*


*I guess that's what happens when they lose to us. Every time I ask my relatives what they do with all of the tortillas (they throw them in the air when they win football games -- I don't know why), they always tell me to shut up. How am I supposed to learn anything when these important questions go unanswered?

tags: Alberto Gonzales Texas Tech Lubbock Texas Tortilla Football Red Raiders Longhorns

I guess I'm old and lame

Every year, my neighborhood has a 4th of July parade and a picnic. This year there was even a bbq cook off. Our family tradition is that I make breakfast and the Pineapple Parents come over to watch the parade. Then, later in the afternoon I drop by the neighborhood picnic before going over to the Pineapple Parent's house for their annual 4th of July brisket party. After the parade, I got a serious case of the lazies. It may have had something to do with the fact that a certain someone was too hungover to help me get everything set up before the parade and to clean up afterward. So, I decided to skip out on the picnic. I do hate that I missed out on the pear wine.

My parent's dog has developed a really bad habit of bolting out the front door and running to the neighbor's house (they have ferrets inside). However, yesterday's big draw was another neighbor's cook out. I opened the door to let guests in and the dog ran out. Since he has no street smarts and no desire to return when called, I ran after him. And it was hot. I felt like I was running in slow motion. I felt like I couldn't pick up my feet because I was running through hot lava, under a heat lamp. I ran circles around houses and through the neighbors' backyards after that damned dog. He would stop every so often and look to see if I was still coming and then take off again. I finally got lucky when he cornered himself. It is amazing how running after a little dog in record breaking 104 degree weather can really wear you out. I never really recovered from it. By the time I left the Pineapple Parents', I was too tired to go watch the fireworks. I thought I would just watch them on TV, but I was too lame to even stay up to watch Barry Manilow on PBS.

Happy 4th of July, ya'll!

Have a great holiday weekend! And thanks to Lipz for posting this awesome video! I couldn't steal it without you!

tags: 4th July Redneck White Socks Blue Ribbon Beer Johnny Russell Video youtube

2012 is going to be a great year for my ass!

Thank you, Sarah Palin!
I look forward to your failed attempt to become the Republican presidential nominee in 2012. Why else would she be stepping down as Governor of Alaska (it certainly isn't because of the numerous ETHICS complaints that have been filed!)??? It will be a great time for me to go to the gym and run up hill on the treadmill because you say such stupid and infuriating things every time you open your big fat mouth. It is going to be great. And my ass is going to look great, too!

tags: Sarah Palin is good for my ass Governor Alaska Republican President 2012

trash talk

So last weekend we put out a variety of three-legged chairs and other large items that should have never come to my house. The pick up in our area started on Monday, but could come as late as Friday. Naturally, day after day the junk stayed in my yard (it really dressed up the joint!). Then on Thursday I get a call at work from MOTL...

MOTL: The guys working across the street parked in front of our trash. Its still there. They took everyone else's trash.
Me: Fuck. Go over there and tell them they better take that shit with them when they leave work today.
MOTL: I guess I can get my dad to bring his truck and we can take it out to the property*.
Me: No. Go over there and tell them they better figure out how to haul that shit away. And call the city and tell them they missed our stuff. One way or another someone else it taking that shit away.

Call Two--
MOTL: Those guys don't speak English.
Me: Bullshit. They just don't like what you are telling them.
MOTL: I did find out who they work for. Do you want to call?
Me: No. I'm at work. You call. And then call the city and tell them they forgot to pick up our shit.
MOTL: OK.

Call Three--
MOTL: I talked to their boss. And he said they would take our trash when they left the site today.
Me: Did you call the city, too?
MOTL: They said they would circle back around on Friday.
Me: Um, OK (I have my doubts about that part of the story). Well, we'll see what happens. Someone is taking that crap one way or another. But I need to get back to work because I am working.

When I got home the workers and their trailer were still there and that trash was still in my yard. As I sat down on the couch, we heard the truck pull away. Without our garbage. I looked at MOTL and told him to call that dude now.

MOTL: Why don't you call? You're the lawyer.
Me: Yes, but when I call him it is going to be to tell him how much he owes me for having that shit hauled away or else I'm filing a lawsuit and serving him with a shit ton of discovery. Finish what you started.
MOTL: (dials the number, no answer, so he leaves a message)Your guys didn't take the garbage from our house. You better do it tomorrow or my girlfriend, the lawyer, is going to have to have it hauled away and will sue you.
Me: rolled my eyes to the back of my head.

