She was the last remaining survivor of those riding in the car when Kennedy was assassinated. According to the news story I read quoted her friend as saying Nellie's death was a "total surprise." Nellie Connally was 87. I just wish I had known that she was living in the old folks' home near where the Pineapple Parents live. I would have stopped in to visit her.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
What song is this from?
My One True Love told me he was "perpetual" and I asked "a perpetual what?" His response was "I'm a mover, I'm a shaker, I'm an all night heartbreaker." Isn't this from a song?
Friday, September 01, 2006
I would have paid money to see this (but I wouldn't want to be too close)
So, tonight The Pineapple Parents' dog was barking a lot so The Pineapple Dad went into the backyard with a flashlight and a can of Lysol. A certain neighbor has been complaining that the dog has been barking at their wildlife refuge they have going on in their backyard, but that is a different story. Anyway, The Pineapple Parents' dog was barking at a skunk. Luckily the skunk was on the other side of the fence so the dog couldn't kill it (the way he killed a possum that had the misfortune to come into the yard last week). The Pineapple Dad sprayed the skunk with the Lysol, right in the face! It freaked out and ran back to the neighbor's compost pile that it calls home.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
The Scream has been recovered. How many times does that thing have to be stolen before they upgrade the security?
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
All I wanted was a Sprite
So, I'm in Corpus Christi (taking a break from New Mexico) today and I was really thirsty. I was too lazy to actually drive somewhere so I went to the horribly overpriced coke machine instead. I put in my dollar and pushed the button for Sprite and a Diet Pepsi came out instead. So I put in another dollar and pushed the Diet Pepsi button (hoping for a Sprite) and got a Diet Pepsi. So I decided to move on and get a Coke instead. I put in a dollar and pushed the Coke button and got a Diet Coke. At this point, the machine is a lost cause I go down to the lobby to tell my story. The woman at the front desk refunded my money (as she was giggling) and suggested I use the machine on the first floor. I guess by the time the coke machine guy gets to the 7th floor, he just doesn't care. I know I wouldn't.
The miracle of life and other things Pineapple
For the past few days I have opted not to blog. Mostly because I have been busy, but also because I haven't seen much humor for the past few days. On Monday I turned 29. Today one of The Pineapple Cousins asked me "Again???" in a confused and accusatory tone. I'm just going to let that one pass... Anyway, Saturday I had friends over to celebrate another year of Pineapple. It was lots of fun and NO KEYS WERE LOST. On Sunday I met some Pineapple Friends for brunch and then a couple of hours later, The Pineapple Parents for a second breakfast. The plan for the rest of the day was to have lots of rest and relaxation. This was not to be. After a wonderful nap, my one true love and I decided to watch Laverne and Shirley make a mud pit and run around the backyard like lunatics. It was all very funny until everything went horribly wrong.
As The Ladies were racing through the yard, Laverne reached over and grabbed Shirley's collar and they went tumbling. The collar got wrapped around Laverne's mouth and Shirley couldn't breathe. I couldn't get the collar off so I ran inside and got the scissors. By the time my one true love could cut the collar off, Shirley had stopped breathing. Luckily we were able to revive her by winging CPR. I guess all those times asking if Annie was alright paid off. So the long and short of it is that I spent the beginning of this 29th year at the emergency vet with the miracle dog. The Pineapple Dad suggested we rename her Mercedes because she is so expensive. But if my dog is a Mercedes, I have no idea what that would make their dog. She is fine now and that is all that matters.
As The Ladies were racing through the yard, Laverne reached over and grabbed Shirley's collar and they went tumbling. The collar got wrapped around Laverne's mouth and Shirley couldn't breathe. I couldn't get the collar off so I ran inside and got the scissors. By the time my one true love could cut the collar off, Shirley had stopped breathing. Luckily we were able to revive her by winging CPR. I guess all those times asking if Annie was alright paid off. So the long and short of it is that I spent the beginning of this 29th year at the emergency vet with the miracle dog. The Pineapple Dad suggested we rename her Mercedes because she is so expensive. But if my dog is a Mercedes, I have no idea what that would make their dog. She is fine now and that is all that matters.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
No thanks, crazy possum lady
Katherine Harris and her ever growing boobs are in the spotlight once again. This time she had condemned the separation of church and state. She honestly believes that this is not what god intended and it keeps religious people out of politics. Last time I checked this nation has never had any atheist presidents.Here is the best part of the article:
"Harris told the journalists "we have to have the faithful in government" because that is God's will. Separating religion and politics is "so wrong because God is the one who chooses our rulers," she said.
"And if we are the ones not actively involved in electing those godly men and women," then "we're going to have a nation of secular laws. That's not what our Founding Fathers intended, and that certainly isn't what God intended.""
Here is my are some of my questions:
1. Why did they let her out on the loose without her meds?
2. If the Founding Fathers didn't intend to separate church and state then why did they?
3. If God picks our rulers, why do we even bother with elections?
Friday, August 25, 2006
Back home (for at least five minutes or so...)
I am safely back in Austin, but apparently I was seen as some sort of threat in the Lubbock airport. First, I got a good grilling when I was checking my bag. Then when I took my bag to the place where they look at your stuff before they put it on the plane, I got questioned by them. By the way, that ugly pick bag I bought in Hobbs has been searched every time I have flown. Next to the security check point to get to the gate. I, like the other travelers, took of my shoes and put my laptop in the gray bins to be x-rayed. First they decided my pursue was suspicious and needed to be x-rayed again. Then the guy announced that I had a strange looking laptop. It is called an APPLE, dummy. So one of the TSA workers picked up my laptop like it was a funny looking bomb and tested it with that little wand thing to make sure it wasn't. Even though it passed the test she continued to pick it up, turn it over, and open and close it over and over again. I told her that she was more than welcome to turn the damn thing on to make sure it was a really computer (I mean it was "funny" looking) I even offered to do it for her. I thought I was going to get searched again before getting on the plane, but instead they randomly searched the guy next to me. His crime? Standing next to me and my funny looking computer.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Ever hear the expression "Pick a Horse and Stick with it?"
Apparently the astronomy community hasn't. I wake up this morning to find out that Pluto is no longer a planet. But maybe it is a "dwarf planet." So if it is a dwarf planet, wouldn't that still make it a planet? I thought when they started this whole planet definition thing, that we would be getting more planets. Guess not. So what are the schools going to do? Buy lots of Sharpies to black out the part about Pluto in all of the science books???
Today is brought to you by the letter "S"
Ever since I blogged about seeing Snakes on a Plane, my "s" key sticks and it types out multiple esses. Fuck.
Plan B
I'm not really sure what happened over at the FDA, but they approved Plan B for over-the-counter sales. I just figured it would take a different president being in office for that to happened. But I am not complaining because it way past time to make Plan B available to all women. Which they really didn't because you have to be over 18 to buy it. But under age girls will have an easier time getting their hands on Plan B than securing parental consent or a judicial bypass for an abortion. So even with the age restriction, it is a good thing.
Naturally, on Faux (Fox) News they said it terminates pregnancy. What bullshit. You don't know you are pregnant the next day. You do know that it is a possibility and that you don't want to be so you take the morning after pill. Admittedly it has been a while since I took "Health" (my junior year in high school) but I was under the impression that it took a little longer than 72 hours for an egg to be fertilized and successful be implanted in the uterus (maybe only grrrl can help me out here). But no matter how the science of it all works, it is just a matter of time before super-religious pharmacists refuse to sell Plan B because it is against their moral code.
Naturally, on Faux (Fox) News they said it terminates pregnancy. What bullshit. You don't know you are pregnant the next day. You do know that it is a possibility and that you don't want to be so you take the morning after pill. Admittedly it has been a while since I took "Health" (my junior year in high school) but I was under the impression that it took a little longer than 72 hours for an egg to be fertilized and successful be implanted in the uterus (maybe only grrrl can help me out here). But no matter how the science of it all works, it is just a matter of time before super-religious pharmacists refuse to sell Plan B because it is against their moral code.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Snakes in a Movie Theater
I'm glad that I didn't see "Snakes on a Plane" in Arizona because some asshole released rattlesnakes in the theater. Way to make a movie un-funny.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Its 4:20
You know what that means? It means that it is time for the clerks to take a smoke break. One of the clerks was helping this sweet old lady research some property to settle her mother's estate (she was really old and it made me think her mother must have been ancient) and the clerk told her that she had to get back to her other work because she had a deadline of 4:20. I thought this was odd because the county clerk's office closes at 5:00. Then, about thirty minutes later I heard one of the clerks ask if they were ready to take a smoke break. It was exactly 4:20. I almost fell over from a fit of the giggles.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
As usual, my life is chaos. However, I did manage to take a couple of hours off to see a movie at the movie theater. I can't remember the last time I did that. Of course, I lost my car key during that time. Whoever found my key and decided not to turn it in -- you suck. As for the movie, all I can say is: "I am mother fucking sick of these snakes on this mother fucking plane!" Samuel L. Jackson rules and so did the movie. It surpassed all of my expectations.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Elvis is everywhere
and if you find him alive, you can get $3 million. I am on the look out because $3 million would really help out.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
I am so going to become a republican
I mean now that W has been on a hog, I mean how can I not vote republican? He has really won me over just by that one stunt. I mean just because he can hop on a Harley, I will totally change my politics.
