The Onion Reads Alito's Mind

'The Onion' Reads Alito's Mind
The National Law Journal
May 12, 2006

Sometimes even satirical newspapers get it right.

Shortly following his confirmation to the U.S. Supreme Court, Justice Samuel Alito read a story in The Onion suggesting that he was annoying his new colleagues by going on about how much better things were run on his old home turf, the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.

"It was very disorienting," Alito confessed to the assembled judges and lawyers during a black-tie dinner at a recent circuit conference, because the newspaper must have been reading his mind about the relative efficiency of the high court.

"I hadn't said anything to anyone," he said. "But I had been thinking it."

The conference also heard from Justice David Souter, often pilloried as a liberal in conservative clothing. While Alito's confirmation was pending, the political right's rallying cry was: "No more Souters."

With that history, Souter cheerfully broke the news that Alito had issued his first Supreme Court opinion -- and that the staunch conservative had reversed a criminal conviction in North Carolina. "A year from now will I read headlines, 'No more Alitos?'" Souter wondered aloud.

tags: The Onion Alito Supreme Court Humor