When I got home from work the next day, not only were all of those junky chairs gone but so was the brush that the city wasn't going to take any way. Guess we got a sweet deal after all...


*their property is like the land of misfit toys, except they take everything that they've ever had taht is now broken out their. I think of their property as their own personal landfill.

tags: garbage in my front yard

Pineapple + Feng Shui (insert water feature here)*

So, I may have mentioned in an earlier post that I had a "plan". Well, it turns out setting your future career goals and thinking of a couple of things you need to do to soothe your current frustration doesn't really qualify as a plan. Also, going on a kick ass vacation really does bring your stress levels down a lot. So much so, that things didn't seem quite so bad (and were frankly humorous) when I returned to work. Mostly that holds true a month later. At least now I'm not desperate to escape so I can wait until the right thing comes along (because I am still looking).

But the thing that has held my attention the most since my return is getting my shit together in my home space.** I was quite thrilled when I got the notice about the bulk trash pick up. All I can say is, "bye bye three legged chair. I never wanted you so you are going back to the curb you came from."*** As did the other shitty chairs that MOTL has collected from the side of the road over the last year. I'm not against roadside furniture, I'm just against broken, mangled and filthy roadside furniture.

I have thorn things out, cleaned shit up, built a pair of nightstands****, rearranged furniture, and planted the beginnings of a garden. I've even started organizing my "home office" so I can get back to writing. Over the past month I have busted my ass and made some real progress. I still have a long way to go, but things are moving forward for the first time in a long time. I don't know if feng shui really works, but I can attest to the fact that getting your shit in order does make you feel better. And that is a start.

*I don't really know if feng shui extends to blogs, but with this heat I am certain I need more water features in my life. Or maybe just a glass of water because I am thirsty.

**Obviously it hasn't been uploading those photos from the kick as vacation...

***The highlight was watching the guy load up our janky bbq pit in the back of his trailer last weekend. MOTL had not cleaned it out and the poor guy got covered in ashes.

****a la target.com

dirty business

As we are now on day 5468 of over 100 degree weather, it seemed like a fine time to do some gardening. My gardening odyssey started yesterday when the Pineapple Dad started talking about going to buy some plants. So, we all went -- it was a family trip to the hottest place on Earth. Also known as Lowes. By the time I got back to my car and we loaded it up with plants and mulch, I really thought I was going to die. Even the tops of my feet felt like they were on fire from the heat. If a native Texan is whining about the heat, its hot ya'll. MOTL and I came home to unloaded our goods and sleep it off. I drank about a million glasses of water and tried to nap. But I kept thinking about how I really wanted some mint (apparently Lowes is a mint free zone).

Next thing you know, I've talked MOTL into going to our neighborhood Home Depot where we struck out once again (and batting like the Astros). And although he really wanted to go back home, I had a hostage and a mission. We went to a local hardware/garden shop and there we found it. Mint! I now have a 30 foot bed with peppermint, spearmint, lemon mint, orange mint and apple mint. They did not have any chocolate mint and they only had one half dead pineapple mint. Maybe next time.

Now I am dehydrated (I couldn't see through my glasses because the sweat was dripping off me by the gallon -- eeew!) and sore (from digging up the rest of the wandering jew and then planting the mint and mulching). Of course it was just about dark when I finished watering it. And it was still in the upper 90s.

And tomorrow night, I plant the flowers. I rule.

you say you want a revolution

Frankly, I find the story about the election in Iran fascinating and compelling. And I am totally rooting for the underdog (even though Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Mir-Hossein Mousavi aren't all that different from one another). But Ahmadinejad is kinda scary and I am really against stealing elections. We all know how that turns out.

But what really pisses me off? Statements made by people like Insane McCain. Where does he get off insisting we take a hard line and support the opposition party. Does that include bombing them (and should we sing a song while we do it?)? Do people still take him seriously? And my question is: should they have taken a hard line with us in 2000? God knows it would have saved us some trouble (you know, like two wars and a financial crisis). But what is more appalling are the tweets from jackasses like John Culberson (comparing himself to the Iranians because the republicans are "repressed"). Whatever. You sad republican that benefited from the illegal gerrymandering in Texas, you are so repressed.

the party's over...