It is monsoon season in West Texas
It is supposed to be dry, but instead it has been raining all night. It is still raining. What the hell? There are flash flood warnings for the area. No shit because everything fills up with water any time it rains. There is no place for it to go. Can't wait to drive to San Angelo.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Doh! They got me!
So, its another fun filled week of travel. Today on the way to Monahans, I got caught in a speed trap. Luckily, this Pineapple can be quite charming (and the fact that one of the Pineapple Cousins is a trooper doesn't hurt) so I was let off with a warning. Whew! I wasn't even going all that fast, just about 5 miles over the speed limit. I guess they like to set up the trap right about where the speed limit changes from 70 to 80 to get some good ones.
Monahans was quite uneventful and I didn't even see anything that was interesting enough for a picture. Boo hiss. On the way back to Odessa I saw several things but the camera was in the back seat. I did see the sign for the Monahans Sandhills Park. I remember going there as a child and having a picnic. I guess it is a great place for that if you like "sand"wiches. Oh, ha ha!
No worries, I should see all sorts of interesting things tomorrow when I go to San Angelo. I bet you thought I would be going back to New Mexico. Well, so did I. But things change ever so quickly in my world. Maybe I will come across a Concho while I am there. We can only hope.
Monahans was quite uneventful and I didn't even see anything that was interesting enough for a picture. Boo hiss. On the way back to Odessa I saw several things but the camera was in the back seat. I did see the sign for the Monahans Sandhills Park. I remember going there as a child and having a picnic. I guess it is a great place for that if you like "sand"wiches. Oh, ha ha!
No worries, I should see all sorts of interesting things tomorrow when I go to San Angelo. I bet you thought I would be going back to New Mexico. Well, so did I. But things change ever so quickly in my world. Maybe I will come across a Concho while I am there. We can only hope.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Liquids on a Plane
So my trip home was way too exciting for me. As I was leaving Hobbs, it was quickly filling up with water. I almost didn't get out of that crap hole because the streets were really flooded. I'm glad I opted for the gas guzzling SUV. The rest of the drive was uneventful except that the whole time I was worried about missing my plane because the bad weather put me about an hour behind schedule. I finally got to the airport, returned the car, checked my bags, and made it through security. What a pain. The woman in front of me wanted to take her water with her. All I wanted was my lip balm that was in my suitcase and to make my plane. I had about twenty minutes to spare. I got some food and chugged a bottle of water because I was really thirsty. I was really stressed so I thought about taking a Xanax before getting on the plane but decided against it. Boy, did I make a mistake. That was the scariest plane ride I have ever been on. As we were climbing, the plane hit some really bad turbulence (remember that storm I left behind?). That made me nervous, but when the plane started dropping and the lights on the plane flickered on and off I was in full panic mode. It wasn't just me, there were a lot of people screaming. People talk about their whole life flashing before their eyes. I don't know what that is all about because I could think about was how I was going to die (either from the free fall of the plane and crashing to the ground or from the huge lightning right outside the window causing a spectacular fiery death). While it was only a few minutes of uncertainty about whether the plane was going to make it up, it felt like forever. When it the flight attendant came by to take my drink order, I asked for a coke with a lot of bourbon. When she came back to the back of the plane she had a huge fist of cash. People were buying their neighbors drinks and some people ordered more than one. My drink (Jim Beam with a splash of coke as per the flight attendant) was gone instantly. It was a long flight as people were really quiet and nervous. I tried to concentrate on my book but couldn't. I didn't realize how quiet the plane was until it landed and people finally relaxed. I have never been on a plane that emptied that fast.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Must See TV!!!
The debate for Texas Governor has been set for October 6! I can't wait for the circus. Kinky, Pretty Boy, Carole Four Names, and the unfortunately unknown Chris Bell (he isn't crazy enough to be governor) are all going to attend. Although I think the Libertairian and Green candidates should be invited to the circus. Why shouldn't they get the same oppurtunity to make a fool of themselves along with the other candidates? And all of you interested out-of-staters, they plan on broadcasting it on the web. I will give you updates as they come across the Pineapple News Desk.
I've been almost everywhere
Sing along if you can. I've highlighted the places I've been. No doubt this blog entry will be updated as I go to more and more places (in Texas).
I've Been Everywhere (In Texas)
Geoff Mack (Texas Version Adapted By Brian Burns)
I was totin’ my pack along the dusty Amarillo road
when along came a semi with a high and canvas covered load.
“If you’re goin’ to Amarillo, Mack, with me you can ride,”
and so I climbed up in the cab and then I settled down inside.
He asked me if I’d seen a road with so much dust and sand,
and I said, “listen, bud, I’ve traveled every road in this here land...”
CHORUS:
I’ve been everywhere, man,
I’ve been everywhere, man,
I’ve crossed the deserts bare, man,
breathed the mountain air, man,
of travel I’ve had my share, man,
I’ve been everywhere.
I’ve been to Waco, Hico, Hondo, Navasota,
Winnsboro, Jacksboro, Hillsboro, Santa Rosa,
Austin, Houston, Galveston, Texarkana,
Frisco, Buffalo, Conroe, Corsicana,
Goliad, Groesbeck, Glen Rose, Red Oak,
Post Oak, Live Oak, Lone Oak, no joke...
REPEAT CHORUS
I’ve been to Krugerville, Pflugerville, Van Horn, Val Verde,
Brackettville, Bartonville, Beeville, Bulverde,
Bear Creek, Cedar Creek, Mill Creek, Mineola,
Maypearl, Monahans, Telephone, Tuscola,
Redwater, Round Rock, Round Top, Round Lake,
Sour Lake, Southlake, Springlake, for Pete’s sake...
REPEAT CHORUS
I’ve been to Greenville, Gatesville, Gainesville, Alameda,
Kerrville, Kellyville, Bastrop, Benavides,
Somerville, Smithville, Stephenville, Prairie View,
Luckenbach, Longview, Plainview, Idalou,
Justin, Junction, Panorama, Pasadena,
Angelina, and Lorena...see what I mean-a...
REPEAT CHORUS
I’ve been to Valley Mills, Pine Mills, Dime Box, Duncanville,
New Home, New Hope, New Deal, Liberty Hill,
Rockport, Rock Creek, Bridgeport, Brownwood,
Cleburne, Comanche, Cut & Shoot, Cottonwood,
Bayview, Bayside, Baytown, Bay City,
Falls City, Center City, Bridge City, what a pity...
REPEAT CHORUS
When it comes to travelin’ Texas, friend,
I’ve been everywhere.
What a pain in my ass
In light the new anti-liquid and potential liquids rule, I had to go to hell on earth to get a new bag. Naturally, I bought a bunch of crap while I was here and always take my toiletries in my carry on. I just can't fit everything in my suitcase. I hate the terrorists because now I can't even take my chapstick on the plane. Damnit, my lips are chapped. Now that I've vented... back to work. It never ends.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Widespread Panic!
I woke up this morning and turned on the news to see what had been blown up in the middle east. Instead, I woke up to see everyone throwing away their lotion and shampoo. New public enemy number one: hair gel. They just can't stop talking about hair gel. And just in case you haven 't heard we are at terror level red (Britain is at "critical level" which sounds much more sophisticated that "red"). Thank god Bush and Blair are on vacation so they can react quickly! To show us that he is on the ball, Bush is going to Wisconsin to talk about the new terror threat. That makes so much sense. They aren't even going to let you take on drinks that you purchase inside the airport once you've passed security. I'm glad someone else agrees that airport coffee is not safe. I just heard it from the governor of Massachusetts, so I have it on good authority. Personally can't wait to fly out of Midland tomorrow. I'm sure they have taken this plot personally.
I was just about to publich this, when the "reporter" said the terrorist were going to blow up ten airlines! Shows you what I know because I thought they were going to blow up ten airplanes...
I was just about to publich this, when the "reporter" said the terrorist were going to blow up ten airlines! Shows you what I know because I thought they were going to blow up ten airplanes...
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Sore loser!
Lieberman is a big baby. He loses his primary so he becomes an independent? Suck it up. The people have spoken. They are tired of your droning voice and your pretend party affiliation. They don't want you anymore. Didn't you get the message when you lost??? Personally, I don't really care who wins that race as long as I don't have to listen to him speak ever again. Idiot.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
I guess I'll have to cancel my camping trip
Unfortunately the camping ban near the Bush "Ranch" was held to be constitutional by a federal judge. There goes my summer vacation plans.
** I call it a "ranch" because he just cuts brush and rides his bike. The proper term is "property" because it is not used for raising horses, beef cattle, or sheep as per the definition of any Texan and Merriam Webster. So there.
** I call it a "ranch" because he just cuts brush and rides his bike. The proper term is "property" because it is not used for raising horses, beef cattle, or sheep as per the definition of any Texan and Merriam Webster. So there.
Here we go again...
Tom DeLay is back at it. He says, "I will take the actions necessary to remove my name from the Texas ballot. To do anything else would be hypocrisy." Oh really? Is that why there were a few days in there when you weren't so sure if you live in Virginia or Texas? Of course, if I were from Sugar Land I would not claim that crap hole as my home.
I guess he is doing this to pass the time until his trial for laudering money and consipiracy starts.
I guess he is doing this to pass the time until his trial for laudering money and consipiracy starts.
