more lies from bush

my journal entry...

Today was really great.
I got out of bed really late because my alarm clock has broken and I cannot afford a new one at the moment.
I feel unusual because my antidepressants are making me hairy.
I'm so stoned.
Last night I had to masturbate twenty times. I'm so horny. Click here to see my website.
I want to tell the world that I'm gay.
I am sharpening my knives before I go to work today, because I'm going to cut out Robert's heart and feed it to him for losing my mail.
Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's ten thousand photographs of my cat.
I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I'm not suffering alone. It's cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.
I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have a terrible skin disease which prevents me from coming into contact with other human beings. And bipolar disorder.
You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you what your favourite sexual position is.
That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this poem I wrote. It's about my friend Robert, who has bipolar disorder. Just like me. And Heidi.

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happy texas independence day!

On this day in 1836, Texas told Mexico to take a flying leap.  After some fierce battles, Texas finally became a Republic.  Too bad we didn't stay that way...

Also on this day in 1793, Sam Houston was born.  After retreating from several battles (which led to accusations that he was a sissy coward), he kicked ass at the Battle of San Jacinto on April 12, 1836 in just 18 minutes.  The next day he captured Santa Anna who recognized Texas' independence.

my blogger widget rocks

now I can post my random thoughts with ease.

what is the president up to now?

Baby Boy Bush (BBB) has made quite the prediction about capturing Osama bin Laden. With his surprise trip to Afghanistan and his huge secret service detail, we'd have to guess something is going on. Does this mean that bin Laden has already been captured and they are waiting for the right time to stage his capture (as in when BBB is in the same country)? Or as it was suggested by an acquaintance of mine, that there will be an assassination attempt on BBB while the world has its eyes and television cameras on him. Whatever is going on, my prediction is that it is designed to boost his approval rating and help re-elect republicans in the midterm elections.

I'm stealing a page from colbert's book...

South Dakota , you are dead to me. Ohio, Indiana, Georgia, Tennessee and Kentucky you are on notice.

so who is running this country?

Congress finds out that we are about to turn over our ports to to a firm owned by the U.A.E. and vows to stop it and then we find out that Bush found out about it from the news (straight from the mouth of Scott McClellan). So who is in charge? Anyone?

don't just drop in

I'm tired of my house being a circus. I am buying a chain and making a "closed" sign to block the steps to my porch to stop people from coming over when I want to be left alone (or left alone with my sweetheart). from now on, call before you come over...

bush and blair at the gay bar, gay bar

i'm having a baby!

or at least that's what my boyfriend found out this morning from his ex-wife. Its good to know that she and the mysterious "grapevine" that she got the information from know my cycle better than I do.

is legal prostitution a good idea?

Ultimately, I'd say yes. For one thing, it is never going to go away no matter how much the "family values" people would like for it to. Its not called the "oldest profession" for nothing. Isn't it better to have standards that include requiring safe sex, health check ups for sex workers, and a safer work environment?

just remind me next quail season...

... that I do not want to go hunting with Dick Cheney. Apparently he got a little confused. The birds are up in the air, Dick, not on your friend's face. Or were you sending him a message?

for your viewing pleasure -- Japanese Spiderman

coconuts

if you have one million dollars, you can be the proud owner of a coconut tree. This story raised a few questions in my mind. While its always fun to have something rare, wouldn't it be more cost effective to buy three coconut trees instead of one three-pronged tree? Also, how does one become a coconut expert? And why would you want to? Oh, and isn't ironic that this question is coming from a pineapple princess? The questions never stop!

the year of the dog

This year is the year of the dog. The folks over at retrocrush have compiled a list of the top 100 dogs in pop culture. While I don't agree with the order of the "coolness" there are some cool dogs (i.e. #91 Junk Yard Dog).

the dumbest criminal ever

This made me laugh so hard I almost wet my pants. Go to The Smoking Gun to read about the worst criminal ever.

My Gay Boyfriend!

go here to see my gay boyfriend!

I know I'm a little behind the times

I've been meaning to write about the state of the disunion for a week now. Its been so long that the window has really passed, but I'm going to say one thing (or maybe a few). Human animal hyrids? Really??? I mean, does W watch Surface or something? I know that talking, large, little girl, gorilla thing that they made at the pharmaceuticals labs was a little creepy, but it was fiction. I guess the government conspiracy aspect of the show seemed so realistic to him that he thought that creature was real too. And who knows, maybe big mammals that shock you are eating all the whales and causing tsumanis. If he watched Invasion then he would know what really causes hurricanes... Ooooooh! Spooky! Then he should watch 24, to see how the war on terror is going. And if he wants to check in on an epidemic, he can take a break from his busy schedule to watch General Hospital. However, until they reveal the secret of the island, he should just skip Lost. Maybe it will provide fodder for next year's speech. Of course, those Dharma Corp. people may be a threat to our national security and we should start wiretapping immediately...

Put a clipping in the baby book, Alito made his first ruling

So , Alito has made his first ruling and he voted against the grain of conservatitivism. While Roberts, Scalia, Scalia 2.0 --I mean Thomas all voted to go ahead with an execution in Missouri. Alito joined the rest of the Court to stay the execution while Missouri figures out if the three drug cocktal they use for executuion is cruel and unusal. I still believe that man will be able to do serious harm to my civil liberties and my right to choose, but maybe he isn't everthing the conservatives bargained for. Its really too soon to tell, but we can only hope. You know things change when you get a job for life. Reagan didn't get what he barained for with Sandra Day O'Connor.

multi-tasking

is a bullshit 90s term that means never finishing anything you start.