...and all I have to show for it is a wicked case of jet lag. My body thinks it is bedtime and I know I still have to leave the comfort of my air conditioned bedroom to get dog food and groceries. In that order because the dogs rule in this house (that, and I ate enough on that cruise ship that maybe I don't really need to eat all that much anyway). I actually filled up a travel journal* and took hundreds of pictures (many of them are "Traveling Pineapple" worthy). I had 18 much needed work-free days. But tomorrow I go back to what ever fresh hell that has erupted in my absence and long for the gentle rocking of the boat (not to mention the 15 days that I did not have to cook, clean, do the dishes, do the laundry, or any of those other shitty things).

*all handwritten, too. it was nice to spend some quality time writing, even if it wasn't quality writing.

I'm leaving on a jet plane

And then I'm getting on a boat...

In fact, my plane for New York should be leaving right about now. I'll be back next month with lots of pictures (you know me).

Until then -- see ya!

time to freak out the dogs

They know something is up and they have been under my feet and on my lap for days. Shirley has even had middle of the night snuggle emergencies. There is nothing more restful than a 60 pound dog throwing her self on top of you or trying to get under you. Last night I had to spoon her so I wouldn't get pushed off the bed and Laverne had her head on my food with her legs wrapped around mine. I seriously need some coffee.

So today I pack my bags and go see Star Trek at the IMAX. But first I have to rub Shirley's tummy.

These Shoes Suck

I don't know why people seem to like these New Balance shoes so much. Frankly, I've never experienced shoes so painful. I'd much rather run in stripper shoes than these things. I've had these stupid shoes for three weeks now and I think it is fair to call them torture devices. I've tried and I've tried, but after today I can take no more.* After thirty minutes my right foot was covered in blisters and the bottom of my left foot was numb. Not even hooker heels do that to your feet.

The thing that really gets me is that I wore these shoes around the store for twenty minutes and they felt great.** They remind me of that crazy ex-boyfriend (or ex-girlfriend depending on who you like to like) that was really fun and nice at first and then you wake up and they are bat shit crazy.*** I'm pretty sure I can't take these shitty shoes back, so what do you do with shoes this awful? MOTL suggested that I donate them, but can I do that with a clear conscious? Can I really not feel bad about giving these crippling shoes to some unsuspecting soul? Maybe I should just send them back to New Balance with a note that says, "no backs!" What I do know, is that I'm not taking these stupid shoes half way around the globe to continue the torture of my poor little piggies. Not very vacation like if you ask me.

In the end, I have learned that there is a reason I have been wearing the same brand of shoes for over ten years and this is my punishment for being unfaithful.

I have to conclude that Run DMC was oh, so very right when they said:

my Adidas and me, close as can be
we make a mean team, my Adidas and me
we get around together, rhyme forever
and we won't be mad when worn in bad weather
My Adidas..
My Adidas..
My Adidas


*And if these craptastic shoes weren't enough to deal with, some asshole changed the channel so I had to watch Paula Deen smother food with bacon and butter.
**Apparently wearing the shoes around the store while you shop is frowned upon by the employees at the Academy. So, I guess the ads about it being "my store" are not so true afterall.
***On Sunday I talked about people that behave like this and the Pineapple Dad asked me if I had some experience with this (in a way that implied I might be the one that is on good behavior at the start and then later on behave badly). I told him that wasn't true because I am always a sarcastic bitch and it is no act. MOTL said nothing and started "reading" a home decor catalog. He made the right choice because there is no right response.

How to Secede the Union Without Really Trying

Personally, I think this uproar about Gov. Good Hair making comments about Texas seceding is hilarious. For weeks, this has been on the national news. Really? Maybe I'm baffled because this is nothing new for Texans. We are always talking about seceding. It never made the national news before. I even had a "Secede" sticker on my first car. And I wasn't the only one. Hippies and rednecks alike had that same sticker. What baffles me even more is that the media believes that this is some sort of Republican "movement". Last time this idea had legs Texans were just pissed and Ronald Reagan was president (kind of blows that whole Republican thing argument, huh?). The media has even been taking polls to prove their point. Now they are convinced it is a Southern Republican thing (so why did they pass that sovereignty resolution in one of the Dakotas? They ain't Southern).