Even the Mainstream Media is Snarky Sometimes
I'm not what sure what compelled me to click the link to this article but it was well worth it. Here is my favorite part of "Gibson Win Swayze Endorsement":
"Swayze is the first cast member of Dirty Dancing to publicly voice support of Gibson. There was no word on when Jennifer Grey or Cynthia Rhodes might weigh in.
Gibson, 50, did not star in Dirty Dancing or any other movie with Swayze.
It was unknown what Swayze's endorsement would mean to Gibson's plunging poll numbers, although, in general, ex-Dirty Dancing stars have not been considered vital to the forming of public opinion."
"Swayze is the first cast member of Dirty Dancing to publicly voice support of Gibson. There was no word on when Jennifer Grey or Cynthia Rhodes might weigh in.
Gibson, 50, did not star in Dirty Dancing or any other movie with Swayze.
It was unknown what Swayze's endorsement would mean to Gibson's plunging poll numbers, although, in general, ex-Dirty Dancing stars have not been considered vital to the forming of public opinion."
Eating in Hobbs
When you travel, eating is always an adventure. This Pineapple can only take so much junk food. Finding good food in small towns requires a bit of bravery. So on Saturday I decided I really wanted some breakfast tacos. I drove around until I found a place with lots of cars. When I walked in I knew I had found a good one because I was the only white person in there. And I had. I got the best bean and egg taco ever. And rebeccabobecca, it is better than our favorite taco joint in South Austin. No fooling! I have also included my new cutlery. Sometimes you need a fork and spoon so I went with Strawberry Shortcake. How cute!Monday, August 07, 2006
bp = bad polluter
Shame on you bp. You haven't been maintaining your pipeline for seven years??? I bet you weren't even running cathodic. Do you know what that is? Do you even know what a pig launcher is? I'm not even sure that you know what a pipeline is. I do know that you don't know the first thing about transporting petroleum. A retarded monkey with brain damage would run your pipeline division better.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Millipedes and snakes, oh my!
Yesterday while I was waiting for the bats to come out, I saw all sorts of creepy crawlies. First, there was this millipede. I was sitting near some fellow Texans (one of them was a huge Kinky fan and told his wife that she should have let him wear his "Kinky for Governor" hat once he found out I was from Texas too) and we decided it was alright to take a picture since technically the bats had not come out yet.
But it gets better. When the bats started coming out there was some commotion to my right. This man was holding a baby rattlesnake and taunting his wife with it. Then he put it in his coke can. He was planning on stealing a rattlesnake. Someone got one of the rangers. When this idiot told the ranger that the snake was gone, a bunch of us pointed and said "the snake is in the can!" The ranger told him to hand over the can and guy said, "why can't I keep the snake?" What a fun pet, a poisonous snake. Now there's a pal to keep your feet warm at night.
On my way back to Hobbs I stopped to get gas in Carlsbad. And who was walking out of the store when I was going in? The wannabe snake stealer. Apparently I missed the big drama because he got into it in the store with some of the guys that reported him. He did get a hefty ticket and was really bitter about being reported. The people working at the store thought the whole thing was hilarious. I guess it isn't very often that people walk into your work place and get into an argument about snake stealing.
Now doesn't that make you feel better?
Once upon a time, I went to Carlsbad Caverns. My grandfather and his awful wife took me and two of my cousins. We wandered around the caverns but only to stop and look at the things that she wanted to stop for. We did not get any souvenirs or take any pictures. Apparently a certain someone didn't think that was necessary. We finished looking at the caves about thirty minutes before the bats come out of the natural entrance and that certain someone told us it was time to leave. Isn't seeing the bats one of the reasons you go to the caverns? I hadn't given it much thought since then (as I tend to block out disappointments), but being this close to Carlsbad Caverns made me think about how much resented not being able to see the bat flight. So today, I righted that wrong. I wandered around the caves and saw the things I wanted to see, took lots of pictures (I bought a new camera just for that purpose), spent way too much money in the gift shop, and then I watched the bats. It was one of the best days ever. Unfortunately, they don't let you photograph the bats so I took the picture from their website to give you an idea of how wonderful it was.
And don't worry this is my last sappy blog because there was some good stuff that happened there. Just tune in for more Pineapple Adventures.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Just Do It
Just Do It
I tried to take a picture of my hand but it wasn't descriptive enough. They say a picture is worth 1000 words so I've picked a different picture to go with the tale of the bully table. I have had enough that table and its bullshit so I decided to beat the crap out of it. My knuckle turned black instantly. For a while I was afraid that it was broken. Despite the fact that it is solid metal and my hand is merely flesh and bones I think I gave that table a run for its money. So I've decided my next career will be table boxing. Stayed turned for Round 2 of Pineapple v. Big Metal Table...
Make it Happen
Make it Happen
Today was a fun day at work. I discovered someone else working on the same thing I am. I spent the rest of the day being sneaky by pulling books that don’t have anything to do with my work and spying on the other guy. Fun! In my subterfuge I ran across a really great name: Buena Vista Williams. “Beautiful Sight” Williams? Really? I thought my name was unusual…
So then I met these really cool guys that work out of Roswell. One of them told me that his wife was an alien and then we took a gum break together. No one has ever asked me if I had time to take a gum chewing break before. I just couldn’t pass that up even though I’m not much of a gum chewer. Turns out these guys were trying to figure out what I was up to! I got them on the subject of where they were from and it turns out one of them is from parts that I have family. Damn I’m good! I could start a career as an undercover agent…
Thursday, August 03, 2006
I'm allergic to my work
Yesterday when I left the courthouse my hands and arms were covered with hives. I was afraid that it was my fancy new soap causing the hives, so I switched back to something else in my handy dandy travel bag. But today, not only were my hands and arms covered with hives, so was my face and neck. Damn I itch! Can I come home now? This is definitly not a "working vacation."
Just another day in Court for Tommy
I'm really confused because the Republicans told me that Democrats were the ones who were so-called "flip floppers" or whatever their lingo is these days. But it seems like Tom DeLay keeps changing his mind. I thought a true Republican wouldn't do that. On Wednesday you still believe what you did on Monday no matter what happens on Tuesday. (Thanks Stephen Colbert) That's what our fabulous W does. But not ole Tommy. First he wanted to be re-elected so he ran in the primary and won. Then he resigned from the House and claimed to move to Virginia (flip-flop). He still has his house in Sugar Land and his wife lives there. Hmmm, does he live in Virginia or Texas? When the judge tells him he can't be removed from the ballot, he says he thinks he may run for his old seat (flip-flop). So he lives in Texas now, right? Wrong because he appealed the original decision (flip-flop). Got it so far?
The three-judge panel from the 5th Circuit upheld the original ruling. Does this means the Republicans are done with Tommy because the 5th Circuit is a lot like the Legion of Doom (a.k.a The Texas Supreme Court). In other words, the 5th Circuit is usually manipulated by the puppet strings better known as the Grand Old Party. So, what will Tommy's next move be? Will he appeal to the full 5th Circuit (maybe it was a case of bad/liberal judges) or to the Supreme Court? Your guess is as good as mine. But even if he doesn't appeal, we can still look forward to his trial for money laundering and conspiracy charges related to corporate cash during 2002 legislative races. What fun!
The three-judge panel from the 5th Circuit upheld the original ruling. Does this means the Republicans are done with Tommy because the 5th Circuit is a lot like the Legion of Doom (a.k.a The Texas Supreme Court). In other words, the 5th Circuit is usually manipulated by the puppet strings better known as the Grand Old Party. So, what will Tommy's next move be? Will he appeal to the full 5th Circuit (maybe it was a case of bad/liberal judges) or to the Supreme Court? Your guess is as good as mine. But even if he doesn't appeal, we can still look forward to his trial for money laundering and conspiracy charges related to corporate cash during 2002 legislative races. What fun!
A working vacation?
What the hell is that, you ask? That is what Baby Boy Bush is calling his trip to his "ranch" in Crawford. I will do my best to refrain from my rants about how W is not a Texan and that he doesn't even have a real ranch so he should not call it that. But back to this concept of a "working vacation." Maybe it is a little bit of black and white thinking on my part, but I think you are either at work or on vacation. You can't do both at the same time. Of course, one could argue that his entire presidency has been a "working vacation". That is a discussion for another day. As a Texan, if I were to take one of these working vacations I would like to take mine someplace where it isn't over 100 degrees everyday. This is why Texans spend their free time at the pool, in the lake or in the ocean. It is really hot in Texas. Of course, if I were to have a ranch I would have some cattle. I guess my lack of understanding of ranching and working vacations can completely explain why I struggle to make a living and W is a world leader.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Would you like a cigar with that conspiracy theory?
Is Castro still alive? We haven't heard much from him and now this sudden surgery and still no one has seen him. I'm just wondering if he has been dead for a while and now they are working up to his official "death". My next question is if he is "dead" will travel to Cuba become legal, because if it does I think that would really take the fun out of going there.
More about scuba diving in New Mexico
That's right I just can't quite drop this whole scuba diving in New Mexico. So, next time you are in Lovington, New Mexico you could try to visit Divers of New Mexico (like I tried to today) but they seem to be closed. I really wanted to talk to them about their scuba lessons. I was hoping to have a great story about how I got certified to scuba dive in New Mexico. But alas, there just weren't enough people that saw the irony to keep them in business.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Do you scuba?
I haven't ever been, but now that I know that New Mexico is a hot bed for scuba diving I may take it up. I guess I was feeling really bad yesterday because I completely missed the scuba shop next to the health food store. Once I noticed it, it made me wonder if scuba diving is an ideal hobby to take up in a land locked state. I thought, "do they scuba in motel swimming pools?" Well, as it turns out New Mexico is a good place to scuba. All you have to do is get yourself to Blue Hole in Santa Rosa, New Mexico.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Health Food
I think I mentioned that I caught something gross from the airplane, airport, whatever. So after work, I went to the Albertsons to get some "get better provisions" (things like Tylenol and Gatorade). I saw the aisle for "Health Food" (it is on the same aisle with cereal) so I went to check it out. The only food on the aisle that was not cereal was Carr crackers and your run of the mill Matzo supplies and gefilte fish. I guess they didn't have an aisle for "Shit we think is weird 'round these parts". Needless to say, I wasn't having an overwhelming urge to be Kosher (especially since I'm not Jewish) so I stuck with the not healthy foods in the store.
But this was not my first run in with health food today. While in Lovington I saw that there is a health food store across the street from the courthouse. Everything had been in there so long that all of the labels were sun bleached. Something tells me that if that stuff has been there that long that the food isn't so healthy. Just a thought.
But this was not my first run in with health food today. While in Lovington I saw that there is a health food store across the street from the courthouse. Everything had been in there so long that all of the labels were sun bleached. Something tells me that if that stuff has been there that long that the food isn't so healthy. Just a thought.
I don't know who you are
but you are not my friend. Thanks you, anonymous traveler that gave me some nasty illness. Like flying to West Nowhere on two late planes and then driving another hour and a half after that wasn't enough. You have to go and spread your wealth of germs. Yuck. That being said, here is a quick run down of my adventures.
As the Pineapple Parents were taking me to the airport I realized that I was wrong about my departure time. I thought my plane was leaving half an hour earlier than it was (guess that's better than thinking it was later). Then as I was getting out of the car I managed to slice open my finger. I was waiting to check my bag when I realized that it was gushing blood. Thankfully, they had a band aid to give me. Going through security was quick and easy, so naturally my plane was 20 minutes late. Way to add an hour to my waiting time. After getting a book and something to drink, I heard my name over the loud speaker. Since I was on the phone with Pineapple Mom, I didn't know why or where I was supposed to go. How lucky, I went to the right counter by accident. Southwest was putting me on another flight so I would not miss my connection. Right on... to Dallas... to wait for over an hour for my really late connecting flight. I don't know what happened yesterday, but it really slowed me down.
Since it was so late in the day, this was the last flight of the day for the crew on this plane. I don't know if the flight attendant is always this punchy, but she really cracked me up. Usually, I totally block out the plane lessons or whatever they are. Here are some of the finer points of her speech:
1. Here on Southwest we have a special smoking section. Its on the wing so if you can light it, you can smoke it.
2. We do not expect a sudden drop in cabin pressure and if we did, we wouldn't have come to work today.
3. Should the cabin lose pressure, stop screaming, let go your neighbor's leg and pull down on the oxygen mask. If you are sitting by a child or someone acting like a child secure your oxygen mask before helping them.
After that, I drove through the dark Panhandle to the lovely town of Hobbs.
As the Pineapple Parents were taking me to the airport I realized that I was wrong about my departure time. I thought my plane was leaving half an hour earlier than it was (guess that's better than thinking it was later). Then as I was getting out of the car I managed to slice open my finger. I was waiting to check my bag when I realized that it was gushing blood. Thankfully, they had a band aid to give me. Going through security was quick and easy, so naturally my plane was 20 minutes late. Way to add an hour to my waiting time. After getting a book and something to drink, I heard my name over the loud speaker. Since I was on the phone with Pineapple Mom, I didn't know why or where I was supposed to go. How lucky, I went to the right counter by accident. Southwest was putting me on another flight so I would not miss my connection. Right on... to Dallas... to wait for over an hour for my really late connecting flight. I don't know what happened yesterday, but it really slowed me down.
Since it was so late in the day, this was the last flight of the day for the crew on this plane. I don't know if the flight attendant is always this punchy, but she really cracked me up. Usually, I totally block out the plane lessons or whatever they are. Here are some of the finer points of her speech:
1. Here on Southwest we have a special smoking section. Its on the wing so if you can light it, you can smoke it.
2. We do not expect a sudden drop in cabin pressure and if we did, we wouldn't have come to work today.
3. Should the cabin lose pressure, stop screaming, let go your neighbor's leg and pull down on the oxygen mask. If you are sitting by a child or someone acting like a child secure your oxygen mask before helping them.
After that, I drove through the dark Panhandle to the lovely town of Hobbs.
I'm in Hobbs, New Mexico
and I am tired. I will blog about my latest adventures in flying after I have had some sleep. Good night, Irene.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
The next edition of the Saturday edition
After all of the stupidity of my day, I was pleased to have a new fancy phone. I don't have to pay for ringtones because I can send songs from my computer directly to my phone. Cool! So naturally, I drove right past the pet store and went to the house to show my one true love my cool new gadget. After doing a quick clean up of the house, the Pineapple Parents stopped by with some dinner and then I remembered what I forgot to do. Get the dogs some food and pet tags. By the way, have I mentioned that I have the greatest parents on earth? The Pineapple Parents are cool.
So after the Pineapple Parents leave, I go to the pet store to get food and dog tags. Let's just start this part of the story with the idea that I'm not really sure that I ever want to go back there again. I get behind this complete idiot in the parking lot that stopped for a minute or so before every speed bump. By the time the dumbass decided it was safe to drive over the bump, there would be a pedestrian walking. More waiting. I'm not really sure what, if anything, was going on in that dumbass' head but after an unusually long wait to drive over the speed bump I finally took to the horn. That did nothing but cause more confusion. After that, I just accepted the fact that it was going to take longer to navigate the parking lot than to drive to the store.
I finally parked and went into the store. I picked up the food and grabbed a couple of fun toys for the ladies. I get to the counter and naturally the pet tag machine is broken. Of course. Then the guy in line behind me started telling me that the toys I bought were too big for puppies. I told him that he didn't even know what kind of dogs I have. Where do people get off?
Finally I went home and all was well.
The End
So after the Pineapple Parents leave, I go to the pet store to get food and dog tags. Let's just start this part of the story with the idea that I'm not really sure that I ever want to go back there again. I get behind this complete idiot in the parking lot that stopped for a minute or so before every speed bump. By the time the dumbass decided it was safe to drive over the bump, there would be a pedestrian walking. More waiting. I'm not really sure what, if anything, was going on in that dumbass' head but after an unusually long wait to drive over the speed bump I finally took to the horn. That did nothing but cause more confusion. After that, I just accepted the fact that it was going to take longer to navigate the parking lot than to drive to the store.
I finally parked and went into the store. I picked up the food and grabbed a couple of fun toys for the ladies. I get to the counter and naturally the pet tag machine is broken. Of course. Then the guy in line behind me started telling me that the toys I bought were too big for puppies. I told him that he didn't even know what kind of dogs I have. Where do people get off?
Finally I went home and all was well.
The End
Insanity, Pineapple style -- Saturday's edition
This morning started off on the right foot, so why did it go so wrong? All I needed to do was fill two prescriptions and buy a new phone. How hard could that be? Trust me, hard. The first pharmacy didn't have one of them, the second pharmacy didn't have the other. The third pharmacy had both, but my insurance wont let me pick one up until tomorrow. I hate the insurance company.
Next thing, the phone. My phone is a piece of shit and you can't hear what anyone is saying so I have to use the speakerphone. No such thing as a private conversation. I went to the Cingular store and was told that because I am not a profitable customer that they couldn't give me a discount on a new phone. I think I would have taken it better if they had just told me that because of my contract, they couldn't give me a cheap phone. The fact that I have been a customer since 1999 and I bought a new phone at full price in December, I don't think that I am breaking the bank for Cingular. And if the plan they gave me is not a profitable one, and they offered the same deal to millions of other customers then why haven't they folded? The thing that really pushed me over the edge is when the sales rep told me that if I couldn't afford to buy a phone I could just buy one on Craig's List. I made a brilliant scene at the store and left. Still no working phone.
In the middle of all of this bullshit, I have this new lawyer we hired to help on the new big project calling me every five minutes asking me things like how to rent a car. Are you fucking kidding me? Then it gets better, he's lost his driver's license. Now instead of meeting me in New Mexico on Sunday night he will be there Monday (or maybe someday). I'm so glad that I'm going to have to hold his goddamn hand. We found a really good attorney, but she had a family emergency.
So then I stopped by my The Pineapple Parents' house to say hello. I ate a sandwich and vented. They are so great. But then my dad tricked me into helping him repair the vacuum. That was fun since he really isn't a fix it kind of guy. I really liked it when he turned it on and it tried to attack me. I don't like being run over by vacuum cleaners.
So, it was off for round two of phone buying. Obviously, I had to go to a different store. I was helped by the sweetest gay boy and left with a princess phone (it is pink after all).
The End
Next thing, the phone. My phone is a piece of shit and you can't hear what anyone is saying so I have to use the speakerphone. No such thing as a private conversation. I went to the Cingular store and was told that because I am not a profitable customer that they couldn't give me a discount on a new phone. I think I would have taken it better if they had just told me that because of my contract, they couldn't give me a cheap phone. The fact that I have been a customer since 1999 and I bought a new phone at full price in December, I don't think that I am breaking the bank for Cingular. And if the plan they gave me is not a profitable one, and they offered the same deal to millions of other customers then why haven't they folded? The thing that really pushed me over the edge is when the sales rep told me that if I couldn't afford to buy a phone I could just buy one on Craig's List. I made a brilliant scene at the store and left. Still no working phone.