Well, here is my point: all these people talking about seceding in other states are a bunch of copy cat posers. Rick Perry is still an idiot, by the way.*

Here is the skinny on the movement to secede. Texas was a sovereign nation (Texas has been rockin' its independence since March 2, 1936**) that included what the non-geographically challenged persons will recognize as present day Texas and parts of New Mexico, Oklahoma, Kansas, Colorado, and Wyoming. When Texas joined the union, we reserved the right to leave whenever we wanted. And we frequently want to leave (again, I stress that this is not the first time). Also, we were not required to turn over public lands to the government. In other words, all federal land in Texas had to be purchased from us and we still own all of our oil reserves (and our jurisdiction extends 3 leagues offshore while yours is only 3 miles, other coastal states). Don't you other states feel foolish for just giving your shit away? And while I'm showing off, we joined the union in 1845 (official date December 29). And if you are wondering how the shape of Texas changed, we were given the authority to divide Texas (solely our discretion) and decided to cede the parts that are now New Mexico, Oklahoma, Kansas, and Wyoming to the feds in 1852 (mostly to get the Union to pay our debts from our time as a Republic). So, as much as our public education system has failed in Texas, we know our Texas history and we celebrate Texas Independence Day. We all know that that everything in Texas is bigger and better. We also have heated debates about whether we kept our right to leave the Union after the Civil War (and whether we were brought back into the Union legally). We even had a standoff. Remember when Richard McLaren declared war on the United States? We do.***

So, these other states with their secession movements don't have this same kind of history (or standoffs) that we do. They are just pissed that the Republicans lost control and that their party is in real danger of being a political party non grata. For them, this is all about throwing a tantrum and that makes them copy cat posers. For Gov. Good Hair, this is a Texas tradition and an idea that is old hat. And whether or not we agree with him (or even like him), Texans don't see why this is such news to the rest of you.




*He's just squawking about seceding to justify not taking money we really need (the Texas Workforce Commission is out of money and he won't take money for unemployment benefits). We have taken federal aid to get more bacon flu supplies and we have received the most disaster money from FEMA than any other state. That's because under Rick Perry's rule, we don't need no stinkin' federal government. Thus, he is an idiot.

**BTW, I did not have to look any of this up, but feel free to fact check. You will find that I am right. Texas children are required to learn a lot about Texas history. It was even required in college.

***We weren't really rooting for him. While the media was making comments about him being a wingnut with too many guns, we all knew he was a mid-westerner with not enough guns.

hair!

"I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy, shining
Gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted; Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled and spaghettied!"

well doesn't that sounds exciting? it really wasn't. More of a pain in the ass really, so I chopped it all off today on a whim. a little over six inches. and I got bangs, too! I'm feeling better. So much so, that I actually started feeling a little snarky and sarcastic today. Maybe I will dye my hair red while I'm at it...

a pineapple with a plan

When you've hit your limit of bullshit, the best thing you can do is come up with a plan. As I was inundated with phone calls from the masses, I started to think about where I really wanted to be. I've had an idea about where I'd like to end up for a while. I never imagined that I'd be using my law degree to answer stupid questions (and, yes, there are stupid question and they are usually asked by stupid people). As I answered one stupid question after another, I realized that my current job isn't the way to fulfill any type of future career goals. My job really is a joke. But it was a moment in the hall when I greeted my supervisor and got no response (rude much?) that my decision had really been made. Today is the day that I committed to finding a new job. A job that will get me to my goal. Because at my age, it really is time I had some sort of career goals. I'm still miserable and desperately unhappy in my current situation, but I'm not feeling as overwhelmed by it now that I have a plan. And I didn't want to cry when I got home for the first time in weeks. I'm not usually a crier, but lately it has seemed like a good idea. Things have been that craptastic.

Admittedly, it isn't just my job that is getting me down. So, I've come up with a plan to get my non-work life back on track. One of my goals is to get back to something that makes me feel good -- writing down my bullshit thoughts. I haven't committed to getting back to my blog per se. Maybe I'll start working on the book I never finished, maybe I'll start a new blog. I don't know yet. But rambling on about my personal bullshit has helped me sort some shit out in my head.