In the middle of all of this bullshit, I have this new lawyer we hired to help on the new big project calling me every five minutes asking me things like how to rent a car. Are you fucking kidding me? Then it gets better, he's lost his driver's license. Now instead of meeting me in New Mexico on Sunday night he will be there Monday (or maybe someday). I'm so glad that I'm going to have to hold his goddamn hand. We found a really good attorney, but she had a family emergency.
So then I stopped by my The Pineapple Parents' house to say hello. I ate a sandwich and vented. They are so great. But then my dad tricked me into helping him repair the vacuum. That was fun since he really isn't a fix it kind of guy. I really liked it when he turned it on and it tried to attack me. I don't like being run over by vacuum cleaners.
So, it was off for round two of phone buying. Obviously, I had to go to a different store. I was helped by the sweetest gay boy and left with a princess phone (it is pink after all).
The End
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Grandma drops her lawsuit
That's too bad. I was really looking forward to the stupidity of it all. Carole Four Names is giving into the fact that she can't be Carole Five Names. I guess she will just have to marry someone else to get back up to five. How boring of her. I am worried that race to the Governor's office won't be as crazy as it could be. We can just hope that as the weather cools off that the race will heat up. I hope for some good debates and some real shit slinging this fall. Please?
Off to different parts of the world (and off my rocker)
For months I have had this big project looming over my head that was on and then it was off, it was on and then it was off. You get the point. Well, now it is back on. I've been in Houston working out of this awful building all week. I think the people that designed the elevator system were total speed demons or related to M. C. Escher. I am not really sure why I have to take three different elevators and an escalator just to get to the floor I'm working on. And the big question is why I can get back down on only two elevators. Do you see the design flaw?
So, starting on Sunday I am off to different parts of Texas and New Mexico. And, for once, I will have help. Did I mention that this was a BIG project? Or that I don't have enough help? I will be in exile for two weeks (not even home for the weekend). And then if things stay on, I will be up in the most glamorous parts of New Mexico and the Panhandle until the end of September.
Let the new adventure begin!
So, starting on Sunday I am off to different parts of Texas and New Mexico. And, for once, I will have help. Did I mention that this was a BIG project? Or that I don't have enough help? I will be in exile for two weeks (not even home for the weekend). And then if things stay on, I will be up in the most glamorous parts of New Mexico and the Panhandle until the end of September.
Let the new adventure begin!
Insanity, Pineapple style -- the ER edition
So, the past two weeks have been a blur and completely crazy. Not always in a ha-ha-funny way, but in a that-is-fucking-certifiable-straight-jacket-worthy way. I am going to skip over a lot of things that happened. Many of them are not funny. Also, you know my true identity and I don't want to reveal my superhero identity to the world by divulging too much.
First there is my crazy travel schedule from last week: going to George West, Rockport and Hallettesville in the same week. Back and forth across the state is so fun. I don't even remember what I saw that was any interest. I have the feeling that some humorous things happened but they are long gone.
Second, I have two new dogs. My one true love called me as I drove to Hallettsville on Thursday to tell me about the strays he put in the back yard. I took a hard line of taking them to Animal Trustees to be adopted by a good home by the weekend. They were starving, had been abused, and were completely attached to one another. I admit it, I fell in love instantly... We have named them and they are part of the crazy clan.
That same day, my one true love also had his son at our house.
The Saturday before, my one true love slipped and got a "really bad sprain." I thought it was more than that, but he insisted he's be fine and refused to go to the emergency room. After Sunday I left town and did not have a real idea of how well he was healing.
By Thursday, my one true love admitted it was more than a sprain and asked me to take him to the ER when I got back to town that night.
To recap, I have a hurt love, a child at my house, and two dogs in the backyard.
I called the ex-crazy to tell her that I would drop her child off on the way to the ER. She refused and said she would pick him up. An hour later I got home. The child was there, she had called my one true love saying she would pick him up from the emergency room. Why the fuck would anyone think it would be OK to take a child with special needs to the ER? And why would I believe she would do it after she just lied to me. I drove over there and dropped him off.
So off to the ER. Five hours later, my one true love had an acute ankle fracture and an acute knee sprain. During the five hour wait here is a list some of the evening's events:
1. 20 people came with their friend to the ER. They were loud and it was a relief when they finally left.
2. We took a poll of the people waiting to see how many people were there because they had a slip and fall. There were 4.
3. We met a crazy (and very drunk) couple on their first date. She broke her ankle. She and my one true love spent their wait drinking Diet Coke (a.k.a a sippy cup bigger than my head full of beer).
4. The lady that worked at the IHOP kept telling me that she knew me from somewhere. Later we found out she had strep throat. I'm so glad I didn't catch it because she kept getting right up in my face to talk to me.
5. The nurse gave my one true love a shot for the pain. He kept insisting she give it to him in the ankle because that was where he was hurt. She insisted on giving it to him in the arm. He kept arguing with her. I told him, "take it in the arm or don't take it alt all." I was cranky too by this point. She stabbed him. He kept complaining that she stabbed his bone with the needle for the next 30 minutes.
6. After the drugs kicked in, my one true love insisted on going to the morgue. I told him to shut up or he would have to visit it for real.
7. We made friends with the janitor, the x-ray tech, and many other hospital employees. My one true love offered each of them $20 to take him to the morgue. I'm really sure how well that would have worked since he didn't have any cash. I sure wasn't going to give him the money.
What comes afterward, is crazy but ugly. So we will just skip that drama. Some things are better left forgotten (and sometimes you should hold a grudge).
First there is my crazy travel schedule from last week: going to George West, Rockport and Hallettesville in the same week. Back and forth across the state is so fun. I don't even remember what I saw that was any interest. I have the feeling that some humorous things happened but they are long gone.
Second, I have two new dogs. My one true love called me as I drove to Hallettsville on Thursday to tell me about the strays he put in the back yard. I took a hard line of taking them to Animal Trustees to be adopted by a good home by the weekend. They were starving, had been abused, and were completely attached to one another. I admit it, I fell in love instantly... We have named them and they are part of the crazy clan.
That same day, my one true love also had his son at our house.
The Saturday before, my one true love slipped and got a "really bad sprain." I thought it was more than that, but he insisted he's be fine and refused to go to the emergency room. After Sunday I left town and did not have a real idea of how well he was healing.
By Thursday, my one true love admitted it was more than a sprain and asked me to take him to the ER when I got back to town that night.
To recap, I have a hurt love, a child at my house, and two dogs in the backyard.
I called the ex-crazy to tell her that I would drop her child off on the way to the ER. She refused and said she would pick him up. An hour later I got home. The child was there, she had called my one true love saying she would pick him up from the emergency room. Why the fuck would anyone think it would be OK to take a child with special needs to the ER? And why would I believe she would do it after she just lied to me. I drove over there and dropped him off.
So off to the ER. Five hours later, my one true love had an acute ankle fracture and an acute knee sprain. During the five hour wait here is a list some of the evening's events:
1. 20 people came with their friend to the ER. They were loud and it was a relief when they finally left.
2. We took a poll of the people waiting to see how many people were there because they had a slip and fall. There were 4.
3. We met a crazy (and very drunk) couple on their first date. She broke her ankle. She and my one true love spent their wait drinking Diet Coke (a.k.a a sippy cup bigger than my head full of beer).
4. The lady that worked at the IHOP kept telling me that she knew me from somewhere. Later we found out she had strep throat. I'm so glad I didn't catch it because she kept getting right up in my face to talk to me.
5. The nurse gave my one true love a shot for the pain. He kept insisting she give it to him in the ankle because that was where he was hurt. She insisted on giving it to him in the arm. He kept arguing with her. I told him, "take it in the arm or don't take it alt all." I was cranky too by this point. She stabbed him. He kept complaining that she stabbed his bone with the needle for the next 30 minutes.
6. After the drugs kicked in, my one true love insisted on going to the morgue. I told him to shut up or he would have to visit it for real.
7. We made friends with the janitor, the x-ray tech, and many other hospital employees. My one true love offered each of them $20 to take him to the morgue. I'm really sure how well that would have worked since he didn't have any cash. I sure wasn't going to give him the money.
What comes afterward, is crazy but ugly. So we will just skip that drama. Some things are better left forgotten (and sometimes you should hold a grudge).
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Today's big shock is:
That Andrea Yates isn't going to spend the rest of her life in jail, not that 'N Sync's Lance Bass is gay.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Friday, July 21, 2006
Insanity, Pineapple style
Over the past few days I have witnessed and been party to quite a bit of insanity. Think of this blog entry of a teaser blog of stories to come...
This blog sponsored by the pharmaceutical industry.
This blog sponsored by the pharmaceutical industry.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
It is not a secret
That the new "I've Got A Secret" on the Game Show Network is special. The panel is made up of fake celebrities. Back in the day, the celebrity panel was made up real has been celebrities. Match Game was full of them. I was found the world champion cup stacker hypnotic and the woman that made art from human ashes insane. I was really disturbed that the biggest celebrity was Glen Campbell (as in the Rhinestone Cowboy) and his secret was that he can play the bag pipes. Then, he played them.
by the way
thanks for the advisory. If I hadn't read online I would have never guessed that it is really fucking hot in Texas. The fact that it was 106 degrees in George West did not clue me in. And I really wasn't sure whenever I stepped outside that I was instantly soaking wet with sweat and felt my skin cooking from the heat.
Bad, fake princess, bad!
As the Pineapple Princess I take great offense that people think it is alright to pretend to be a princess. Besides, it is just foolish to rip off an insurance company. If the law doesn't throw the book at that fraud, the insurance company will get her.
On the road again...
Today was another interesting day in the life of this traveling pineapple. Early this morning I was off to George West (again). But this time I went to the field office instead of the courthouse. Usually when I have to determine the location of a property, I go straight to the books. But not today. I got to ride around in a big pickup truck and look and valve sites and meter sites. But of course, once the fun and games were over it was back to the courthouse basement. After I finished for the day I decided to stay in George West and drive to my next destination in the morning. But for some reason George West was really popular today and the motels were all booked. This leads to the question of "why?". But there is no answer for that. But I'm so glad they were.
As I was driving to Rockport, I was following a work truck. And it was a good thing. First he slowed down for the speed trap. But then something unexpected happened. He swerved into the left lane for no apparent reason. And then I saw why. There was a little old man standing by the side of the road, wearing a hardhat, holding a garbage bag and throwing things at the passing cars. I guess he is the weird little old man of the county and everyone knows to steer clear of his throwing arm. I have no idea what he threw at me. I'm just glad he missed. So now I'm off to find some good seafood. For once I get to work some place that has stuff to do.
As I was driving to Rockport, I was following a work truck. And it was a good thing. First he slowed down for the speed trap. But then something unexpected happened. He swerved into the left lane for no apparent reason. And then I saw why. There was a little old man standing by the side of the road, wearing a hardhat, holding a garbage bag and throwing things at the passing cars. I guess he is the weird little old man of the county and everyone knows to steer clear of his throwing arm. I have no idea what he threw at me. I'm just glad he missed. So now I'm off to find some good seafood. For once I get to work some place that has stuff to do.
Friday, July 14, 2006
If you are looking for a job
I have some advice. I have been reviewing resumes for the past few days and I can tell you a few things. First, use the spell check on your computer. If you can't even give me a good resume, why should I believe you would do a good job? Second, do not put down a list of your interests or hobbies unless they are really interesting. I don't give a flying fuck if you play with your kids, that you have a black lab puppy, or if you are a Mormon. Third, don't send your resume to a potential employer if you are grossly under qualified. Applying for every job out there is a waste of my time and yours. Fourth, if you want to follow up on your resume submission, do not send the potential employer an email every day asking if anyone has looked at your resume. That is not being persistent, that is stalking.
Monday, July 10, 2006
No Grandma for you!
It is official Carole only has four names. I'm glad we have that settled (that is, until her next marriage). The Secretary of State ruled that she can not have "Grandma" as part of her name on November's ballot. Thank god she will be filing suit in the next few days. She should really drag this embarrassing debacle out as long as possible. The two "partied" candidates have issued their statements about how foolish she is. Blah blah blah...
And just in case you were wondering, the other independent will be listed as Richard "Kinky" Friedman.
And just in case you were wondering, the other independent will be listed as Richard "Kinky" Friedman.
Barbie has a new dream car!
I spent the day in lovely Hallettsville today. The best thing about the trip was a fun car I got to drive. I've been driving my mom's car since mine died. Her car needed to go in for maintenance and they give you a loner car. You know, to rope you into buying a new and better car than they one they are fixing. Let's just say that the new BMW X3 goes really fast.
So, with the exception of pretending that I was on the autobahn today it was pretty uninteresting. That is, until I got back to Austin. That is when I saw Barbie's new dream car. She drives a pink H2 Hummer with pretty, pretty flowers and her name on it. Seeing the back of this car just wasn't enough, so I pulled up next to it. Naturally, it was full of unnatural blondes. And just my luck! The windows were rolled down! At the next stop light, I rolled down my window and asked if they were giving away free Barbie products. That was when I got four looks of death. I thought it might be like the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile. Apparently Barbie doesn't give away anything for free. I guess Ken will always have to pay for not being anatomically correct.
So, with the exception of pretending that I was on the autobahn today it was pretty uninteresting. That is, until I got back to Austin. That is when I saw Barbie's new dream car. She drives a pink H2 Hummer with pretty, pretty flowers and her name on it. Seeing the back of this car just wasn't enough, so I pulled up next to it. Naturally, it was full of unnatural blondes. And just my luck! The windows were rolled down! At the next stop light, I rolled down my window and asked if they were giving away free Barbie products. That was when I got four looks of death. I thought it might be like the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile. Apparently Barbie doesn't give away anything for free. I guess Ken will always have to pay for not being anatomically correct.
Oh crap
Tom DeLay is making trouble again. Now he is thinking about running for his seat now that he may have to stay on the ballot. I guess it just depends on what the 5th circuit does with his appeal. There's no telling since the 5th is pretty conservative. He may get what he wants. But, Judge Sparks' ruling did follow the letter of the law (no judicial activism there) so they may play along. Ole Tommy was back in Sugar Land this weekend to test the waters for making a run at his abandoned seat. We'd all be better off with the golden retriever that's running for Governor of Alaska.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Now that makes Texas politics look down right sane
There is a dog running for governor of Alaska. Need I say more?
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Where have all the brothels gone?
Today started out with a disappointment on my part. On my way back from Houston last Friday I saw a huge billboard with a picture of a cartoon beaver and it simply read "75 miles."” Unfortunately, my exit was well before the "“75 mile beaver place"” so I never found out what it was. I had all sorts of ideas of what it could be. I was really hoping it was a billboard for a brothel and it was code for "“you can get laid in 75 miles"”. Today as I was driving to Goliad I saw the same sign, but it was 32 miles away. I thought, "“holy shit, I found the brothel!"” But no. It was not a brother at all. It was some huge convenience store/gas station/truck stop called Buc-ee'’s. How lame. Texas needs a new Chicken Ranch (a/k/a The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas).
Goliad was, well, Goliad. I'’ve already pointed out some its finer points in a previous blog. However, there was one thing I missed the last time around and it was staring right at me when I walked into the County Clerk'’s office. A sign that read:"Good Morning, This is GOD! I will be handling all your problems today. I do not need your help so have a good day." Fuck the First Amendment.
Then it was off to George West for more fun and games. Not that exciting of a drive unless you are a rancher because I'’ve never seen this part of Texas so green this time of year. Although we are still technically in a drought all of the rain weÂ've had lately is a good thing. If you are not a rancher, I have something interesting for you. As I was leaving Beeville, I saw a warning sign on the side of the road that had a picture of a horse pulling a buggy. What the hell? Is there an Amish community in Beeville that I don'’t know about?
Goliad was, well, Goliad. I'’ve already pointed out some its finer points in a previous blog. However, there was one thing I missed the last time around and it was staring right at me when I walked into the County Clerk'’s office. A sign that read:"Good Morning, This is GOD! I will be handling all your problems today. I do not need your help so have a good day." Fuck the First Amendment.
Then it was off to George West for more fun and games. Not that exciting of a drive unless you are a rancher because I'’ve never seen this part of Texas so green this time of year. Although we are still technically in a drought all of the rain weÂ've had lately is a good thing. If you are not a rancher, I have something interesting for you. As I was leaving Beeville, I saw a warning sign on the side of the road that had a picture of a horse pulling a buggy. What the hell? Is there an Amish community in Beeville that I don'’t know about?
It has been a Kinky kind of DeLay
Kinky is gaining in the polls. According to one poll, he has pulled ahead to second place. Frankly, I don’t give a shit who wins so long as it isn’t Pretty Boy Perry (who still leads in all the polls). He has managed to destroy our voting rights, our schools, and has taxed the hell out of small businesses. Way to stick it to the little guy, asshole. If you live in Texas, go vote this November. It only takes a plurality to win, so the one with the most votes wins.
And speaking of voting. Judge Sam Sparks agreed that Tom DeLay must stay on the ballot and the Republicans can't declare him "ineligible" to run. No last place replacements for you and a Democrat will represent Sugar Land! For once, a judge that has read the US Constitution and is willing to declare that ole Tommy breaks the law.
And speaking of voting. Judge Sam Sparks agreed that Tom DeLay must stay on the ballot and the Republicans can't declare him "ineligible" to run. No last place replacements for you and a Democrat will represent Sugar Land! For once, a judge that has read the US Constitution and is willing to declare that ole Tommy breaks the law.
That's one way to avoid jail
Way to die Kenneth Lay. You ripped off your employees, you ripped off your customers, you ripped of the taxpayers and then you died before paying for your crimes. You know most people don'’t get to vacation before their stint in prison. Ken Lay on the otherhand, had the luxury of dying during his Colorado vacation instead of taking a visit to the big house. Asshole. He deserved to live so he could go to prison. And now that he is dead, it will be even more difficult to recover the money he stole.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Hey, Bandit! Watch out for Smokey this weekend!
If you are traveling this weekend, here is some important information for you. The National Motorists Association has released a list of the Top Ten Speed Traps in the U.S.A.