All I have to do now is survive one more week of bullshit, then I have two weeks to clear my head before I tackle the my new goals.

yes, it's been two months

and let's face it, the pineapple world has been pure shit since the last time I blogged. frankly, I'm not sure if this is a one time deal or maybe there is still a flicker or glimmer of something like drive to start this again. I just don't know. I do feel a need to purge, or bitch, or complain, or rant, or SOMETHING. I wish I could point to the one thing that made me so completely unmotivated to do anything. But I just can't. I can point to a lot of somethings in almost every aspect of my life that are completely jacked up. And that is where my lack of motivation comes from -- the fact that everything is screwed up.

It really is sad when there hasn't been a single, stupid world event that inspired me to give my opinion to the lack of masses flocking to my blog. Not the ridiculousness of the Republicans, the absurdity of the swine flu panic, or Captain Sullenberger's ruined library books inspired me to turn on my computer. It wasn't even remotely motivating when Spain was talking about prosecuting Alberto for war crimes. You know a pineapple is in a bad way when that can't touch her inner blogger. Pity party, ya'll. Pity. Party.

Here I am. Another night of stressful thoughts and lack of sleep in pineapple land. Watch me as I am say absolutely nothing and get uncharacteristically personal in a vague way. I keep thinking that I'm getting closer to a good place and I make a move forward only to get bitch slapped about ten steps back. Almost everything I own is damaged, broken, missing, or deficient in some way and since I had the poor judgment to go and get myself a guv'mint job I have no money to take care of this shit. I mean really, should I get a new wireless router so I can not blog from any room in the house or pay the electric bill so I can complain that I have electricity, but not wireless internet.

Speaking of my guv'mint job, well, my work situation is unbearable. Everyone has gone insane and although I do my job well I am on some shit list for an unknown reason. If I weren't so damned broke from my lack of income I'd sing those bitches a certain Johnny Paycheck song. Oh, come on, you know the one (it rhymes with take this job and shove it...). And naturally since Gov. Goodhair is more interested in refusing stimulus money and talking about seceding while asking for drugs from the federal government in his unreasonable bacon flu panic, there will be no cost of living raise for state employees. There is no money for that. And he doesn't have time to worry about that anyway when he wants to make sure dead people get buried with their IDs. Or something like that. I am almost tempted to vote in the Republican primary just so I can vote against that dickwad. A shitty salary keeps an employee motivated to stick around -- don't pay me enough to live on and then refuse to give me a cost of living raise when my cost of living gets more and more expensive. Hell, If I cut much more out of my budget I will be sitting around in the dark listening to my stomach growl. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to have a job but just watch me cross party lines to help Miss Breck kick your ass, buddy.

But the thing that prays on my mind the most is that I can't face going back to the gym. Let's just ignore the fact that after months of eating healthy and making three to four trips to the gym every week, there has been no progress. I should have kept my old job and completed the tour of every single Whataburger and Sonic in the State of Texas. At least I got some good pictures out of it. And it isn't even the fact that those fools screwed my account up so badly that they stop me to make sure I can come in every single time I go. I now just say," it's not me, it's you" when I hand them my card. Some of those dummies get the joke, but most of the time I get a blank stare. But that really isn't what puts me off of that place. It is the asswipe that likes to change the channel to the Food Network on half of the TVs in that place. I try to pick a place where I can watch the news and not see that shit at all. But without fail there are at least two TVs that have that food channel in my line of vision. I get tricked by the commercials, I guess. I just can't face another episode of Paula Deen (she always seems to be on no matter what time I'm at the gym). I do not need to watch her put five sticks of butter in everything. It doesn't matter what she is making (butter salad, anyone?). At some point she says,"Oh honey, I think that needs some butter! Don't you?" And then she puts 50 sticks in the pan. Frankly, there should be a law against showing food shows at a gym. Isn't food the main reason any of us exercise???

I guess the long and not so short of it is that my life is in shambles and the only thing that keeps me going is that I get two weeks off to go a trip with the pineapple family. And I am so grateful that they are taking me because I can't afford to run away on my own (thanks, Rick Perry). The big question is, "can I make it 9 more days?"