Here they are:
1. Detroit, Michigan suburbs
2. Washington D.C.
3. Orlando, Fla.
4. Colorado Springs, Colo.
5. Houston, Tex.
6. Virginia Beach, Va.
7. Austin, Tex.
8. Baton Rouge, La.
9. Nashville, Tenn.
10. Fresno, Calif.
Just a hint, you may want to check out their website because they have some useful information about avoiding and fighting speeding tickets.
Here they are:
1. Detroit, Michigan suburbs
2. Washington D.C.
3. Orlando, Fla.
4. Colorado Springs, Colo.
5. Houston, Tex.
6. Virginia Beach, Va.
7. Austin, Tex.
8. Baton Rouge, La.
9. Nashville, Tenn.
10. Fresno, Calif.
Just a hint, you may want to check out their website because they have some useful information about avoiding and fighting speeding tickets.
Warren Buffett is evil for giving away money
At least that's what some religious nutjobs are saying because the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation give money to (gasp!) Planned Parenthood and international birth control programs. According to the Catholics he has to repent because he is going to go to hell for giving money to them. Of course, they told him that in the 1990s when he spend millions on researching R-U-486.
What would be really nice is if someone could give those types of organizations enough money so they don't have to rely on federal money and the religious strings that come with it. Imagine a world where you can get birth control (and learn how to use it correctly) and have access to abortions. Wouldn't that be better than single moms living off of welfare and struggling to keep their kids fed and clothed and preventing the spread of HIV/AIDS (not mention other sexually transmitted diseases)? These simple things can help people lead healthier, happier and more productive lives.
My other favorite thing is that at his press conference, reporters kept asking why he didn't give the money to his kids instead. His response: his kids should make their own way in life and he had already given them enough money (they are already in the top 1% wealth bracket). Besides, its his money and he can do whatever the hell he wants to with it.
It is really hard to believe that such a charitable act can make you and sinner and a bad father. Shouldn't we all be happy that he is giving money to a foundation that wants to fight disease and poverty?
My opinion? Warren Buffett is a bad ass.
What would be really nice is if someone could give those types of organizations enough money so they don't have to rely on federal money and the religious strings that come with it. Imagine a world where you can get birth control (and learn how to use it correctly) and have access to abortions. Wouldn't that be better than single moms living off of welfare and struggling to keep their kids fed and clothed and preventing the spread of HIV/AIDS (not mention other sexually transmitted diseases)? These simple things can help people lead healthier, happier and more productive lives.
My other favorite thing is that at his press conference, reporters kept asking why he didn't give the money to his kids instead. His response: his kids should make their own way in life and he had already given them enough money (they are already in the top 1% wealth bracket). Besides, its his money and he can do whatever the hell he wants to with it.
It is really hard to believe that such a charitable act can make you and sinner and a bad father. Shouldn't we all be happy that he is giving money to a foundation that wants to fight disease and poverty?
My opinion? Warren Buffett is a bad ass.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
No more waiting
They did it. The Supreme Court wrote 132 pages of crap about redistricitng. I don't want to get too technical and boring, but they couldn't even agree with one another enough to have a majority. Most of the opinion is a plurality. In other words, parts of it they came to a similar result but for very different reasons.
Most of the Justices wouldn't know a gerrymander if it slapped them in the face. I take real issue with the fact that Texas had a court approved map (with a Republican majority) and they decided to mess with it mid-decade. That should be the first clue. Next, if you look at the map, it is clear that no true logic was used to draw this new map. Obviously it was computer generated to draw the lines in a way that goes beyond preserving a republican majority. The law is very clear on the point that a majority party may draw a map to preserve their majority. However, they may not dilute votes in the process.
The court did agree that the Latino vote was diluted, but did not come to the same decision about black voters. Souter and Ginsberg dissented because they thought that the black vote was diluted as well. Breyer is the only one that thought the whole thing was fucked from the get go and violated the Equal Protection Clause. Of course, he didn't use the bad language.
By the way, fuck you Tom DeLay. I hope they hate you just as much in Virginia. You give Texas a bad name. You are a criminal and a sissy. You managed to screw Texas with this new map, you steal money, and then you run away because you were afraid you might not be re-elected. I hope Ronnie Earle throws your sorry ass in jail.
Most of the Justices wouldn't know a gerrymander if it slapped them in the face. I take real issue with the fact that Texas had a court approved map (with a Republican majority) and they decided to mess with it mid-decade. That should be the first clue. Next, if you look at the map, it is clear that no true logic was used to draw this new map. Obviously it was computer generated to draw the lines in a way that goes beyond preserving a republican majority. The law is very clear on the point that a majority party may draw a map to preserve their majority. However, they may not dilute votes in the process.
The court did agree that the Latino vote was diluted, but did not come to the same decision about black voters. Souter and Ginsberg dissented because they thought that the black vote was diluted as well. Breyer is the only one that thought the whole thing was fucked from the get go and violated the Equal Protection Clause. Of course, he didn't use the bad language.
By the way, fuck you Tom DeLay. I hope they hate you just as much in Virginia. You give Texas a bad name. You are a criminal and a sissy. You managed to screw Texas with this new map, you steal money, and then you run away because you were afraid you might not be re-elected. I hope Ronnie Earle throws your sorry ass in jail.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
good news, weird news
Good news: The amendment to ban flag burning failed in the Senate. One vote short. Maybe they can table this bullshit until another election cycle. Personally I don't have much interest in burning a flag, but if I'm that pissed off at the government I should be able to burn flags until my heart is content. Besides, they can always nail you for doing dangerous shit and endangering people and property without calling it what it really is...
Weird news: Some random law firm contacted me today about hiring me and I haven't even sent out any resumes. I have no idea who they are or what they do, but I think I'll call back tomorrow and find out.
Weird news: Some random law firm contacted me today about hiring me and I haven't even sent out any resumes. I have no idea who they are or what they do, but I think I'll call back tomorrow and find out.
Monday, June 26, 2006
So we wait until Wednesday
There were rumors that the Supreme Court would release the ruling on redistricting today, but no. Wednesday is the next ruling day so we wait a little longer to see if they agree that what Tom DeLay did was illegal.
Speaking of Tom DeLay, there is some interesting maneuvering in his federal case in Austin. Tommy sent a draft letter to the Texas GOP chairwoman about the differences between withdrawing from the race (which he has done) and being named ineligible to run (because he moved to Virginia after the primary). Then he sent the so-called final draft. Tommy couldn't explain to the judge why he did that. Judge Sam Sparks is fed up with Tommy's shit. Once DeLay finished testifying, Sparks explained he could either leave or stay for the rest of the proceedings. "My recommendation is to run like a rabbit," Sparks quipped. I love Judge Sparks.
It sounds like DeLay is trying to get his withdrawal from the race changed to being named ineligible to run. What does this mean for the November ballot in lovely Sugar Land? Possibly a horrible precedent for candidate swapping when a candidate thinks they can't win the general election.
Speaking of Tom DeLay, there is some interesting maneuvering in his federal case in Austin. Tommy sent a draft letter to the Texas GOP chairwoman about the differences between withdrawing from the race (which he has done) and being named ineligible to run (because he moved to Virginia after the primary). Then he sent the so-called final draft. Tommy couldn't explain to the judge why he did that. Judge Sam Sparks is fed up with Tommy's shit. Once DeLay finished testifying, Sparks explained he could either leave or stay for the rest of the proceedings. "My recommendation is to run like a rabbit," Sparks quipped. I love Judge Sparks.
It sounds like DeLay is trying to get his withdrawal from the race changed to being named ineligible to run. What does this mean for the November ballot in lovely Sugar Land? Possibly a horrible precedent for candidate swapping when a candidate thinks they can't win the general election.
What a crappy job...Literally
Today as I was driving back to my hotel, I saw a sign advertising a service called Pet Butler. You can pay money to have someone come and make your yard a "cleaner and safer place." Or you can buy into this franchise so that you too can pick up dog shit for a living.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!
So I'm back in lovely Houston for the next three nights. By day, stuck in a small room with boxes and boxes of files. By night, the Best Western. High class living for me.
Since I have been through numerous small town and since it is Sunday here are some fun religious signs I have seen lately:
On a sign right by the cemetery: "We have a place for you"
On highway 71: "Read the Bible. It will scare the HELL out of you."
Cuero city limits: "Jesus is King of Cuero"
I really need a camera...
Since I have been through numerous small town and since it is Sunday here are some fun religious signs I have seen lately:
On a sign right by the cemetery: "We have a place for you"
On highway 71: "Read the Bible. It will scare the HELL out of you."
Cuero city limits: "Jesus is King of Cuero"
I really need a camera...
Finally, I get to watch some World Cup
I have been running around Texas non-stop since all of the World Cup action has started. Today, I finally got to watch a game. It was great to get breakfast in bed (thanks, sweetie!) and watch England kick some ass in Spanish. My Spanish is poor at best and they talk really fast, but it is so much more exciting than the boring English commentators that seem like they don't even watch soccer. I'm not holding my breath or anything, but I think I get to watch them play Portugal. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. It is the little things that make life a good place to be. Go Beckham (or "Man Spice" as they like to call him on Spanish TV)!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
I miss Lloyd Doggett
Before Tom DeLay fucked over Texas with his fabulous redistricting plan, Lloyd Doggett was my representative. But after the new redistricting plan, Austin was divided into four sections that sweep across Texas in all kinds of strange and illogical ways. So now you can live in East Austin and share a district with people in Kenedy. People that live in downtown Austin don't really share thesame concerns. Our government really lives up to the promise of representation. So illegal.
Anyway, I just came across this bad ass video of him speaking on the House floor. I'm on the fence about the so-called death tax just because it doesn't seem right to tax someone multiple times for the same money (i.e. when you earn it, then when you invest it, and then when you die and you still have it). But he makes some really good points about how fucked up the republicans are as far as their never ending tax cuts for the rich. Usually, when I post a video, it makes my page all wonky. I just don't care.
Anyway, I just came across this bad ass video of him speaking on the House floor. I'm on the fence about the so-called death tax just because it doesn't seem right to tax someone multiple times for the same money (i.e. when you earn it, then when you invest it, and then when you die and you still have it). But he makes some really good points about how fucked up the republicans are as far as their never ending tax cuts for the rich. Usually, when I post a video, it makes my page all wonky. I just don't care.
All work and no play makes Pineapple a dull girl
First, I'd like to start with a traveling tip. Before you go to sleep make sure some idiot hasn't set the alarm to go off at 5:00 am. That really sucked. Other than the unexpected alarm, Sinton prooved to be just as boring today as it was yesterday. That place is just not a good place to visit. I can't wait to go back because I know I will. Let the boredom begin.
The drive to Victoria was quick and I always love to go to Nolan Ryan's birthplace. For all you non-Astro fans, that would be Refugio. Not the prettiest town, but the people are friendly.
As for Victoria, I would suggest just skipping it all together if possible. No offense to the people that like to live there, but it was awful. You get downtown and think what a nice place. The square has lots of old buildings with cute cafes and shops. Seems nice enough. If you do go there, I would strongly suggest never asking anyone for directions as the people there don't know the difference between left and right. They also have no idea what the streets are named. Next, don't leave the downtown square because the rest of Victoria is made up of run down strip malls. It was once a beautiful town. You can tell by the old houses surrounding the downtown area, but then "progress" happened.
After leaving Victoria somewhere before Wharton, I saw a sign that said "Free Samples." No hint of what kind of samples or where you might get them. Something to ponder.
The next place of any interest was Tom DeLay's hometown -- Sugar Land! What a crap ass place that is. Strip malls and big box stores. It is a place with no soul. No wonder he moved to Virginia. But if he still lived in Sugar Land it would have been tempting to put a burning bag of shit on his doorstep.
Now I am in Houston. I really hate this place. Nothing but traffic. It is just one big crowded freeway and everybody is always in the wrong fucking lane. The other thing is, people just abandon their cars in the middle of the freeway. What the hell is that? At least I get to go home tomorrow. However, its back to Houston on Sunday for another marathon work week and a sweep across Texas. It never ends.
The drive to Victoria was quick and I always love to go to Nolan Ryan's birthplace. For all you non-Astro fans, that would be Refugio. Not the prettiest town, but the people are friendly.
As for Victoria, I would suggest just skipping it all together if possible. No offense to the people that like to live there, but it was awful. You get downtown and think what a nice place. The square has lots of old buildings with cute cafes and shops. Seems nice enough. If you do go there, I would strongly suggest never asking anyone for directions as the people there don't know the difference between left and right. They also have no idea what the streets are named. Next, don't leave the downtown square because the rest of Victoria is made up of run down strip malls. It was once a beautiful town. You can tell by the old houses surrounding the downtown area, but then "progress" happened.
After leaving Victoria somewhere before Wharton, I saw a sign that said "Free Samples." No hint of what kind of samples or where you might get them. Something to ponder.
The next place of any interest was Tom DeLay's hometown -- Sugar Land! What a crap ass place that is. Strip malls and big box stores. It is a place with no soul. No wonder he moved to Virginia. But if he still lived in Sugar Land it would have been tempting to put a burning bag of shit on his doorstep.
Now I am in Houston. I really hate this place. Nothing but traffic. It is just one big crowded freeway and everybody is always in the wrong fucking lane. The other thing is, people just abandon their cars in the middle of the freeway. What the hell is that? At least I get to go home tomorrow. However, its back to Houston on Sunday for another marathon work week and a sweep across Texas. It never ends.
Rock on Kinky!
It is official. Texas is going to have the best governor's race ever! Kinky and Carole How Ever Many Names have both been certified. I still think that means they are both certifiable because no one in their right mind would want to be Governor of Texas. The Leuitenant Governor is the one with the real power. But anyway... What's is even more interesting is that Kinky got 25,000 more valid signatures than the crazy granny and she spent way more money getting people to sign her petition. Things ought to get good now that everyone is on the ballot. Let the shit slinging begin.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
more about fried eggs
My mom just called to tell me that she was reading the paper and saw that Jane Greig posted responses to some of her columns on the Austin American Statesman website. One of them was about frying eggs on the sidewalk. Guess what? She posted the email that I sent to her. If you are interested, click on the link to my email and scroll down to the bottom of the page.
so what have you seen today?
You know, when I started this blog I had no idea that it was going to be a travel blog. I always envisioned it to be more along the lines of ranting about all of the screwed up things in the world, politics, served with a side of humor. I guess it just proves that you never know what you are going to do until you do it. So on to today's adventures in travel.
Once again I have headed south. I just can't get enough. So this week it is a marathon to Cuero, Goliad, Sinton, Victoria and Houston. After working in Cuero, I started on my way to Goliad. As I was driving I saw one of the coolest things (actually five of the coolest things)-- bald eagles.
In Goliad, I had a little down time since the county clerk closes for lunch. I walked around the square and read all of the plaques about the history of Goliad. My favorite was the hanging tree. Talk about swift justice. After they found you guilty of a crime they would take you outside, throw a rope over a limb and hang you. Nice appeal system they had in the 1800s. And way to make a beautiful live oak tree super creepy.
So then, it was off to Sinton. As usual, there is nothing worth writing about Sinton. Tomorrow is another day, but my drive around town this evening suggests that anything interesting will have to wait until I'm heading towards Victoria. My travels continue...
Once again I have headed south. I just can't get enough. So this week it is a marathon to Cuero, Goliad, Sinton, Victoria and Houston. After working in Cuero, I started on my way to Goliad. As I was driving I saw one of the coolest things (actually five of the coolest things)-- bald eagles.
In Goliad, I had a little down time since the county clerk closes for lunch. I walked around the square and read all of the plaques about the history of Goliad. My favorite was the hanging tree. Talk about swift justice. After they found you guilty of a crime they would take you outside, throw a rope over a limb and hang you. Nice appeal system they had in the 1800s. And way to make a beautiful live oak tree super creepy.
So then, it was off to Sinton. As usual, there is nothing worth writing about Sinton. Tomorrow is another day, but my drive around town this evening suggests that anything interesting will have to wait until I'm heading towards Victoria. My travels continue...
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Insanity, Texas style
So, enough with the bitching. Back to one of my favorite topics: the race to the governor's mansion. By Wednesday, the state should certify Kinky and Crazy Granny for November's ballot. And then it is on like Donkey Kong. Things should only get better once they are certified (and probably certifiable). Let the craziness begin in true Texas form.
Monday, June 19, 2006
adventures in undergarments and ranching
I can't figure out if I'm coming or going. My big, summer long stint in North Texas has been called off. But I am on my way back to South Texas tomorrow. Oh, joy. I have mixed feelings about not getting the big North Texas job. The money would have been good, but the hours way too long. Even without the big, bad job hanging over my head, I have plenty to do and I'm on the eighth straight day of work. Although I have been working, strange shit has been happening.
Here is something that probably doesn't happen much at your job: I was on the computer doing my work thing and I hear this really loud moo. You heard me, a moo. I look up and a cow was standing at the sliding glass door mooing at me. I think it might have wanted to come in and play. Who knows what those cows are up to. It was almost as strange as the time one of the donkeys tried to come in the house with me. I also stepped in cow shit and ripped my favorite pants as I was leaving work that day. What a wonderful Saturday.
Sunday was a little bit better. Fun brunch with my dad. Long work hours. Crazy personal life. Not enough sleep.
But let's get to the fun underwear part of today. I had just gotten to work and I leaned down to pick up a pile of papers when pop! the wire on my bra snapped. Ouch! So, I had a whole day of work ahead of me with a wire digging into my ribs. After some thought I decided to put some toilet paper in my bra to keep the wire from poking me. Good thing they are undergarments because a bra with toilet paper hanging out of it is not a good look. What can I say? My life is charmed.
Here is something that probably doesn't happen much at your job: I was on the computer doing my work thing and I hear this really loud moo. You heard me, a moo. I look up and a cow was standing at the sliding glass door mooing at me. I think it might have wanted to come in and play. Who knows what those cows are up to. It was almost as strange as the time one of the donkeys tried to come in the house with me. I also stepped in cow shit and ripped my favorite pants as I was leaving work that day. What a wonderful Saturday.
Sunday was a little bit better. Fun brunch with my dad. Long work hours. Crazy personal life. Not enough sleep.
But let's get to the fun underwear part of today. I had just gotten to work and I leaned down to pick up a pile of papers when pop! the wire on my bra snapped. Ouch! So, I had a whole day of work ahead of me with a wire digging into my ribs. After some thought I decided to put some toilet paper in my bra to keep the wire from poking me. Good thing they are undergarments because a bra with toilet paper hanging out of it is not a good look. What can I say? My life is charmed.
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